She rubbed a hand over Jarrett’s arm. “You’re a little behind there, babe.”
“Everyone stop talking.” Boss or not, that was about as much sharing as Wade could take. He was starting to see why Eli had adopted such an insular lifestyle. Once everyone knew everything, they talked about it all the time. “I’ll go in.”
“They’re talking business,” Jarrett said.
But Wade was already on the move. Instead of trying to shift around Becca, he went out the other end of the bar and headed for Jarrett’s office. “They sure as hell better be.”
He’d wound his temper up to a full-blown fever by the time he got to the door. He should knock. After all, they were discussing sensitive issues and Natalie’s safety was at stake.
All good points, but Wade threw the door open and walked in without any warning anyway. His gaze zipped around the room. Eli in Jarrett’s chair. Andy across from him. Heads down as they both studied files in front of them. No touching.
Wade decided Andy would get to keep breathing for a few more minutes. “We almost done in here?”
Only Eli looked up. The haze of concentration cleared from his eyes and a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “Subtle.”
“Most everything I’m learning matches with what Natalie said.” Andy tucked papers into a file and closed it before glancing up. “She’s a pretty good reporter of facts.”
Since the woman had run a section of the CIA and fought for her team, literally willing to exchange her life for theirs, Wade didn’t know why her competence would be an issue. “Is that a surprise?”
“It’s more a matter of how difficult it is to obtain information from her. That’s to be expected with who she is and how she’s had to operate for years, but even with a threat hanging over her she can be . . .” Andy closed one eye as if he were searching for the right words.
Wade tried to help. “Annoying as hell.”
“A total pain in the ass,” Eli said at the same time.
“Yes to both.” Andy laughed. “My brother has an interesting few weeks ahead of him.”
Eli shrugged. “Gabe can handle it.”
“Anything.” Andy put a stack of files into a briefcase and locked it. “He can handle anything.”
“We’ve talked more about the CIA and Natalie in an hour than I have during my entire life, so I’m ready to be done.” Eli leaned back in Jarrett’s big chair. “You need anything more from me?”
Andy just sat there. Looked at Eli, sparing only a quick second of attention for Wade before returning to the Eli staring.
Looked like the guy needed a reminder that Eli was very taken. Wade decided to issue one. “You might want to stop hesitating before I beat you to death.”
“Jennings.”
Wade had no idea what the hell that meant. “What?”
“He’s looking for you,” Andy said, never breaking eye contact with Eli.
The room had gone deadly serious, and tension expanded until it banged off every wall. Eli, relaxed a second ago, sat up straighter. He held on to the chair’s armrests. “He knows where I am and he can keep right on walking.”
Neither of them offered a clue and Wade was still lost. He thought they were talking about Andy’s ongoing attraction to Eli, but they’d clearly switched to a different topic. One that put Eli on edge, which moved Wade there, too. “Who or what are we talking about?”
“Someone from Eli’s old days.” Andy got up, all signs of flirting gone.
After a brief hesitation, Eli turned to Wade. “He trained me at The Farm.”
“And?” Wade knew the term. Eli was referring to the CIA’s top secret training facility in Virginia. That made “Jennings” a who and someone with the kind of ties Wade despised. The ones that could drag Eli back into a daily dose of unrelenting danger.
No fucking way.
“He wants you back.” Andy dropped the case on the chair he’d just abandoned. “Working for him.”
And there it was. Wade’s worst fear. “This day just gets better and better.”
Eli’s eyes narrowed. “Why am I finding out through you?”
“He’s testing the water. Checking your interest level.”
If Eli wasn’t going to answer, Wade would. “It’s zero.”
Andy looked back and forth from Eli to Wade. “Is it?”
They sounded so civilized, as if they were talking about the weather. Wade didn’t understand why they were spending even a second debating this. The answer was easy. Eli’s old buddies at the CIA had tried to kill him. Hunted him down, burned down his life and shot him, leaving him to bleed out, and hoped to pin it on Jarrett. If Eli hadn’t crawled to the front door of Holton Woods seeking refuge, he’d be dead. Maybe they all would be since that seemed to be the plan.
