by Marie Wathen
We stay coupled for several minutes just letting the moment happen. No words, no extra movements, just her pulse matching mine in a perfect time-signature. I’m not ready to pull away, because my soul craves a deeper connection, the deepest possible link with her. I want her to be mine, but I need for her to want it also. Eventually, our breathing is once again silent, and I can’t feel her heart thrumming against my chest anymore. I don’t have any idea what her reasons are for delaying our separation, but she seems distracted. Shamelessly, I continue to hope that she is falling for me. She is so damn difficult to read that I have no idea what she’s thinking. And it’s driving me mad.
Finally, she chances a peek over her shoulder and whispers, “Blues…I…” My beating heart stalls, anticipating her next words. Is it possible that she is going to confess how she feels? She turns away, clears her throat and states, “I’m sorry. All of a sudden, I am very sleepy.”
Deleting all hope with that statement, instead of the one that I thought she was going to confess, sadness seeps into my bones. Without argument, I kiss her shoulder tenderly and then pull away, climbing off the bed and walking into the bathroom. Afterward, I slide into the pair of basketball shorts that I had left lying next to the sink on the counter. I step back into the bedroom to find her curled up on the other side of the bed, facing away. I take three steps toward her and then turn, walking out of the room. Needing to clear my head, I go to the kitchen and jerk open the refrigerator, poking my head inside, but not really seeing a damn thing. I shut it and then grab a whiskey glass from the counter and fill it up.
“What in the hell is wrong with me?” She is getting to me in a way that I never expected. I have never dealt with strong emotions for women that I’ve fucked, because I’ve never had them before Angel. I push a hand through my hair and grunt, “This shit is getting out of control,” I bitch, because, I nearly feel depressed that she hasn’t said I love you yet. And that is so ridiculous, it’s laughable. How can I expect her to love me already? I mean, I get why I am in love with her. I know the truth. Since she is blinded by deceit, one that I am partially responsible for creating, she isn’t open to feeling that strongly yet. What motivates my feelings is that I know the freedom to be ourselves is waiting for us once this job is behind me.
I suck down half of my drink and then crank my neck from side to side, popping out the stress that has encroached on me within the last five minutes. Exhaling, I tip back the rest of my drink and then put the glass on top of the counter. She and I need to talk. I refuse to continue being the catalyst for this distance, wedging between us.
Pivoting around, I notice that she switched off the lamp in the bedroom. Well hell, I guess she isn’t waiting on me tonight. My thoughts are all over the place now. If she is feeling a fraction of what I am at the moment, then I suppose she too, is confused. Maybe we need a few minutes apart to discern what just went down. Closing my eyes for a second, I shake off the nagging feeling that she could be planning on bolting any second and then pour more liquor into my cup. Dropping into the recliner beside the patio door, my head falls back against the headrest. My eyes don’t really focus on anything. I just gaze into the darkness and get drawn in by the alluring tempo of the crashing waves. I sip slowly, hoping to relax. Unfortunately, now that I actually want my brain to shut down it decides to work overtime.
A mangling of words flood into my head at rapid speeds, and within a few seconds I realize that they are descriptive expressions all relating back to Angel. I’m not sure what it is, but something prompts me to grab a pen. I also tug a notebook from my briefcase and then jot down my thoughts. After writing a dozen lines, I grasp that I am writing a love song. The first damn love song that I’ve ever attempted. Truthfully, it’s not much more than my feelings for her. Reading over the words, I begin hearing a melody. It’s unlike any love song that I’ve heard before. Not true, the words are similar to many popular romantic tunes. It’s the meaning behind the lyrical poetry that is haunting, making it opposite of a love song. For one to recognize a uniqueness that is just out of one’s grasp is like a harsh verdict and my punishment is unrequited love. That’s what it all means to me.
And yet, the words continue to come, so I keep scribbling them down. As hard as I try to shift the tune to something sweeter, this mystical torment sticks with me until I write the last line. With a defeated breath, I stand up, carrying the notebook with me and step out onto the balcony. Alone, I say the words aloud.
Happiness is learning everything about you and a reason to smile is your arms wrapping around me
Adventure is midnight strolls with our feet in the sand, and your soft giggle sets the harmony of my heart
It’s within your eyes and on your lips
I feel it in the touch of your fingertips
On my flesh
My soul recognizes
That my life is you
Bliss is the sway of your hips with your body pressing against me and soft sexy moans breathed with your head tilting back
Seeing you devour the last piece of bacon pushes me to fall harder, and bath time and road trips are the best diversions
It’s within my eyes and on my lips
You feel it in the touch of my fingertips
On your flesh
You recognize it too
My life is you
Memories are creating moments and tattooing them on my heart, assuring they’ll last a lifetime
Now, not hiding this relationship and you knowing the truth is all that’s left to fulfill our true love song
It’s within our eyes and on our lips
We feel it in the touch of our fingertips
Along our flesh
But for me, life isn’t so forgiving
And I will never deserve you.
Ten minutes, I stand outside trying to force the tune to lighten, but nothing comes. I resign, and go back inside the house. The truth rests in the last two lines, and after she knows that I’ve been lying all along they will prove to be the end of us. Lies cause pain, and pain changes everything. I crumble the paper and toss it into the trash.
