Lila stood, stunned. ‘You’d better go to her.’
‘Let her go,’ he said angrily. ‘I’m sick of her dramas.’
‘I’d say she had every reason to be upset. Just go after her, Declan. Don’t make it any worse than it is.’
She was utterly bemused by his reaction, and even more so when he turned to face her again, pulling her back into his arms. ‘Now, where were we?’
Aghast, she pushed him away. ‘How dare you? How dare you?’ She repeated. ‘No wonder Yvonne’s drunk. Any woman would need a general anaesthetic to put up with you. You have the audacity to follow me out here, to kiss me, to—’
‘I don’t recall much resistance. In fact, from where I was standing—’
Lila had never hit a man in her life, never hit anyone, in fact. It was against all her principles. But so was Declan Haversham, so was a man who could so openly play with her affections. So recklessly destroy Yvonne. As her hand aimed for his cheek she was so blinded with anger and rage that principles were the last thing on her mind.
But Declan was too quick for her. Grabbing her wrist, he held her outstretched hand in the air and she stood there, fury blazing in her blue eyes.
‘Funny,’ he said slowly, ‘I really thought you’d grown up at last.’ He released his grip and, shocked and reeling from her outburst, she stood there mute as Declan continued. ‘I guess it will take a bit more than a nursing degree to change the self-centred, spoiled little madam you always were.’
She ran a tongue over her dry lips. ‘Meaning?’
‘Just that.’ He spat the words at her. ‘It was always about you, wasn’t it? ‘‘I’m tired, Declan.’’’ He mimicked her voice. ‘Never mind that I’d been studying all week and maybe needed to let off a bit of a steam. But when I was tired it was a different story, wasn’t it? Never mind I’d spent a week in lectures and four nights at the hospital. If little Lila wanted to party because her airline friends were in town, well, party time it was.
‘And you haven’t changed a bit. ‘‘Let’s be friends, Declan’’ and twenty-four hours later you change your mind. ‘‘I’ve missed you, Declan. Kiss me, Declan’’ and the next minute you’re slapping my face. I’ve had a bellyfull of you, Lila Bailey. I’m up to here with you.’ His hand jabbed at his neck.
‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, my drunken housemate needs a lift to the casino and the obliging guy I am looks like I’m going to be playing taxi.’
‘Your housemate?’
Declan paused, his shoulder rigid as he turned. ‘That’s right.’
‘But I thought…’ Lila said slowly. ‘I mean, Yvonne said that you and she…’ Her voice trailed off.
‘Yvonne said what?’ His voice was suddenly menacing. ‘Come on, Lila, Yvonne said what exactly?’
‘She said that you were on together, that you were living together.’
‘She said that?’
Lila nodded.
‘You didn’t mishear. I mean, you didn’t just take it the wrong way?’
The shock in his voice was so raw that unless Declan had done a double degree in drama and medicine, Lila knew this was a revelation.
She shook her head grimly as he stood there, staring at her. ‘No, I didn’t mishear, Declan. Yvonne was very clear in what she said.’
‘But why would she say such a thing?’
‘You tell me.’ Although Lila had been proven wrong the animosity of the argument still hung in the air, the anger of a few moments ago hadn’t quite abated. ‘Perhaps you led her on, too.’
‘Led her on? Is that what you think I did to you? When am I supposed to have led you on, Lila? Come on, you can’t throw a pearl like that at me and not back it up.’
‘Let her think you cared about her, loved her even.’
His whisky was sitting on the wall and he reached for it. Swirling the amber liquid around the heavy glass, he shook his head. ‘Perhaps I did,’ he said slowly. ‘Maybe I should have seen this coming, but to compare Yvonne to you and I…’ He exhaled deeply. ‘Well, it doesn’t compare.’ He looked up, his eyes dark hollows in the shadows of the night. ‘The difference is I did love you, Lila, did care about you.’ He moved forward an inch. ‘The saddest part of it all is that I still do…’ He laughed, but it was so shallow Lila knew he didn’t mean it.
