“That I wouldn’t be happy to have a babe with the omega I love? Or maybe you didn’t believe my feelings for you were real?”
“No. None of those things. Or maybe I don’t know. I thought you had so much already on your plate and we were so new. If you did want a baby with me, you probably didn’t want one so soon.”
Now, we were touching. He gripped my shoulders and gave me a little shake. “Are you on suppressants?”
“No.” I hadn’t needed them for a while. I didn’t get into a lot of relationships with all the moving around, and one-night stands had paled in college.
“And did I ask, at any time before now, whether you were?”
“No. You never did.”
“Then why would you think your being pregnant would be anything but a blessing? I’ve done nothing to stop one, and we’ve certainly done things often enough that it would have the likelihood of resulting in a baby.” His lips curved up. “Sebastian, is there something you’d like to share with me?”
I swallowed hard then smiled back, my stomach settling enough I didn’t think I was going to blow chunks in his lap. “Why yes, Walker. We’re going to have a baby. What do you think?”
Whatever response he’d planned to make was overshadowed by the shriek from the kitchen doorway where Graham stood holding a glass of milk. “Is it true? Am I going to have a dog, a cat, a new daddy, a new house, and a baby brother or sister?”
We burst into laughter, both holding out our arms until he reached us then tumbling backward together onto the couch. Roger and Phoebe watched but at a professional distance. We hugged and rolled and high-fived until we collapsed in giggles then we lay side by side. Though he’d healed, we still had to be a little gentle with him, but we had that down. When we weren’t panting anymore, we talked until it was time to get Graham ready for school and for me to nap and walker to pack. But I felt a little better already, knowing everything was back on track. Our child had two parents, a big brother, a cat, and a dog waiting for him or her to arrive. This would be one loved baby.
Then I ran for the bathroom and threw my guts up. Oh well. Morning sickness would likely pass soon enough. Meanwhile, I just had to live through it. Then I’d have a cuddly baby to love.
Chapter Twenty
Walker
With each passing day, my nervousness grew, and what I’d once been able to keep in check ruled my days. I needed to talk to Sebastian and his doctor about it before no one in the house or at work liked me anymore. Speaking my nightmare out loud was the impossibility, or had been, especially the past few days.
I was going to change that.
Today.
For real.
Once I grew a pair.
“Dad, can we stop at FD on the way to school for some cider?” Graham yanked me from my own brain. Right. It was time for school.
“Favorite Dairy has the best cider.” I ruffled his hair like he was a toddler, overcompensating for the edginess that had been my norm for the past couple of months.
“I want some, too.” Sebastian wandered into the kitchen, still in his scrubs, looking as if he was about to fall asleep standing up. These night shifts were for the birds on a good day, but my mate was growing a human—it was getting to be too much for him—and me.
“I’ll snag you one and leave it in the fridge. You need to sleep.”
“I need to shower. Remember what today is?” he asked pointedly. Crap. Wednesday, aka see the baby day, and I’d been so busy worrying about Sebastian I’d almost missed giving him what he needed—what he’d asked for—me to be with him, holding his hand as we watched our baby on the screen.
We’d talked about having Graham there, and a huge part of me wanted to bring him along, but there was always a chance things weren’t all sunshine and roses, and if so, it would be better not having him sitting there listening to it all.
“Oh yeah. I almost forgot.” I took Graham to school, stopping to get cider and a sour cream donut for Sebastian as well, and, by the time I got back, he was showered and dressed.
“The appointment isn’t until noon.” Why was he ready so soon?
“It is, but I thought we could have a date first.” He reached for the cider. “Maybe breakfast out so you can tell me what’s been up with you the past week?”
“You mean since the night after you told me you were pregnant.” I closed the distance between us, setting the cider on the counter so I could wrap my arms around him. “Can I just hold you a minute?”
“You can hold me forever, you know.” His voice quaked slightly. “But I understand if this is all too much for you.” A bit of my heart cracked as well.
“Oh, honey, so you… Do you think I don’t…? I’m scared, Sebastian. So very scared. I don’t know what I would do if…if…if…” Tears flowed—not just an errant one here or there, but a waterfall of them.
“Shh, love. I’m here, and I’m fine,” he cooed and rubbed circles on my back as I babbled on and on about not being able to lose him and not being strong enough and all the things I kept bottled inside as I tried in vain to hold them in and instead turned into an ornery bastard.
“Instead of a date, I think we need to climb back into bed.” His hand slid down my arm and linked with mine as he led me to our bedroom, pulled down the blankets, helped me undress to my boxers, and then did the same for himself, sliding in behind and wrapping his arm around me.
We lay together for a long time as my tears slowed to a stop.
“I’m sorry,” I finally mumbled as I rolled around to face Sebastian. “At first, I thought it would pass. It was normal after what I’d been through to be scared, you know. But then the nightmares started, and I should’ve talked to you about it.” I set my hand on his growing belly. “You had so much on your plate with the new job and the move and growing our baby, I wanted to make things better for you, and then, yesterday, Graham asked me why I was mad at you both all the time, and it hit me like a brick—by protecting you from my weakness, I was hurting us all. I’m so sorry,”
“I can’t imagine how you feel, and I wouldn’t begin to pretend to. I’ve never lost someone who was the center of my world—I’d never had someone in my life like that, not until you.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “But I can promise you this. Everything I can do to keep our child and myself safe, I am doing. And don’t be too hard on yourself—you were only a shithead for about the past three days.” He winked. Gods I loved him.
