‘It sounds fascinating.’
She glanced up to see if he was making fun of her, but sincerity radiated from him. ‘You sound as if you’ve hit the ground running, Quinn, as if you’ve found your groove.’
‘That’s exactly what it feels like.’
‘I’m happy for you. Really happy.’
She believed him.
He set his knife and fork down and patted his stomach. ‘That hit the spot. Thank you.’
She collected up his plate and cutlery. ‘I should be the one thanking you. If you hadn’t kept hassling me about the possibility of going to uni I’d have continued to dismiss it. You made me shine a light on my own irrationality.’ She grimaced, shrugged and tried to scratch the spot that itched. ‘I felt that I’d lost my parents and Phillip to higher education. I mean that’s utter rubbish, of course. I lost them to their own ambitions and prejudices. And you were right—in pursuing further study I won’t become like them. I’ll never be like them.’
‘I’m glad you can see that now.’
She wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been for him. The sense of obligation weighed heavily on her, though, and she didn’t know why. She rinsed his plate. ‘I can’t believe how many different study options there are. I have the choice of full-time, part-time, distance and all sorts of mixed mode delivery methods.’ It made it very easy for people like her to fit study in around a busy timetable.
But enough about her. ‘How are things in Sydney?’
‘Excellent! I’m doing some freelance work for my old law firm.’
His grin told her how much he was enjoying it.
‘And the big news is that my mother is running Derek Oxford’s campaign.’
She did her best to pick her jaw up off the floor. ‘Derek...your old second in command?’
‘The very one.’
She sat. ‘Wow! We’ve created a monster.’
‘She’s brilliant at it.’
‘I don’t doubt it for a moment.’ She found herself laughing. ‘I don’t envy the opposition parties at all.’
‘Mum, is it time yet?’ Robbie and Chase stared from the doorway.
Aidan smiled, his eyes alive with fun. ‘Are you up for a day of showing me around your new life, Quinn?’
A thrill shook through her. She leapt up. ‘Just give me a few minutes to get ready.’
Quinn raced off to her bedroom with its tiny en-suite bathroom. It wasn’t until she’d pulled on one of her prettiest blouses, though, that it suddenly hit her—she’d just put on a full face of make-up and pulled on her best jeans. A slow churning in her stomach had her dropping to the side of her bed. What on earth do you think you’re doing?
She and Aidan, they weren’t going anywhere. Things between them weren’t going to progress beyond friendship.
They already have.
Then she had to put a stop to it before it was too late and someone got hurt.
She was not going to dress up for Aidan. She was not going to try and look pretty for him. She was not going to flirt with him. He might not consider her a complication yet, but he would eventually and she wasn’t ever going to let that opportunity arise.
Slowly she stowed her pretty blouse back into the wardrobe and then went to scrub her face clean. She slipped on a long-sleeved button-down shirt that covered her from neck to mid-thigh. It was respectable, boring and asexual.
She glanced in the mirror and grimaced. Perfect.
* * *
Even though Quinn did her very best to maintain her guard, she had a day filled with laughter and fun. Aidan even taught them all a new fun novelty song.
‘You’ve chosen a spectacularly beautiful place to live,’ he said.
‘I can’t believe how beautiful it is here,’ she admitted. Pokolbin was Hunter Valley wine country. Vineyards and grapevines spilled across gently rolling hills that spread out lazily in every direction. The vistas that greeted her whenever she topped a rise could still make her catch her breath. ‘I never realised I was such a rural girl at heart.’
‘Aidan, I have a problem,’ Robbie suddenly said, his face serious and his eyes puckered.
They’d stopped for cake and coffee—milkshakes for the boys—and his young face looked so serious she straightened on her seat. He hadn’t mentioned anything to her!
‘What’s up, buddy?’
Aidan took her son’s words completely in his stride. She rolled her shoulders and forced herself to sit back in her chair.
‘I don’t like olives,’ he whispered. ‘And Chase doesn’t either.’
She had to bite her lip to hide a smile, her heart filling with love for her serious elder son.
‘We don’t like olives, but Aunt Mara and...’ he shot her a glance ‘...Mum love them. And I know that they’re the reason we live out here and that we have money for food and other stuff. And we love living out here, but...they taste awful!’
‘I see,’ Aidan said, just as serious as her son.
Robbie crumbled off a piece of his cake. ‘It makes me feel bad that I don’t like them.’
She opened her mouth, but a swift glance from Aidan had her shutting it again.
‘It’s not that you don’t like olives, guys. It’s just that you don’t like the taste of them. And, frankly, mostly it’s adults who like to eat olives anyway so I don’t think you should feel bad.’ He leaned in closer. ‘You know what you could say?’
Both boys stared at him. He had their complete attention and her eyes suddenly burned. They hungered for a male influence in their lives. Problem was, it was the one thing she couldn’t give them.
‘You can say that you love olives, but you just don’t like to eat them. And by not eating any that leaves the farm all the more to sell.’
Robbie’s face lit up. ‘And that means more money for the farm!’
‘Precisely.’
