by Lund, S. E.
"What are they doing?" I ask, pointing to one.
"Collecting wooden furniture, building materials, they're ripping up hardwood floors in old warehouses for firewood," Michel says. "Without gas, without heating oil, the people are freezing, living in the dark."
"Why are we here?"
"It's where Soren will try to take power."
We pass warehouses and docks, and streets littered with abandoned cars that have been junked, seemingly out of anger and frustration, the windows smashed in, the tires slashed, rude symbols or slogans spray-painted on the hoods. The same is true of the storefronts and office buildings, which have been similarly attacked. Huge plate-glass windows hang in broken shards, the streets and sidewalks littered with fallen glass. Stores have been looted, and as I catch sight inside the deserted buildings, I see row upon row of empty shelves.
We drive to Michel's mansion in the center of a thick grove of trees, which stands atop the crest of a hill. There's barbed wire on top of the high stone fence circling the property. We drive past an open metal gate to the house and the cart stops by a huge entrance with heavy wood doors. Michel helps me out of the old cart and takes my hand, leading me up the stairs and inside. The entry is enormous, with marble floors and columns. A staircase winds to a second floor and to the left and right are large reception rooms filled with ornate and antique furniture.
"I haven't seen anything like this since I was a child in Prague."
"You've been here before, but you don't remember."
He leads me up the stairs to the top floor to a bedroom and I think, I can't just do this. I can't just go from Julien to Michel.
"Stop," I say. "Don't do this. Not yet."
"If not now, when?"
I shake my head and pull my hand away. He lets me. We stand facing each other.
"What do you want from me?"
"I've already told you. I need your submission. At first, I know it will be hard, but you will enjoy it, Eve. Until then, I need you to play the part so that Soren is assured you're under my control and will obey."
"Will you at least tell me the truth when we're alone?"
"I'll tell you as much as I safely can. You'll have to trust me."
I sigh. Back to the old 'just trust me' demand.
"I'll give you some time," he says, "but it’s the one thing we don't have. I'm going to write up an agreement between us that I want you to read and sign. It's a contract between Dominant and submissive. Master and slave. However you want to call it."
"I read an entry in my journal that said you told me there'd be no need for contracts between us."
"I was wrong. I don't need one, but you do need it. Now, rest. I'll bring the contract for you to read later."
He closes the door, leaving me alone in the huge room. I sit in silence for a long time, trying to gain control over my emotions.
Finally, I wander around and touch the wood and velvet drapes, the silk coverlet, the tassels on the throw pillows. The furnishings are very luxurious.
I go to the washroom and pour water from a pitcher into a basin. I splash water over my face, examining my reflection in the mirror. Too much has happened in too short a time.
I don't know what I feel any more.
I go to the huge bed and crawl under the coverlet, pulling it over my head to block out the light. Soon, I'll need to feed. I don't know how Michel will handle that, but I have an idea.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
"Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit."
Khalil Gibran
I wake later after the sun has set and the room is in darkness except for the fire flickering in the hearth.
Michel sits by me on the bed, a document in his hand. He smiles softly when our eyes meet, and I swallow hard for I suspect he's got his contract in hand and wants me to read it.
I sit up and rub my eyes.
"Is that what I think it is?"
He nods, tilting his head to one side. "This contains my mind and my heart, Eve. Everything I want from you as my submissive. I want us to go over it. You have time to change things, if you need to."
"How much time?"
"As much as you need, within reason."
"I can change things?" I say, taking the document from him. It's handwritten on thick pages of linen-like paper, with careful script.
"Of course. This is all about you. You have to either accept it as is or alter anything that you cannot accept. Keep the things that make you happy and those that maybe challenge your limits a bit."
"Equality makes me happy."
"We can never be equals, Eve."
"Julien said we could."
"Julien was just telling you what you wanted to hear so he could keep you with him. I'm telling you the truth. What does equality mean?" he says, his voice patient. "I have more power than you – physically, psychically. Probably mentally and emotionally simply because of what I am and how long I've lived. I can't help but use it. It can't help but make me more powerful than you. It makes us unequal. That doesn't mean that I don’t love you and want you to be happy and I will take your needs into consideration."
"You can treat me as an equal, even if you're more powerful. It means that when it comes to making decisions, I have the right to make them for myself."
"I'm giving you a choice. I've always given you a choice. I'm giving that contract to you and offering you the chance to alter it. To accept it."
"So I choose to submit?"
"Yes, always. It's your choice."
"It means you take control over me."
"What it means is that I value you beyond everything in this existence. That I'll do everything in my power to make you happy. But that takes place within a defined set of rules for our behavior with each other."
I look over the document, but can't read it with him here. "I'll read it. I'll think about it."
