Unexpectedly, he cages me with his arms, pushing me back against the cold tiles. Every brush of his skin on mine, and his eyes on me, sends a thrill down my spine and evokes a delicious wetness between my legs.
“No,” Jase growls. “What I want is to throw you up against this wall and erase any trace of him ever touching you. What I want is for you to be mine, and mine only.”
My breathing quickens as he says that. His eyes are bright, wild almost, but I’m not afraid of him.
“So do it,” I whisper.
He hesitates, his hands loosely around my waist, his hard cock pressing into my stomach.
I know why he’s hesitating. The past that lies between us.
Let her go!
“I want this,” I say to him. “I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I want to be with you, Jason. I’m not leaving you again. Ever.”
My words seem to move something inside him. His hesitation disappears, replaced by a look of pure lust. He makes a deep noise in his throat as he presses my hips with his palms, driving me back again so I’m pressed harder against the wall. The combination of hot water running over my front and the cold tiles at my back is thrilling; there’s a slight draft coming in from the window and my skin springs to life in a million tiny bumps. Jase’s lips crash against mine as we desperately seek to reclaim what should have always been ours.
“Julz …” he moans into my mouth, his hand leaving my hip and trailing lower. He traces a line with his index finger down my thigh and back up, where he swipes it along my slit.
“You’re so wet,” he whispers, pressing a finger inside me. I clutch at his hard arms as he strokes his finger in and out, moaning when he hits that sweet spot inside.
“Jesus, Jase,” I whisper, moving my hand down and gripping his thick cock. I start stroking him back and forth, slow at first, then faster. His breathing quickens and he stops kissing me, staring at me with hooded eyes.
“That,” he murmurs, watching me stroke his length, “feels so good.” He closes his eyes for a moment, tipping his head back as he pants, and while he isn’t looking I figure I might as well do what I’ve wanted to do since I saw him naked in the shower. I sink to my knees, open my mouth, and close my mouth around the head of his cock.
As soon as I wrap my lips around his shaft his eyes snap open.
“Ohhhhh,” he says, as I suck and lick. “Jesus, if you keep going like that I’m not going to last.”
I smile up at him and let him bounce out of my mouth, because the last thing I want is for this to be over when it’s only just begun. Jase responds immediately, dragging me up to my feet and pressing me against the wall again. He holds my hips firmly and kisses a deliciously warm trail down my neck.
“Wrap your legs around me,” he says, lifting me effortlessly so my legs are spread around him, my ankles locked together.
He holds me with one hand as he guides his cock with the other, rubbing it in shallow circles against my clit until I’m thrusting my hips forward in frustration.
“Jase,” I whimper, not wanting to wait a second longer, and mercifully, I don’t. He surges forward, thrusting into me in one long movement that makes my eyes roll back in my head as I dig my nails into his back. “Oh, fuck!” I moan, as he slowly pulls out of me, only the tip of him remaining inside me. Then he thrusts again, just as quick and hard as the first time, and I begin to feel a wave of orgasm build inside me.
He notices too, because he thrusts harder, watching my face intently. “Come for me, Julz,” he whispers, and I do. I hold my breath as I reach that shattering crest, my core clenching tightly around his shaft as I come. He thrusts harder, deeper with each stroke, until I’m crying out his name, a loud scream that he covers with his mouth.
I see white and stars, stilling as my orgasm tears through every fiber of me. He tightens his fingers around my hips and takes over, lifting me up and slamming me back down onto him as my core clenches around him and I continue to cry into the night.
I collapse onto him, my head resting loosely on his shoulder, desperately needing a reprieve before we continue.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he says, stroking my tangled hair. “That looked intense.”
“Is this okay?” he asks, as he begins to drive into me again. I thrust my hips forward, drawing him deeper inside me, and he smiles devilishly.
“It’s better than okay,” I moan, grabbing his hips and pulling him into me so hard, it’s almost violent. “It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”
My voice wavers as I say that. Jase cups my face in his hand, the other at my waist as he continues to thrust.
