“Not for a damn minute,” Elijah growled. Sawyer saw the fire light in his eyes.
He really did understand, she realized.
“That’s one difference between me and you, Sawyer,” Elijah finally said. “I don’t regret it. Any of it.”
“Excuse me?” Sawyer snorted. “I don’t regret anything-”
“You regret every minute of everything you ever did as Shadow,” Elijah cut her off. “It’s in the slump of your shoulders, as if you’re weighed down by the guilt. It’s in the hard set of your jaw, as if you’re waiting for another blow to land.” She winced. He was right. “And you shouldn’t.”
“Yes, I should,” Sawyer snapped, not missing that last part. “I killed people, Elijah. Brutally.”
“And just like this, you did it for someone else,” Elijah whispered. “What’s so different between what’s happening here, or in New York, and what you did for Axel?”
Sawyer glared at him. Everything was different. She was helping a mad man ascend to become one of the wealthiest and dangerous criminal masterminds on the planet. Here and in New York, it was simple. She chased away the bad guy, not helped him.
“Axel wasn’t some victim-”
“Henry and Midnight were,” Elijah snapped back at her. Sawyer seethed. He did not just go there with her.
“Don’t even begin to think you kn-”
“You didn’t do it for Axel, so stop holding that title and beating yourself up for it. You know you didn’t do it for him.” Elijah pressed, stepping back into her space. “You weren’t Axel’s Shadow. You were Henry’s and Midnight’s. And while you never killed Axel himself, you killed others, just to protect him and your animal bond. That’s who you are, Sawyer, and you shouldn’t regret that. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it or ashamed of it. If anything, we should all be looking up to you like a goddamn hero, willing to go to the darkest of places to do good.”
Her chest hurt, and she rubbed the scar on her chest with her right hand. She closed her eyes for a moment. He was saying something she’d heard before. Charlie tried to say it to her, several times. But she hadn’t believed it. She was a monster and all she could do was hope to be good, try to be better. She would strive for that, as she had for the last four years.
“If Vincent and I are good enough for the IMPO, then you are, too,” Elijah hissed out, getting closer to her. “Sawyer, stop feeling guilty.”
“I am guilty,” Sawyer mumbled.
“The only thing you’re guilty of is having too big a heart,” Elijah growled softly. Sawyer realized he was suddenly much closer. She opened her eyes and found those hazel ones looking down into hers. She was backed up into the counter and Elijah’s hands stretched to the countertop on either side of her. “A heart that’s willing to kill for love. A heart willing to take the damage so others don’t need to.”
“Let’s not get into talking about my heart.” Sawyer growled. “It causes enough problems.”
“Doesn’t it?” Elijah chuckled. “You seem to give away pieces of it like candy on Halloween. Charlie, the kids in New York, the kids here, Zander, Jasper, and Vincent. I’m certain you’ve even thrown a piece at Quinn, doing what you did for him. But, this guilt that rides you… Sawyer, you don’t think you deserve love back, do you? You throw away your heart on a whim to others, but… you don’t want a piece of theirs back, do you?”
Sawyer let the question go unanswered as Elijah’s eyes searched her face. The answer was clear.
She didn’t.
Sawyer didn’t want others to love her. She didn’t deserve them. She wasn’t good enough for Jasper and, in turn, Zander. Those two would always come as pair, she knew it. She wasn’t even good enough to be a night of pleasure and memories, and ghosts for Vincent, considering she had tried to kill him afterwards. She didn’t deserve the friend that Elijah was, the one who always saw the good, who took people in no matter what was wrong with them or how the world judged them.
She didn’t want to break their hearts. She didn’t want to hurt them. She didn’t want to fail them like she had Henry. She couldn’t take another failure like that. She couldn’t take the love of someone else and fail them again.
“You do deserve it,” Elijah whispered, and Sawyer watched him lean down further. Another inch, and their lips would touch. She should shove him away. She didn’t want to, though. “Why did you feel so adamant about helping Quinn?”
“Because I knew I could,” Sawyer answered with a half-truth.