“The night…with work and…” I didn’t want to bring up his horrible night, the one where he lost two patients, one of whom was pregnant. It was a completely different scenario from Harrison’s death—their car flying off the road after being T-boned by a drunk driver—but it hit me hard. So hard, the memories of the night barreled back into me.
“I remember.” He settled his hand on mine. “I wished you had talked to me.”
“Same.”
“How about we take a nap, and then, at my appointment, after they show us our beautiful baby, we sit and talk to the doctor about your concerns. Maybe he can give me some extra tests or something to balm your scars.”
“I love you.” I kissed him softly. “Be my little spoon?”
“Nothing little here.” He rolled over and nestled into me, my hand back on his growing middle.
“I love that you aren’t little, that you are growing with my babe. I can’t wait until you are so big you can only waddle to and fro.” I nipped his ear.
“Waddling is so sexy.” He let out a yawn.
“Sleep, love. I will wake you on time,” I promised as he let out another yawn. “I love you.”
“As I love you.”
And this was the very best kind of date after all.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sebastian
I’d waited as patiently as I could for Walker to tell me what made him so edgy, grumpy, and altogether prickly to be around. Usually, if I let him simmer a little, he’d come to me with his worries, but this time, he’d only gott
en more of all those bad things until I’d set up the idea for a little breakfast date so we could sit quietly and talk. I’d give him the opportunity to share, and if he didn’t, I would have to bring it up.
Graham had also noticed his dad’s mood, as I would have expected him to, smart little guy. But the fact he was disturbed enough to call him on it made me wish I had taken the bull by the horns sooner. Still, the result had been satisfying. He’d shared his worries, and I kicked myself for not making the connection. I kept thinking I had offended him in some way and trying to figure it out instead of recognizing someone else’s behavior might be more about them than me.
I never had that worry as a manny—being family seemed to occlude things I’d have recognized before. He loved me. He loved our baby. He’d lost his first partner and nearly Graham as well on a day his psyche would never entirely recover from. How could it? If I lost him or Graham or this baby, they might as well lock me up, drug me heavily, and throw away the key.
But as we spooned in bed, on our snuggle-and-talk date, I had more respect for my alpha. He hadn’t had the option of walking away from the situation because the “situation” had left him in charge of a child with special needs. A child who, until he hired me for the last surgery, he’d cared for almost entirely on his own. I pressed my hand to his where it cupped my swollen belly, and thanked the heavens above for giving me the best dad in the world for this little life. I had no reason to believe anything would happen to me in labor and delivery, but giving birth presented dangers—as a nurse I knew that well. And if those dangers claimed my life, I’d at least know the baby would be raised by Walker.
But as his even breathing warmed the back of my neck, I knew I would not be leaving this family. I’d fight the gods themselves to keep what I’d found here. Walker and Graham and the baby we would be getting a look at in a little while were far too precious to me already. Could Fate be so cruel as to show me paradise and take it away?
I’d go with no.
With all these thoughts warring in my mind, I drifted off, only awakened for my appointment by Walker gently shaking my shoulder. I got up and took another shower to slough off the mood, dressed, and joined him in the car for the ride to the doctor.
Thank heavens he seemed much better, at least, although I was a little less at ease than I’d been. As if we now each carried half the worry. But we talked about other things while he piloted the car to the doctor’s office and parked and, despite our nap, still arrived fifteen minutes early. The waiting room was empty, and, to my astonishment, we were ushered right into the very cushy ultrasound room.
It was furnished more like a family room, with couches, low tables, and no sign of any equipment until we were settled and the tech came in, trundling everything on a steel table of several levels topped with a small monitor. “Hello!” she chirped. “How are we today?”
I hated when medical people used we in such a manner, but she wore such a friendly smile, I gave her a pass and lay back on one of the sofas at her request. Five minutes of fussing around later, my shirt was unbuttoned and opened wide, my belly gleaming with gel.
“It’s way better since we’ve had the warmers, don’t you think?” Hailey, the ultrasound tech went on. “Used to be, my patients ended up shivering sometimes. Do we want to know the sex?”
I don’t know, Hailey…since we are all deciding together?
“Yes,” Walker told her, not seeming to react to her overt perkiness. “We want to know.”
“Fine, let’s see what we can do, then.” She moved her transducer over my skin, hemming and hawing for a moment, studying her monitor, then gave a sharp nod. “Now, watch the TV”—she pointed to a seventy inch or so model on the wall opposite the sofa—“and in just a minute we’ll see…there…no…there…yes! There, gentlemen is your very cutie baby.”
Walker, who sat in an upholstered chair beside me, reached for my hand and interlaced our fingers as the screen came alive with the black-and-white view of our baby in her home. I knew before Hailey announced it, but Walker didn’t seem to.
