by Karen Booth
“You look stunning,” he said, kissing her on the cheek.
“Thank you. But is that something you would typically say to a work associate? Because something tells me it isn’t.” She slid into the booth and placed her purse between them.
“It absolutely isn’t. But I’ve never worked with anyone as beautiful as you, nor have I ever worked with anyone I’ve been in bed with, so this is new territory for me. I think we should be able to say nice things to each other when it’s just the two of us.”
She shifted in her seat, feeling an unbearable urge to rid herself of her burdensome secret. “Sure. That’s fine. You look very nice yourself.”
“Thank you.” He took a sip of his drink. “The waiter should be here any minute to take your drink order. They make a spectacular Manhattan.”
Sure enough, a waiter arrived at their table. “Ma’am, can I get you anything from the bar?”
“Cranberry juice, please.”
“Certainly. And are we ready to order or do we need a few minutes?”
“The New York strip is fantastic,” Sawyer said to Kendall. “That’s what I’ll have. Medium-rare, please.”
“And for the lady?” the waiter asked.
Kendall didn’t have the mental capacity to read a menu right now. “I’ll have the same. Medium. Please.”
“Right away.”
“Not drinking tonight?” Sawyer asked.
“No. I wasn’t really feeling it.” And everyone knows you shouldn’t drink when you’re pregnant.
“Maybe you’ll change your mind later. I know I really needed it. I’ve needed one all afternoon, to be honest.”
“Let me guess. The talk with your dad?”
He nodded. “I had to talk to him after he pulled that stunt with you, especially if the vandalism was his way of responding. And I’m sorry, but the flowers were just creepy. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t tell him to stay away from you, and it wouldn’t have the same effect if I didn’t do it in person.”
“Sawyer. I really hope you didn’t provoke your dad because of me. That’s a terrible idea. The whole thing really wasn’t a big deal. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
“But he threatened you. It’s one thing to mess with the hotel, but when it comes to people, especially you, that’s unacceptable.”
Kendall settled her hands in her lap, her circumstances pressing down on her like an unbearable weight. How had everything spiraled out of control like this? Just a few short months ago, she had everything in hand. Then she went to that wedding and Sawyer Locke walked into her life. Now she was pregnant by him, the son of a man who had stalked her on the streets of New York and threatened her livelihood. This was the sort of situation her mother would unwittingly get herself into, and Kendall had had to stand by and watch many times as her mother struggled to find a way out of it. It never ended well.
A baby. She was going to have a baby. How was she going to make this work? In her tiny apartment in a not-safe neighborhood, as James Locke had been so generous to point out, with far more than a full-time job. She had a career that demanded, at minimum, sixty hours of her time each week. She would need childcare, a nursery and a million other things she couldn’t even think about right now. Forget sleep. She wasn’t going to see any of that for a long time.
Sawyer placed his hand on her shoulder, his warmth pouring into her, warmth that she feared would never last. “Everything okay?”
“This has gone far beyond my normal involvement with a client, Sawyer. I mean, ridiculously beyond. It’s a lot to deal with.” Just tell him. Just say it, get it over with and get your dinner in a doggy bag.
“I know. It’s my family. I’m not going to pretend it’s normal. I know it’s not.”
A child had never been on the radar for Kendall, but if she was ever going to choose to have a baby, it would never be like this. With a man she wasn’t married to, from a family that was everything she knew was poison. She bit down on her lip to keep tears from coming. She didn’t want to cry in front of Sawyer. She didn’t want to cry at all. It so wasn’t her style, but her head was such a jumbled mess right now, it was hard to fight it off.
“See? This is upsetting you. Precisely why I had to say something.”
She dared to look up at him, into his caring and comforting eyes. “Why did you have to ask me to dance at the wedding?”
His vision narrowed. “What?”
“Why couldn’t you have just seduced one of the bridesmaids and left me alone, Sawyer? Everything would be different now. This wouldn’t be such a giant mess.”
“What are you talking about? My father doesn’t know about us. You still would’ve been working for me. And as for why I didn’t seduce one of the bridesmaids, I didn’t want to. I wanted you.”
“Why? How am I different from any other woman?”
A breathy laugh rushed from his lips. “Honestly?”
She braced for a comment about her figure, about how he couldn’t stop looking at her breasts.
“You flashed those beautiful blue eyes of yours at me and I couldn’t even see another woman after that. It was like you’d erased every other woman from that room.”
Kendall’s breath caught in her chest. That was not the answer she’d been expecting. It would’ve been so easy to give in to the romance of it. Sawyer was good at being smooth. There was no question about that. But eloquent lines and flattery did not add up to much in the end. A single tear rolled down her cheek. It made her so mad at herself. She never should’ve let him take her to dinner.
“What is going on, Kendall? This is the strangest conversation I’ve had in a long time, which is saying a lot, considering I had to talk to my father today.”
“I’m pregnant and you’re the dad.” The words popped out of her mouth like a cork from a shaken bottle of champagne.