Wade would not let anyone hurt Eli now. “Tell this Jennings to look somewhere else.”
“It’s not that easy,” Andy said as he shook his head.
Quiet until that moment, Eli finally jumped back in. “It is. I’m out.”
“You know Jennings.” Andy kept shaking his head. “When he wants something, he gets it.”
Wade had an easy answer for that, too. “Not this time.”
Chapter Five
Wade hadn’t said anything for more than half an hour. They’d both gone to work, Eli just to tie up loose ends, and met back at Wade’s place well after one in the morning. After a quick bite to eat, Wade sat with his elbows on the kitchen table and a wall of empty Chinese food containers in front of him. And didn’t say a damn thing. Didn’t move.
Frustration boiled over inside Eli. “You going to tell me what’s going on in your head?”
Wade didn’t say anything for a few seconds. All of his focus seemed to be concentrated on playing with the metal handle on the top of one of the takeout containers. “Do you miss it?”
“What?”
“You know what I’m asking.” He shoved the cartons to the side. Made a path of sorts directly across to Eli, then pinned him with a stare that bordered on frantic. “The adrenaline rush. The chase.”
“You mean the killing, the torture and the mixed messages from above as political winds shift?” Eli hated all of that. Every last second. “No, Wade. I don’t miss it.”
Wade had emphasized the wrong skills because he didn’t quite get it. To be fair, no one outside of the business could truly understand it, though Wade came close. He knew about living with danger and the very real possibility of not breathing the next morning. His father had handed him a weapon and taught him how to steal, then threatened to have Wade killed when he admitted to being gay.
But he’d never dealt with stakes so high they possessed the power to topple governments. Eli had.
“You had this life and now you sit at a desk. You investigate on a computer and review documents.” Wade blew out a long breath before continuing. “A guy with your training—”
“It’s not all I am.” God, how Eli wanted that to be true.
“I know that, but sometimes I wonder if you do.”
This is what happened when you got involved and let someone else walk into your life and sniff all over it. For the first time ever, someone knew him. Really, deep down, past the walls to the dark void at the center, knew him.
On the first try Wade had hit on the source of much of Eli’s anxiety. The paralyzing fear bubbled just beneath the surface, waiting to knock Eli off stride every time he made inroads into putting a normal life together, or what he assumed others found normal. He had no clue and basically played along, hoping he was close.
Truth was, he hated talking about this stuff, about anything personal. Ignoring and changing the subject worked for him. But sitting there, looking into Wade’s eyes, seeing a mix of concern and a hint of what could be pain lingering there, Eli used another tactic. For once, he told the truth, unvarnished and ugly as it was.
“I spent my entire life running from something. A father who despised me. A twisted religious indoctrinat
ion I didn’t want. A part of myself I hated and didn’t understand and couldn’t make fit in with this image I had of who I was and how hard I could hit.”
Wade nodded. “Being gay.”
Wade needed to hear the words, so Eli said them. “Yeah, being gay. But not just that. I ran from any emotion, really. Investigating—killing the people who needed to be killed—gave me a purpose. It made me into something when I felt like nothing.” The words tore out of him, each one shaking the foundation he’d built over so many years. But for Wade, to keep him, Eli would rip away every bit of protection.
“The CIA was your refuge. You needed to believe in something.” Wade shrugged. “We all do.”
This he got. Eli knew he would. “I’ll admit, living that life was easier.”
“How is that possible?” Confusion shook Wade’s voice.
Eli reached for one of the near-empty food containers but stopped, letting his hand fall to the table. “The world was pretty black-and-white. Things, terrible things, had to be done to secure our safety. My training kicked in and I did the job, whatever it was. No doubting the call or the end goal.”
