She didn’t respond. Truthfully, she couldn’t think of a single thing to say to that so she said nothing. She only smiled.
“I must say, Matilda,” Timothy went on. She looked anxiously over his shoulder, hearing voices that were too far away to see them but could come closer at any second. “When I saw you dancing with Lord Ghutiel, I grew incredibly jealous.”
“Jealousy is not a good trait to have, Timothy,” she teased, though her heart leaped.
“You’re right. But seeing you with another lord gives me no choice. I wish I were the one dancing with you. All night if I could.”
“Until our feet hurt?”
“Until our feet hurt! Will you save me a dance?”
“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully, giving him pause. “I might be a little busy dancing with Lord Ghutiel again.”
“Oh, Miss Jones, you wound me.” Matilda chuckled when Timothy clutched his heart in mock pain. “Have you no heart?”
“Ah, you must understand, Timothy. I am quite popular. Didn’t you know that?”
“I knew,” he played along. “But I was hoping to have you all to myself.”
Though they were only joking around, Matilda’s heart thudded. She knew she shouldn’t take those words to heart. She would only get hurt when he undoubtedly remembered who she was and returned to his own place in life. But for now, it was easy falling for his smooth words and easy smile.
A shiver ran down her spine suddenly. She looked over her shoulder. “I think we should leave now,” she said again.
Timothy noted the seriousness in her voice. “What is it?”
“I don’t know. Ever since I was in the ballroom, I had the distinct feeling that someone was watching me.”
“It’s a ball, Matilda. There is a chance that any one of the guests may be watching you.”
He was right about that, yet still … “We should leave. I desperately hope there isn’t someone observing us right now.”
“You’re right. That wouldn’t spell well for you.”
Matilda paused in the process of walking away to look back at him. “For me? Your reputation is the one at stake. Meeting in secret with the lady who bore a son for an unknown man is sure to make the ton drag your name through the mud.”
“I don’t care about my reputation, Matilda,” he said strongly.
Matilda faced him fully this time. “Why?” she asked. It was near unfathomable to her. They lived in a society where social etiquette ruled supreme. It could tear someone down as well as build them up. She had been affected by it directly and she loathed to imagine what it might have done to Elizabeth. Her sweet soul would have been broken by it.
“If you spend all your life caring about what others think, you’re never going to be happy.”
“I don’t spend all my life caring about what others think about me,” she shot back. Noting her tense tone, Matilda pulled her shoulders back and began again “I just know how ruthless people can be.”
“That doesn’t mean I should always aim to be perfect before those ruthless people. And neither should you.”
“You seem to know a lot about what is best for me.”
“I’m only offering my advice to you.”
“I do not need your advice, Your Grace.” She caught his wince when she went back to their formal addresses. “I would also like to let you know that someone who speaks like this doesn’t do it for no reason at all.”
“I know you’ve had your problems before—”
“Problems?” Matilda blinked once at him, slowly. “As far as I know, the root of all this was my bearing a child. Are you saying my child is a problem?”
“No! Absolutely not!”
“Then what are you saying, Your Grace?”
Timothy’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. She waited patiently for him to smoothly talk himself out of this one, wanting to forgive him as quickly as she got mad at him, but he only let loose a heavy sigh. “It seems I have upset you.”
“Yes,” she stated bluntly. “You have. But I am happy to know your thoughts about my child before this went any further.”
“Matilda, please—”
Matilda didn’t give him the chance to respond. She whirled and left, knowing he wasn’t following behind her. He knew better than to do something as foolish as that, though she could admit to herself that it would have been nice to have him run after her.
In fact, there were a lot of things that would have been nice. It would have been nice to find a husband, to have a family of her own. To move away from her father’s manor and into her husband’s where she would bear him a son and a daughter, a boy to raise into a great gentleman and a daughter to have as a best friend.
At the very least, it would have been nice to enjoy her time with Timothy a little more before cold harsh reality washed over her once more. Before he showed what he truly felt about her status as not only a spinster, but a mother. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t true. He didn’t know that. As far as he was concerned, the rumors were true. Which meant that was really how he felt about her.
Chapter 18
Did I overreact?
Matilda shook the question away, coming to a stop at her parent’s side. She wasn’t surprised to see Elizabeth off dancing with another lord. In fact, she was relieved by it. She didn’t want Elizabeth taking one look at her and noticed something was off.
Her father didn’t notice her return. He was so invested in the conversation he was having that she wondered if he even noticed that she disappeared. It would come as no surprise to her either if he told her he thought she had been here all this time.