“Because you want to earn it,” Elijah corrected her. “You want to do anything you can that’s good, so you can one day feel like you earned this or someone’s love.”
“Yes,” Sawyer snapped. Damn him. “You’re right, Elijah. Is that what you want to hear? I’ll go out of my way to do good things, so I can feel, even for a moment, that I deserve what I have. Any of it.” She pushed him away. He wanted to call her back, so she was going to give him what he wanted. The truth. “You all went against the fucking WMC to keep me out of prison, even just fucking alive. Why? I haven’t done anything for you all to earn that. You’ve put me in your debt, and before I’ve had a chance to try and earn it here, doing the job, half of you are trying to convince me to give relationships a chance.”
“Sawyer,” Elijah tried to keep talking, holding a hand up to quiet her, but she waved her own hand at him to shut him up.
“So, yeah. I learned Quinn was having a hard time with learning how to read, and I decided, right then and there, that I could do something truly good for him. For all of you. Something that has nothing to do with violence, and blood, or criminal activities. Something good I could give him.” Sawyer began to rant. “Because, maybe if I do that enough, I’ll go to sleep at night thinking I deserve this. This chance at a better future. Your friendship. Jasper and Zander’s love. Vincent’s…” She began to shake her head and closed her eyes, thinking about it.
Vincent’s love. When had he gotten on her list of men she knew she cared for? The moment she got possessive that night in bed? The moment he admitted to her that he knew what it meant to be used by Axel to kill for him?
“And I even screwed up trying to do something good for Vincent,” she said weakly, thinking about it. “I tried to give him a piece of his nephew and ended up screwing him. I nearly fucking killed him, Elijah. I tried to. I don’t… I don’t deserve him. Or Jasper, who’s too good for this world. Or Zander, who’s never let anything hold him back, always ready to charge into the thick of it, regardless of the consequences. I don’t deserve the steadfast friendship you’ve given me.”
“And Quinn?” he asked softly.
“Quinn. I think he’s the one of you I’m perfectly fine with.” Sawyer chuckled softly.
“You’re perfectly fine with me,” Elijah reminded her, getting back in her space. She watched something like indecision pass over his face. “As for the guys? Sawyer, things take time, but you deserve them. You deserve all of it. You never needed to do anything to prove yourself to us. We already know how much good is in you. The bad things you’ve done for all the right reasons? We know. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to work back from. You aren’t in a deficit of some sort to us. There are only two things holding your past against you. The WMC and you. Those are the eyes you need redemption in, not ours. Not the team’s.”
She didn’t say anything, swallowing another lump in her throat. She felt a hand touch her cheek. Elijah kissed her forehead gently.
She wasn’t in a deficit with them. She took Elijah’s words and held them close to her heart. They didn’t hold it against her. Why could she trust those words from Elijah more than anyone else? Was it his easy-going Southern nature? She didn’t know, but from him, those words meant so much.
“No one holds my past against me. We don’t hold Vincent’s past against him. We judge on the here and now. Sawyer, you’re doing fine,” Elijah mumbled gently to her. “I’m sorry if we’ve ever given the impression that that’s not the case. Let me kn
ow if I do it again, or anyone else. I’ll knock fucking heads around.”
“You could just give me permission to knock heads around,” Sawyer chuckled, feeling lighter.
“Knock them around, then.” Elijah laughed, hugging her.
“Sweet,” Sawyer said childishly, pumping a fist.
“So, what’s your plan for this?” Elijah asked, letting her walk away. Sawyer turned and smiled at him.
“Make sure he knows it can never happen again,” Sawyer told him with that dangerous grin. “Remind him there are scarier monsters out there than he tried to be to his children.”
“Well, that much I figured,” Elijah said slowly with a nod. “I meant, what is your actual plan?”
Sawyer thought about that.
“He gets here, I kick the shit out of him, you arrest him, then we wait for the guys to get back.” Sawyer shrugged. It wasn’t that complicated.
21
Quinn
Quinn sat uncomfortably in the back seat behind Vincent. Scout was half on his lap and licking the young girl on the other side. The older girl sat in the front next to Vincent.