The chair creaked as Wade shifted his weight. “It sounds like a shitty way to live.”
It was, but Eli hadn’t realized it back then. He’d ridden the wave and convinced himself that every move made people safer. Then he’d met Wade and understood the difference between getting by and actually being engaged in life.
“I shut down every part of me that wasn’t about meeting basic needs because I thought so long as I had those covered I could operate at peak efficiency,” Eli said, hoping every word put him closer to being the man Wade needed. “I didn’t blindly follow orders, because half the time the suits in this town had no idea what they were talking about, but I was more machine than man.”
“And now?” There was no judgment in Wade’s voice. The question came out as all the others, as if he needed answers so he could understand the man sitting in front of him.
“I’m all man, or trying to be.” Failing a lot but Eli didn’t add that.
“I certainly see you that way.”
“What I wanted from life changed and I’m trying to change along with it.” Since Wade just sat there frowning, Eli spit out the bottom line. “I’m talking about you, you know?”
Wade stretched an arm across the table but kept his palm flat against the top. “It’s not as if I’ve lived a clean life either.”
“That’s why we work. You understand me and that I’m trying to be a different man. To accept who I am and live like everyone else.” The need for physical contact took over and Eli covered Wade’s hand with his. Slid their fingers together and held on. “You managed it. You shrugged off the bullshit your father handed you and refused to be defined by your past. That’s what I want.”
Wade turned Eli’s hand over and traced his thumb across the fleshy part of his palm. “I already like the man I see.”
“It’s a constant struggle.” One Eli would undertake, no matter the personal toll, if it meant winning Wade. “I’m half wild animal, and I can’t even blame the CIA for that. I grew up that way. Staying in one place, planting roots . . . not my style. But I am desperate to be that guy. For you.”
Wade’s thumb kept circling. “I wake up every morning worried that I’ll find a note or text saying you couldn’t handle it and are off again.”
That he could even think . . . Eli turned Wade’s hand over and held on tight. “That’s not going to happen.”
“You just admitted—”
“That line of work is ingrained in my DNA. I don’t deny that. But looking back, that life sucked.” Eli had both of his hands wrapped around Wade’s one now. “With you, everything is bright and clean and sure.”
Wade shook his head. His whole body sank as if the weight of all that could go wrong sat on his shoulders. “I may not be enough to hold you here.”
No . . . absolutely not. Eli refused to even think about that possibility. Wade could read people and understood personal relationships, but he had to be wrong about this. Despite the rush of adrenaline and the old desire to go out guns first and take on any threat that passed in front of him, Eli knew he was right where he needed to be. If he had to will Wade to believe, he would.
“I’m betting my life on you.” Eli lifted their joined hands to his mouth and whispered against Wade’s skin. “Don’t give up on me.”
The room tilted. Actually felt as if the air slammed to a halt and the walls shifted. Eli rarely begged and never put his heart on the line. Until now. A strange dizziness engulfed him as he waited for Wade to say something . . . anything.
After what felt like a thousand minutes of endless nothing, but likely spanned less than two, Wade stood up. Slow yet sure, he came around the table and stopped right next to Eli’s chair. With unreadable eyes and a blank expression, he looked down.
Every cell inside Eli clenched to the verge of imploding. He’d blown it. There was no other explanation. He searched his mind for the right words to say to make this better and get them back on even ground.
Before his brain kicked in, he was on his feet, dragged there by Wade, with his hands grabbing the back of Wade’s shirt as a blinding kiss overwhelmed him. Not sweet or flirting. This was bold—hot, wet and determined, as if staking a claim.
A tumbling sensation took off in Eli’s gut and the tension that had clamped down on him so hard a few minutes ago released. A new type of fever settled in. The kind that swept him up and spun him around. That had him thinking about stripping off Wade’s clothes and pushing inside him.
The kiss went on, growing in urgency with each pass of Wade’s mouth. His tongue teased. When Wade lifted his head again, there was nothing blank about his expression. The need was written right there. It pulsed off of him.
