‘But there are good homes,’ Yvonne said gently. ‘One of the negatives of our job is that you only get to see things when they go wrong. On the other side of the coin there are numerous elderly people in nursing homes, receiving the best of care and attention.’
‘I know,’ Lila admitted. ‘And I’ve also been very pleasantly surprised at the care Mum’s got in here, it’s given me a lot of confidence. So much so that I’m considering looking at a few homes—nothing definite, mind,’ she added quickly. ‘But in the meantime, while I decide, I would like to see about getting some help for me at home with Mum. The accident really frightened me, and I realise now that I do need help, for Mum’s sake if nothing else.’
Yvonne gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘I’ll arrange the allied health worker to come and speak with you and run through some of the options that are available to you, though I don’t envisage your mother being discharged for some time yet. As I told you this morning, it’s a big operation for someone so frail and it will be a while before we even think about sending her home.’
Lila stood up. ‘Thanks for your time, Yvonne.’
‘No problem, I’m happy to help. Oh, and, Lila…’
Lila watched as the beginnings of a blush crept across Yvonne’s cheeks.
‘About all that business at the emergency ball. I just thought I’d better explain—’
Lila waved her hand dismissively. ‘Please, Yvonne, there’s really no need.’
‘But there is, Lila, there’s every need. I want to be sure that you don’t have any concerns—I mean, with the fact that it’s me looking after your mother. I want you to be assured that your mother is getting the very best care available.’
‘I know that she is, Yvonne, and I’m grateful to all the staff here for that, you included.’
‘Thank you. Look, Lila, I’m sorry if this sounds inappropriate but, given the circumstances, I think some honesty is called for. I just want to be sure that everything is really over between you and Declan. It’s just…well, we’re going out for dinner tonight and he’s warned me that there’s something big that he wants to ask me. I just don’t want to rock the boat. Things are difficult enough as it is.’
Suddenly Yvonne’s accent didn’t sound so lyrical any more; ‘grating’ would have been a more apt word.
Lila stood up smartly. ‘You’re right, Yvonne.’ She was too tired to bother being polite. ‘That probably was a bit inappropriate, but don’t worry. I’m not going to collapse in a heap when I hear the happy news. You never know, I might even throw a note in the collection envelope.’ And turning smartly on her heel, she left the stuffy confines of Yvonne’s office.
*
‘Lila, it’s so good to see you. I was actually just about to pop, or should I say hobble, up to the ward and pay you both a visit—you’ve saved me a trip. How is your mother doing?’ Hester’s rather endearing welcome took Lila back somewhat, and she smothered a smile as Moira pulled a comical face behind Hester’s shoulder.
‘Well, the operation went well, but it’s still very early days. I was actually hoping to go through my off-duty shifts with you. I’m on days off at the moment and I thought I’d better confirm that I will be back at work tomorrow night, but once Mum’s discharged I might need to take a few days’ annual leave.’
Hester picked up the roster. ‘Well, let’s have a look, shall we? We may as well grab a coffee and take it to my office. It will be nice to have a chat.’ And hobbling off on her fibreglass plaster, she left a bemused and grinning Lila staring in disbelief at her departing rear.
‘What painkillers did they prescribe her?’
Moira tutted loudly. ‘Only the good Lord above knows what’s going on in that woman’s mind. She’s arranging a staff barbie next weekend and she’s even filled the biscuit barrel for the first time this century. I reckon that knock on her head must have been more serious than Declan realised.’
‘Oh, well.’ Lila laughed. ‘Better not spoil the good mood by keeping her waiting. And, Moira, thanks for all your help with Mum the other day.’
Moira patted Lila’s arm affectionately. ‘Not at all. We’re all glad to help, don’t even mention it.’
Hester even made the coffee. Opening the roster, she stared at it for a moment.
‘It might be a bit of a struggle,’ she started, and Lila closed her eyes.
Here we go again, she thought, anything to make my life a bit more difficult.
