With a sad smile, Matilda reached forward and ran her fingers through Jackson’s hair. He didn’t stop playing with the toy, enraptured by the simple device. He didn’t notice the way her eyes teared up nor the way she blinked them away. She had no business crying. So, she was an unmarriageable spinster. So what? There were worst possibilities out there and at least she wasn’t completely outcast from society.
“Jackson, sweetheart?” He ignored her and it made her smile. Like his mother, once he was focused on something, he gave it all his attention. “Would you like to go look for mommy?”
“Mommy?”
“Mhm.” She rose and reached a hand out to him, which he took gladly. “She must be somewhere in the manor.”
Matilda knew exactly where she was. About an hour ago, she’d announced her intentions to bake treats, a lovely hobby of hers. While Matilda preferred garden work, Elizabeth always found her way to the kitchen to make baked treats for everyone in the manor.
She wanted her sister’s company. Maybe seeing her face would make her remember why she’d spurned the Duke’s advances at the last ball. She hadn’t heard from or seen him in a few days, even though he made it seem like he didn’t plan to back off, so it must have worked. She shouldn’t be disappointed, but she was.
“There’s no need to follow us,” she told her maid and Jackson’s governess when they fell into step behind her. She smiled. “We’re only going to the kitchen. You can stay here until we get back.”
“Yes, Miss,” they said in unison, offering their own little smiles in return.
Jackson was a quiet little gentleman as they roamed the manor. With his tiny little steps, it took them a little while to make it down the stairs. Her father, she assumed, was in his study and since Elizabeth had plans to stay in, Matilda didn’t have much to do. She cherished the few times she got to spend with Jackson, however.
“My, what a sight for sore eyes.”
Matilda froze. Jackson whirled at the unfamiliar voice, a voice she was fast growing to love. It couldn’t be…
His footsteps neared and then, finally, he appeared before her. As if he were a breath of fresh air, Matilda drew in a sharp breath, battling suddenly with the urge to smile and the urge to frown. “Another meeting?” she asked, glancing behind her.
“Quite so,” he said with a nod. Though he didn’t smile, Matilda could see the pleasure in his eyes. “But I was hoping to see you again, Miss Jones.”
“How odd. My father seems to be making a habit of letting you roam the manor however you see fit.”
“I snuck away,” Timothy said. This time, his smile came forth and it was as wicked as sin. “I told him I was feeling a little lightheaded and would like some fresh air. I fear he might think my constitution is rather weak now.”
“That is likely, yes. Well, let me not keep you.” She gave him a nod of farewell, but he didn’t let her pass.
“Is this Jackson?” To her alarm, Timothy stooped to meet Jackson at eye level. “Hello, sir,” he greeted warmly.
Jackson was a very energetic child, but when in the presence of strangers, he drew into his shell. Jackson was no different. Matilda wasn’t surprised when he pressed himself closer to her side. “He doesn’t like strangers,” she told him.
“Quite understandable. He’ll warm up to me soon enough.”
“Your Grace, you shouldn’t be here. Please go back to where you should be.”
“I’d rather be here with you.”
Matilda drew in a sharp breath and, without thinking, she put a hand over Jackson’s ear and pressed him close to her side. She looked around to see if anyone heard, then looked back at him. “Do you not remember what I said the last time I saw you?”
“I remember,” he said with a nod. “And I also remember stating my intentions to court you. Did you forget that?”
“Of course, I did not. How could I forget the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard?”
“Ridiculous? You think wanting to court you is ridiculous, Matilda?”
She drew her lips back at the use of her given name, annoyed by the pleasure she felt at the sound of it. “Yes, quite! You’ll gain nothing but bad gossip if you associate yourself with me.”
“I don’t care much about that.”
“You should.” She didn’t want to be near him anymore. She knew the risks. She knew there wasn’t much she could do to contain her need whenever he was around.
“Matilda, can’t we—” He stepped closer. Matilda didn’t know what he had planned to do, but she knew that whatever it was, she would be powerless toward it. However, before he got the chance to finish his sentence, Jackson wrenched his hand from hers and scampered away.
“Jackson!” she called after him, but he didn’t stop.
“I think that was my fault,” Timothy said behind her.
She whirled on him, glaring. She couldn’t say the words that were truly on her mind, but she spoke them with her eyes and he took a withering step back. Matilda didn’t wait to hear what he would say. She hurried in the direction Jackson left in, picking her skirt off the ground.
Jackson was a quick child, but Matilda knew his patterns. Whenever he was scared or upset, there was one place he liked to go – squeezing himself into the small storage space under the stairs. Matilda figured he must have found it when watching one of the servants stop by.
As they neared the tiny storage space, Matilda slowed to a halt. Timothy wasn’t so lucky. He stopped a little too late and before she knew it, his body was colliding into hers, sending her careening to the floor. Matilda closed her eyes, bracing for the impact of her nose against the hard surface, but it never came. Instead, a hand was clamped around her upper arm and she was being jerked back to a stand.