His hand caressed the side of Eli’s head, slipping into his short hair. “Never.”
He didn’t need to explain. Eli knew what he was responding to and heard the word as the vow it was. He wished he were eloquent, that he had the right word for every moment. But that wasn’t him. Fighting with Wade, seeing his doubts, hollowed Eli out. Made him feel raw and vulnerable and needy. Emotions he’d never experienced before Wade.
Expressing that proved impossible, so Eli fell back on the one way he could show Wade just how much he meant. “Bedroom.”
Wade smiled. “Not in the mood to fuck on the table?”
The sexual banter sent relief spilling through Eli. Instead of dodging another huge roadblock, this time they bulldozed their way through and somehow survived.
But he was not in the mood to joke. His hands shook with the need to get Wade naked. “I want you on the bed, facedown, with me pushing you into the mattress.” They both loved the position. It made Wade wild and blew Eli’s control faster than anything else could.
The amusement left Wade’s face. Only hunger remained. “Let’s go.”
They didn’t waste time talking. Turning and bumping into walls, they somehow made it into the doorway, but not before knocking over a kitchen chair. Through it all they never broke contact. They held each other as their mouths and hands roamed.
Eli couldn’t get enough air into his lungs but he didn’t care. When they finally reached the bedroom, he pushed Wade against the wall and went to work on his pants. Got the button open and the zipper down. Smiled when his hand closed over Wade’s dick and he heard a groan in response.
“You like that.” Almost as much as Eli loved touching him. So warm and alive, so real. Not some assignment. Not a quickie to burn off lust. Eli’s love for Wade lit like a slow flame, scorching every inch of him.
Wade ripped at Eli’s shirt, sending tiny white buttons popping as he ruined yet another dress shirt. “I love the way you touch me.”
Need drove them both. It wrapped around them and plunged them deep.
Eli shoved Wade’s pants down to his hips. He wanted Wade in his mouth but knew that would not be enough. “I’m going to fuck you.�
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“Hell, yes.” Wade’s mouth went to Eli’s neck. He sucked and licked as his hands stripped away the layers of clothing between them.
The words vibrated against Eli’s skin, touching off a tightening in his gut. One he knew from experience would not go away until he found his release inside Wade.
“Deep and slow, make you scream for relief . . .” Eli’s words trailed off as Wade’s hand shot past the elastic band of his briefs and wrapped around him with a squeeze.
“Do it now.” Wade ripped the shirt off Eli’s shoulders and dropped it on the floor. Next came the undershirt. Then Wade’s hands touched bare skin.
The mix of mouths and hands, the way their bodies wrapped around each other, had Eli fighting for control. He tried to grab on to it. When that failed, he stepped back from the wall, pulling Wade with him as he stumbled to get his pants off.
They were mostly naked by the time Eli spun Wade around and backed him up against the bed. “I want you on your back.”
For now, but that was not where this would end. Since he walked in the door, Eli had been thinking about positions and what he wanted tonight.
Eli barely let Wade’s body touch the mattress before crawling on top of him. His hips slid between Wade’s open thighs. His hands speared through Wade’s hair, holding his head still as they kissed. When Wade slid his hands down, pushing Eli’s pants over his ass, need punched Eli in the stomach.
Wade grabbed hands full of flesh and ground their bodies together. Eli felt the pinch of pain but the promise of something so much better hovering right behind it. His mouth went to Wade’s neck, then to his throat, while his hands traveled over his firm chest.
Unable to get enough or stop the drive to come, Eli skipped over foreplay and caressing. Things he loved, but his heart had started galloping and desire clawed at his insides. He needed this to happen now.
“Turn over,” he whispered while kissing Wade’s collarbone, then lifted to give him room to turn.
Their eyes met and Eli saw the heat there. In this they were in tune. There could be no doubt about how much they wanted each other.
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