by Dee Ellis
“I want our friends to know. The girls and Coopers boys, and Levi. I want to meet your parents. Your sister. I want them to all know that...you are the best thing to ever happen to me. It scares me, and sometimes I ask Gerdie if I ever woke up from that fire. Because it feels honest and real and so fucking perfect sometimes. You are more than enough for me, Hunter Byrne. I want to celebrate what I feel for you.” For a long moment, the room was quiet.
Hunter watched me in the afternoon sun, and I realized I was holding my breath. It had always been my choice to keep the marriage quiet. I was so certain the others would think we were being foolish. Rushing into it. Or worse, upset we had beat them to it and not invited them to boot.
Slowly, he moved over me again, one large hand dropping to tangle in my hair. Hunter lowered his face into my neck as his whole body settled against mine. I loved the weight of him, my arms trying to close around his broad shoulders. Legs hitching up at either hip. We just laid like that, in an easy embrace, for ages.
“After little sister’s visit, yeah?” Hunter’s voice was rough and deep, his words warm against my ear.
“I think…I think you are my family now. Not Poppy or my parents or Seth. My geeky book girls and your firefighter buddies and anyone else we want to make our family. I don’t…I don’t need them to want me anymore.” Softness changes his features that were burning with mirth moments before.
“No, you don’t. Because I want you. Those geeky girls and those dick wad firefighters…we want you. Just as loud and fucked up as you are, Darlin’.” Just like that, I realize it’s true.
This is it. I’m married to this man, and I want to be. Oh, maybe at first I did it to feel safe again. To keep him the only way I thought I could. But now, I know…I know we would have ended up just like this. Because I love him for more than how safe he makes me feel. I love him for loving me just as I am.
Hunter realizes it the same moment I do. I moan as he thrusts once, sinking deep inside me. I come almost instantly, and he growls, his teeth biting at my lips as he whispers promises. To love me, to protect me; from Seth, from Poppy, from anything. To give me babies and let me paint and dream and be loud and colorful. I come again after—his words are that powerful.
“I love you. I love you.” I almost weep it as he touches his forehead to mine.
“I love you, Lola Byrne. I think I did from the first moment. I will protect you. I’d save you a thousand times. Just to get see your art and hear you laugh and talk to your kooky bird. I love you and all your messy, colorful parts, like nothing else. This is like nothing else I knew I could feel, Darlin’.” A few more pumps of his hips and he’s spent, his cock pulsing deep inside me.
I’m on the pill, and yet, a thrill of excitement shoots. I can feel his shaft shudder deep as it empties inside me. For the briefest moment, I forget. Just long enough for that excitement to build into something. Until it plummets.
It doesn’t matter, pill or not. Fucking idiot. Of course, it doesn’t. Not that I’ve told that part of my story to anyone. Just like that, the moment is changed, the edges burnt and dark because, he doesn’t know. Because I kept that part to myself.
I watch in shame as Hunter smooths his ring hand over my belly, smirking teasingly. I know what he’s wishing for. What he wants. That part I kept to myself means I took that away from him.
My hazy afterglow of orgasmic bliss, bright and glittering, fades quickly. I see gray darkness, the cloud of lies I keep close. A cloud that threatens to ruin what I finally found with Hunter. Because, once I tell him the truth, I know I’ll lose him.
Pain ricochets through me even as he cuddles me close, smoothing a heavy hand over my bare skin. Silent tears trail my cheeks as he whispers about a future, a house, kids. A life that I know I can’t give him. He is too loud, that sexy husky southern drawl echoing softly, to hear my heart breaking.
“Do not trust your sister.” I am alone in the stacks, closing the library, when I take a call from Brynn.
Brynn Gold was my closest friend from the time we were in kindergarten. I got too wild and crazy, she reined me in. Brynn spent too much time with her nose in a book, I cranked some Britney Spears and we had a dance party. We leveled each other out. To say I had been off balance without her in my life was a wild understatement.
Brynn was a spunky redhead with a smattering of freckles that she hated but everyone else loved. Her sparkling eyes, a stunning jade in color, were lit with anger now as I Facetimed her while putting away the last of the returns.