What did surprise her was her mother. As Matilda settled by her side, trying to pretend that everything was normal, she felt her mother’s heavy gaze on her. It unnerved her at first, since Lady Roburg looked at no one unless they spoke directly to her – and even then she barely saw them. But her mother was staring directly at her, wearing a tiny frown.
“Mother?” Matilda came closer, bring her voice down to a whisper.
“Where were you?” her mother asked. Her voice was rough, as if she hadn’t spoken in a long while. Matilda could only blink at her, unbelieving.
“Mother, you … what did you ask me?”
“I asked you where you were.” Like Matilda, her mother brought her own voice to a whisper. Matilda had to stare at her lips to decipher what she was saying.
“You never cared about that before. Why do you care now?” She couldn’t allow herself to get her hopes up. “Mother, are you finally feeling all right now?”
Slowly, Lady Roburg dragged her eyes away. She stared at nothing for so long that Matilda feared she might have sent her back into that state. “You are avoiding the question,” she said finally.
“I’m … I’m not avoiding the question. I’m in shock. I haven’t heard you speak to me like this in such a long time that I …”
Lady Roburg said nothing. Matilda blinked away the tears that pricked her eyes. “I went into the open courtyard by the ballroom,” she said honestly. Her mother was one person she’d never lied to and she didn’t plan to start now. “I was meeting with someone. With the Duke of Brentminster.”
Her mother’s head whipped around, her eyes as wide as saucers. “The Duke?”
“Yes. Mother, no!” Without thinking, she grasped her mother’s hand, forcing her to look up at her. “The Duke of Brentminster, Mother. The gentleman who ran into me on our return from the port. The gentleman who was constantly bumping into me as well. You do remember him, don’t you?”
Matilda couldn’t stop herself from speaking. Her mother’s hand was shaking, her mouth slightly parted. Matilda could feel the stress radiating from her. “He’s the handsome gentleman I was telling you about. The one who makes me feel things that I know I have no business feeling.”
Her mother’s shaking hand grew more intense and her breathing became shallow. Matilda struggled to remain calm, backtracking into a safe place. “He
’s Father’s business partner,” she said suddenly. “Potential business partner, that is. He has been to the manor a few times to have discussions with Father. Perhaps you’ve seen him. He is tall with dark hair. Eyes like diamonds?”
Before Matilda could berate herself for her odd description, her mother’s shaking hand slowed to a still. Slowly, she straightened her spine and her eyes became steady once more. Matilda held her breath. She was calmer now, but did that mean she would become the shell she had been before?
“That’s good, dear,” she said, before sliding her gaze away. Matilda released the breath. It was just as she feared.
She couldn’t be completely upset, however. Her mother had recognized her. She had come into the present long enough to notice that she left and ask her about her whereabouts. It didn’t matter all that much that Lady Roburg had reacted strongly to the information, something she’d never done before. Matilda could only think that things might be looking up for them soon.
Odd, seeing that right now, it felt like everything was being thrown into chaos.
* * *
A few days passed since the last ball. Matilda chose not to attend another. In fact, she told Elizabeth that unless she was expressly needed, she didn’t plan to attend any other ball for the rest of the Season, much to Elizabeth’s dismay. She got over it quickly however, since Matilda promised to help her convince their father that, if she were to receive a marriage proposal from the Marquess of Berliey, he should disregard any other he received and accept that one instead.
Throughout those few days, Matilda didn’t hear nor see Timothy. She found herself looking out for him, passing by her father’s parlor and study an inordinate amount of times in the hopes of seeing him, but, as far as she could tell, he wasn’t present. Did that mean their business relations fell through?
Did that mean she wouldn’t see him again?
Matilda told herself not to care, but it was easier said than done. She stuck herself to her mother’s side in an effort to keep from lamenting about the Duke, but that didn’t help much either. Her mother only served as a constant reminder of what had happened at the last ball they attended. The way she had reacted had been terrifying, but Matilda didn’t tell anyone else about it. She doubted anyone else would know what to do. They would only continue to block her out as they had been doing all this time.
Her mother hadn’t come back to her since then. If anything, she grew even more reserved, not bothering to respond to Matilda at all when she spoke. Matilda didn’t let it bother her. She’d gone this long with her mother in this state, after all.
“Miss Jones.”
Matilda looked up at the butler standing by the entrance of the drawing room. She set the book she had been reading aside. “Yes?”
“You have a caller.”
Her heart shot into her throat. Matilda didn’t have to ask to know who it was, but she did nonetheless. “Is it the Duke of Brentminster?”
“Yes, Miss Jones.”