“Well? Does our Graham have a brother or sister?”
Our. Graham. This news, his considering the little guy mine as well, surpassed the gender reveal, although part of my mind was already flipping through websites and shopping for the nursery. Not pink because we didn’t want to pigeonhole her, but a rainbow of bright colors. Sure, I’d probably have liked it either way but, for some reason, waited to make any concrete decorating choices until I knew if it was a boy or a girl.
Made no sense, but I guess it went back to when pink and blue constituted the only choices.
“Did you hear, Sebastian?” Walked tugged his hand free and stood, moved to the TV and pointed. “It’s a girl! A sweet little girl. Graham will be an amazing big brother.” He addressed Hailey. “Our son”—keep saying that, my love—“was just telling me this morning he was hoping for a sister. He’s going to be thrilled.”
“Great!” Hailey continued to run the device over me. “And, uh, how does he feel about a brother as well?”
I might have blacked out a little, but when I focused again, nothing had changed. Well, one thing. Walker had returned to my side and was peppering my face with kisses, murmuring his joy into my earl.
Twins…well, how interesting.
We might need a manny.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Walker
“High-risk is a broad term meaning nothing…not really.” The nurse who’d been far too fake perky the entire time had taken a much more serious tone.
“Are you all right, love?” Sebastian’s hands came up and held my face gently. Worry riddled his eyes.
“What?” Everything had been fine and dandy until the nurse tried to skip out with an And by the way, your mate’s in some serious shit with these two babies, so you better make an appointment with the high-risk doctor on the way out. Fine, she might not have worded it quite like that, but it sure felt like it.
“Walker, I’m fine. The babies? They are perfect. This is routine. Simply routine.” How was he so freaking calm? How?
“If it was fine, we’d be seeing Dr. Johnah in a few seconds, not needing a specialist. Specialists equal danger.” My irrationality became clear. I was officially a hot mess.
He enveloped me in his arms, whispering all was well as little miss perky pants apologized repeatedly, and, by the time we left the little room, she had somehow managed to have us move straight into an exam room where both Dr. Johnah and the high-risk doctor, Dr Zaire, were already waiting. Apparently, I had turned an interesting shade of yellow.
“I’m Dr. Zaire, and I understand there might be some apprehension in the room. Gotta be honest, I get that a lot.” He half shrugged. “My title pretty much sucks monkey balls.”
I had to give it to him. His bedside manner already had the tension lessoning somewhat.
“My brother and practice business partner forgets he is supposed to be a professional.” Sebastian and I looked back and forth between them. “I took my husband’s name,” he answered the unspoken question.
“What fun is that?” He rolled his eyes at his brother. “So, Dad, the ultrasound tech said you had a panic attack when she told you to make an appointment with me?”
I nodded, not sure I’d quite have described it the same way, but since Sebastian hadn’t let more than an inch come between us since then, it probably wasn’t too far off.
“What is it you are specifically freaked out about?”
And I found myself telling him everything about that night. Tears flowed, not just mine, and by the time I’d finished speaking, I somehow felt better.
“Understandably, this is stressful for you. How could it not be?” Dr. Zaire gave my hand a squeeze. “Let me assure you twins just regularly come to me, so I have something to do and am not being a freeloader in my brother’s practice. Nothing I see looks anything less than perfect on this chart, and if you prefer my boring brother to go along with your boring pregnancy,
I won’t have hurt feelings. I might be able to get a few extra rounds of golf out of it.”
In the end, we decided to stick with Dr. Zaire as primary while still keeping Johnah as our secondary. After all, you never knew when a baby was coming—or two—and it might very well be during a doctor’s game of golf. Honestly, I kind of didn’t hate Dr. Zaire’s weird bedside manner, and it absolutely amused my mate. When all was said and done, he promised if anything wasn’t one thousand percent perfect, he’d let us know, and something about him had me believing him at his words.
After we were both home, I allowed myself to fully soak in the news.
“We need to fix the nursery plan a bit,” I teased as we walked past the room we’d dubbed “the nursery,” yet hadn’t done a thing with.
“I was worried about you.” His arms came around me as we reached the threshold to our bedroom. “You know it goes both ways. If you have a heart attack due to your constant worrying, then I’m going to be really pissed.” Sebastian nipped my chin.
“It all came back to me, you know.” I sank into his embrace. “And then I didn’t want to—I’ll try harder to not worry, and when that fails, I will work extra hard at not bottling it in. Deal?”
“Deal.” His lips caressed mine briefly. “Graham won’t be done with school for a bit. How about I take a quick shower and then we grab lunch?”
“I’d try to join you, but we’d miss lunch.” His rumbling stomach only fortified my resolve.
“I’ll be quick,” he promised.
I waited until the door clicked closed to grab the ring box sitting in my dresser. I kept waiting for the right time—the perfect time to pull out all the romantic stops and give him the ring with the promise I’d give him my forever.
I couldn’t blame it on nerves either. He’s already told Graham he wanted to marry me, this was a formality for all intents and purposes. I still wanted everything perfect.
A Bundle of Mannies Page 63