After shooting back the last few drops of my whiskey, I head straight for the bedroom and don’t stop until I am under the covers with her. Sliding over to Angel’s side, I draw her body against mine and feel the tightening in my chest again. It’s all going to crash down around me soon. No matter what I do, the events that brought us here will destroy us.
“I’m so cold,” she mumbles through chattering teeth and then moves to curl her body into a tight ball under the sheets. I pull the thick blanket from the foot of the bed, covering her and then embracing her totally with all of me. She turns, snuggling her face into my neck, her cool fingers moving into the hair behind my ear and her warm lips brushing across my blistering flesh just under my jaw. A minute later, she begins breathing deeply, letting me know that she is sleeping soundly again. I guess that she really was tired. Now, I feel like a self-centered jackass for thinking that her odd behavior earlier was all about me.
“I’m sorry, doll,” I apologize, rubbing my nose along her temple down to her ear. “I’m a real bastard sometimes. Forgive me?”
She is asleep so I don’t expect her to respond, but she does. “Mmm hmm, Blues,” she groans in that sexy tone that she uses when I’m making love to her, and my dick twitches with her throaty sound. Then in a raspy, low voice, she says, “I love you.” Immediately, her confession is followed up with a soft snore.
Stilling, my eyes widen and my pulse booms within my ears. She loves me? Is that really what she said, or did I imagine it because I want her to feel this way about me so desperately? That is not at all what I expected. Thawing from the shock of her words, a smile moves across my lips and my arms secure her even tighter. Mine
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Yo, sleepyhead, the sun is almost up,” a melodic voice says cheerily and very close to my ear. Then I feel cool fingertips tickling down my ribs. I don’t move, even though
it tickles like hell, I’m not giving Angel the satisfaction of knowing it. “I know that you’re awake, Blues.”
“No, I’m not.” Burying my facing into my pillow, I grunt and then whine, “Besides, it’s too early. Come back and cuddle.” Without lifting my head, I stretch out my hand toward where her voice is coming from.
“Cuddle?” She laughs. “Wow, I had no idea that you were a lazy ass.” I hear her retreating footsteps, and then she adds, “I’m going for a naked run down on the beach.”
“Naked?” My head pops up, and I see her sexy ass, covered in black yoga pants and a matching tank, walking out of the room. I point out, “You’re fully clothed.”
She stops in the doorway. “I knew that would get a rise out of you. Now, get up.”
“Oh, you get a rise every day.” She laughs and blows me a kiss before turning around fully facing me. I mumble, “Damn tease!” I drop my head back onto the pillow, still holding her gaze. There is a new sparkle in her beautiful grey eyes giving them a sterling look. I smile because I can’t help it. She makes every day better. I want nothing more than to stay in our happy little world forever.
“Are you coming with?”
“Give me ten minutes.”
She spins around. “I’m feeling generous.” Winking over her shoulder, she smiles. After leaving the room, she shouts from the hallway. “You can have five.”
“That is the opposite of generous,” I shout after her as I sit up on the edge of the bed, stretching my arms above my head. Glancing up to the ceiling again, I whisper, “I want every morning to start out just like this one, with her.”
Four minutes later, I find Angel standing in the middle of the kitchen, downing a bottle of water. Her eyes roam over my bare chest, stopping at the waistband of my basketball shorts, and she licks her lips. Flicking her eyes up to meet mine, she blushes when she realizes that I’ve caught her drooling, and I smile proudly.
“Is this okay?” I wave a hand down the length of me. “Or would you rather me strip it all off and jog naked?”
Her eyes widen. “Uh, no, that’s per…” Stammering with almost saying the word ‘perfect,’ she corrects, “Shirtless is fine.” Heading toward the door, she mumbles a couple of sentences to herself, but I think I hear part of the last one forced through clenched teeth, “…I will cut a bitch.”
We kick off our shoes at the bottom step and then walk toward the water. The beach is nearly empty.
When we reach the hard sand at the edge of the ocean and begin jogging toward the sunrise, I goad, “I prefer running alone when I’m here, but I’ll make an exception this time. You just better keep up. I wait for no slacker.”
“Don’t challenge me, mister. I always win.” She falls in line beside me, matching my pace.
“You really shouldn’t talk shit before a run. It’s distracting. You could fall and injure yourself.” I point to her arm. “Can’t have you getting hurt again.” With that she shoots past me, taking off in a hard sprint. I widen my stride, and within a few moments, I am running alongside her again. “Showoff, but if you’re going to beat me, you will need to do better than this,” I charge, which garners me an eye roll. Then she flips me off and pushes harder, pulling away from me again. Chuckling at her moxie, I shout, “I love a chase, woman.” She laughs loudly too, never breaking stride and widening the space between us.
Watching from behind for a few minutes, I take in the fluid movements of her body as she falls into a perfect tempo. She has a runners physic, long and powerful. Her legs and arms are defined just enough to indicate that she must hit the gym daily. She told me that she’s cut back a lot since her motorcycle accident. She also shared about her defensive capabilities and martial art skills. I want to get her down on a mat, so that she can prove to me just how skilled she is, too. I wonder if there is anything that Angel is incapable of doing.
