“How do you know?” He brought the now covered and mushed vegetable to his lips and took a small nibble, scrunched his nose, and set it gently on the plate. Had he expected it to be anything but gross after playing with it as he had?
“How do I know she didn’t know, or how do I know she is impressed by your talent?” I glanced at the porta crib. I still hadn't broken myself of the habit of watching the little guy when he slept. I probably needed to do that before he graduated from high school. I still had time.
“Both,” he said decisively.
“The second answer is because I have heard you, and, as someone who has, I can assure you her observation is correct.” He tilted his head as if unsure whether or not to believe me. “Why would you think otherwise?”
“Ms. Tilly told me to sing lower.”
“And who was Ms. Tilly?” And where could I find her to give her a few words.
“My pre-K teacher...at our Christmas concert.”
Two weeks was not going to be enough time with this young man if he was still holding on to feelings of inadequacy from that many years ago. I added—Teach Eric how to just have fun and Teach Eric to take risks to my list of things we needed to work on the rest of the trip. Engineering felt less and less likely to be one of our accomplishments, and there were no cares I gave about that.
“There were probably other kids who were too shy and sang too softly, and she wanted her parents to hear them.” Or she was possessed by an evil joy-sucking spirit.
“Maybe.” He shrugged as he reached for his glass of milk. “And about Ms. Temple not knowing who my dad was?”
“At dinner last night, she asked me if the boy I worked with had managed to get his father’s permission—in front of your father.” During our not date.
Nope. It was very much not a date.
Even if it felt like one, especially near the end. And even if I had wanted to lean in and get just a tiny kiss good night.
Nope.
Not. A. Date.
Work.
It was all work.
If only it could feel that way.
“She could just be clever.” He, thankfully, interrupted my brain wander, and, frankly, he wasn’t wrong. She was clever. Very, very clever. But it all felt genuinely filled with kindness, so it didn’t concern me in the slightest.
“Who might be clever?” Kylos walked into the room, carrying a drink tray full of cups.
“Ms. Temple. I didn’t know you were coming, Dad. I already ate.” Eric popped up from his chair and slid over another chair for his father, his happiness at seeing the man beaming from him.
“An accurate assessment on Ms. Temple, son.” He set the tray down and began to divvy up the cups. “I snuck out of lunch and thought we might have some milkshakes.” He turned his attention to me. “I brought one for Seth, unsure of whether or not you allowed such things.” Which, in any other circumstances, might have sounded snooty, but with Kylos tearing his straw wrapper to get his own shake, I assumed was more of a courtesy than a judgment.
“I pretty much let him try anything. Although he fell asleep fast today. They had a yoga for toddlers today, and, from the pictures I saw, it was far from yoga, but it sure tuckered him out.”
“I can always get more. I hope you both are enjoying the flavors I chose for you. They had quite an array.”
“I can’t quite place the flavor, Father.” He was right back to mini-adult speak. Baby steps.
“Yours is birthday cake, although the idea that birthday cakes have a specific flavor is peculiar to me.” He sucked a long sip from his straw and scrunched his eyes.
“Brain freeze?” I hated brain freeze, although it never stopped me from indulging in icy goodness.
“Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia is the worst.” Eric patted his father’s back. “Thankfully, it will end quickly.”
“Thank you, Dr. Eric, I will remember that.” He ruffled his son’s hair. “Do you find the birthday cake a good choice of flavors?”
“I am enjoying it, yes. What kind do you have Graysen?”
I took a huge sip and swished it around my mouth. Banana was a part of it—real bananas, too—and chocolate, but there was a nuttiness to it as well.
“Could it be banana and chocolate and possibly almonds?” I asked. Whatever it was, I wanted all of it and was glad I had only managed to eat half my lunch, giving me room in my belly to do so.
“Close. Hazelnuts.” He pointed to the small cup he had brought for Seth. “This one is vanilla. I figured it would be the safest bet.”
