by J. M. Dabney
“Is…is it supposed…” Gideon sucked at her throat. “Oh hell.”
Where silk separated his bare hand from her leg, his warm, calloused hands glided along her thigh, gripped her hip in a rough hold. Was this supposed to be happening? Her mind empty except for what Gideon’s touch did to her. Her lips wouldn’t form the word no even if she wanted it to.
Desperation and desire caused her muscles to tighten as she sharply arched into Gideon. She’s fantasized, dreamed of what being aroused would be like but everything she’d conjured in her brain paled in comparison. It was an overload to her senses, frightening and intoxicating at the same time. It was like a free fall with no parachute.
Then it happened, she froze as she realized nothing was between their lower bodies but his jeans. Would he be disgusted by her? She’d never denied being transgender, but he could look at her clothed and see her as a woman. Her nails sinking into his back must have alerted him because he froze. She watched as he lifted his head to look down at her. His face was flushed and shimmered with sweat.
“Hey, easy, it’s okay.”
He kissed her so gently and with such tenderness that tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Gideon kissed those away too, one eye then the other. He gentled her instead of berating her.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
His voice gruff, but—no she didn’t want to say loving. It was too close to all the dreams she’d had over the years. The ones she’d held secret. She wanted love; the happily ever after her friends had.
“Did I do something you didn’t like?”
“No, it was too…my gown isn’t covering…”
To her complete horror, he looked down between them.
“Baby, you do know I saw all of you before you covered up, right?”
“I’m being stupid.”
“When is the last time a partner took care of you?”
“Took…oh no, never.”
“May I, my clothes stay on, and same rule applies. It only takes you saying no.”
“What…what are you doing to do?”
The speed with which he straightened and knelt between her thighs didn’t give her time to react. He gripped the thin straps of her gown and pulled them down her arms, working the nightdress down her body until he removed it. He tossed it over the edge of the bed.
She couldn’t take her gaze off his face. She waited for his reaction. The moment she caught Gideon adjusting his cock behind his zipper, she couldn’t take her attention away from it. Her imagination started to form a picture of what his dick looked like.
Then he leaned over her, his hot breath fanned her nipple. He plumped her breasts in his hands.
“Oh fuck,” she groaned as his lips circled the hard peak and sucked.
After that, it was just a blur of indescribable pleasure. His touches, kisses, and bites took her to the edge only to be brought back when he softened and slowed. He found all the spots she hadn’t even thought were erogenous zones. When he abandoned her nipples, her hands took the place of his mouth, pinching and tugging. He dipped his tongue into her belly button. She had no time to protest before he took her into his mouth and sucked her thin length. Rode it in shallow thrusts.
She cried out as she orgasmed embarrassingly fast. Her hips jerked up from the bed. Pleasure radiated from outward along her lips, sending a hard shiver over her. She froze as she screamed as it only intensified. She was caught between the need to push him away or pull his mouth closer, closer won. She fisted her hands in his hair, and her thighs gripped his head, he growled, and another intense wave hit her.
She collapsed in a mass of quivering muscles and sweaty skin. She looked down at him from under heavy lids to find his chin resting on her stomach, a small smile on his face. His hands kneaded her thighs.
“Do you…want—”
“Have you ever watched a man get off for you?”
Oh hell, did he…she shook her head. He was once again knelt before her. His t-shirt quickly disappeared, exposed his hairy upper body. He undid his belt and jeans, his hands shook, and he never stopped looking at her. His pale dick appeared, hard and flushed, his length was impressive, but the girth was terrifying. She clenched at the thought of having him inside her.
He wrapped his large hand around his cock and started to stroke. He groaned and trembled, sweat damped his chest hair, but he never took his eyes from her. She watched as he stared at her body. Desire darkened the blueish green of his eyes. When she realized he focused on her breasts, she raised her hands and cupped them, rolled her nipples and pulled. His breathing was loud and rough, he grunted, and she dropped her gaze to take in his quickened pumps as he jacked his dick. It was harder and redder, leaking pre-cum, the hot drops falling to her pubic hair.
“I’ve imagined this, jerked off to this.” He fell forward to brace his hand beside her head. “Since I found you in my field.”
His words were slurred and broken by groans. His cock painted wet patterns on her belly. She couldn’t resist, she lowered her hands and pushed his out of the way, she circled him with both. He pushed and pulled.
“Tighter, baby, yes.”
He lowered his head, he sucked at her nipples again, and she lifted her hips, rubbed against his heavy, furry balls. His thrusts became harder and faster, the power of them rocked her body, and she wanted to come again. The hairiness of his body teased every inch of her that pressed against him.
His skin was silky and hot in her hands, he jerked every time the tip popped through the circle of her fingers.
His mouth slammed onto hers as wet, heat painted her hands and stomach. She used one seed covered hand to rub her slender length. It didn’t take long, and her scream was muffled by his tongue teasing hers. She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he tried to roll to the side. She wanted him there. She wasn’t ready for him to leave her yet.
“We’ve gotta get you clean up so we can go to bed.”
“I want to stay here.”
“Baby, where else would you go?”