With both boys happy again, Aidan winked at her over the rim of his mug and she realised she had to put a stop to all of this as soon as she could. When she’d been worried, earlier, about someone getting hurt. She’d been thinking about him. She’d been thinking about herself. Not her boys. With each visit he won a little more of their trust and was given another piece of their hearts.
Her mouth dried. What had she been thinking? She couldn’t risk their happiness like that.
She glanced down into her mug. She hadn’t been thinking. That was the problem. She’d been too busy enjoying the ride, enjoying feeling like a desirable woman again, which just went to show what a fool she was.
‘Are you okay?’
She glanced up to find those amber eyes focused on her. They narrowed to slits at whatever they saw in her face. He glanced at his watch and then slapped a hand to the table. ‘Eat up, guys. It’s almost time we were back at the shop like we promised your aunt.’
Mara had conscripted the boys into helping for the last hour this afternoon. It had been her way of tactfully ensuring that Quinn and Aidan had some time alone. Luckily, the boys loved helping in the shop. At the time Quinn had gritted her teeth at these machinations, but now she was grateful for them.
The sooner she brought a halt to all of this, the better.
Her heart slumped. So did her shoulders. There was nothing she could do about her heart, but she forced her shoulders back, forced a smile to her face. ‘My cake was delicious. How was yours?’
It occurred to her then that it’d be a long time before she could face a piece of cake again with any equanimity.
* * *
‘You want to tell me what’s wrong?’
Quinn and Aidan strolled among the olive trees, back towards the house after having walked the boys to the on-site shop. The Olive Branch was a small but charming sandstone building stocked with olives picked from Mara’s olive groves along with sourdough bread sourced from a local bakery, cheese from a local cheese maker and an assortment of recipe books.
Tourists found the place irresistible. To be perfectly frank, so did she and the boys. She and Aida
n had stayed to watch the boys serve several customers and the way their chests had puffed out at Aidan’s praise had made her heart burn.
‘Quinn?’
Oh, how to do this gently?
She turned and swallowed. ‘Aidan, I really like you. You’re a lovely man.’
He closed his eyes and swore. Her heart clenched up harder and smaller than an olive stone.
‘Give us some time, Quinn, please, before launching us into this kind of conversation.’
He opened his eyes and they flamed at her.
‘Why?’ she croaked. ‘What would be the point?’
‘The point?’ He straightened. He shifted his stance, as if trying to hold back a torrent of angry words. Beyond him, the sun had started to lower behind the ridge of the ranges, turning the day smoky even as the edges of everything somehow retained their clarity. She glanced around at all the golden greenness and blue afternoon beauty and wondered how despair could eat away at her so completely.
This morning she’d been happy!
This morning you were still hiding your head in the sand.
He leaned towards her, his jaw set. ‘The point is we have the chance to develop something not just good but spectacular if you give us a chance.’
Her heart pounded and her every muscle twitched. If she’d been a bird she’d have taken flight. Even thinking about what he proposed hurt. Hoping for what could never be hurt.
You ruined my life! She would never give Aidan the chance to hurl those words at her.
‘You’re wrong.’ She might be crumbling inside but her voice emerged strong and sure. ‘You have to stop coming around. The boys are coming to love you too dearly. They’re starting to depend on you too heavily. This has to stop before someone gets hurt.’
His gaze held hers, fierce and strong. ‘It’s too late for that, Quinn. I’m already in too deep.’
A tremble shook her. She swayed. Whatever golden was left of the day leached out of it. ‘Oh, Aidan.’
He stood straight and proud like a warrior and it occurred to her that he must cut a commanding figure in a courtroom. She might have just dealt his hopes a deathblow, but he was neither cowed nor vanquished.
His chin lifted. ‘I can’t believe you won’t even consider the possibility of us.’
Scorn, closely held in check, rippled beneath his words. She flinched.
‘Why?’ he demanded. ‘Why won’t you even consider it?’
She flung an arm out. ‘Let me count the ways!’
He widened his stance and folded his arms. ‘Then let’s have them.’
The amber of his eyes glowed and the longer she looked at him the more her mouth started to water. She clenched her hands to stop from doing anything stupid like reach for him.
‘You don’t want to make this easy, do you?’
‘Not on your life.’ And then it seemed as if he almost might smile. ‘I have no intention of making it easy for you to walk away from me.’
She had to bend at the waist and draw in a breath, draw in her courage. She straightened. ‘I know you don’t think the distance between here and Sydney is prohibitive, but I do. I’m not into long distance relationships.’
‘But if I set up a practice in either Newcastle or Maitland that problem won’t exist. Did you know,’ he said pleasantly as if they were talking about nothing more innocuous than the weather, ‘that Maitland is one of the fastest growing regional centres in the state at the moment?’
He would relocate. For her?
No!
‘Your mother doesn’t like me and she’s been through enough.’
‘Once she gets to know you properly, my mother will love you.’
Her eyes suddenly narrowed. ‘Is that why you hassled me so much about going to university? Because in my current “uneducated” state—at least in your and my family’s estimation—I wouldn’t be good enough for you all otherwise?’
‘I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.’ He glared. ‘I can see how this stupid inferiority complex of yours has been created by your parents and Phillip.’