He nods and takes my hand. "Dinner will be ready in an hour. Read it over." He raises my hand to his lips and kisses my palm. "We'll talk about it. I'll explain anything and you can make your changes, if you need to."
I sit on the bed by the fire and read in the firelight, a candle on the small table beside me.
Michel said this was his heart and mind, written out for me to accept and alter if I want. It looks a bit like a legal document except that it's handwritten. It starts out by naming him and then me.
Contract between Sir Michel Guillaume de Cernay (Master) and Eve Amelia Hayden (slave)
Purpose: The purpose of the contract is to assert the rules of possession and all that implies. The contract makes clear the expectations of the Master for the slave's behavior and the consequences for failure to live up to this agreement. The contract clarifies the responsibilities of the Master and the duties of the slave.
Symbols of Possession: The slave shall wear the slave collar of a design to be determined by the Master and accept the brand of slavery upon signing this Contract, and any other future marks or tokens the Master may wish to bestow upon His slave. Symbols of possession are visible reminders of status and should be worn with pride. They signify control and the lifestyle chosen by the slave.
Forms of Address: The slave shall address the Master in public first as "My Lord" and thereafter as either "My Lord" or "Sire". In private, the slave shall use either previous forms of address or "My love" as she desires.
Exclusivity: The slave shall not engage in a sexual act or enter into a sexual relationship with another man during the term of the Contract.
Responsibilities of the Master:
The Master is responsible for the physical, emotional and sexual care and control of the slave, fulfilling the slave's need for submission, to train her properly in serving His needs, both sexual and non-sexual. The Master will clarify His needs and desires in this contract and the slave will accept the terms or alter them as she sees fit. The Master must agree to the revisions or else terminate the relationship. It is also the Master's responsibility to provide an environm
ent of trust so that He may extend the capacity of the slave to experience pleasure and so it is His role to explore the relationship's boundaries where possible.
Duties of the slave:
The slave shall put the Master's sexual, emotional and physical needs above her own within the terms and limits of the Contract, obeying his demands and orders immediately and without question or hesitation to the best of her ability. She will fulfill the physical, sexual and emotional needs of the Master, provide for His amusement, serve His sexual needs, provide physical comfort, display perfect obedience, honesty, loyalty, waiting on the Master as desired and needed. She will accept that He knows how far to push her boundaries. She will only use the safe words when absolutely necessary and not without just cause.
Exclusions:
The slave will be allowed eight hours per day for time off during the period of sleep. During this time, the terms of the contract shall not be enforced, with the exception of sexual exclusivity.
Stipulation
The slave will obey the Master, including complying with His demands and orders, at all times that the Contract is in effect. Failure to comply with His demands will result in the following forms of discipline and punishment.
Discipline:
If the slave fails to perform her duties to the standard expected by the Master, the Master will demand that she repeat the act until it is satisfactorily performed.
Punishment:
If the slave refuses to comply with a demand, the Master may use the following forms of punishment:
Physical restraint including bodily restraint, restraint using ropes, cuffs, or other materials;
Spanking;
Performing obeisance (kneeling with head down, eyes closed);
Kissing the Master's hand, ring, foot, boot as the Master sees fit.
The Master will not injure or permanently scar any part of the slave's body in any way that is not part of the Contract.
Slave hereby acknowledges that Master's authority supersedes hers in any decision including, but not limited to: travel plans, visitations, activities, chores, recreation, monetary expenses or expenditures, obligations, management, diets, readings, processes, consumptions, priorities, communications or any otherwise alternative decision.
Master will solely determine the residence, including city, county, state and/or country of residence for said slave.
Behavior
• Attitude: In public, the slave should show an attitude of respect at all times. Disrespect is a serious offense and will be punished severely.
• Respect includes: manner of speech, promptness, kneeling to serve, proper answers, obedience, loyalty and honesty, keeping her eyes down unless being addressed directly by the Master. In private, the slave may look in the Master's eyes as she desires and to better anticipate His needs.
• Respect and obedience are the two most important aspects of attitude the slave shall show at all times. Failure will be punished.
If the slave is unable to comply with the Master's demands in an immediate manner or requires that an act be ended, she may use the safe word, which the Master and slave shall agree to prior to any encounter. If the slave is unable to comply with the Master's orders on a continual basis, the contract shall be considered broken and the relationship terminated.
Sexual Activity and Limits:
The slave shall comply with the Master's sexual desires without question and to the best of her ability, including the following acts:
Soft Limits: (any and all forms of the following)
Vaginal, anal and oral contact / penetration including oral, phallic, and digital penetration and penetration using appropriately designed sex toys;
Denial of orgasm;
Use of restraints, including handcuffs, ropes, and other forms of physical restraint and bondage.
