“Thank goodness. I was beginning to worry. I just don’t want to confuse lust with love and that’s an easy thing to do, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is, obviously. That’s why there are so many divorces. But today, a whole lot of people are happy to just satisfy their lust without the whole love/commitment thing. Do you think that’s a wrong way to look at it, Sarah?”
“No. I think what people do in their bedrooms is up to them. And it isn’t that I don’t have the desire.” She thought about her dreams and visions. “Yes, I definitely have the desire. There’s just something that holds me back, makes me feel it must be for something deeper.”
“Does it bother you that you feel like that?”
“Honestly, no. It bothers the hell out of Colleen though.” She laughed.
“Well, this is your session, not hers. Why don’t we put you under and see if we can come up with anything from Elizabeth that might give us some insight into this other than your own Puritanical background.” They both chuckled as Sarah moved to the recliner.
SARAH HAGAN, transcript, session 6
His face was flushed against the chill and from his hurried steps through the corridor to my rooms. “Wolsey said yes, he will approach Queen Katherine.” Genuine mirth sparkled in his bright blue eyes as he told me the news. He lifted me from the floor, spinning me in a gentle circle. “You are to be my bride.”
“Aris, how soon?” Desire welled within me to be held, to be loved by this man. To consummate our union. To be one with him.
“Soon, my love.” He moved us nearer to the fire to warm his hands and still be close to me. “Meanwhile, I must be gone from the palace for a few weeks.”
My face fell as an emptiness filled my heart at the thought of not having him near. “A few weeks? But where do you go, my love? How will I survive without you for even a few hours?”
“I must go on a King’s mission, Elizabeth. I am unable to tell even you whence it will take me. But know this, there is no danger to me and when I return, we will be wed. That I promise you. With Wolsey’s help, there will be no interference from the King. The Queen is greatly influenced by the Cardinal. She will see fit to give her permission and all will be as it should be.”
I did my best to cover my ache at the thought of his being away. I chose not to tarnish his wonderful news with thoughts of his absence from me.
The next week was filled with love and anticipation, yet sorrow and regret surrounded me at the consideration of his imminent departure. When the day came for him to leave court, I followed him to the great doors of the palace. I watched, fighting tears as he rode away. He turned, throwing a kiss to me and I thought I would die without him. Never did I think there could be such depth of feeling about another. I began to understand in my heart the fire of true love. All I had felt before was infatuation, sensual appetite, carnal passion. My desire for the gypsy had been nothing more than that, desire. But to my simple maid’s mind, it was love. As a woman who now lived for a man, I understood for the first time that true love was not just about the desires of the body but of the mind and the heart. My love for Aris was never ending. Nothing could ever separate my heart from his. There was no other love for me in this life or the next.
Bonnie smiled as she thought, “And there dear friend, we have our answer without even trying. True love or nothing. Most certainly a double-edged sword.”
I waited impatiently. Days turned into one week, two. I attended Queen Katherine and visited Anne’s rooms whenever she called for me. I watched her grow more nervous. She grew thinner and more belligerent with her ladies and her court. I could see the toll her part took upon her as she did her all to keep the King wrapped around her finger. One afternoon I heard her tell Smeaton she must rid the palace of the Queen. As long as Katherine queened it over the court, Anne could never have the full attention of Henry. Yet as I watched them together, it appeared the King was besotted with his mistress. I could see her become short in her dealings with him and wondered to what lengths she would go to find her way into the royal crown of the Queen of England.
It was late on a cloudy afternoon as I walked the royal labyrinth alone when my past intruded into my present. Stepping from behind a tall bush, Diego stood before me, his clothes rumpled and his beard so thick it took a moment for me to recognize him. I stood frozen on the path.
When he spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion, his eyes blazing with love and much more than love - desire. “I have come for you, Elizabeth. I will take you from this place and we will be together once again.”
Shocked, unable to speak, I stood rooted to the spot, my mind racing, trying to comprehend what was happening. How did he find me? What could I possibly say to him to make him understand that we were finished, that I loved another?
He approached me, taking me in his arms. My body stiffened and I turned my face away from his seeking lips. “What is wrong Elizabeth? Why do you turn away? It has been an arduous task to find you, to come to rescue you.” He held me at arm’s length, staring into my eyes. I couldn’t meet his gaze and looked to the ground. Placing his hand beneath my chin, he lifted my face.
Looking deeply into his eyes, I spoke. “Diego, I never thought to see you again.” I pulled away from his grip, stepping out of the range of his embrace.
“And so you forgot me? What of your pledge of love?” His tone was no longer soft, sweet. It was hard and demanding. “Have you forgotten the blissful moments we shared? The promises we made?”
“Diego, those promises were made by two different people. I live a new life now. Please understand. The promises were true in the moment, but the moment is passed. I have made new vows.”
“New vows? What is meant by those words, ‘new vows’?”
I hesitated, not wanting to hurt him, yet knowing he must be told the truth. Finally, I spoke. “There is another.”
“Another?” He did not move, but stood frozen, blocking my path. His voice was flat, without emotion. “What other?”
