by Lara Avery
To the fine folks who reside in the very real, very green Upper Valley, thank you for letting me wander through and romanticize. Thanks, Charlie—yeah, bud.
Mandy, Emma—you, too, plus everything. For being there at the best and worst. Minnesota, my sweet, unexpected home. Anthony, Hannah, Ian, Luke, Patrick, Ross, Sally—I’d lasso the moon for you, you know that. Sometimes I wish we could all live in connected caves and gather berries for food and stay up all night telling stories and jokes.
To anyone who has had to suffer through a terminal disease like Niemann-Pick (or anyone who is related to someone who has), thank you for the liberty to live in your shoes for a few hundred pages. Forgive me for inconsistencies and exaggerations. If the way I told Sammie’s story doesn’t feel right, write to me. Or better yet, write it the way you would like to see it.
Grandma Sally and Grandpa Buck, Grandma Hazel and Grandpa Bill, and Great-Aunt Margaret, for telling the stories that matter. Lastly and never leastly, Mom, Dad, Wyatt, Dylan, Puppy, and Lucy. Thanks for letting me go off to build my little worlds, and for being there when I return.
CONTENTS
COVER
TITLE PAGE
WELCOME
DEDICATION
THE MEMORY BOOK
WHAT MRS. TOWNSEND WAS PROBABLY LOOKING AT
WHITE MALE PHILOSOPHERS WHO (BASED ON THEIR PORTRAITS) I/WE WOULD MAKE OUT WITH
SHAH DOLCE VITA
THE WAITING ROOM
NOT TOO SICK, OR HOW TO AVOID BEING ON A WEBSITE IN A TROPICAL SHIRT
THE REVENGE OF COOPER LIND
AFFIRMATIVE CASE FOR ATTENDING ROSS NERVIG’S PARTY FRIDAY NIGHT: AN EXPLORATION INTO TEEN SOCIAL HABITS UNDER THE GUISE OF DEBATE PREPARATION
THE UNEXPECTED PARTY
THE DEATH DRIVE
ROY, ROY, ROY
WHICH KIND OF TREE AM I—AM I EVEN IN THE FOREST?
OH MY GOD
THOUGHTS
BY ALL ACCOUNTS, HERE’S HOW NATIONALS SHOULD UNFOLD:
LIFE DURING WARTIME
SO IT BEGINS
SUCK IT
UNTITLED
FUCK IT
SERIOUSLY, FUCK THIS
TRUTH BOMBS
QUASIMODO RETURNS TO THE BELL TOWER
SPEAKING OF PITS OF DESPAIR, DON’T SPEAK
TASK FORCE
YES, YES, YES
NO ONE CARES AS MUCH AS WE DO
UUGGHHGHGHGHGGGGHHHHHH
ALTERNATIVE RESOURCES, PHASE ONE
A SCENE FROM PROVINCIAL LIFE: IN WHICH MOM SWITCHES TEAMS (FOR NOW)
COME ON
JUST A TUESDAY, LIKE ANY OTHER TUESDAY
HUMANS HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR CENTURIES: A LESSON IN ANATOMY
COOPER LIND’S GUIDE TO ALTERNATIVE RESOURCES
LOOK, TEXTS FROM STUART SHAH
BLUE RASPBERRY
ALTERNATIVE RESOURCES, PHASE TWO
BIKINI BOTTOM
THE CLOCK HANGS IN THE JUNGLE
PDA
LAST FINAL, LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT
UNTITLED, IN A GOOD WAY
I HAD TO WIPE THE SWEAT OFF MY PALMS ON MY DRESS SO I COULD TYPE
YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE
RUNNING
PLEASE
I DIDN’T DIE
WHAT HAPPENED
COOPER WAS KIND OF RIGHT
THREE NEW MESSAGES
GRATITUDE
HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO
LUCID DREAMING
CAPTAIN STICKMAN
OOOOOOHHHHHH
MRS. TOWNSEND: THE SEQUEL
TEXTS FROM STUART SHAH, NPC EDITION
THAT MONSTER WOMAN THEY KEEP IN THE ATTIC IN THAT ONE BOOK
HOT, STILL, AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY
SO I DID
THE MIRACLE OF SCIENCE
EVERY DAY THIS SUMMER HAS BEEN SUCH GOOD WEATHER, EVEN WHEN IT STORMS
COOP’S GCHAT ATTEMPT TO MAKE ME THINK LOSING MY MEMORY IS NOT SO BAD
KIDS WILL BE KIDS (THAT WAS A GOAT PUN)
WHEW!
TOMORROW
HIGHWAY 89 REVISITED
BAD
BIG WORLD
A LETTER I HAVEN’T SENT
STUART SHAH, NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
MASS
I WISH I HAD DONE THIS FOUR YEARS AGO
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
COPYRIGHT
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 by Alloy Entertainment
Cover art © 2016 by Maksim Shirkov
Cover design by Elaine Damasco
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
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Hachette Book Group
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The Poppy name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
Produced by Alloy Entertainment
1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019
www.alloyentertainment.com
First ebook edition: July 2016
ISBN 978-0-316-28377-9
E3-20160613-JV-PC
