On the Spectrum of Possible Deaths

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On the Spectrum of Possible Deaths Page 5

by Lucia Perillo


  In the autumn withering, the eyes of the children were noticeably shining, but I saw only the sidelong long-lashed white part of their eyes as they stepped up to the scope.

  “Check out the wolves,” he said (the minutes ticking)

  (the minutes nuzzling one another’s flanks)

  (the minutes shining in the farthest portion of the field

  as whatever emerged from it entered it again).

  Pharaoh

  In the saltwater aquarium at the pain clinic

  lives a yellow tang

  who chews the minutes in its cheeks

  while we await our unguents and anesthesias.

  The big gods offer us this little god

  before the turning of the locks

  in their Formica cabinets

  in the rooms of our interrogation.

  We have otherwise been offered magazines

  with movie stars whose shininess

  diminishes as the pages lose

  their crispness as they turn.

  But the fish is undiminishing, its face

  like the death mask of a pharaoh,

  which remains while the mortal face

  gets disassembled by the microbes of the tomb.

  And because our pain is ancient,

  we too will formalize our rituals with blood

  leaking out around the needle

  when the big gods try but fail

  to find the bandit vein. It shrivels when pricked,

  and they’ll say I’ve lost it

  and prick and prick until the trouble’s brought

  to the pale side of the other elbow

  from which I turn my head away—

  but Pharaoh you do not turn away.

  You watch us hump past with our walkers

  with the tennis balls on their hind legs,

  your sideways black eye on our going

  down the corridor to be caressed

  by the hand with the knife and the hand with the balm

  when we are called out by our names.

  Samara

  1.

  At first they’re yellow butterflies

  whirling outside the window—

  but no: they’re flying seeds.

  An offering from the maple tree,

  hard to believe the earth-engine capable of such invention,

  that the process of mutation and dispersal

  will not only formulate the right equations

  but that when they finally arrive they’ll be so

  …giddy?

  2.

  Somewhere Darwin speculates that happiness

  should be the outcome of his theory—

  those who take pleasure

  will produce offspring who’ll take pleasure,

  though he concedes the advantage of the animal who keeps death in mind

  and so is vigilant.

  And doesn’t vigilance call for

  at least an ounce of expectation,

  imagining the lion’s tooth inside your neck already,

  for you to have your best chance of outrunning the lion

  on the arrival of the lion.

  3.

  When it comes time to “dedicate the merit”

  my Buddhist friends chant from the ocean of samsara

  may I free all beings—

  at first I misremembered, and thought

  the word for the seed the same.

  Meaning “the wheel of birth and misery and death,”

  nothing in between the birth and death but misery,

  surely an overzealous bit of whittlework

  on the part of Webster’s Third New International Unabridged

  (though if you eliminate dogs and pie and swimming

  feels about right to me—

  oh shut up, Lucia. The rule is: you can’t nullify the world

  in the middle of your singing).

  4.

  In the Autonomous Vehicle Laboratory

  RoboSeed is flying.

  It is not a sorrow though its motor makes an annoying sound.

  The doctoral students have calculated

  the correct thrust-to-weight ratio and heave dynamics.

  On YouTube you can watch it flying in the moonlight

  outside the engineering building with the fake Ionic columns.

  I said “sorrow” for the fear that in the future all the beauties

  will be replaced by replicas that have more glare and blare and bling.

  RoboSeed, RoboRose, RoboHeart, RoboSoul—

  this way there’ll be no blight

  on any of the cherished encapsulations

  when the blight was what we loved.

  5.

  They grow in chains from the bigleaf maple, chains

  that lengthen until they break.

  In June,

  when the days are long and the sky is full

  and the swept pile thickens

  with the ones grown brown and brittle,

  oh see how I’ve underestimated the persistence

  of the lace in their one wing.

  6.

  Is there no slim chance I will feel it

  when some molecule of me

  (annealed by fire, like coal or glass)

  is drawn up in the phloem of a maple

  (please scatter my ashes under a maple)

  so my speck can blip out

  on a stem sprouting out of the fork of a branch,

  the afterthought of a flower

  that was the afterthought of a bud,

  transformed now into a seed with a wing,

  like the one I wore on the tip of my nose

  back when I was green.

  About the Author

  Lucia Perillo’s fifth book of poems, Inseminating the Elephant (Copper Canyon, 2009), was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize and received the Washington State Book Award and the Rebekah Johnson Bobbitt National Prize from the Library of Congress. Her book of stories, Happiness Is a Chemical in the Brain, will be published by Norton in 2012, and a book of her essays, I’ve Heard the Vultures Singing, is out in paperback from Trinity University Press.

  Acknowledgments

  Grateful acknowledgment is made to the editors of the following publications, in which these poems first appeared:

  The American Poetry Review, The Atlantic, Barrow Street, Kenyon Review Online, The Los Angeles Review, New England Review, The New Yorker, Orion, Ploughshares, Poetry, Rio Grande Review, Salt Hill, Seneca Review, Southern California Review, Subtropics, Tin House, and Voices in Italian Americana.

  Copyright 2012 by Lucia Perillo

  All rights reserved

  Cover art: Giotto di Bondone, detail from The Last

  Judgement, ca. 1305.

  Photo credit: Alinari/Art Resource, NY.

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