‘I really ought to give her a lift, though, or heaven knows where she’ll end up.’
‘Oughtn’t you to take her home?’
‘She a big girl, she can take care of herself. And anyway, Mr Hinkley’s pretty gone himself so I doubt he’ll even notice how out of it she is. I’d better go now…’ But he didn’t move. Lila could hear him jangling his car keys in his jacket pocket as if weighing up whether or not to continue. ‘Come on,’ he said eventually. ‘I think we need to talk.’
Yvonne really was the worse for wear. Thankfully she had extracted herself from the party and was sitting somewhat forlornly on one of the planters at the front of the hotel.
‘You stay with her,’ Declan instructed. ‘I’ll go and bring the car around.’
‘Would you rather we get a taxi?’ Lila suggested. ‘In case you’ve had too much to drink.’
She had seen him angry, seen him annoyed and irritated, but she had never seen such contempt emanating from the steely grey eyes as he faced her. ‘Lila,’ he said, his voice deathly quiet, his cheeks quilted with tension, ‘I did grow up. I’m not the twenty-something medical student you seem to recall. I’m an emergency registrar now. Do you really think I’d be so stupid as to get behind the wheel loaded?’
‘Of course not. I was just making sure.’
‘Well, there’s no need. Unlike some people I could mention, some of us grew up a while ago.’
As he stormed off to the car park she stood there trembling and confused. Somehow she had got it all wrong.
‘I’m sorry.’ Yvonne’s voice broke into her confused thoughts. ‘I’ve ruined your night.’
Lila sat down on the planter beside Yvonne. ‘Don’t worry about it. I think it was ruined long ago.’
‘Declan’s going to be furious with me…’
‘If it’s any consolation, he’s furious with me as well. Yvonne, I’m sorry if it’s none of my business, but I really need to know what’s going on. Is there anything between you and Declan? If there is I can only apologise for what happened…’
Yvonne put up a rather unsteady hand. ‘Honestly, there’s nothing to apologise for.’
‘But you did say that you and Declan were an item. If you’ve got some sort of—I don’t know—open relationship…’
‘We don’t have a relationship. Not for the want of trying on my part, though.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘No, you’re not,’ Yvonne said, and some of her earlier venom returned. ‘But I haven’t finished yet. I didn’t come from the other side of the world to be beaten by an ex from eight years ago.’
‘It isn’t a competition,’ Lila reasoned.
‘Isn’t it?’
‘Of course not. And anyway, Declan and I were over years ago.’
‘Good.’ Yvonne stood up as headlights lit up her face. ‘And I intend to keep it that way.’
The hooting of the car prevented Lila from responding, not that there was much that she could have said. Instead, she sat awkwardly in the back of the car after Yvonne jumped like a scalded cat into the front seat. Lila couldn’t have cared less where she sat—the back suited her fine. At least the journey gave her a little time to collect her thoughts. Her heart was hammering, her mind whirring. Nothing tonight made any sense, but, then, why should it? Since Declan had appeared on the scene she had been spun into utter confusion.
Even when he dropped Yvonne off at the casino, Lila remained in the back, sitting in silence as Declan glided the car through the deserted Melbourne streets.
She was somewhat taken aback when he let her inside his house. Lila cast a look around. It was a classic Melbourne townhouse—beautifully refurbished, polished floorboar
ds lining the hallway and stairs, lead light windows filtering the glow from the lamppost outside.
‘Are you and Yvonne renting together?’ They were the first words she had spoken to him since the bitter exchange outside the hotel.
‘I own it,’ he said curtly. ‘Why do you look so surprised? Were you expecting a students’ dive? Like I told you, I’ve come on a bit since then.’ He climbed down off his high horse. Bragging really wasn’t Declan’s style and Lila knew his tirade would be short-lived. ‘Actually, I own it, along with the bank.’ He managed a sheepish grin. ‘But at least I keep this place tidy.’ Running a hand through his hair for the first time since their paths had crossed again Declan actually appeared uncomfortable.