“I am sure he will love it. Thank you.” I tucked it in the fridge for after Seth’s nap. We went about drinking our shakes and chatting about our day. It was nice. And comfortable. Almost too comfortable, all of us sitting here like a family. I needed to be careful.
Getting too attached to your charges only leads to heartache. Manny’s manual had said, and he was right. Eric and Kylos were two people I could easily get too attached to. But wasn’t life about connections? Holding myself back to avoid possible hurt felt like an even worse plan.
Why did this all have to be so complicated?
Chapter Thirteen
Kylos
I’d had to slip away early from the luncheon to bring the shakes to Graysen and the others, but Eric’s pleasure made it worth the lapse. The speaker, a man who last contributed to the field in 1976 and loved the sound of his own voice, was already forty-five minutes into talking about potty training—a subject Eric and I were long past.
Shakes had always been a special treat for us, a reward for achievement or celebration. While I did not approve of food rewards in general, I made the exception if they were used only rarely and the child did not get a lot of other empty calories. Usually, the desserts had a dash of protein powder to keep those calories from being so empty, but, unlike our usual go-to healthy shake shop, the ice cream parlor on the open deck near one of the pools only had the regular, extra-delicious kind.
“Dad, this tastes different.” Eric sucked the last of it through the extra-wide straw. “I guess it’s true food tastes better on the ocean.” He glanced guiltily at his plate where I noted veggies remained.
“Some food, but you know the rules.” I waved at the discarded green things, and he flushed.
“If I don’t get all my nutrients, no dessert.”
Graysen covered his grin with a hand. I tried to look severe but smiled myself. “That’s right, son. Be sure to take your vitamins and we’ll call this a fresh start. Broccoli at dinner, right?”
“Yes, sir.”
The manny stood and gathered the dishes and things onto the lunch cart. “Well, it was nice of you to find time for us, but it’s just about time for Eric’s voice lesson.”
“What’s that?” I turned to my son who had an unsure look on his face. “You have voice lessons?”
He shrugged. “Yes.” His voice was so tiny, I was shocked. “If it’s okay with you, sir?”
“Graysen, what is this?” His time for the scheduled activities was rapidly waning.
“Ms. Temple can be very persuasive, as you know,” the manny told me, his smile gone. “And she offered private lessons free of charge this morning after having Eric sing a few of the songs from the musical.”
“If she doesn’t think he’s good enough, why did she insist he participate?” And force me to make changes. I was realizing more and more how much I hated that.
“You and your son think alike; do you know that?” Graysen’s normally calm voice sounded tight, irritated. “Of course, she thinks he’s good enough. She gave him the lead.”
My jaw dropped. “The lead? Eric, you didn’t tell me.”
His lower lip was thrust out. “I didn’t get a chance.”
“So if he has the lead, why the extra lessons?”
Graysen drew in a breath and looked me straight in the eye. “Marilyn Temple does not just give lessons to kids who don’t make the cut. She only nurtures those with a gift.” He cocked hi
s head. “Have you ever heard your child sing?”
The accusation was clear, but this was not a conversation to have in front of Eric. I would not be spoken to by an employee in this way. “Of course I have. Just not lately.” I brushed at imaginary lint on my slacks, gathering my thoughts. “If Seth is sleeping, how will you take Eric to his lessons?”
“He sleeps like a rock. I will put him in the toddler carrier and leave him at the kid’s club to finish his nap while Eric and I are with Ms. Temple.”
“Very efficient. Say, I have already stolen a bit of free time. Would you mind if I tagged along?”
“Dad, you don’t have to.” Eric stood up, nearly tripping in his speed. “I know you’re working. If you don’t want me to take the lessons, I won’t.” He fled across the room and grabbed one of his textbooks. “I can work on engineering this afternoon.”
