Beautifully Damaged

by Fiore, L. A.

  My interest in him was silly because that man together with me would be as comical a notion as Brad Pitt and the little old lady from the "Where's the beef" commercial. Still, a girl could dream and did I ever about Trace. To be able to touch every inch of that body, to feel as those beautiful arms wrapped around me, to pull me close, the touch of his lips against my skin and to be the one to make him lose control as he moved so deeply inside of me, over and over, again...

  Someone knocked into me, disrupting my very erotic daydream, which was a good thing since I was dangerously close to pulling a Meg Ryan. I didn't realize that I was staring at Trace during my entire fantasy so I quickly moved it along on legs that had grown surprisingly weak.

  Since I wasn't going to get the man, I decided to settle for the most decadent chocolate coffee concoction Starbucks could think up. In addition to my drink and coffee beans, I tacked on four of their cake-pops to my order and, yes, I knew the whole purpose of those devilish delights was to enjoy the sin in moderation, but to hell with that.

  I was just leaving the place, coffee in one hand, pop in the other, when the door opened and in walked Trace with his beauty. Ah hell, and here I just shoved the entire birthday cake-pop into my mouth. I tried to hide in the shadows, motionless, hoping that Trace was like a t-rex and that his vision was based on movement, but when his voice spoke my name, my shoulders slumped as I turned, looking very much like a cow grazing in a pasture. He was in his favorite outfit of faded jeans and a tee but, honestly, when you looked that good in something, hell yeah, wear it all the time. My eyes traveled up his arm, because that tattoo called to me and what that meant, I didn't know, but when my eyes finally found his I was surprised to see tenderness looking back at me.

  "How are you, Ember?"

  I put up my finger, giving myself a moment to finish my cake-pop, and noticed that though Trace was looking at me kindly, his date, not so much.

  "Hi, Trace."

  There was something intimate about the way his lips curved up as he held my gaze. Clearly, his friend noticed it too when she wrapped herself around him and pressed her very feminine body up against him."

  "Come on, baby, let's go."

  Trace's arm moved and, being so fixated on that fabulous appendage, I couldn't stop from watching as he wrapped it around her thin waist before his hand came to rest on her ass. It wasn't until he squeezed her and she moaned deep in her throat that I managed to pull my envious gaze from that back to his eyes only to find that he was still watching me. It was painful looking at the man you wanted more than a cake-pop and knowing you'd never have him because to do so would mean becoming one of many other notches on his bedpost. He must have seen something in my expression because his changed, ever so slightly, but standing near him was becoming too difficult so I smiled as I started around him.

  "It was nice to see you again, Trace."

  I walked out of Starbucks battling disappointment and stuffed another cake-pop into my mouth. I didn't feel like going home so I found a bench and sat down. There was a part of me -- a rather large part -- that sat there waiting to see Trace. It was stupid and very juvenile; I know, but I was crushing on the man. Yes, I was being immature and later I would have a stern talk with myself about acting my age.

  Sooner than I would have thought he and the beauty queen appeared on the curb outside of Starbucks. I watched as Trace hailed a cab and felt my stomach drop just imagining where they were off to. A yellow cab pulled up to the curb and Trace opened the door for the woman but instead of following after her, he closed the door behind her. He didn't even wait for the cab to pull from the curb as he started down the street. Before I could argue with myself one way or the other, I was up and walking down the street after him. It could be argued that I was technically stalking him but I was just too damn curious about him. Based on his performance in Starbucks, I thought that he and beauty were getting ready to go horizontal for a while so the fact that he put her in a cab only moments after I left -- I couldn't deny it; I was intrigued.

  I clearly was not cut out for undercover work since we hadn't even gone two blocks before Trace realized he had a tail. It was mortifying to lose him in a crush of people only to have him sneak up behind me a minute later. He spoke my name and I almost jumped ten feet off the pavement. I turned, knew I was the color of a fire truck, and was greeted to the most devilish smile that I'd ever seen.