Sawyer’s eyes opened as far as they could. She was racing for something else to say, since it didn’t look like Sawyer was going to speak for quite possibly the rest of the evening, just when the waiter beelined for their table with a tray. Dinner.
Neither of them said anything as the food was placed before them. Sawyer might’ve muttered thank you, but Kendall couldn’t be sure. As soon as the waiter was gone, Sawyer turned to her.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“On both counts?”
“That I’m pregnant and the baby is yours?”
“Yes.”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
* * *
The steak sat on Sawyer’s plate, untouched. Everything with his dad that day—his whole life—was swirling around in his head like a tornado with no forward momentum, just a powerful vortex that refused to stop spinning. He had no business becoming a dad. None whatsoever. Not with his history. His feelings about institutions like marriage and parenthood were clear in his head—not in the cards for him.
“I don’t even know what to say, Kendall. This is a shock, to say the least.”
“I know. I deliberated about when to tell you, but I decided there just wasn’t a good time.”
“Dinner seems like an odd choice.”
“Hey. I told you I needed to talk to you in private.”
“I couldn’t have guessed this was what we would be talking about.”
The waiter was chatting with the table next to theirs, then stepped back to them. “Is the meal satisfactory?”
Sawyer picked up his fork and knife and cut into the steak. “Yes. Of course. Just deep in conversation.”
The waiter left, and Sawyer took a bite, not enjoying it. He liked Kendall. He liked her a lot. But this was a leap he wasn’t prepared to make with any woman.
“You’re eating? How can you eat?” Kendall asked.
“What do you want me to do? It’s going to seem off if we order and don’t eat. The chef is a good friend of mine. If he hears that I came to his restaurant and didn’t eat, I’ll never hear the end of it. And I am hungry.”
Kendall shook her head, folded up her napkin and set it next to her plate. She dug her wallet out of her purse, and tucked several bills under the bread basket.
Oh, come on. Seriously?
“Goodbye, Sawyer. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. About work.” She scooted across the seat and didn’t even look at him as she marched out of the restaurant. She wasn’t storming, but there was no mistaking this for a leisurely stroll.
He had no choice but to go after her, taking extra-long strides that he hoped wouldn’t call attention to the fact that he was chasing a woman out of a restaurant. He caught up to Kendall as she waited at the coat check.
He gripped her shoulder and she whipped around, pulling back. “What?”
“Kendall. Come on. Come back to the table. We’ll finish dinner and then we can go somewhere quieter and discuss this. Like adults.”
She took her coat and put it on. “It’s okay. We don’t need to talk about this. Just forget that I ever mentioned it. We’ll be done working together after December fifth, and you can go your way and I’ll go mine. I don’t need your help. You’re obviously too shocked to deal with it, but I did think you deserved to know.” She turned on her heel and stormed through the door.
Again, he had to follow her. “At least let my driver take you home. And I really think we should talk about this tonight.”
“I don’t know how many times I need to tell you that I don’t need you to give me a ride. I don’t need a ride from any member of the Locke family for that matter. I’m perfectly capable of getting home on my own.”
“Now it feels like you’re just picking a fight. I don’t see any reason for you to be mad at me. I’ve known this new bit of information for all of five minutes. I’m sorry if I’m not yet ready to throw a baby shower or pass out cigars.”
Kendall’s jaw tensed in a way that he’d never seen before. Her chin dimpled, her lower lip quivered. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it? You’re just as cold and unfeeling as your father, aren’t you? He treats women like they’re playthings. So do you. Except you don’t marry them, do you? That would be too much like your dad, huh? Is that your way of proving to the world that you’re not like him? Because it’s not working with me, Sawyer. I see you for what you are and part of me is sorry I ever met you.”
Sawyer’s usual immediate response when anyone compared him to his father was anger or outrage. But not with Kendall. Not that her words didn’t cut. They did. It was just something about her...the sincerity with which she’d ripped him apart, the conviction in her voice, the realization that she had an awful lot to lose by saying those things to him. It would be so easy to fire her. Too easy.
He wouldn’t do that to her. She’d earned the job and his respect. He’d earned the lecture. He took a deep breath, unsure if the speech he was about to deliver would help anything at all. “I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I was shocked by your announcement, but I’d like to have a chance to at least talk to you about it. I’m not a bad guy. I’m really not. I’m definitely not my father. Let me prove that to you.”
She looked away, up the street, where the breezy night blew her hair back from her face. That was Kendall in a nutshell—facing the storm, head on, always brave. She turned back to him. “Where should we go?”
“You decide.”
“My place. Then if I get mad at you again, I can just send you home and I won’t have to worry about going anywhere.”
He laughed quietly. “Fair enough. Wait right here. I’ll have the car pulled around.”
“Can you get the restaurant to wrap up our dinner? I’m still hungry.”
“Of course.”