Just weeks into seeing Hunter, he got me talking about my past. Soon after, at his suggestion, I reached out to Brynn. Then Poppy. Clearly, my instincts to reach out to Brynn first were with good reason. Even now, after almost four years of radio silence, she was quick to leap to my defense.
“I don’t trust her, to be honest. I thought seeing her might be good for me,” I explained to her the same I had to Hunter, sighing as I made a face at my phone, “I was wrong. Poppy is hardly the girl I remember.” This truth saddens me, and I feel it almost overwhelm me in the shadows of the library.
Poppy was always my ray of sunshine. Bright and lively, happy to trail after me and mimic my every move. I got a new dress for an event, Poppy got one too. If I had to smile and pose for the cameras, Poppy copied each pose proudly. We had once been so close.
That ended before Seth, but I pinned the blame on him. It was easier than accepting that we had just grown apart. Because I stopped wanting the same things she did.
I had only ever wanted to make my parents happy. Make them proud of me. Love me. No smiling at events or waving from the back of Cadillacs was ever enough. Acting out, running off with Seth had not drawn their affections either. I doubted anything would.
In their eyes, I was nothing more now than a messy mistake, kept in shadows. Poppy was their sun now; doting daughter with a senator-in-the-making as her fiancé and an empty smile for the cameras.
“Poppy is an ice princess, Lola,” Brynn sighed sadly, shaking her long hair out as she made a face at me, “I don’t even recognize her anymore. It’s like once you left, Poppy slipped into this role that she doesn’t ever slip out of now. The girl is barely human sometimes, she’s so fucking robotic. Playing whatever role they set her up in. Doting daughter, Martha Stewart in the making, supportive wife-to-be to our next great senator. It’s so sad; there is no Pops left in Poppy Lawton.” It breaks my heart a little, but I know Brynn is right.
“Is it my fault? Because I wanted something different, something they didn’t have control of? Seth was my ticket, I thought; he swore he never wanted the life they had set up for us. Now...I think he always intended to be what Bart is now; he just wanted to take the long route to get there.” Shoving the empty return cart back behind the counter, I propped my phone up and climbed atop it.
“Seth’s idea of rebellion is almost sad. Living his rock star dream out while taking Daddy Fairchild’s money to do it. He still shook hands and smiled for photo ops when they insisted. Problem is, Seth is a violent, sadistic fuck whose teen rebellion washed out the spoiled rich kid and left its mark. The Fairchild’s stopped asking and stopped funding his addiction. Moved Bart into his place and Poppy into yours. It’s not your fault you don’t want a part of it, Lola. Even less your fault that Poppy does.” Brynn shook her head sadly.
“I guess I feel responsible. Like it’s my fault she turned into...whatever she is now. Because that’s not the Poppy I knew. I mean, yeah, she loved the attention but....” I shrug my shoulders and switch to a text, responding to Hunter’s message that he’s headed to pick me up.
“You didn’t force her to hook up with Bart. Who is worse than Seth, I think. He hides how big of a dick he is. At least Seth showed you what a douche canoe he was up front. Any word from Rocker Stalker?” Brynn had begun calling Seth this once I’d updated her about spending the past two years basically hiding from him.
“Not in a while, actually. Either Hunter managed to scare him off, which I h
ope, or he’s waiting. Which I’m afraid of. Guess we just wait and see, I suppose. How are you though? How is Boston?” Tired of woe-is-me talks, I diverted the talk.
“Fine. Okay. School is exciting, of course.” As usual, Brynn seemed less concerned with herself and less than excited to talk about her life.
We had been talking at least a few nights a week for months now, and I sensed she wasn’t happy. We had always planned to head to Boston for school—me for art and Brynn for architecture. Dorm together and enjoy our college years together.
Instead, I got married and Brynn got pregnant. One night stand with the hot quarterback she had coveted since freshman year.
Brynn was levelheaded so, it had shocked most of us. Being a single mother was hardly a crime. It was, however, not something Brynn wanted for herself. I was gone, following Seth like a fool, by the time she signed papers to give her daughter up for adoption.