Her breath whooshed out of her lungs the moment she slammed into his chest.
“Are you all right?” Timothy whispered down to her.
She was completely in his arms, hands against his chest. Slowly, Matilda lifted her gaze to meet his. Those sparkling blue eyes shone back at her with concern and something else she knew all too well. That something else swirled within her too, banishing any sane thought she had.
Matilda opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She could only stare at him, knowing she should pull away but wanting to stay in his arms forever. At any moment, someone may round the corner and see them. They simply could not be caught holding each other like this.
So why couldn’t she find the strength to let go?
Instead, her fingers gripped his tunic lightly and the passion in his eyes deepened at the slight movement.
I shouldn’t do this.
She knew what her own eyes were saying to him, that she wanted him to kiss her. Matilda tried to hide it. She tried tucking the feeling away. It only grew.
I should step away.
This time, when he ducked his head, Matilda was ready for him. She was eager and waiting, and she met his lips with as much urgency. It wasn’t like the kiss they’d shared in the gardens. That kiss had been tentative and new, exploring each other without wanting to be invasive. This kiss was pure heat. This kiss had her wanting to throw everything she believed in away and focus on a future with Timothy.
I should stop this before it goes any further.
“Timothy…” she murmured against his lips. He only groaned in response, pressing his body closer to hers, spreading his hands against her back. Without a moment of hesitation, Matilda wrapped one arm around his neck, the other trapped between their bodies, laying on his chest.
I can’t stop this. I can’t resist him any longer.
“Matilda?” Both Matilda and Timothy broke the kiss at the sound of Elizabeth’s voice, staring wide-eyed at each other.
“Oh, goodness.” Matilda pulled away from him, frantically smoothing down her hair. Elizabeth would see it. She would know the moment she turned the corner that something had been going on here. Matilda quickly tried thinking of some way she could diffuse the electricity in the a
ir, but her time was out. Elizabeth rounded the corner, holding a slice of pie in her hand.
“Oh, Your Grace!” Her eyes went wide with surprise the moment they landed on Timothy, who had taken a few steps away from Matilda. “What brings you by? And what are you doing around here?”
“I was helping Miss Jones search for Jackson,” he said, his voice calm. “I feared I might have chased him away.”
That’s right! Jackson!
Guilt surged in her when she remembered the reason they were around here in the first place. She casted it aside, giving Elizabeth the best slightly-worried look she could conjure. “I think he might have gone to his special hiding place.”
“Oh, that dusty little place?” Elizabeth drew nearer. She kept looking from Matilda to Timothy and back, clearly noting that something was off. “I simply hate when he goes in there. Oh, Your Grace, I’m sorry you have to hear all this.”
“No, it’s my fault he ran off in the first place,” Timothy said. “I think he might be afraid of me.”
Elizabeth only nodded slightly, her usual smile absent. She didn’t bother to hide the curiosity in her stare either. Matilda, desperate to diffuse the situation, whirled on her heels and made her way to the cramped storage space. “Jackson?” she called. “Are you in there?”
There was a small wait before she heard the feeble, “Yes,” behind the doors. Matilda opened the storage and said, “Come out now.”
Jackson didn’t move straightaway. He peeped his head out, eyes darting from side to side, looking for Timothy. When he didn’t see Timothy by her side, he crept all the way out. The relief in his eyes didn’t last long when he spotted Timothy a short distance away but Matilda already shut the door so he wouldn’t go back in. “Come now,” she said as he pressed himself to her leg. “He won’t hurt you.”
“I should take my leave now,” Timothy spoke up. “Your father may start looking for me if I take too long. It was nice seeing you both.”
With that, he left. Matilda didn’t trust herself to watch him go. She focused on Jackson, watching the way the child stared after him with distrustful eyes.
“Don’t worry,” Elizabeth said. “I won’t tell Father what happened here. He’ll be none the wiser.”
Matilda’s head shot up to look at her. Elizabeth was wearing her knowing smile, the one that never failed to make Matilda shiver. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure. But I do find it rather odd to have a gentleman in our manor with such comfort and ease.”
“He plans to partner with Father. He will be here often.”
“And around lonely corners with the Viscount’s eldest daughter?”
Matilda willed the blush to stay away. “He was helping me look for Jackson. He felt sorry for making him run off like that.”
“All right.” Elizabeth’s voice was chipper, misleading. She turned and began walking back the way she came, Matilda and Jackson right behind her. “Where’s Miss West?”
“She is somewhere around,” Matilda said. “I told her I didn’t need her since we were heading to the kitchens to find you.”
“Fine.” Elizabeth didn’t say anything else until they were halfway to Jackson’s room. “Just know I’m always here.”