‘I don’t know about you but I could really use a drink right now. Can I get you one?’
Lila nodded, following him though to the kitchen.
Years might have passed and, yes, they might have changed, but as he opened the fridge and went to pull out a bottle of white wine he immediately closed it again.
‘Sorry.’ Taking a bottle of Lila’s preferred red from the wine rack, he started to open it as Lila rather shakingly took two glasses from the overhead cupboards.
It felt strange, surreal, both of them in a kitchen opening a bottle. It reeked of yesterday, felt so…so familiar that it hurt, it actually hurt.
He carried the glasses through to the lounge, waiting till Lila was seated on the sofa before passing her glass to her then joining her on the couch.
‘Yvonne and I aren’t together. We never have been,’ he said when the silence had gone on for far too long.
‘Then why did she say that you were?’
‘You tell me.’ When Lila didn’t respond he cast around for answers. ‘Maybe she likes me…’
‘Likes you?’ Lila actually laughed. ‘Oh, believe me, Declan, she likes you all right. The woman’s followed you to other side of the world, for heaven’s sake!’
‘Come on Lila, she’s not that bad. I think she just had a bit too much to drink tonight. Perhaps Yvonne thought if she said that we were on together, it might…’ He didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he chose the safety of his wineglass.
‘Might what?’ Lila prompted.
‘Might stop us from getting back together. You see, Lila, I told her about us ages ago when we were still in Scotland. And whatever you think, she really didn’t like me then, at least not in that way. We were just friends. I wanted to move home and she’d applied for a job in Melbourne—there was nothing more to it than that. Of course I said that she could stay with me for a while, at least until she found her feet. If Yvonne has been acting differently then it’s only in the last few weeks or so. Maybe she’s homesick or a bit lonely. And I guess if she has got a crush on me it must have been a pretty tough couple of weeks for her, what with me banging on about you all the time.’
‘You’ve been talking about me?’
‘Of course I’ve been talking about you, Lila, you’re all I’ve been going on about for the last few weeks, all I’ve been talking about since I finally made up my mind to come back home. Hell, I was hoping to bump into you at the shops one day or on the beach perhaps—but working alongside you, I couldn’t have planned that if I’d tried. I’ve been bending Yvonne’s ear, asking her if she thought there was a chance…’
He stopped talking, unsaid words hanging in the air, teasing her with the impossibility of what he might have been about to say.
His finger was running around the rim of his glass and he cleared his throat before he continued. ‘A chance for us. Whether we might be able to make things work this time around.’
Did they have a chance? From the few exchanges they’d shared it was obvious there was a lot of hurt there, a lot of damage already inflicted. And the world had changed so much since then. They were two different people now. Older if not wiser. With different goals and dreams. She sat quite still, watching his finger travelling aimlessly around the glass.
She should have left it there, waited for the morning to think things through, to open up and share with him how difficult her life was now, how a relationship with him, with anyone, in fact, was impossible.
But she didn’t.
This night was for them. Tomorrow could wait a while. Just to feel his arms around her again, feel the weight of his kiss…
She simply couldn’t let the moment pass. Tomorrow was an age away…
Leaning forward slightly, Lila took the glass from his hand, stretching over to place it on the coffee-table. She felt his eyes move, felt the weight of his gaze on her creamy cleavage, heard him swallow. He had always loved her breasts. His eyes moved quickly to hers but she knew he was aroused, knew that he wanted her, too.
She saw a flicker of uncertainty in his features, and she knew she should also feel it. But right now she needed to forget. Forget the problems, forget the pain, and let Declan make it all right, like he always had before.
‘Lila?’ His voice was husky, questioning, and she silenced him with a kiss, but he gently pulled back. ‘Are you sure?’
That they wouldn’t hurt in the morning?
No.
That she was doing the right thing?
Probably not.
That she wanted him?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
Taking his hand, she guided it to her dress, closing her eyes as he slowly pulled down the zipper.