It was another thing I harbored guilt over. Perhaps if I’d been there...or at least tried to talk to her, things might be different. Two years later, Brynn picked up the dream we’d veered so far from. Now, she was finishing school in Boston, and I was so proud of her, I could burst.
“Four more weeks, right?” My voice became animated, and soon hers did too as we talked about her impending graduation.
Hunter and I had plans to head to Boston in just a few weeks to be there for it. I missed Brynn more than I’d realized, and, because he was the lovely beast of man he was, Hunter surprised us both with the plan just before our honeymoon. Brynn knew we’d eloped and thought it was the most romantic thing ever.
It was pretty romantic, if I was being honest.
For a few moments, we talked about her graduation, about my visit, about her meeting Hunter. I pressed Brynn about the man in her life, whom she barely spoke of. Just when she started talking about him, I heard him. Heard footsteps that, at first, I thought was Hunter.
“Brynn, let me Skype you in about ten minutes, ok, cupcake? Hunter is here...” I twisted when I smelled it.
Whiskey. The stale smell of cigarettes mixing with expensive cologne. Not leather and smoke and my Hunter. Seth. Somehow, he not only found me, but found me alone and unguarded. I never had a chance.
My phone crashed to the floor as his hands snatched at my arms. I didn’t scream or fight. It just made it worse, I knew that. The sting of his hands yanking at my hair flooded my eyes with tears. Then his breath was hot and rancid in my face
“Missed you, babes. Think it’s time we got some Facetime.” Seth smirked at my phone before stomping it with his heavy boots.
Hunter. He was coming to get me! I was fine. I’d be fine. He would save me. Like he always had, from the first moment he looked at me and saw me. Like the fire. I wasn’t scared, and Seth saw that. Slowly, he smiled that twisted, lovely smile, and I felt fear darkening my edges.
“Oh, babes. Your southern gentleman won’t be here to rescue you this time. Little sister made sure of that.” That smile changes, becoming the one of my nightmares.
I lunged at him, beating my tiny fists on his broad chest. Seth is tall and slender; once, I thought he was tall, dark and handsome. Now, he’s lost weight, is pale, and more lanky than slender and his expensive clothes hang on him all wrong. Seth is still larger than me, however. His one hand stays tangled in my hair, yanking my head back as his other easily captures my hands.
“Enough. For now. I do like it when you fight, though; you know that, babes.” I almost retch as he rocks against me, the bulge in his skinny jeans heavy against my belly.
“I hate you.” I spat the words in his face as I twisted away from him.
“Oh, babes. I love you. You love me. We can be a happy family.” He sang the last line; his eyes looked crazy, and I was fucking terrified.
The hand in my hair yanked hard once and his cold, dry lips were against mine. I bucked and shoved and twisted, but couldn’t break free. Seth lifted away, and I saw the hate in his eyes—he had lovely blue eyes that I’d once seen a future in—then blinding pain replaced my fear.
Everything went black before I even hit the floor.
15
Something was wrong. Call it intuition, years of firefighting, or fucking Spidey sense. I could tell before I reached the library. On my way to pick up Lola, I’d gotten half a dozen texts from her sister. Poppy should have been packing her shit so we could drop her at the airport tonight. Thank God for small favors.
Poppy’s visit was over, finally. I hoped it was her last, to be honest. Not only did I dislike the uppity bitch, I hated how she treated my wife. Lola had been miserable since Poppy had arrived, even with all my efforts to keep her spirits up. I’d kept her stocked in orgasms and giggles; it just wasn’t enough.
“I just want her gone. It was a waste of time. Of effort. Poppy is not the girl I remember.” Lola had cried to me just last night, so ready for the visit to be over with.
“Not a waste, Darlin’. You made the effort; you tried. Now, you can go forward knowing that.” I’d held her and did my best to kiss away her tears and brighten the dark mood her latest bonding failure had wrought.
One last night out on the town, Poppy had asked. Just the girls. Air shit out, move forward. Instead, Poppy had pressed about Seth, about their divorce, their minute-long marriage, and why Lola had not tried harder to make it work.
I’d been livid when I’d heard and nearly insisted Poppy get the fuck on a plane last night. I was done with her meddling in a past she knew nothing about. A past she didn’t care about until it affected her future.