That… sheriff had hurt these girls. Had hurt the boy. The idea of it angered Quinn. Young were to be protected, cherished, and raised to survive and thrive once they were no longer capable of staying with their parents.
Stevenson had betrayed that natural order by doing this and that infuriated Quinn.
“Mister?” The younger girl called out softly, as if she were afraid to raise her voice. Quinn looked over to her and frowned. She was holding a large children’s book. Quinn only knew it was a children’s book because he had to read a few when he first met the team. He despised them.
“Yes?” Quinn met the wide brown eyes of the girl and saw something shine in them.
“I’m sad,” Samantha whispered. She held the book out to him and he groaned. He wasn’t sure what she wanted.
“Samantha wants you to read her book,” Cara told him from the front, looking back over her shoulder. “She likes her book read to her when she’s sad. She can read it on her own, but she likes someone to read to her.”
“Why is she sad?” Quinn grumbled, trying not to bare his teeth at the youth.
“Ask her,” Cara said with confusion. “I can’t read her mind.” Cara tried to turn further. “Sammy, why don’t you read to yourself, quietly?”
“I don’t want to,” Samantha pouted.
Quinn looked back to Samantha, who continued to hold the book out. He saw tears shining in those eyes and sighed as he took the book.
“Maybe we can stop, and you can switch spots with Cara,” Vincent offered, sounding concerned.
“No, I can do it,” Quinn mumbled, looking at the cover of the book. He thought about it. He was reading much more difficult text now. This would be easy. Everyone made him read out loud to practice.
Easy.
“There once was a girl named Jill,” Quinn began and heard a giggle. He looked over to Sammy and narrowed his eyes on her. She was smiling at him now and nodding. Cara watched him, her brows brought together.
He read to Sammy quietly as Vincent drove them closer and closer to Dallas. At one point, he sank down a little and Scout curled into a ball. He took a quick glance at the girl and noticed she was buried in Scout’s fur and fast asleep.
He just kept reading, wondering if real parents did this for their children. And siblings. Quinn didn’t know his father, but his mother… she’d never done this for him. He remembered her ice blue eyes like his own, the white blonde hair. The pale skin, but without the freckles that Zander had. She had been a bit like Jasper in looks, he realized as he remembered her.
“If she’s asleep, you can stop,” Cara told him, trying to keep her voice low. Quinn closed the book slowly but kept it with him. He held on to it, as if it were a treasure. He thought about that a moment longer. Maybe to Sammy, it was a treasure. That made it more important to him.
“With Samantha asleep, may I ask you some questions, Cara?” Vincent spoke up, giving Cara a quick glance. Quinn sat back up, ready to hear whatever the youth had to say.
“About?” Cara inquired warily, giving Vincent a strange look.
“You mentioned that your mother is gone, but that she also made you promise to leave if you ever had the chance,” Vincent reminded her. “If we knew more, we could help more.”
“Oh,” Cara looked away from Vincent, turning to look out the window. Quinn watched her carefully. The child didn’t want to talk about it, but he had a feeling she would.
“Please?” Vincent pressed gently.
“Dad and Mom didn’t like Magi. They never had. But all of us were Magi. Me, Bucky, Sammy, and Cory. Dad too. But not her. She wasn’t a Magi,” Cara whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. “Over time, she changed. She stopped disliking Magi so much and decided to take us far away. Cory was hanging out with Dad a lot. Cory always has hung out with Dad a lot…”
“Forgive me,” Vincent cut in as Cara trailed off. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Mom didn’t like that Dad hit us,” Cara bit out, and Quinn could hear the emotion in her voice. He held back the snarl, his shoulders shaking from the effort. “Well, he’d started hitting us, and she didn’t like it. He called us all sorts of things. Said we were demon-spawn, devil worshippers. That we sold our souls for magic, and it was his fault. Mom didn’t like that. I think she didn’t like Magi for other reasons. She read her Bible a lot and said God would want her to protect us. So, one night, she helped us pack bags to run. I was with Sammy, and she helped Bucky. We share a room.”
“What happened?” Vincent coaxed, and Quinn knew he was trying to be gentle.