‘I’m sure, Declan,’ she said, her voice thick with need. ‘I’m sure.’
*
Familiarity bred contempt.
It didn’t.
At least not when the hands that were holding you, touching you, were so attuned that they moved instinctively where they were needed.
When the mouth that moved slowly, teasingly across your stomach and up to your engorged and aching breasts knew when you couldn’t take restraint any more.
As the rough scratch of his thighs pushed between her legs, her body arched beneath him, desperate for a deeper closeness, desperate to seal their union.
He knew how much she needed him, wanted him, yet he made her wait. Made her wait until her long nails were digging into his muscular buttocks, until she was urging him to enter her sweet welcoming warmth.
And when finally he did, when he gave way to the primaeval instincts that engulfed him, Lila cried out in surrender, abandoning herself to the waves that swept over her. There was no need to wait now, no need for holding back, and they couldn’t have if they’d tried. They had waited for this moment long enough.
The oblivion she had craved came then. Nothing else mattered for that moment, just the exquisite pleasure that was hers and Declan’s alone.
And after as he led her to his bed, laying her down with infinite tenderness, for the longest time he held her. Stroking her, massaging her, touching her, loving her with such reverence, taking their time to get to know each other’s bodies all over again.
CHAPTER FIVE
DECLAN, I have to go home now. Mum will need to be turned.
Declan, I normally turn Mum at six. I ought to be getting back.
Lila lay in the darkness, staring at the clock, the weight of Declan’s arm solid and warm, trying to fathom how to tell Declan she needed to head for home. But no matter how she said it, it sounded wrong.
How could he even begin to understand?
What possible chance was there of them having a relationship? It was hard enough now, but in six short weeks Ted would retire, and that rendered it practically impossible.
Declan and Elizabeth had never got on in the past. Elizabeth had hated him with a passion, and Declan, well, he had tolerated her. Tolerated her idiosyncrasies, her constant snipes at him, with as much humour as he could muster.
Elizabeth was way past that now—in fact, she never spoke—but why should Declan turn his life around for a woman who had despised him? And if they were to have a relationship, that was what it would entail—a total turn-around. No spontaneous checking into luxury hotels aft
er romantic dinners. No spur-of-the-moment trips. Every moment of Elizabeth’s day had to be accounted for. How could Lila possibly land it on him?
She should have told him all of this yesterday, should have laid things on the line before they had gone this far.
But…Lila squeezed her eyes closed against the tears that were forming. She could never regret what had taken place. The solace she had found in his arms, the utter peace she had felt after they’d made love, would carry her through the uncertain months and years ahead.
Had she used him?
Yes.
Her only defence was that she loved him.
As she inched away his arm that was protectively draped around her, she held her breath as Declan gave a mumble of protest in his sleep. Only when she was sure he had settled again did Lila ease herself out of the bed, creeping quietly into the lounge where her discarded clothes lay. Shivering as she pulled on her underwear and slipped on her dress and shoes, Lila decided to use her mobile phone rather than risk waking Declan by using the hall phone. Unsure of the house number, Lila gave the street to the taxi company and said she’d wait outside.
‘What are you doing?’
The light flooded the room, making her blink as she stood there as guilty as if he had caught her going through his wallet.
Declan stared at her for a moment before crossing the room and taking the mobile from her. ‘Cancel the taxi order, thank you.’ His voice was curt. Clicking off the phone, he handed it back to Lila, his eyes questioning.
‘I have to get home.’
‘Then why didn’t you wake me? I’d have taken you.’
‘You were sleeping.’ She fumbled for excuses.
‘That’s what people do at four in the morning Lila. What’s so important that you have to get back?’
Lila shrugged. ‘I just do, that’s all.’
‘Come on Lila, you’re thirty years old now. You never had to rush home eight years ago, so what’s changed? Unless, of course, you were hoping to avoid me.’
‘I…’ She stood there, mouthing silently. ‘Thirty-one actually.’
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