“My own room.”
“No, Harper, we’ll take a shower and then you’re going to sleep right here. Nowhere else.”
“Really?” A sob broke her question.
He once again kissed her face, the tears from her eyes, and then her mouth.
“There’s no fucking way I’d let you sleep anywhere but with me. Thank you.”
“For what,” she asked.
“Trusting me, letting me see how sexy and beautiful you are, every inch of you and I mean that.”
“My body doesn’t bother you.”
“I love every inch of you. Now, shower, and no clothes when we come to bed.”
“I’ve never slept nude before.”
“Another first, come on.”
She smiled at the sudden happiness that infused her as he kissed her, then he helped her from the bed. It was still weird to be exposed and naked with someone. It was even weirder that it was after sex. She ordered herself not to question it. Gideon saw her, and he said he loved what she looked like. She wanted to be confident, to be all the things she’d always dreamed of and finally, she felt she could have them.
He released her hand, turned the water on and helped her inside. She watched enraptured as he stripped out of his clothes. Took in the hairiness of his thick thighs and calves, and dark ginger hair to match his chest. She held out her arms as he stepped inside with her. He came to her with a happy smile. She lost herself in his kiss as steamed filled with enclosure. Even as her pessimistic side reared its ugly head, she memorized it all. Good memories for when the bad times returned, but she hoped she wouldn’t need them. Because at that moment she felt right and whole, Gideon had given her a place to be safe and happy. It was the best gift she’d ever received, and she wouldn’t take it for granted.
Sixteen
Did Harper Regret It?
Sun was already streaming through the curtains when he opened his eyes. Shit, he checked the time, and it was almost n
oon. He never slept that late. He turned to find Harper’s spot empty. He ran his hand over the sheets and found them cold. He sat up, threw his legs over the edge of the bed, and grabbed his pajama bottoms. It was Saturday, so that meant Harper didn’t have to work, she had to be around there somewhere.
He padded across the room and down the steps, when he stepped into the kitchen he found Harper sitting in front of the sink with a puppy on each thigh. They were making little squeaking sounds as they drank their bottles.
Harper’s hair was in a messy bun, and she wore the same gown from last night. It was perfect against her lightly tanned skin. Shit, she had beard burn on her chest and neck, he was too rough with her. Now that the heat was gone, did she regret it? She was so perfect, and he was…him. He shook his head, he wouldn’t let Joe back into his head, even if he thought she could probably do better. He was too damn selfish to let her go.
He smiled at the puppies’ tiny front legs holding onto Harper’s wrists as if she’d think about taking the bottles away.
“It’s almost noon, why didn’t you wake me?”
She looked up with a smile, but she seemed troubled. Harper had lived there long enough for him to pick up on her moods. He’d feared the morning-after regrets, or maybe he was projecting. When he’d come home to find her naked in his room, he’d barely hung onto his restraint. Weeks, no, months of wanting her hit him, and he’d looked away to allow her her modesty, but he hadn’t been able to force himself to leave.
“I tried, but you growled and rolled over. I thought you were a morning person.”
He chuckled and strode across the room, he bent to kiss her upturned lips, and she didn’t pull away, that was a good sign. He stretched to his full height and started a pot of coffee. As much as Harper loved her coffee, she rarely drank it at home. Iced tea was her thing.
“I like my routine, not crazy about mornings. When I ran my event company, it was a lot of late nights and sleeping until noon.”
He pressed the start button and picked up a mug from the dish drain. No matter how many times he told her to use the dishwasher, she insisted on washing them by hand. Said it was a waste for just dishes for the two of them.
“Do you ever think about going back?”
“No. Don’t get me wrong, I do like to go visit friends, but haven’t been in a while. Would you like to tour the city next time?”
“Me, go with you?”
“Yeah, you can meet my friends and play tourist.”
“I’d…I’d like that.”
“Then we’ll have to plan a trip. Carol’s been begging me to visit.”
“Your partner?”
“Yeah, she started out as my assistant, then I moved her up to planner. She has a way of making the impossible possible. I should also check in with Dem.”
“Dem, you’ve never mentioned them.”
“Demetri Urban. Caterer extraordinaire. Last I heard he was working in his boyfriend’s five-star restaurant and hating it.”
“Hating it?”
“Don’t let the fancy name fool ya, I found him working at his family diner in the Bronx. He’s a natural chef, perfect palette, but his first love is comfort food. The man makes a mean mac and cheese, enough to feed an army. His family is ridiculously large.”
He turned and slid down to sit on the floor beside Harper. He inhaled and took in the scent of his soap on her skin. His shampoo in her hair. Fuck, he loved when she smelled like him.
“Why do you have to check in on him?”
“The man is all about the positive. He hasn’t ever been in a bad mood. If someone isn’t laughing, he isn’t happy. He’s a goof.”
“Did you two—”
“No, I love the man as a friend, but he drives me insane. Last time I talked to him, he was talking about breaking up with his boyfriend.”
“Oh, bad relationship?”
“Not that I know of, his boyfriend is way too serious all the time. You’ve seen Dem. The picture on the mantle.”