Use of blindfold and gag.
Hard Limits: (no exceptions unless at the request of the slave)
Breath control
Fire play
Knife play
Signed Sir Michel Guillaume de Cernay (Master)
_______________________ This _____ day of ___________.
Signed Eve Amelia Hayden (slave)
__________________________ This _____ day of ___________.
I read the contract over several times, and despite everything, I respond to it, my body warming at the thought of doing as he commands. Of trying – really trying this whole Dominance/submission relationship. I sit on the bed and hold the pages of the contract against my chest, wondering if I can sign it. If I can follow through with it.
When Michel returns some time later, I've fallen asleep and he wakes me when he sits on the bed. I sit up, and rub my eyes, the contract on my lap.
"What did you think? Did you have any questions? Was there anything in it that you are unable to agree to?"
I swallow. "I can't just do this right now, Michel. It’s too soon."
He sighs, frowning. "Do you mean tonight or this week?"
"I don't know."
He looks away and I can tell he's fighting with himself. Finally, he turns to me, his blue eyes huge.
"I'll give you a few days. That's all I can spare, Eve. With each day, the plague spreads and we get closer to Dominion. Soren gains more power on his own, without your help."
He stands and turns away, but I stop him. "Before you go, can we talk about a few things?"
He turns back, sitting on the bed beside me.
"There's something I can't do in this. There's one thing I want to know more about. What's this?" I say, pointing to the clause about the brand. "A brand? What kind of brand?"
He tilts his head to the side and his gaze moves over my face. "A permanent mark on your skin somewhere private that only I can see when we're intimate."
"Do you mean a tattoo?"
"No," he says and rubs my cheek with his thumb. "A mark made with a branding iron. Something from my family's coat of arms to serve as a mark of possession. A fleur-de-lis."
"How big?"
"Small. Just for me to see. The size of a quarter. Perhaps behind your ear, or on your back. On your hip. Somewhere that only would be visible when you were naked but that I could see and enjoy when I bathe you and when we make love."
I grimace. It would hurt, but I can't deny that the symbolism of it, the permanence of it, appeals to me in that part of my heart I hate.
Then, there's the clause with the one thing I can't face.
I clear my throat. "I can't do this," I say and sort through the pages. I point to the clause mentioning anal sex. "You should already know I can't do this."
"You can do it," he says, his voice soft. "I know how you feel. I know what happened, but it's not what you think. Just as intercourse isn't the way you first experienced it, this doesn't have to be the way you experienced it."
"You said I could change things if I wanted," I say, my voice firm, a touch of anger in me at the thought he included it. "That's it – the only thing I can't accept. Anything to do with that."
"I want it, Eve, but I'll put that in the hard limits section for now," he says, pointing to the mention of anal-phallic penetration, "but I want to include this." He points to the reference to anal contact with the tongue, fingers and other sex toys designed for it. "If you let me try, I believe I can change your mind. If you don't like it, you can remove it but I want to retain the right to try."
I close my eyes, pressing my nails into my palms. "Can't you understand that there is nothing about it that appeals to me? It's disgusting. How could you want it? Any of it?"
"I understand your revulsion," he says softly. "But you must understand that to me, to a man, every part of your body is beautiful. Desirable. Erotic. I feel differently about your body than you do. Part of the purpose of a D/s relationship is for me to push your limits. For you to see how much more you can do than you think, how much more you can enjoy than you believe possible. You won’t do it on your own, Ev
e. You need this to free yourself."
"Slavery frees me?"
"Yes. You already enslaved yourself to your fear and bad memories, keeping yourself from feeling. If you turn over that slavery to me, I will free you from your own self-imposed slavery that keeps you from experiencing what you desire. To make you feel alive."
"I don’t want it. I don’t want anything to do with it."
He moves closer and runs his finger over my bottom lip.
"Can you trust me enough to keep that in, for the time being?" I look in his eyes and he's so determined. "Remember," he says, "that the largest part of this relationship is you trusting me to know how far to push. Taking responsibility for your pleasure. That's part of what is so appealing to you, and to me. Me knowing how far to go, how much you can take. What you need so there's no need for you to say yes or no."
"I have no interest in that," I say, shaking my head, poking my finger at it. "You'll never change my mind."
"Give me the right to try," he says, his voice soft. "If you dislike it, I won't try again."
I sigh. "Put that in writing. I want the right to take it out of the soft limits section and put it in the hard limits section if I don’t like it."
"Only if you don't experience pleasure in it, Eve. Not because you don't like the idea."
"Of course," I say, but I know I'll never enjoy it no matter what.