“I never stopped loving you,” he murmurs in my ear.
If I say any more, I’m going to cry, and I don’t want to cry right now.
“Stop trying to make me cry and just fuck me,” I whisper heatedly.
As soon as I say that, he stops and pulls out of me, hovering at my entrance like the cruelest tease. I try to pull him back but he resists me effortlessly.
“This is not fucking,” he says plainly. “I’m not fucking you.”
My eyes ask the question, what do you mean, and he doesn’t leave me hanging. He inches inside me again, deliciously slow, methodically and precise. I moan and press my fingers into his flesh.
It has been so many years, but he fills me with himself so that I am finally complete again.
So that I am loved.
“I’m making love to you, Juliette,” he murmurs.
And he’s right.
NINE
I’ve dreamed of this moment for over six years. A reality where Jase and I could be together again. In my imagination, this was perfection. This was the culmination of years of longing and loss, of patience and distance and blood. I thought I’d be relieved. I thought I’d be absolved, that we’d live happily ever after, the end.
And now that it’s here, I don’t feel any of those things. I don’t feel relieved, or content, or absolved of my sins.
I’m just afraid.
Afraid of so many, many things.
I feel completely powerless. I don’t know what’s going on with Jase, my only lifeline to the club—my only lifeline at all, for that matter. Over the three days that pass after the bomb blast, he comes and goes from the apartment several times, never really telling me what’s going on. Each time he leaves, I can tell he’s reluctant to be away from me, which is both a comfort and a worry. Is he reluctant to let me out of his sight because he misses me?
Or does he want to keep tabs on me because he doesn’t trust me?
I suspect both are equally true.
And really, he’s justified in his suspicion. I can’t help myself. The first chance I get—the morning after we first sleep together again—I wait until Jase leaves the apartment. As I listen to the roar of his bike fade into the distance, I hurry to the bathroom, a fresh pair of blue contact lenses in my eyes in a matter of seconds. A quick shower to wash any trace of our night together away, a change of outfit from the suitcase Jase thoughtfully grabbed from the clubhouse for me, and suddenly I am Sammi once again.
I take his car keys, slam the door shut behind me, and drive to the private hospital where I know Dornan’s been transferred.
I want to see his pain. I want to see just how close to death I brought him.
When I arrive at the hospital, I enter the large foyer and immediately recognize Dornan’s wife talking on her phone in the corner. I duck behind a large potted fern, praying she hasn’t seen me. Sure enough, she appears oblivious, ending her call and returning to the elevators nearby. I watch as she punches the button to go up, and wait patiently as she steps into the elevator. The doors close quietly behind her. Above the doors, the numbers count upwards, pausing for a moment on five. Level five—that’s got to be it. A large board says that the ICU is on level five, which makes sense. I snicker to myself as I imagine Dornan hooked up to machines and breathing tubes.
Whatever damage he’s sustained? I hope it fucking hurts.
I jog to the stairwell, trying to stay out of sight. I don’t really care if any Gypsy Brothers see me—after all, I am the obsessive club whore who never leaves his side unless I have to. But I don’t exactly want Dornan’s bitch of a wife to see me and start a smack down.
Five flights of stairs later, I’m panting so hard, my chest is wheezing. I used to be so fit, I think to myself as I catch my breath in the stairwell. With sex my only exercise of late, it’s no wonder I’m woefully out of breath.
I let a few moments pass before I steel myself. I’m nervous, my stomach in knots, and I’m not entirely sure why.
Jase. Jimmy. There are two reasons right there. I wonder if anyone suspects me of anything yet.
I enter the hospital corridor, plastering a look on my face that’s aiming for concerned girlfriend.
I glance down at what I’m wearing, pleased that I had something Sammi-worthy to wear. A black T-shirt that clings in all the right places and dips to show off my cleavage, paired with dark denim jeans and plain ballet flats. It’s not as whorey as normal, but it’ll have to do.