The room went still around me, and everything disappeared except the child of my heart who I had done this to. In trying so hard to nurture his gifts, I’d somehow done the opposite, shaken his confidence. An image of four-year-old Eric standing at my side at his dad’s funeral flashed through my mind. Both our faces streaked with tears we didn’t shed again. Why? Was that healthy? Before that day, he’d been bubbly and bouncy and sometimes out of control, but after…
After he’d spent every day trying to please me, agreeing with everything I suggested for his life. Had he been trying to make me happy?
To the detriment of his own happiness?
I didn’t know, and this would take thought...but right now, I had Eric and Graysen, who had loaded a sleeping Seth into his toddler carrier while I was lost in thought. The little guy’s head hung forward at an angle that looked uncomfortable to me. Had we had a carrier like that?
I had no idea.
Which was disturbing.
What I said next was very important, but we couldn’t all stand here like statues, so I cleared my throat. “Son, I want you to do whatever you want on this trip. Graysen will pack the books away and accompany you to any and all activities that suit your fancy. We have the rest of the summer to study, but I am beginning to understand this trip offers opportunities I did not foresee.” I tried to think of what other such opportunities might be, fun ones, and only came up with one. “Like...ummm. Ziplining? And I hope you’ll still go to swimming and diving.”
Now the statues were wide-eyed and gape-jawed.
“Son?”
“Dad…”
After more of the long, awkward silence, Graysen bustled forward. “All right. Voice lessons, everyone. Since you’re going, Kylos, why don’t I drop off the little guy and meet you at the lesson, okay?”
He left us alone, with nothing to say, a state that continued until we arrived at Eric’s lesson, a location he had to point out for me. I followed him in to find Ms. Temple tapping her foot impatiently. Another woman about her age sat at a piano. “About time you got here, Eric. If you are not serious about these lessons, we do not have to have them.”
Serious? I was hoping he’d have fun.
But he raced forward and stood looking up at her. “I am so serious, ma’am. I’ve never been seriouser in my life.”
I bit back the grammar correction because the words said one thing, but the sparkle in his eyes said another. “I am afraid I’m to blame, Marilyn. It won’t happen again.”
“Of course not.” She took Eric by the shoulders and steered him toward the piano. “No, Eric’s father, you may go. He will be done in two hours.” She turned away as if I’d already left, dismissed by the queen herself.
So I did leave, and as I emerged onto the deck, Graysen arrived, sans Seth. “What’s going on?”
“My presence was not needed.”
He grinned again, his teeth white and straight with a slightly crooked incisor that gave it charm. “She threw you out, didn’t she?”
“Yes. I guess I could go work on my speech for a while…” We started off side by side, but then he laid his hand on my arm and waved at two empty loungers.
“It’s a beautiful afternoon, sunny and clear. We could sit down right here and wait for Eric to finish?”
Where his fingers touched my bare skin, it tingled. “I can’t remember the last time I spent time sitting doing nothing.”
He shrugged and took a seat, patting the other one invitingly. I just wanted his hand back on my arm. “We won’t be doing nothing. We could discuss Eric’s schedule if you like.”
I sat down and leaned back, arm behind my head, so aware of the omega less than a foot away. “No. He has no schedule for this trip. At least none he doesn’t make himself.”
“He is pretty enthralled with Marilyn and his singing.” Just then a clear voice rang from inside the room, and we both stopped and looked at one another.
“With good reason, it appears.” My son did sing like an angel, and a sense of peace came over me as I sat and listened. When the song ended, I sighed. “How did I miss that talent all this time?”
A waiter approached, and we ordered peach lemonades and settled again.
Graysen took a long sip and set the glass on the table beside him. “I guess you were busy.”
Always busy.
“Graysen, what are you doing for dinner tonight? I have to make a speech, and there is always a seat at my table for a plus one.”
“You want me to be your plus one?” He sounded tentative.
“Sure, why not? We are on vacation after all. Maybe we should all have some fun.”
Chapter Fourteen
Graysen
We had a date—at least that was how it sounded. Plus one. Yeah, that was a date. Or was it business, Kylos needing to fill the seat?