He snorted as she started to laugh as she realized who he was talking about.
“The man with the arm crutches with rainbow streamers and wearing the huge red clown nose.”
“That would be Dem. He attached one of those squeeze horns to one of his crutches. We hid that damn thing when he wasn’t looking.”
He loved her laugh, he knew he had fallen way too quickly for her, but he couldn’t regret it. This was all new to her, so he tried to rein in his urge to tell her. Instead, he showed her. He touched her. Complimented her and made sure she knew he appreciated her. He didn’t want her to doubt he wanted her and just not in his bed. As much as he wanted to love on her, he didn’t want to overwhelm her.
“Harper,” he said her name, he needed to ask her about last night.
“I don’t regret it if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I didn’t exactly mean for it to go that far.”
She didn’t answer just took the empty bottles and set them aside, then placed the still unnamed puppies back in their basket.
He leaned back as she suddenly straddled his lap and locked her gaze with his.
“I could’ve said no, Gideon.”
“I know.”
“Everybody might think I’m broken, and maybe in some ways I am, but I’m finally finding myself, where I’m happy. I don’t know what you want from me though.”
He wrapped his arms around her hips and shifted her closer. She relaxed on his lap, and he couldn’t help taking in the expanse of her bare, tanned thighs. Neat rows of pale scars marred the insides, she had matching ones on her ribs and hips. Last night he’d tried not to linger on them, but he’d brushed kisses to them, fleeting but in some way wanting to kiss away the pain she’d put herself through. He knew he almost never even met her. A year ago, she’d attempted suicide for the last time. He knew her secrets, she told him the stories as they cuddled or when he’d come to her to wake her from a nightmare.
The fact that he came so close to never being able to hold her—show her she was important to him—hurt, but he knew he was nowhere near the pain she’d gone through over the years.
“I want you here. Happy. Healthy. I want a chance with you. More than friends or roommates.”
“I think we kinda went past friends and roommates last night unless you’re tacking with benefits on them.”
“Okay, I admit, the benefits are amazing.” He chuckled as she pushed at his chest and glared at him. “But I’d prefer lovers, partners, to be able to introduce you as the girlfriend, not just friend.”
“You want that with me?”
“Of course, maybe I’ve been too subtle about it.”
“I know you’ve been patient and I appreciate it.”
“But?”
“I want to be enough on my own. I’ve got all these hang-ups. I didn’t have a choice about living openly as a transwoman. Everyone knew me before the dresses and the hormones.”
“I didn’t, yes, I knew when you told me your name who you were. It didn’t change anything about my attraction to you. I’ve been bi for as long as I remember. Why should gender or gender identity change how I feel about someone—feel about you? I want you confident in your own skin and body, independent and happy. I don’t want to change you. You be you, I’ll be me, this is just us in this relationship. No one other than us has to get it or approve.”
“You won’t be embarrassed by me?”
“Baby, there is nothing about you that would embarrass me or anyone else.”
“So, we’re dating?”
“Technically—”
“We’re living together, smartass.”
“You’re sounding like a member of the Crews already.”
“I always wanted to belong, to be a part of them. Even when I was a kid, I saw Gib and Peaches, the way they were when Landon was unapologetically out, or Lucky and his high school boyfriend. I wanted that freedom, but I felt…” She paused and sighed.
“You still felt different.�
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“I looked in the mirror and knew, was positive I was a girl. I was so jealous when the other girls were getting bras or came to school in a new dress. When they were allowed to wear makeup. Kyle’s parents let me wear my first dress, and his mom taught me how to do my makeup, they were supportive, but because of who I was, I had to hide.”
“No need to hide anymore. The good people outnumber the bad ones in Powers, Pelter won’t overlook hate crimes. He took a report, has your back. I understand it’ll take awhile for you to find a comfortable medium.”
“Strangely, I’d already found it. I just didn’t want to accept it. So, I have some news.”
“Oh, and what might that be.”
“Joker is coming for dinner tonight.”
“You ready to give one of them up?”
“One of them reminds me of Joker.”
He knew which one she was talking about. One of them had a split ear and a scar that married its nose. It also had a bit of a shitty personality. She made the cutest little growls like she thought she was a hundred pounds and not barely over a pound. “She’s a bit of cranky puppy.”
“Exactly. I even got her a t-shirt and goggles.”
She reached up and grabbed a bag off the counter. When she pulled out the items, he lost it. It had to be custom because it had a flaming skull with the caption my bite is bigger than my growl on it. The goggles in question were almost like Joker’s welding ones.
“Her outfit for tonight?”
“She needs a bit of an advantage.”
“Yes, she does. Grocery run?”
“We definitely need to go. The freezer is getting low on meat. We have like two eggs left.”
He watched her with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as she picked her phone up from the floor and started making a list. He slipped his hands beneath the soft fabric of her skirt and gripped the lush curves of her ass. He smirked as she fumbled the phone. His dick hardened, and he rubbed her against him.
“I’m trying to concentrate.”
“You saying I’m a distraction.”
“A really, really good one.”
“Fine, grocery shopping first, then some more making out when we get home.”