Thank goodness Jase thought to grab my suitcase from the clubhouse. I don’t think turning up in his sweatpants would really work.
As soon as I step into the corridor, I know which room is Dornan’s. Halfway up the long hall is a doorway flanked by three Gypsy Brothers, who look ridiculously out of place in a hospital. At the same time, they look like you wouldn’t want to mess with them. Which I suppose is the whole point.
I hang around just outside the stairwell, waiting for one of them to notice me. Sure enough, within about three seconds, the shortest of the three heavily tattooed guys makes a beeline for me, his bald head shining under the artificial light.
I smile gratefully as he approaches me. “Hi.”
He smirks. “What are you doin’ here, darlin? Prez is still out cold.”
I nod, squeezing a tear out for effect. “I don’t know what to do,” I say desperately. “I’m so worried about him.”
The dude thinks on something for a moment and then glances at the room he’s just come from.
“Look,” he says. “It’s meant to be family only.”
“I know,” I say dejectedly. “I just—if he wakes up … I don’t want him to think I wasn’t here, worried about him, you know? But I don’t want to upset his family.” I put my hands to my face, acting upset. “Can you help me?”
I bat my fucking eyelashes for all I’m worth, and the guy buys it. Men are idiots sometimes. In this case, it’s to his detriment.
“Stay here, doll. I’ll let you know when his old lady leaves.”
I smile gratefully, watching him as he heads back to the room to stand sentry with the other two bikers. They’re all about Dornan’s age—all would have been in the club with my father when he died.
Traitorous bastards, the lot of them. If it were up to me, if I had the energy and the resources, they’d all be dead as well.
My patience pays off. About thirty minutes later, I see Dornan’s wife head back to the elevator and disappear inside. Moments after that, Baldy crooks a finger, beckoning me.
He gestures for me to enter the room, but as I pass him, he lays a hand on my shoulder. It takes everything within me not to throw it off and punch him in the face.
“He’s messed up pretty bad,” he says to me in a loud whisper. “You sure you wanna go in?”
I nod. I’m fucking gagging to see what’s become of him.
“Okay,” the guy says, taking his hand back. “Don’t say you weren’t warned.”
I nod, squeezing past him and entering the private room. Even here, in a coma, Dornan’s been afforded every luxury: a private suite that overlooks the Hollywood Hills and a band of merry men to guard him from further attack.
I should’ve brought some kind of poison with me and finished off the job. Silly me for not thinking ahead.
I approach the bed at the far end of the large room quietly and with caution. I don’t know what to expect, only that it’s bad.
As I get closer, my eyes take in every detail of the horrors that have marred Dornan’s face, neck, arms, and hands. I assume the rest of him is similarly injured, but I’m not about to lift the sheets and find out. Not yet, anyway.
A few more steps and I’m close enough to reach out and take his hand, gently avoiding the deep cuts that litter his skin and the drip tube that’s embedded in the top of his hand.
I can’t help it. A satisfied smile spreads across my face as I see the damage the shrapnel from Elliot’s crudely fashioned bombs have wreaked upon the man I want to destroy. It’s not as good as if he were dead, but it’s pretty fucking great.
He’s hooked up to a morphine drip, the same kind as the one I had when I woke up from death six years ago. They’re impossible to overdose, which is unfortunate, with only a measured amount delivered intravenously every fifteen minutes.
Well, if I can’t kill him, I’ll make sure he feels every goddamn thing that’s happening to him. That works for me, too. I locate the needle underneath his skin and push back on it firmly, just enough that it stays underneath his skin, but out of his vein. With any luck, he’ll not only be in pain from the morphine not reaching his bloodstream, but the fluid will also collect under his skin, causing more discomfort.
I lift the sheets back and tuck him hand underneath, patting the blankets back over.
Before I leave, I plant a lingering kiss on his bruised lips.