‘It’s always harder replacing an associate charge nurse than an RN.’ She smiled as Lila opened her eyes abruptly.
‘You mean…’
‘That’s right, the position’s yours! Congratulations—that is, assuming you still want the job?’
Lila nodded enthusiastically. ‘Oh, yes, I want it. I just wasn’t expecting it.’
‘It’s well deserved. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t initially have my reservations about giving it to you, but let’s just say they were all dispelled the other night. You did an excellent job under extremely trying circumstances. A lot of more experienced staff would have panicked and started calling staff in. You handled it all very well, utilising the staff available as well as calling in a few favours.’ She paused, seeing Lila’s frown. ‘Gerard Harper, the paediatric consultant, wouldn’t call colleagues in on a nurse’s say-so unless he respected you greatly. Even the surgical resident acted as a teaboy, and it’s all credit to you. Your methods have been a wake-up call, even for a cynic like me.
‘Now, I’m not saying I’m suddenly going to be everyone’s best friend but I can see your point more clearly.’
Lila was blushing to her roots, completely floored by her boss’s flattering comments, but Hester hadn’t finished with her yet.
‘Sister Bailey, am I really that unapproachable?’ When Lila didn’t immediately respond she continued. ‘Why couldn’t you come to me and tell me about your mother? Surely it could have helped? At least if I’d known then I would have understood the pressure you were under, the reason for your lateness…’
Lila shook her head. ‘It wasn’t just you, Hester, I didn’t tell anyone how things were at home.’
‘But why? You’re the one who insists on a friendly atmosphere, comradeship, supporting one’s colleagues.’
‘I know,’ Lila admitted. ‘It just all seemed too big at the time. I realise now it would have been easier all round just to open up a bit.’
Hester nodded thoughtfully. ‘Well, now that we do all know, will you at least come to me if there is a problem?’ She smiled as Lila nodded. ‘And as to the roster, just let me know when the time comes that you need a few days. If we can’t arrange cover perhaps I could do a stint of nights myself. Don’t look so shocked! I don’t turn into a pumpkin at midnight.’
Lila made her way back to her mother’s side in time to feed Elizabeth her evening meal, but despite all her encouragement and cajoling she didn’t manage to get more than a couple of teaspoons into her.
‘Would you like me to have a go?’
Lila smiled at the young nurse. ‘Please, Lorna. I’ve given up on the main course but she won’t even take the custard and she normally enjoys that.’
But even with Lorna’s best attempts, Elizabeth simply wasn’t interested.
‘We might give her a break for now and try her with a fortified drink a bit later,’ Lorna suggested. ‘Let her have a little rest and I’ll come back to her later before I go off. Do you want to give me a hand with her pressure-area care?’
‘Sure.’ The nurses had been marvellous. Aware that Lila was Elizabeth’s primary care-giver, they had included her wherever possible in her mother’s care, never once assuming they knew best.
Once she was changed and settled, Lila gave her mother a fond kiss. ‘I might head off home, catch up on some sleep,’ Lila told Lorna. ‘I’m supposed to be starting back at work tomorrow night.’
‘You know you can pop up any time, even on your break, and sit with her a while.’
Lila nodded. ‘I
know. You’ve all been great.’ Her hand lingered on her mother’s forehead. ‘You will remember to try her with the feed tonight?’
‘I promise.’
Lila flushed. ‘Sorry, I’m interfering again.’
‘Don’t be daft, she’s your mother.’
And though she meant to go, for some reason Lila dragged the chair over again. Holding Elizabeth’s hand, she chatted a while longer, recalling days long since gone, reliving memories of happy times, good times, barely noticing when Lorna flicked the lights off and plunged the ward into semi-darkness.
Happy that Elizabeth was settled for a sleep, Lila groped on the floor for her bag, making sure her keys and mobile were all where they should be. Only after she had kissed her mother goodnight did she look up, just in time to see Yvonne coming out of her office, hurriedly locking the door behind her, a flushed, radiant smile filling her face which could only mean that the footsteps approaching belonged to Declan.