“I was sent to court against my will. I fought it but to no avail. Finally, after many long nights and days of tears, I was able to put the past behind me.”
“Why did you not run away; why did you not return to me? What other man is in your life? What new vows have you made?”
“Diego, it was impossible. I mourned you and lived in sorrow for a very long time, but slowly I adapted to my new life. It satisfied me. I found contentment.”
“You found contentment?” His voice grew louder as he spoke. “You found happiness without me while I suffered my loss and searched for the woman who had proclaimed her love for me.”
“My proclamation was not false. My love was true, but it was the love of a girl. I was not yet a woman when we met, when you took me and made me yours. I have grown into a woman. Diego, I have found a woman’s love.”
Dark eyes flashing, he struck me in the face with such force, I fell to the ground. He shouted at me as I lay upon the cold earth. “A woman’s love? What do you know of a woman’s love? You have been seduced into the life of a courtier.” Realizing what he had done in a fit of anger, he reached to pull me to my feet. I ignored his outstretched hand and rose from the ground without his assistance. I stood several feet from him. Without the least hesitation he approached me, his arms open to embrace me.
“Do not come near me, Diego. I will call for the guards that surround the labyrinth.”
“Please, Elizabeth. I adore you. I have thought of nothing but you since you were taken away from me. I must have you for mine.” I stepped farther away from him. My adding to the distance between us fueled the rage he barely had under control.
He snarled as he reached for me, the look on his face one I had never seen before. “Enough! You are mine and you will come with me now.” As I turned to run, he lunged for me, sending both of us into a pile on the ground. “No, I will take you here. You will forget any other man that has come into your life. You are mine.” I fought him as he tugged on my skirts. I fe
lt his rough hands bruising my thighs.
“Let me go, let me go.” My teeth clenched as I used all my strength to push him from on top of me. Again he slapped me, harder than before.
“Guard! Guard!” I shouted with the full force of my lungs. We could hear the sounds of the soldiers as they ran through the labyrinth toward my call.
He jumped to his feet, moving to make his escape. He turned just before he disappeared into the thick brush of the tall hedge. He looked at me one last time. “You have not seen the last of me, Elizabeth. Rest assured of that.” And he was gone. By the time the guards reached me, I had composed myself. I told them I slipped and fell. I told them I thought I injured myself, but realized I had not. I asked them to accompany me to the palace and, once there, I hurried to my room.
There was fear in my heart and I vowed to stay in the palace until Aris returned. I knew he was my protector. He would keep me safe. But how could I tell him of my past? Would he still accept me knowing I had belonged to another? I could only pray. I waited restless and uneasy for his return.
Early one morning just a few days after the incident with Diego, I was summoned to the palace of Cardinal Wolsey. I went with joy in my heart. Queen Katherine must have given her blessing on our betrothal and the Cardinal was the man chosen to give me the wonderful news. When I arrived, I was shown into his private rooms.
He sat in a great carved chair in front of the fireplace, his red satin robes sprawling around his enormous hulk. He raised his hand so I might kiss his ring. I curtsied, my lips brushing the cold of the jewels and the gold. As I rose I saw his eyes. They were dark and ominous. All was not well in his bringing me to his chambers. My heart began to race in my chest.
“Lady Elizabeth, I regret to tell you that Queen Katherine has seen fit to refuse your petition for marriage.”
I drew in my breath sharply as I fought back the tears that stung my eyes. I spoke without forethought. “Your Grace, how can this be? For what reason would she deny us this request?”
His tone was stern. “My Lady, you question the decision of your Queen?”
More able to control my voice, I spoke. “I do not question, your Grace. I simply do not understand. Neither my suitor nor I am of great value to the Queen. We would both remain in her service. May I not know the reason for my heartbreak.”
“The reason, my Lady, is that we have found a more suitable match.”
My head grew light as I reached for the arm of his chair to steady myself. “A more suitable match, your Grace? Who would be more suitable than a Knight and a maid?”
“Again you question.” A deep scowl creased his brow as he rose, brushing my hand away from the chair. I swayed, willing myself to stay on my feet. “You will sail tomorrow for Spain and your immediate marriage. You will go to your chambers now to prepare for the voyage and you will see no one, tell no one of this decision. No one, do you hear? This is the Queen’s wish and so my command. Be gone.”
As I staggered toward the door, it opened and the Cardinal’s guard marched into the room. They surrounded me as if I were a prisoner, accompanying me to my rooms where I was locked behind the huge wooden door to sob and mourn my impending fate, alone and without recourse. There was nowhere to turn. The single door was the only way from my rooms. It was locked and flanked by soldiers. If only there was a way I could reach the Queen, yet I knew it was hopeless. Wolsey had made certain of my capture and departure. How could I live a life without my love? I could not. I would not. I would throw myself into the sea rather than be touched by another man. As I gathered my things for my hasty departure, I made my decision. I would never reach Spain, never be possessed by another. I pledged my life to my love and was determined to end it rather than betray him. I packed but a few items into my trunks. There is little that is needed at the bottom of the sea.