Karma’s a fucking bitch sometimes.
TEN
“Why?” Jase asks me.
It’s late. He just walked in the front door of his apartment, hours after I got back from the hospital. I’ve been sitting at the counter, waiting for him to get back, knowing he’s probably going to be pissed.
“Why what?” I respond to his question, making him frown.
“You know what I mean,” Jase growls. “Why’d you go to the fucking hospital today?”
I shrug, avoiding his eyes. “I wanted to see the bastard laid up in a coma.”
Jase snorts, shaking his head. “Nice move on his hand, too. Really subtle.”
I actually laugh, which is totally inappropriate given the serious look Jase is leveling at me.
“Oh, come on,” I say to him. “He deserves every bit of pain I can give him.”
“Of course he does,” Jase says angrily. “But Julz—you’re getting a bit fucking careless. A bit fucking obvious.”
My face falls as I realize he’s right.
“Jesus,” I whisper. “That was pretty stupid, huh?”
Jase spreads his hands out, a gesture of surrender. “Yeah, well,” he says. “You’re lucky I was there a few hours later and took the goddamn blame for it.”
I hang my head. “Thanks,” I mumble.
He does something totally unexpected then. He comes over, smiles devilishly, and pulls me from my stool into a massive bear hug, squeezing the breath out of me.
“Whoa,” I say when he releases his grip. “What was that for?”
He brushes a stray hair from my face, a cheeky glint in his eye. “You’re crazy, you know that? You’ve got no fear.”
Something about those words stab into my chest painfully. “Believe me, I’ve got plenty of fear,” I reply glumly.
“Are you still afraid of heights?” Jase asks.
“Why?” I ask slowly. “Want to take me base jumping or something?”
“Not quite,” he says. “Remember when we used to go up on the Ferris wheel?”
“Yeah,” I say, flashing back to when we were teenage sweethearts at Santa Monica Pier.
“Grab a jacket,” he says.
I frown, looking at the digital clock display mounted on the front of the oven. “It’s almost ten at night,” I protest.
Jase shrugs. “There’s got to be some upside to being a Gypsy Brother, right?”
Sure enough, the security guard in charge of looking over the Pier waves us in without hesitation. I’m still reeli
ng from the abrupt change of mood Jase showed when he got home, and I’m afraid to say, a little suspicious that there’s something he isn’t telling me.
“I thought you’d be angry with me,” I whisper as Jase hurries me along the wooden pier.
He stops, and I almost collide with him as I continue striding. He turns and catches me by my shoulders, steadying me.
“I’m not angry with you,” he says, squeezing my hands in his. “I’m scared out of my fucking mind for you. For both of us.”
“Everything will be fine,” I whisper, but a little voice inside of me is screaming for attention. Demanding answers to those questions that keep plaguing me.
Why are you still here?
Why didn’t you kill them years ago?
I block them out, because who knows how much time we have left together? I don’t really want to ask those questions of him, because I don’t know if I can bear the answers.
I don’t know what answers would satisfy me, anyway.
He gives me a weird look, takes one of my hands, and continues dragging me along. A moment later, he’s lifting me up into one of the passenger cabins before clambering in himself.
“It’s not going anywhere,” I point out.
Jase shrugs, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we sit side by side in the darkness of the empty pier, the only noise the waves crashing onto the sand below us.
I can’t help it. I have to ask.
“What … happened to you afterward?” I ask him in a voice barely above a whisper. After I died.
He immediately stiffens, his arm around me rigid. “Nothing,” he says quickly.
“Jase,” I press. “You can trust me.”
He sighs. “It’s not about trust, Julz.”
“Well, what then?” I ask.
He relaxes his arm again, and I can tell it’s taking every ounce of self-control he possesses to act casually when something is burning him inside.
“Jase,” I say plainly. “Why didn’t you leave?”
He rips his arm away from me so quickly I don’t know how to react. My mouth falls open as I watch his forced casual manner shift into rage.
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