My smile widens watching the foamy water, rushing up to touch her. It gets closer and closer with each reach, and I understand its desire for contact. It is as if the compulsion is overwhelming, making life worthless without it. She is perfectly matched for me, and looking into her eyes, I know without a doubt that she is the link that has been missing from my heart all this time. All this time, the words roll around in my head, and I think about the moments that we’ve shared together.
The second that our gazes connected, I knew that my world had shifted for the better. Once we had sex for the first time, I felt like I had taken a hit of the most addictive drug. However life-altering that moment was for me, I kept my distance while trying to focus on my job. But without her, I became a crazed man. The sunrise is directly in front of us now, but even the beauty of a newly awakening day can’t distract me from Angel. I am completely in love with her. When we return home, back to Georgia, I am going to woo her, unlike anything she has ever seen. There will be fancy dinners, trips away, introducing her to my siblings, and maybe she will consider moving in with me. She’s living next door at Decks’ house, so it wouldn’t take much to move her stuff over. Clearly she isn’t opposed to living with a man, since she was with Rad before Decks. I can offer her more protection than either of those two idiots. Then, when it’s possible, we can move down to Willow Island together. Really, there isn’t anything keeping her from saying yes. I’ll ask tonight, but I won’t insist. This needs to be a joint endeavor. My gut tells me that she is falling with me into this love, and usually my instincts are right.
“Hey old man, do you need some oxygen back there?” Angel asks, spinning around and slowing down so that she can jog backwards. I smile while shaking my head. “You know that you suck, right? I am totally kicking your ass out here.” She stretches her arms wide open, smiling brightly, a perfect and unscripted lightheartedness that makes me want to drag this moment out for a lifetime. “Should I keep running backwards so that you can keep up with me?”
“No, I think you should turn around before you fall and hurt yourself again,” I say on a chuckle, slowing my pace a fraction so that I can watch her, looking completely free.
“I could, but then you’ll never catch me,” she shouts from ten feet ahead. I smirk, utterly mesmerized by the beautiful smile that is etched whimsically on her flawless face.
Far ahead of us I spot a group of guys, who look like they partied all night long and then passed out. From the corner of my eye, I notice a man ahead rising up on shaky legs. He is part of the party group, slowly beginning to awaken with the blaring sunlight. He begins running, his body tilting at an odd angle, aiming toward us.
“You’re about to fall, Doll,” I warn, gesturing behind her. She glances over her left shoulder, the one opposite of the side than the guy is on, and then she glares back at me.
“Nice try,” she scolds, still running backwards, “Tricking me in to looking back just so you can catch up and then pass me is low…even for you.”
“I’m not kidding. There is a man running toward you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Not going to fall for that again.”
The man is a few yards away from colliding with her when I shout, “Turn around. He’s on your right.” She shakes her head, and I grumble, “Dammit, Angel.”
I increase my pace and run toward her at full speed. Her eyes pop out. She squeals and giggles, believing that I’m giving chase, but there is not one ounce of humor in this situation. The drunk idiot is heading straight toward her. Just as she spins around, ready to bolt, the guy is practically on top of her, and she finally notices him. He groans right before slamming into her left side. She topples over, her feet flying out from under her. Pushing my body harder than I ever have, I swoop in catching her before she collides with the ground.
“Shit,” Angel yelps and then giggles, squeezing her eyes tightly as we crash and roll along the soft sand. We settle with her resting on top of me, her hands on my chest, mine looping around her waist. She peeks open one eye, discovering that she is lying on me, her face mere inches from mine. A beautiful smile captures her full lips, and
my desire spikes. “You saved me. Even after I gave you hell and was going to run away?” she whispers playfully, her eyes moving between mine while tilting her head, studying me. I will chase and catch you every time, I think. She’s worth the pursuit. My chest tightens and I swallow hard, believing it deep down in my bones. From the swirling passion reflecting back in her eyes, I think she knows it too.
“Uh-huh,” is all that I can say. Having her like this, in my arms and looking so damn happy leaves me speechless. Our unstoppable collision is so much more than a physical connection. I know that she’s the one, the woman who stole my heart at full speed, and I want her to keep it. Every day and night, through all of life’s changes, she is person that I long to build a life with. She is all I need–my everything.
“Uh…thanks for catching me,” she says breathlessly while trying to push upward, freeing herself from our closeness. I tighten my hold, keeping her pinned against me, willing this moment to last, like it is significant over every other before it. I’m moved by the rightness of my soul as I gaze at her. Nothing in this world could be better than this. I find peace and hope that keeps me looking forward to tomorrows. The world around us falls away, and it is just her in my arms. It’s not like we haven’t been this close before. We have many times, but this time, there is a faint glimmer of a new emotion in her eyes. The way that she is looking at me speaks volumes. She loves me. I want to hear her say the words again, while she’s awake and looking at me this way. A shiver moves through her body. She blinks, breaking the spell and hiding her feelings. Then her voice comes out husky when she suggests, “You can let go now.”