  "Are you following me, Ember?"

  I tried to look outraged but was clearly as good an actress as I was a private investigator based on Trace's amused expression. "No, of course not. I was just walking. It's a wonderful form of exercise -- walking."

  There was the slightest of grins pulling at the one side of his mouth before he offered, "I've heard that about walking."

  I didn't know how I managed to hold his gaze since I knew that he knew I was lying. And then I shocked even myself. I blamed the sugar from the cake-pops or the caffeine or the adrenaline when I opened my mouth and asked, "So what happened to your friend?"

  I paled and then blushed beet red. Trace's reaction was interesting. He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and rolled back on his heels. He held my gaze and I swear I saw humor dancing in his eyes before he said, "She was tired."

  Liar. He knew that I knew that he was lying but the question I had was why? He was supposed to be a player, a love-them-and-leave-them kind of guy so why didn't he love her before he left her? We both continued to stare at the other and maybe I was being fanciful but I felt the air all but zapping between us. I didn't know where the boldness came from since I usually fumbled when trying to talk with a man.

  "A shot or two of espresso may have helped her with that."

  He said nothing but his eyes were laughing. I didn't want to go, I wanted to stand there all day and talk to him. That was weird -- weird enough to have me moving it along.

  "Well, I should probably be getting home. It was nice to see you again, Trace."

  "Would you like me to walk you home?"

  "Would I ever." I said and then I realized I actually said that out loud. I spared a glance at Trace who was full out smiling at me. This would be a good time for a bolt of lightning to strike me down. I started backing away from him as his laughing eyes stayed glued to mine.

  "I'm fine but thanks."

  "Hope you have a nice day, Ember."

  I was beyond words so instead I smiled, turned and fled. I felt his eyes on me until I disappeared from sight.

  The following morning as I ate my breakfast I contemplated my chances of getting into the witness protection program. The idea of changing my identity and disappearing off the face of the Earth was oh so tempting after my ridiculous display from the day before. Not only had I stalked a man but I actually got caught doing so by said man. I didn't think I'd ever been more embarrassed in my life. The only thing that kept me from picking up stakes and heading for the hills was the fact that we lived in Manhattan. What were the chances that I was going to see him again? Slim to none and this thought both delighted me and depressed me. I was pulled from my thoughts when my phone rang.

  "Hello."

  "Hi, Ember, it's Trent."

  "Hey, Trent. What's up?"

  "You interested in going out tonight?"

  "Yeah. Anywhere that serves alcohol."

  I could hear the humor in his voice when he asked, "Why?"

  "Because sometimes I can be stunningly stupid."

  "Clearly there is a story there. You'll have to tell me later."

  "Not if I can help it."

  He laughed at me before he offered, "I wanted to check out Peacock. Does that work for you?"

  "Yup, what time?"

  "I'll come for you around seven."

  "Cool, see you then."

  After breakfast I tidied up the apartment, read for a bit, and by five I started for my room to get ready when the door opened and in walked Lena. Things had been a bit tense with us and I hated it, especially since we lived together. It was
because of this, and our life-long friendship, that I tried to smooth things over.

  "Hi, Lena."

  She looked over at me, an odd expression on her face, before she said, "Hi."

  "I'm going out with Trent tonight. Do you want to come?"

  "No, Todd and I are going out. He's taking me to the theater." She offered this as she moved through the apartment towards her room.

  "That sounds like fun. What are you going to see?"

  She tensed before she looked back at me.

  "Why do you care?"

  "I'm trying to make pleasant conversation, Lena."

  She closed her eyes for a moment before she offered, " I don't know what we're seeing, he's surprising me."

  I didn't understand how Lena couldn't see that her relationship with Todd was not a good one, not when someone changed so radically so quickly. I wanted to say something, a friend would, but Lena was the kind of person who didn't like to hear anything that went against what she wanted or believed. So I held my tongue and offered, "I hope you have a nice evening."