Sawyer’s driver had the car around front in a few minutes and they were off to Kendall’s apartment, with dinner in a to-go bag from the restaurant. They didn’t talk during the drive, but Sawyer sensed that Kendall’s anger with him had ebbed. As for what he was feeling, he wasn’t sure. He was still in shock. When they arrived, Sawyer sent his driver home for the night and said he would catch a cab when it was time to go.
Kendall’s apartment was a third-floor walk-up. “Sorry. It’s not anywhere near as nice as your place. But it’s home.”
He stepped inside as she flipped on the lights and took the carry-out bag from him, setting it on the kitchen counter. A small living room was straight ahead, filled with a mishmash of vintage furniture. Most of it looked like 1960s era. “It’s nice. I like seeing where you live. It helps me see you in a new light.” It occurred to him that so much of their entire existence as a pair—coworkers and lovers—had revolved around him. His hotel, his apartment.
“Good. I’m glad.” She pulled the takeout containers from the bag. “Do you want me to heat anything up?”
Sawyer shook his head. “No. I’m fine.”
Kendall put everything on dishes and directed him over to a small table for two with an aqua-and-gray boomerang-print tabletop and matching upholstered chairs. She opened the fridge and peered inside. “No wine, but I have a beer if you want one.”
For the first time in a long time, he didn’t want a drink. He didn’t want to imbibe alone, but he was also starting to realize that, though he might have been shocked to learn about the pregnancy, her entire life had changed with that piece of information. “I’m fine with water.”
Kendall brought two glass tumblers to the table. “Finally. We eat.” She took one bite and groaned quietly. “Even room temperature, this is insanely good.”
“Told you. Maybe I can take you back there sometime. When there are less serious subjects to be discussed. I really am sorry I didn’t listen to you in the first place.”
“I should have insisted. It was my fault. I couldn’t have expected you to be able to figure out from the tone of my voice just how bad an idea it was.”
“Did you find out today?”
She nodded. “I’ve been so tired. I finally just went to the doctor.”
Kendall explained everything the doctor had said about her symptoms and the reasons why her birth control pills must have been less effective. “So yeah. I guess we made a baby that night at the wedding. What are the odds, huh?”
As much as he’d felt like a jerk before, it was so much worse now. If they hadn’t ended up running into each other because of work, she would still be pregnant right now, and he never would’ve known. She likely wouldn’t have called him. He knew Kendall by now. She was too proud. “Right. And what are your plans?” He didn’t know what else to ask. This was such new territory for him.
“I haven’t had time to make plans. Right now, I’m too focused on the Grand Legacy. There’s not much I can do except take good care of myself. We’ll get past the grand opening, and then I’ll start worrying about things like cribs and childcare. I still don’t even know if I’m going to get the promotion I want.” She stared up at the ceiling. “God. I really hope I get the promotion. It will make life with a baby much easier.”
He listened, unable to keep from noticing that nothing she was talking about involved him. “I don’t want you to worry about that. Whatever you need, you’ll have it from me.” His stomach knotted. He knew exactly how that sounded, like he was the wealthy guy taking care of a problem. “I just don’t want you to think I won’t accept my responsibility.” Somehow, that sounded even worse.
Kendall held her finger up to her lips. Her eyes were watery again. “Please stop talking. I don’t want to think about any of that right now, okay. We can figure out your role in this some other time. I realize it’s an odd predicament, but I don’t want it to ruin our professional relationship.”
His shoulders dropped and he reached acr
oss the table for her hand. “Kendall. Can we just accept the fact that our relationship has gone well beyond the professional? I mean, even if we’re letting the world think something else, there’s no question that you and I are intertwined now. I don’t want to think that we’re going to walk away from each other on December sixth.”
“I don’t want to think that either. But I also don’t believe in trapping someone. That doesn’t lend itself to happy outcomes. You know?”
He nodded. “I know.” He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “I’d like to try, though. I think we’re good together. And I’d like to try.”
She sucked in a deep breath, and looked into his eyes intently. “This is serious, Sawyer. There is no trying. My heart can’t handle you trying.”
“Let me stay the night. We’ll talk.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. We’ll just be muddying the waters.”
“No sex. I just want to be with you.” I just want you to let me try.
Thirteen
Sawyer had slept over three nights in a row. No sex. Just talking and sleeping. They talked about the future, about what each of them wanted. They went over the reasons each of them was so completely unsure of what to do, but Sawyer didn’t seem to be getting any more comfortable with the idea of a baby. In fact, when Kendall asked him to join her at her first appointment with the obstetrician, it was met with so much hesitation that she didn’t bother to push him on it. The problem was that with each passing day of uncertainty from him, Kendall felt herself retreating. Shoring up her defenses. She knew her own tendencies and she knew why they were there—self-preservation. She and Sawyer had unwittingly thrown themselves into a lifelong commitment, and there were exactly zero easy answers after that. For Kendall, the notion of relying on Sawyer for anything was in direct opposition to her instincts. It had been her and only her for so long. She’d trained herself not to count on a man for anything.