‘Stupid?’ Her mouth worked but no other words emerged.
He stabbed a finger at her. ‘I have never wanted anything for you but your happiness. A happiness you’re pig-headedly determined to avoid.’
‘Pig-headed?’ She ground her teeth together. She told herself he had a right to his anger. She was dashing his hopes, hurting him. She tried to settle a mantle of rationality about her. ‘We haven’t known each other long enough to fall in love.’
He was quiet for a long moment. His eyes never left her face and it was all she could do not to fidget. ‘I believe that’s true of you,’ he finally said, ‘but it’s not true for me.’
Her stomach gave a sickening lurch.
‘It’s why I’ve tried to take things slow.’
She flashed back to her hotel room last Saturday night.
‘I fell in love with you the moment you ordered me to take a deep breath and relish the day.’
‘Because I reminded you of Danny.’ He was in love with a mirage!
‘Because you reminded me that the world was good, that life could be good again and that it should be lived.’
The mirage vanished. He loved her? He truly loved her? She tried to gather her scattered thoughts, tried to seize hold of her common sense. ‘Do you have an answer for everything?’
‘Of course I do. I’m a lawyer.’
A laugh shot out of her, just like that. This is no time for laughing! She snapped her mouth shut.
Aidan’s face gentled. The afternoon had started to cool, although they weren’t far enough into autumn to need sweaters yet. A flock of sulphur-crested cockatoos wheeled around an ancient gum tree further up the hill, their raucous cries filling the air and masking the soft chirrup of a flock of rainbow lorikeets that swooped through the olive grove, heading for the bottlebrush trees on the opposite hill.
She tried to not let it all filter into her soul and relax her—or relax her guard.
‘Quinn, what are you really afraid of?’
She moistened her lips. ‘That you will eventually accuse me of ruining your life.’
‘You’ll only ruin it if you walk away.’
His eyes urged her to believe him. Her heart wavered, but she shook her head. They were just words and while she didn’t doubt that Aidan meant them in the present moment she had no faith in their longevity.
She prayed for strength. ‘You and your family, Aidan, you come from the same world as my parents, the same world as Phillip and his parents. Phillip’s parents told him, and me, that I would ruin his life. Before he left, Phillip told me that was true—that I had wrecked his life. Your family believes the exact same thing. And eventually you will too.’ She gripped her hands tightly in front of her. ‘I’m sorry but I’m not prepared to go through all that again.’
He stared at her. And then his face changed, darkening until thunder practically rolled off his brow and lightning flashed from his eyes. A torrent of angry words shot out of him, most of them not repeatable.
‘Of all the idiotic, cock-brained ideas!’
She blinked. Her shoulders started to hunch as he continued with a list of adjectives to describe her way of thinking. Her wrong-headed way of thinking, according to him. Aidan had never yelled at her before. Not really. And it was strange to discover that she hated it. Really, deep down in her gut hated it. She’d finally snapped his control. And she hated that too. Because...
She loved him.
She’d have laughed at the irony, only she didn’t have the heart for it. She might love him, but that didn’t change a damn thing. She already knew that love wasn’t always enough.
He wheeled away from her, only to wheel back again. ‘So, in essence, this all comes down to courage and the fact you have none?’
She stiffened at that. She might’ve lost her heart, but she still had her pride. ‘I beg your pardon?’ The way her voice shook, though, destroyed the effect of
the iciness she’d tried to inject.
‘You demanded courage from me when I was dealing with my mother.’
‘That was completely different!’
‘How?’ he shot back. ‘I wasn’t leading the life I should’ve been leading. Just as you’re not leading the life you should be leading.’
‘Yes I am!’ But, while they held vehemence, her words lacked conviction.
‘You want to know your problem, Quinn?’
She folded her arms. ‘What, I only have the one?’ She knew she was being immature but she couldn’t help it.
‘You don’t believe you’re worth fighting for.’
Her mouth dried.
His eyes were hard, but strangely gentle too. ‘I can slay all the other dragons for you. I can offer you all the assurances in the world. But this particular dragon is one you have to slay for yourself.’
He was going to walk away now, just as she’d wanted him to. And everything inside her wanted to sob.
His face twisted. ‘Damn it, do you really think I’m like your parents? Do you really think I’m like Phillip?’
Her head rocked back. Of course not! But...
But what?
The ground lurched beneath her feet. She tried to steady herself against the branch of an olive tree, but it was thin and threatened to snap. She reeled over to a weathered fence post and leaned against it, careful not to catch herself on the barbed wire. She’d have to ask Mara why they had barbed wire on the property—an idle thought that filtered into her head and out again almost immediately.
She glanced across at Aidan. ‘No.’ The word croaked out of her. ‘I don’t think you’re like Phillip.’
The hard light in his eyes died, replaced with an uncertainty that tore at her. ‘And?’
She moistened her lips. That fact changed everything. If Aidan wasn’t like the others—and she knew with everything inside her that he wasn’t—then...
‘Quinn?’
‘It means something about my reasoning is wrong.’ She slid down to the ground. ‘I’m...I’m trying to work out just what that is.’
Road Trip with the Eligible Bachelor Page 16