  And then I disappeared into my room not bothering to wait for a reply.

  The club was crowded but Trent and I did manage to get a table. It was karaoke/open-mic night so for the next hour we listened to some truly dreadful singing but it was a hell of a lot of fun. I learned something about myself. Apparently, I was someone who lost all of my inhibitions when I drank because I decided I wanted to give the open mic a shot. When the mic was free I looked over at Trent.

  "Will you go up there with me?"

  "Yeah."

  He stood, and reached for my elbow, as he led me up onto the stage. He grabbed the acoustic guitar and took one of the stools while I took the other, the one that sat right behind a mic.

  "What song, Ember?"

  I thought on that for a minute before I answered, "Do you know Blood Brothers from Ingrid Michaelson?"

  "Yeah."

  I closed my eyes as Trent strummed out the first few measures and then I just lost myself to the song.

  I would love to have been a rock star but I am ridiculously shy and fortifying myself with alcohol every night just wouldn't be wise. The song came to an end with a moment of silence before the crowd roared in approval. I sat there just looking out at the crowd as excitement burned through me. I stood and turned to Trent and ran to him throwing myself into his arms.

  "Nicely done, Ember." He whispered into my ear.

  I pulled back before I smacked a nice, big, wet kiss on his mouth. "That was so much fun."

  "Hell, yeah."

  Three hours later, Trent and I both were ready to go. I had a few too many drinks and though I wasn't staggering, I knew I was going to be hurting in the morning. I excused myself to the restroom and as I returned noticed a shadow of a man against the wall. I approached and recognized him immediately. My reaction was startling and completely involuntary as my blood warmed in my veins. I had been starting to think that I might be a witch because the chances of seeing him here had been way too improbable.

  Part of me wondered if he wasn't stalking me. I knew the thought was crazy and even crazier was the fact that the idea of him stalking me didn't freak me out, it made me warm with desire. He was watching me with those steely-blue eyes and I tried to focus on my behavior from the previous day but luckily my brain was swimming in spirits and I couldn't hold onto the thought.

  I knew I should have continued to the bar to Trent but I was feeling nine-feet tall and bulletproof. I walked over and stood in front of him. He was leaning against the wall with one foot casually crossed over the other and his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. He was wearing a t-shirt that bared his fabulous arms for my viewing pleasure and, oh, yes, I did view them before I moved my eyes to his.

  "Trace."

  "Ember."

  I searched the area around him before turning my attention back to him with a coy, little smile curving my lips.

  "Alone this evening?"

  A slow, sexy grin tugged at the corner of his mouth as his eyes lit with humor. "...as you see. That was quite the performance earlier."

  "Ah, you saw that?"

  "Yes, I don't remember enjoying anything more."

  Pleasure -- pure and simple -- sizzled through me at those words and then he asked, "Do you do that often?"

  "No, I'm really very shy."

  His eyebrow rose ever so slightly in response.

  "Oh." I leaned closer to him he lowered his head to me. "I'm working a very nice buzz."

  His grin turned into a full out smile: both charming and wicked; and it quite literally took my breath away. I was staring at his mouth and I knew I should look away but I couldn't because, honest to god, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Thanks to the alcohol currently numbing my brain I opened my big mouth and spoke exactly what I was thinking.

  "God, you're beautiful."

  His expression changed and I imagined that was how he looked right before he made a woman his and the thought of that had my heart beating wildly in my chest. To be under him, gripping those thickly muscled biceps, as he moved deeply inside of me. The visual was so hot I started to fan myself.

  "Oh my. I need to go."

  "How are you getting home?"

  "I might fly." I muttered just as Trent joined us.

  "You ready, Ember?"

  No! "Yes."

  Trent looked from me to Trace and back again before he said, "I'll meet you at the door."

  I watched him leave before I looked back at Trace just as he pushed off the wall and moved, in that very sexy swagger, to stand right in front of me. He ran his finger down my cheek and along my jaw before his thumb brushed along my lower lip, his eyes following the progress before they found mine.