“Dad stopped us,” Cara sniffed. “And Mom, the next day… she was covered in bruises. She said we would try again, and if she couldn’t do it, I should make sure I got Sammy and Bucky out. Then, a few weeks later, she was gone, and Dad said she left us behind. That she didn’t really love us. I didn’t… I don’t believe him, but I don’t have my own abilities, so I couldn’t do anything.”
“And Cory? Your older brother? He should be protecting you,” Quinn growled. Brothers protected. He protected his brothers, wolves and humans. They protected him. Brothers protected their family.
“He agrees with Dad,” Cara mumbled, and Quinn watched her wipe her cheeks. “He’s not very nice either. He hangs out with Dad’s Anti-Magi friends. They both think I’m too stupid to understand, but I know what they talk about.”
“Oh shit,” Vincent gasped. Quinn kicked his seat.
“Children,” he snarled.
“It’s okay, our Dad says worse.” Cara chuckled weakly, “And anyway, Sammy is asleep. I’m fifteen, I can hear someone say shit. It’s not a big deal.”
“So, your mother, before she… left, said that if you ever had to chance to get away, you should take it?” Vincent was looking for confirmation. Left. Quinn wanted to snort. Died. Their mother was dead. There was no way a woman would work so hard to save her young and just leave them for her own safety. He refused to believe it. He had little faith in his own mother, but he felt like theirs would be better.
“That’s right.” Cara nodded. “And here we are. I know what the IMPO is. Dad doesn’t know, but when he’s away, I look stuff up on the internet. I’ve… always wondered if maybe I should send an email or call Dallas for help, but I figured if my Dad found out… it wouldn’t be good.”
“You did what you could,” Vincent said gently, reaching out to pat her shoulder. Quinn saw her wince, and his nostrils flared as he took in the scent of her pain.
“You are hurt,” Quinn snarled. “Zander could have healed you after Bucky and Sammy. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I’m fine,” Cara mumbled. “Cory pushed me a couple days ago, I fell, and it’s just a bruise.”
Quinn’s next snarl was inhuman, and Vincent snapped his fingers back at him.
“Stop. Sawyer and Elijah are handing it.” Vincent commanded,
glaring at Quinn in the rear-view mirror. “We’ll have Zander look at it when we stop for food.”
“When are we stopping?” Cara asked. “Bucky is probably begging for food. It’s nearly his lunch time.”
“We’ll stop once we hit Dallas. We’ll give you and your siblings a couple of hours to relax before handing you over to someone else. Other agents, who will be able to send you away from here.” Vincent smiled at her.
“And they won’t separate us,” Cara said with a steel, stubbornness that impressed Quinn. Good for her, he thought. She would protect her siblings where her brother had failed.
“No, they won’t. Actually, when we stop to eat, you can question a couple of the team, Zander and Jasper, about where the Dallas agents will send you. It’s an orphanage of Magi children, and they grew up there.” Vincent nodded at her, pointing back to the rear window. Zander and Jasper were driving behind them with Bucky and Shade, staying close on their back end.
Quinn began to ignore the conversation between Vincent and Cara as he entered Shade’s head. Shade lifted his head and gave Quinn the view he wanted. Bucky was playing with two action figures. Zander, sitting next to him, was helping. Zander looked up from the toys and met Shade’s eyes. Quinn/Shade gave a nod that Zander returned. The bruise on Bucky’s cheek was completely gone, like Sammy’s black eye.
Quinn left Shade after confirming that everyone in the other Explorer was okay. He came back into his own eyes and noticed Cara giving him a wide-eyed look.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, only sounding curious, so Quinn felt she might not know what he’d done.
“The wolves are my animal bonds. I can look through their eyes. I was checking in with Shade, who is with Bucky.”
“I knew they were your animal bonds, but I didn’t know you could do that!” Cara gasped. “That’s really cool. Will I get one? I would love a puppy!” Cara’s eyes twinkled, and Quinn felt his heart tighten.
“You might,” Quinn told her, smiling. “You’ll find out when you get your abilities.”
The Redemption Saga Box Set Page 58