Matilda didn’t know how to interpret that, so she didn’t bother to. There were too many other things she had to focus on, like the fact that she knew all too well what she’d been trying to ignore before. There was no staying away from Timothy, no matter how much she knew she had to.
Even if my head knows to keep away from him, my body doesn’t seem to want to listen.
Chapter 16
Lady Roburg had been a beautiful lady in her prime. Much like Elizabeth, she was always the belle of the ball, a vision in her gowns as she was pursued by many gentlemen. But she fell in love with a young, robust Viscount and bore him two daughters. Through it all, she maintained her figure and her fresh beauty aged marvelously. Matilda only had to look at her mother now to remember the beauty she had been back then, from the many paintings her father had adorned the hallways with.
Now, as she stared at her, she realized what was different. She was older, yes. Much more distinguished. But the young Lady Roburg had a sunny demeanor that brightened every room she walked into. She was inquisitive and observant, noting when something was wrong the moment she laid eyes on someone. She had been Matilda’s favorite confidante and, because of that, Matilda didn’t care that she didn’t have many friends. Her mother was all she needed.
Her mother was gone. She was present in the physical sense, standing before her. Dressed impeccably with her expensive pearls draped around her neck. She was ready for the ball, standing off to the side of the foyer as everyone else gathered together. She went about life as if nothing was wrong, as if she hadn’t lost the light within her.
Matilda didn’t say anything to her. It didn’t make any sense to. She would only respond in a monotonous manner, and if she was lucky enough to have her look at her, her eyes would go straight through. There was no use trying to bring her mother back to the present because she didn’t want to come back.
Matilda knew nothing of the workings of the mind, but she always thought to herself that her mother had trapped her mind in the past, when her daughters were happy and there wasn’t the constant reminder of that tragic occurrence running around the house in the form of a young child.
Matilda slowly directed her gaze to Jackson. He was standing by the door, holding hands with his governess. He was staring at Louisa. She was a stranger to him that wasn’t truly a stranger, a woman he knew resided in the house but never truly interacted with. Jackson always gave her the same look, the open stare of a child who knew something was off, but didn’t know what it was.
“Are we all ready?”
Matilda wrenched her eyes away from the scene and looked at her father. Of everyone in the manor, her father was the only one she could not figure out.
Elizabeth ignored her mother. Matilda thought it was her way of coming to terms with what happened, even though she knew that deep down, Elizabeth blamed herself. Matilda, on the other hand, spoke to her whenever she could, keeping her up to date with the things happening in her life. She hoped doing so would allow her to remember the good days and come back to herself.
Her father, however, was an entirely different story – or rather, a mixture of both. When everyone was together, it was as if her mother didn’t exist. He didn’t so much as look in her direction, something Elizabeth failed to do herself. But when they were the only two around, Matilda often caught her father blabbing to her mother, going on and on about things like the memories of the past. He spoke to her as if nothing was wrong, even laughing when she replied with something simple such as, “How lovely.”
Matilda still couldn’t understand him, but she gave it no further thought when her sister began descending the stairs.
“Oh, sweet heavens!” Her father exclaimed. “Isn’t she lovely, Matilda?”
“The loveliest lady I’ve ever had the courtesy of seeing,” she agreed with a smile.
Elizabeth fanned them off, blushing. “Oh, stop it. I don’t look any different than I would during the previous balls.”
“Which should show you how lovely you always look, my dear,” her father gushed. “I fear I’ll have to stand my ground tonight or gentlemen will be storming each other to get to you.”
“Father, if you keep this up, I might become permanently red.”
“And I just might faint from the sickly sweetness of your words. Elizabeth, how do you manage?”
“Don’t answer that, Elizabeth dearest,” the Viscount cut in. “It makes no sense to respond to words born from jealousy.”
“Jealous? I think not.”
“Would you like me to say you’re lovely too, my dear Matilda?” he pinched her cheeks, a habit he had that was once cute but now served to annoy her. “You are lovely too, my dear.”
“How kind of you to say.” She offered him a sarcas
tic smile, to which he tipped his head backwards and barked out a laugh.
“Kindness is one of my strongest virtues,” the Viscount stated cheerily. “Now, shall we?”
Matilda wasn’t surprised to see him ignore her mother who fell into step with them as they left the house. Elizabeth paused to talk to Jackson, giving him a kiss on his forehead before leaving. Matilda didn’t have to look to see Elizabeth tuck the pain on her face away whenever she left Jackson behind. Will she manage when the time came?
The carriage ride to the Loneston Manor was a slow and silent one. Everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. At least, that was what she thought. Her own thoughts were captured by a dashing young Duke, with a face that could make any lady fall for him, and a smile that inspired forgiveness no matter what he did.
The Scandalous Secret 0f The Tempting Duchess (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 12