  "Goodnight, Ember."

  "Goodnight."

  I made no attempt to move though since I wasn't quite certain my legs were going to carry me. He smiled, as he rested his hands on my shoulders, and turned me towards the entrance as his head lowered so his lips could brush over my ear. That action had delicious little chills skirting down my spine.

  "You have to put one foot in front of the other, sweetheart." And then he pressed a kiss just above my ear and gave me a gentle push forward. I was in a state of overload so found myself doing exactly as he had suggested and just put one foot in front of the other.

  I woke in the morning and wanted to remove my head. Oh man, I felt like crap. I was tempted to pull the covers up over my head and sleep the day away but I knew once I started my run I'd feel worlds better. I dragged myself from bed, hastily dressed and left the apartment. When I reached the Gapstow Bridge my feet just stopped because Trace was there, waiting for me. Of all the days the man could have joined me he picked the day when I felt like something the dog dragged in. He turned in my direction as his eyes found mine. A smile touched his lips as he started over to me.

  "How are you feeling today, Ember?"

  ...like shit, actually. There was a constant pounding behind my eyes and I was a bit off balance but the run would help detox me of the alcohol still lingering in my system.

  "I've been better." I think it was the lingering alcohol that had me ask, "Why are you joining me this morning?"

  "I suspected that you could probably use the moral support today."

  "How did you know I would come today?"

  "You strike me as a person who doesn't give up easily."

  How did he know that about me? I wondered as I heard myself reply absently, "You're right."

  "You don't mind, do you?"

  I was more than likely hallucinating this entire conversation but there was an edge to his voice, as if he was truly concerned that I didn't want him here. I've only thought of him every day since we met. Hell, I was even willing to stalk the man. I held his gaze before I replied with stunning frankness, "I was following you the other day."

  Heat flashed in his eyes before he offered, "I know."

  "You're under my skin, Trace." He sai
d nothing to that but the look in his eyes had my toes curling. Somehow I held that heated stare as I offered, "I've been hoping you'd take me up on my invitation."

  Though I was being uncharacteristically open, I lowered my head since I was still mildly embarrassed. He touched my chin with his finger and lifted my gaze to his.

  "I've wanted to."

  I just stared at him trying to understand his words. He wanted to, so what stopped him? I was so tempted to ask but I chickened out. We warmed up in silence, and ran the five miles with Trace keeping pace with me.

  While we warmed down he said, "Are you going for your coffee?"

  "Yes."

  "Do you mind if I join you?"

  "I'd like that."

  We started along and I couldn't help looking at him from the corner of my eye. He really was amazing and the fact that he was here, with me, made my heart skip. I was pulled from my crushing when his voice filled the silence.

  "There's a club that I thought you and your friend might enjoy. It's called Nocturne and it's in the Village. They have open-mic night every night."

  I turned my head to him and smiled. "We'll have to check it out."

  "If you do decide to go, would you give me a call? I'd like to hear you perform again."

  A wicked thrill skirted down my spine at the look in Trace's eyes. How I managed to retrieve my cell phone for his number without fumbling it, I didn't know. My voice was barely a whisper when I replied, "I will."

  We reached Starbucks and he held the door for me, offered a smile and said, "See you, Ember." Then he was gone.

  I called Trace three nights later and left him a message that Trent and I were heading to Nocturne. I stood at the bar with Trent and found myself constantly looking towards the door.

  I'd had a few days to think on Trace's request that I call him, and I couldn't lie, I was surprised by it. Trace had a reputation for being a player but in his interactions with me he was a complete gentleman. I knew he slept around; it was obvious from the looks the ladies gave him, but he didn't sleep with that beauty from Starbucks. He didn't linger over a woman and yet I'd seen him a few times and he still seemed interested in seeing more of me. He was a walking contradiction and since I was already enthralled with him, this contrary behavior only made me more so. I was pulled from my thoughts when Trent reached for my hand.