Argggg, why did this all have to be so confusing? And sitting so close to him, his scent tickling my nose, didn’t help one bit. He’d need to get back to his conference, and I’d need to pick up Eric soon enough, but I wasn’t about to rush it.
And from the looks of things, neither was Kylos.
“I don’t want to intrude,” Kylos began with hesitation, which meant he was about to intrude despite his not wanting to.
“It’s fine,” I reassured him, scooting my chair closer to him while squinting so I could put up the facade of getting out of the sun when all I was really doing was trying to soak up some of his warmth. I was a fool.
“Your brother...is he getting out soon?” he asked, averting his gaze. Did he think I was embarrassed by my brother? Pissed? Sure. Embarrassed? No. It wasn’t my life full of craptastic choices that did this, they were his.
“Not soon, no.” And the way he acted, potentially never. “You have no need to fear for Eric.” I assumed that was why he brought it up. I’d been so wrong.
“That thought had not crossed my mind. I was more thinking about Seth and how it might be beneficial for him if he could be adopted instead of just have you as a guardian.”
I inhaled deeply, trying to center myself. “Please explain your thoughts because, right now, it feels like you are suggesting not good things.”
“When we boarded the ship, you got through the identification process very easily with him, true?”
I turned in my seat more to buy me time than to figure out what he was getting at. I couldn’t. “Go on.”
“That was in part to us being VIP. Had you come on with the rest of the passengers, I fear you’re not being his father might be problematic.”
My hand reached out and took his of its own accord, and when he didn’t yank it from me or look the least bit uncomfortable, I took it as a sign that it was fine there—for the moment anyway.
“I looked up how to make that happen,” I confessed. Seth was in his forever home, and I’d wanted there to be no doubt in his mind—ever. But then the legal fee estimates came in, and I’d been forced to put it on the back burner or, more accurately, a burner on another stove in another county altogether “It doesn’t look like a possibility.”
“Surely, they don’t discriminate against single ome
gas when it comes to adoption when they are blood relations.”
They very much did when it came to adoptions as a rule, though, and it did add a layer of cost, something I very much did not want to discuss with him. Instead, I shook my head slightly.
“Money.”
I gave a nod.
“Money has a way of working out.” He made a little popping sound with his mouth, something very unlike the man I’d come to know. But then again, he’d told his overly scheduled child to do whatever activities he wanted, so maybe they were feeding him happy gas in the conference room.
What I failed to tell Kylos was that my brother had been offered the opportunity to sign his rights away when they first discovered Seth and he’d refused. Sam had some stupid-ass idea in his head that having a kid would make the judges look upon him with sympathy. And who knew? They might have, had he not already abandoned the poor guy. So instead of letting his son have the best life her could, Sam held on to him as a fucking bargaining chip, one that was worthless to his cause and would only prove to cause undue pain to the child he brought into this world.
My phone alarm went off. “I apologize, sir. I need to go get Eric.”
“Sir? Unless you are saying that on your knees— Forget I said that. I have a way of losing my senses around you.”
“It’s fine, Kylos.” I took my hand from his, strategically placed my hand over my crotch as I stood up, crossing all things he didn’t see the raging erection I was sporting thanks to a combination of his scent, his touch, and that comment. Was he into some little dominant-submissive action?
It didn’t matter.
He was my boss.
Just my boss.
“I hope he is enjoying his lessons.” I thought about everything gross I could try to get my body under control before leaving the sheltered privacy we’d somehow managed to acquire.
“I was thinking about how much he used to love to sing as a small child.” Kylos’ eyes saddened with each word he spoke, and I found myself sitting beside him once again. “He and his dad used to sing all of the time. At his pre-K Christmas concert, they sang their song. It was about a squirrel looking for a place to hide his treasure, his treasure being his nuts, and he accidentally hides them in the tree that would become Santa’s Christmas tree. My late husband and Eric had always found it hilarious.”
A Bundle of Mannies Page 17