“They want all their kids on stage for their victory. Smiling so bright and waving so hard it just might hide the fact that their perfect families are so fucked, up they can’t run their own lives, let alone the country. Too fucking bad.” Lola ranted in bed last night.
Poppy’s mission was a failure, and her last hours here had reeked of her desperation. Lola refused to come home, to do interviews, or pose for photos that would bolster her father’s campaign.
They wanted Poppy and her fiancé Bart front and center, but preferred Seth and Lola finish off the fucked-up family photo ops. Lola’s lack of cooperation had left Poppy surly and bitter, and I was glad we’d be done with her today.
Except, once I stepped foot into the library, I knew better. It felt wrong. It was quiet after hours, but this was too quiet. Lola was often giggling or chattering with her BFF, Brynn, these days, waiting for me to scoop her up for the night. Tonight, it was silent. Utterly silent. I checked my phone and began reading the messages Poppy had sent.
Poppy: Seth is here. As in, here with Lola. Showed up half an hour ago.
Poppy: Does he visit her often?
Poppy: Thought he was stalking her? Should I call the cops? I mean, she let him in, but still.
Poppy: Oh, you poor thing. I can hear them, and they are definitely getting along just fine. Lola always was a sneaky one.
Poppy: I wouldn’t come home now. Wait it out. Seth manipulates her, you can’t blame her. Lola doesn’t stand a chance when he wants in her panties. Never did.
Poppy: This is why I came. It was inevitable. They always end up back together. You think this is the first break up they’ve had?
Poppy: Good grief, Lola has no shame. It’s so disrespectful: in your home, in your bed. Disgusting.
Of course, I knew better. Knew she was a fucking liar. I knew Poppy was running game on me, and she thought her tactics would run me off. Little debutante Poppy had no fucking clue who she was dealing with. Lola was mine. My wife. The mother of my future kids. My entire fucking future.
Without bothering to respond, because Poppy didn’t deserve the effort, I checked the circulation desk. I normally found my lady waiting there, a stack of books and stories about her day ready for me. Tonight, it was empty. At least, I thought it was.
Until I saw her phone. Smashed on the floor.
Panic gripped me, my vision blurring until I had to grip the counter to keep from falling to my
knees. Seth. I could smell Lola’s sweet minty-freesia scent in the air. I could also smell cigarettes and desperation. Okay, maybe not the desperation, but I put two and two together.
“Diggs,” I snatched her phone up as I called it in, rushing from the library, “I need you, man. Think that son of a bitch got my lady. Station, now.” I didn’t need to say more, I knew he’d be there.
“Finn. Tell Deacon I need that favor. Yeah. Gone. Fuck, she’s gone!” I stumbled again as I made a second call, one that I’d warned Deacon Cooper I might be making.
Diggs had told me two weeks ago that it looked like Seth was edging on desperate. The tail he had following him had caught him following not just Lola, but the sisters, myself, even Gigi and Charli. Anyone close to Lola. He was desperate to get closer to her somehow, and clearly, the tail had not done their job tonight. Because he’d gotten too fucking close to my Lola.
“You got it, man. You need anything else? Need us?” I recovered when Finn’s voice boomed through my phone; he was riled up and angry. A riled up Finn was good for me. Bad for Seth.
“Just be ready in case I do.” My tires spun out on the pavement as I sped away from the library.
I had no idea where I was going for a moment. I was that panicked. Then, I remembered the plan. Deacon told me to use the departments resources if something like this were to happen. The call to Finn was aligning those resources. Any off-duty cops, firemen, anyone we needed would be ready to join the search if we mounted one. I had no idea where to start, though.
“Speak to me.” I barked into my phone as I sped through a light, laying on my horn.
“Bad news. The sister? My tail says she left the apartment late last night. Followed her to a hotel. The same hotel we got Seth at. Bro... your lady’s baby sister is in on whatever Seth is up to, man.” Diggs updated me as I neared the fire station.
“Goddamnit. I knew it! That icy bitch was up to some shit this whole time. I knew it.” My fists beat at my steering wheel as I maneuvered through traffic.