She watched from the shadows as Yvonne turned to greet him, watched from the wings as they made their way out of the ward.
Watched as her life dissolved around her.
*
It was strange, not having her mother at home, not having the evening meal and bath to deal with, the nightly turns.
And for the first time in ages Lila didn’t collapse exhausted in front of the television at nine o’clock.
‘Fancy a glass of wine, Shirley?’ she asked, pulling the cork on a bottle of red.
‘You know, actually I do.’
Shirley hardly ever drank but after the week they’d shared a glass or two seemed more than merited.
‘It’s strange without your mum here, isn’t it, darling? I mean, I know she didn’t talk or anything but…’
‘I was just thinking same thing.’
Tucking her feet under her on the sofa, Lila tried to chatter away with Shirley, and later tried to concentrate on the late night film. Anything other than think what Declan and Yvonne were doing right now.
But red wine and slushy films didn’t mix, at least not when you were lugging about a broken heart.
It was a relief to go to bed and give way to her tears.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘SOMEONE slept well.’ Shirley placed a round of toast and a huge milky mug of coffee on the heavy wooden table. ‘You must have a clear conscience.’
Lila yawned as she pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘More’s the pity. A dose of decadence would suit me fine right now.’ Eyeing the bacon Shirley was lavishly loading onto her toast, Lila laughed. ‘You’re not very good for my figure. At this rate—’
The ringing of the telephone didn’t stall their conversation. Tossing her hair as she grabbed the receiver, Lila made a casual comment about cellulite and answered the telephone with an innocence she was about to lose.
‘What is it?’ Shirley stood there, alerted by the anxious tones in her niece’s voice, the pan raised dangerously in the air, the smell of bacon suddenly making Lila feel nauseous.
‘Mum’s developed a chest infection. They want us to come straight up to the hospital.’
Shirley gave a reassuring smile. ‘There’s a lot of them going around right now. They’ll give her some antibiotics and she’ll be fine. Ted was coughing like an old train…’
‘Shirley.’ There was something in Lila’s voice that stopped Shirley in her tracks. ‘This is serious.’
‘How serious?’
Lila looked at the ceiling, biting her lip as two huge tears splashed onto her cheeks. Her voice was audible but there was a tremor as she spoke. ‘I think this might be it.’
Strange, the things you thought about. As they piled into the car, she leant her face against the car window, watching the world carrying on as normal. The line of people at the tram stop, on their way to work. Mr Cole taking his dog for a walk. Schoolchildren chatting as they ambled along.
The charge nurse had been gentle with her words but the message had been brutal, and Lila was under no misconception that she was going to see her mother for the last time.
How many times had she rung relatives? Told them not to rush, it was pointless having an accident on the way, but to come now nonetheless.
Her instinct was to rush to her mother’s bedside, but the charge nurse was waiting for them. ‘Dr Selles would like to have a word first.’
Lila shook her head. Diagnoses, prognoses, they were all immaterial, the need to see her mother surpassed everything. ‘I want to see my mum now.’
It was the first time she had dug her heels in where her mother was concerned and after a brief pause the charge nurse nodded.
‘I’ll take you to her now.’
Elizabeth didn’t look very different. Her cheeks were flushed, her face wet with perspiration, but apart from that she looked much the same as when Lila had left her last night. Her hair had been brushed and even the usual slick of lipstick was in place, a credit to Lorna who smiled at Lila though her eyes glistened with tears.
‘Shall I take you to speak with the doctor now?’
A gentle hand guided her elbow, helping her the short distance to Yvonne’s office where Ted and Shirley sat in strained silence.
‘I was just explaining to your aunt that Elizabeth has developed serious pneumonia. We’ve taken a lot of bloods and X-rays, and unfortunately it’s very serious.’
Ever the optimist, Shirley broke in quickly. ‘But surely it can be treated. I know that when my Uncle Vince had—’
‘Shirley.’ Lila halted her aunt, her eyes turning to Yvonne as the doctor continued with her grim news.