#
Sarah lay in the recliner, silent, eyes shut against the twilight as it turned the sky as gray as her mood. So this was how it had happened. This was how they were separated.
“Sarah.” Bonnie’s soft voice called from somewhere outside herself, calling her back into the moment, into a reality that carried with it new insights. “Sarah, come back to real time.”
“I am Bonnie. I’m here.” She opened her eyes as a huge sigh escaped her lips. “That was a really hard one, wasn’t it?”
“Do you want to talk about it now?”
She swung her legs over the chair as she rubbed her eyes. Glancing at her watch, she shook her head. “No, not really. We can cover it next time. Besides, DeMarco is meeting me for dinner and I don’t want to keep him waiting.”
“I’m sure he won’t mind if you need a moment to clear your mind.”
“No, really, I’m fine. Just a little shocked. It isn’t what I expected.”
“I suppose not. Well, remember, I’m just a phone call away.”
Sarah pulled her coat over her sweater then hugged Bonnie. “I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll make a gym date. Really hon, I’m okay. Just a little residual tiredness, that’s all.”
Bonnie kissed her cheek as Sarah hurried past her to meet her dinner companion.
#
Candlelight sparkled in his dark eyes as DeMarco asked the waiter for the check. He turned to face her. His words were casual but his tone was serious, more serious than she had ever heard from him.
“Sarah,” he reached across the table to take her hands in his. “When we were at the opera it was you who needed to speak and now it is I.”
She tilted her head in question as he continued. “First, I have fallen in love with you. This must come as no surprise. I know our relationship is new, yet I feel I know you so well. You are everything I have ever wanted in a woman. And more. Your beauty, your intelligence, the way you live your life all make you someone to openly adore.”
“DeMarco.”
“No, please let me go on. I made this decision after our evening at the opera when I realized I might lose you before you know my feelings. My desire is to win your affection, to be the only one in your life. He stopped talking as he turned her hands in his to kiss her palms one at a time. “You told me there is someone else that you care for and I appreciate your honesty, but I am determined to win you. I will court you until you recognize that I am the only one for you. And when you do choose me, my very existence will be centered on making you happy. I can give you all the material desires you might have and more love than you know is possible.” He sat silently, waiting for her response.
“DeMarco, I’m a bit overwhelmed.” She chose her words carefully, slowly. “You’re right, our relationship is very new. We are just getting to know one another and what I have come to know about you is all good. I’m grateful and happy to have you in my life and I’m sincerely honored that you expressed your feelings to me so openly. I must admit I definitely have feelings that are drawing me to you.” She wondered how her voice could be so calm when her heart was racing in her chest.
“I felt I must declare myself because I am traveling once again to Italy. It was important to me that you understand how I feel since I leave soon and will be out of the country for a few weeks.”
“When will you leave?” There was disappointment in her voice.
“In just a few days. However, when I return, it is my hope that we will be spending a great deal more time together.”
“I will miss you. I enjoy every moment we spend together and I’ll look forward to many, many more when you are back in the states.”
He sensed her sadness at his leaving and was silently pleased. She had no idea how determined he was to have her. She had no idea what he was willing to do to make her his alone. She had no idea why. He laid his credit card on the check as he answered, “That is all I ask, Sarah. Just one more moment. Time and again, just one more moment.”
#
She lay in her bed, her head throbbing. It had been a day she never wanted to re-live. Suicide. My God, did she really commit suicide? She supposed her next sess
ion with Bonnie would reveal the answer to that. And DeMarco? Could she love him? He had been a new ray of sunshine in her hope for a human love. But could she allow herself to fall in love with him? She was drawn to him, excited by him, yet something kept her from running into his arms. Questions. Always questions. She wondered again if she should tell Aris about DeMarco. Her feelings for the Italian doctor were becoming deeper, more demanding. She felt Aris needed to know, but what would that do to her relationship with the vampire?
She knew she cared for Aris. She laughed at herself. Such a shallow word for her feelings for him. She so very much more than cared for Aris, but the price she would have to pay to be with him was enormous. How could she give up her life, her friends, her family. A small voice inside her head kept repeating, “The only thing you will have to give up is your human life.” Her human life, her human past. All the people she had ever known and loved. The voice answered, “No one will ever know. To everyone, all will be the same. Only the Immortals will know what you have become.” She pulled the pillow over her head to silence the murmur. And then it became a shout. “What will your life be without him?”
“What will become of my life at all? Without him, there is emptiness. With him there is death. Either way, I am doomed.”
“I’ll think of this in the light of day,” she chanted over and over to still the voice until at last, she drifted into a troubled and restless sleep.
#
Her dream took her once again to Henry’s court in England. It was the day of a royal joust. As one of the Queen’s maidens, she shared the royal box. But she realized she was dressed in a twenty-first century business suit and her hands were tied behind her. She struggled with her bonds to no avail. Queen Katherine laughed at her as she strived to free herself.
“Quiet, Sarah. Desist from fighting. You will be the prize to the winner no matter what you do.”
Aris Rising: The Court of Vampires: AN INFINITY DIARIES NOVEL Page 12