Matilda looked at her mother. She was still staring at the window. Swallowing discreetly, trying to keep the excitement off her face, she said to the butler, “You may show him in.”
He nodded and went off to fetch the Duke. Matilda took the time to smooth any potential unruly curls down and quickly pinched her cheeks. “Mother, do I look proper?”
“That’s nice, Matilda.”
Matilda stared at her. The response didn’t match her question, but she said her name. She had never done that before.
She didn’t get the chance to ponder on that any longer when Timothy came strolling in. His face lit up with pleasure the moment he saw her rise to greet him, but then melted into repentance a moment after.
“Your Grace,” she said. “What brings you by today? I assume it isn’t to speak to me about my father?”
“No, that isn’t the case, Miss Jones.” Before he went any further, he turned and said to Lady Roburg, “Good day, Lady Roburg.”
Her mother only hummed. Another odd response she’d never heard from her before.
Timothy returned his attention to her. “I don’t plan to stay long. I know you are still upset with me and it has been tearing into me these past few days. I simply couldn’t allow another day to pass like this.”
“Your Grace.” Matilda’s voice was low and curt. “If anyone were to hear you, they’d think we were courting. Or even married.”
“My apologies.” She blinked at that. Was he apologizing for being improper? “I should have known beforehand that any misstep I make will reflect badly on the lady in my presence. I apologize for believing otherwise before.”
“Apology accepted, Your Grace. Is that all?”
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. Then he held something out to her, a small box she hadn’t seen him holding. Matilda only looked at him. She knew it was the Christmas season, but exchanging gifts when they were neither related nor married was… “You don’t have to tell anyone about it,” he went on. “It can be our little secret.”
Matilda slowly looked over at her mother. She hadn’t so much as turned her head. She looked back at the box.
She was tempted to take it. Heaven knew she wanted to know what he thought would be a great gift to give her as an apology. Her hand even twitched, eager to accept.
Everyone always told her that she was the least ladylike lady they knew. She always spoke what was on her mind and cared little for frivolities she thought made no sense. Matilda had grown since then, but what was one gift between friends? No one would know about it, as he said.
Without a word, she took it from his hand. The quick smile of relief he shared made her heart melt a little more. She hated how much she wanted his lips on hers though she was angry with him. “Thank you, Your Grace. Now, if that is all?”
“It is,” he said quickly. “Thank you for seeing me. I hope you enjoy the gift.”
She gave him a tiny smile in response before she called the butler. He appeared a few moments later and kindly escorted Timothy out. Matilda struggled not to look at him as he left.
“I wonder what it is, Mother,” she said once they were finally alone again. “I cannot fathom what he thought would be a good gift for me.”
She could hardly contain her excitement either and before she knew it, Matilda was opening the box. The gem that shone back at her had the smile falling away. A brilliant blue that reminded her of his eyes, hanging from a delicate chain adorned with crystals. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry she’d ever seen.
And underneath it was a slip of paper. Matilda pulled it free to read.
To the lady who stood in the face of the society that shunned her.
Matilda read it again. Then again. Then a few more times until the words were engrained in her heart. And right that moment, she heard the excited squeal of the child everyone thought to be her own, followed by the laugh of the sister she swore to protect.
Who stood in the face of the society that shunned her?
That was right. She did stand in the face of that society and pride filled her at the thought.
Chapter 19
There were a few things Jonathan never thought he would have to do in his lifetime. Taking a carriage to the slums was one of them. He was a Viscount, only suited for the life of a high born. He had never once set foot in a place like this, but changing times like these called for such oddities.
It all started when that lady came back to London. Jonathan had heard of the family’s departure, not caring much about them at the time. He remembered thinking that perhaps that was the best thing they could do with a scandal such as that looming over the eldest daughter. And when they came back, he still didn’t care. Miss Matilda Jones was still Miss Matilda Jones, the lady they all knew to be the mother of a child who had no father, born out of wedlock. She had been nothing but a story to him, something to gossip about when other matters grew boring.
Now, she is the rift in my plans.
The thought of her had anger ign
iting in his veins. Jonathan stretched his legs out before him, wanting badly to pace the way he usually would when he was angry, but knowing better than to step out into a street like this. They would smell the money on him and come hunting him one by one. He didn’t even know how long he’d be able to last in this carriage.
Where is he?
Unwittingly, the anger was now aimed at someone else, the reason he was in a place like this. To ensure complete invisibility under the watchful eyes of the ton, Jonathan had suggested meeting there but he didn’t think he’d have to wait this long. He folded his arms, tapped his finger on his arm in impatience.
The Scandalous Secret 0f The Tempting Duchess (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 14