‘She needs to go on a ventilator,’ Yvonne didn’t blind them with science, didn’t tell them the direness of Elizabeth’s blood-gas results. It would have gone completely over Shirley’s and Ted’s heads and for Lila it was too much to take in. ‘She also needs much stronger antibiotics. That would involve frequent blood tests to check the levels and the antibiotics themselves are not without risks, particularly as Elizabeth does have some renal impairment. But even if we do move her across to ICU and put her on a ventilator—’
‘No.’ It was Lila that interrupted Yvonne this time.
‘No,’ she repeated softly as every eye in the room turned to her. ‘Enough is enough.’
They were the toughest words she had ever uttered, the hardest decision she had ever made, but she knew in her heart it was the right one. Her mother had suffered enough, and to prolong the agony would be cruel.
‘Lila, if you want to get a second opinion I quite understand.’
For a second Lila stiffened. Staring at her hands, she blinked back tears. For that instant she hated Yvonne. It was an alien feeling, one that Lila had never had before. Yvonne, with her soft, lilting voice, her immaculate clothes, seemed to impinge on her life in the most abhorrent way. The two people she loved most in the world were lost to her and Yvonne, however unwittingly, had played a role in each of them. But as Lila looked up at the other woman, she saw her for what she was, not the best friend a girl could wish for but a caring, compassionate doctor nonetheless, who had done her best to save Elizabeth.
Unfortunately it was a war that couldn’t be won—by anyone.
There was nothing to hate.
‘That won’t be necessary.’
Shirley blew her nose loudly. ‘What now, Doctor?’
‘You might want to sit with her, spend some time with her.’
Shirley stood up. ‘Come on, pet, let’s go and see your mum.’
But Lila shook her head. ‘I need to get some air. You go, Shirley. Tell Mum I’ll be along soon.’
The air wasn’t particularly fresh outside Emergency, but she stood there with the smokers, watching the ambulances rush past, watching the hubbub of the hospital as she sipped on a cup of machine-made hot chocolate.
Somehow she needed this time alone, time to prepare herself for whatever lay ahead.
‘Sister Bailey?’
Lila swung around, trying desperately to put a name to the fa
ce that was smiling at her. ‘Jessica?’
‘That’s right. I’m surprised you remember.’
‘Of course I remember. Mind you, you’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you. I take it you’re on your way home?’
Jessica nodded. ‘Mark’s bringing the car around. I was just heading into Casualty to leave these for you.’ Handing a large bunch of flowers to Lila, Jessica blushed. ‘I was going to ask if I could leave these for you for when you came back on duty.’
Lila was touched, deeply touched, and told her so.
‘You helped me a lot that night. I know I was pretty out of it and everything, but, well, I remember how you took the time to listen and tell me to take the help that was offered…’
‘And did you?’
Jessica nodded. ‘I’m having counselling, and they’ve put me on some medication, and I’ll get there. I know that now. Mark’s been wonderful. I did what you said and tried talking to him. I should have done it months ago.’
As Mark pulled up in the car, Lila gave the woman a quick hug. ‘Look after yourself, Jessica.’
So the patients did remember after all. Burying her face in the heady fragrance of the bouquet, Lila tried to summon the strength to head back upstairs.
‘More flowers from your admirers?’
‘If I told you this was only the second bunch I’ve received in eight years, would you believe me?’
Declan laughed. ‘Probably not.’
He looked fresh and bright, not a trace of the night’s excesses marring his complexion. ‘I’ve just been up to ICU to check on little Amy, and guess what? She’s been moved to the kids’ ward.’
She tried to smile. It was great news after all, but right now it was more than she could muster.
‘I need to talk to you, Lila.’ There was an anxious edge to his voice
‘Can it wait?’ She simply wasn’t in the mood, wasn’t up to one of Declan’s let’s-be-friends lectures. Sure, they could be, would be friends, she was confident of that.
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