by Erin R Flynn
“It’s how I made such quick work of the boys’ adoption,” Dain reminded him.
Right, yeah, we knew an elf judge. That actually helped me calm down significantly. Like really calm down.
I focused on Carter and accepted I wasn’t the only one freaking out. “Dain called in a favor and is flying in a nanny with centuries of experience, a fairy who will be best. I think she and Topher should live in one of the guest apartments. We still have too many threats with me not at full strength, and everyone has taken security seriously, and this building is like unbreachable.
“However, someone can always break into anywhere, and just in case, I think Topher shouldn’t be here. Everyone’s grouping here more than Highland Park, and the boys are there, so let’s not have all the targets in one spot. That’s what I was asking you about. I know you had issue we were using those as guest apartments, so maybe we stop that unless like Alena and Zeno or family.”
“Yes, that did bug a lot of us,” he agreed, bobbing his head.
I’d gotten this twenty-five floor, two hundred and fifty unit apartment building for a steal, originally looking for a twenty-five unit one to help some of my pack and female shifters of Chicago, as they got harassed most often. It had seemed insane to ever consider filling the place. However, we were running out of room.
We just kept adding people. Fine, a lot of the pack were living in less than great places. Well, so were a bunch of Simone’s panthers and over a dozen we employed at the club of other species.
Then I’d allowed the foxes I’d helped in New York to join the pack, and they lived in the building.
Then I’d rescued a bunch of Siberian gulls, and they had originally stayed at Queen Laila’s refugee townhouses. But they were huge targets like the rabbits, so they stayed with us, but the back and forth was getting to be a bit much.
And we had other refugees desperate for the chance at somewhere safe, mostly prey as word had gotten out they were safe in our pack and for real. There was actually talk of constructing another huge apartment building but out in the suburbs this time so they were near all the jobs we were making there. Which was the last thing I honestly needed on my plate.
For real, I was just—no more. But how could I really say that when people were in danger and I could do something about it?
The building had been built by a guy who’d had a heart attack while with his mistress—which was how I’d gotten it for a steal—and the layout of the owner’s level reflected his lifestyle. My apartment was ridiculous, but there was also a smaller but still insane apartment meant for the one mistress. Then there were three two-bedroom ones that had been meant for his personal guests.
Or so the building plans said, but I couldn’t know for sure.
“I think it smart, as we weren’t worried about Councilwoman Haton but some of the people with her,” he muttered. “We knew all of Apollo’s people, but we shouldn’t have allowed that as others will want the same.” He sighed and gave me an apologetic look. “I think we have to seriously discuss another building. You keep granting refugees permission and saving prey. We’re out of room, Sera.”
“I know,” I admitted, allowing more than I probably should after what had happened to me and I’d needed saving too. It seemed to double my efforts to rescue as many as I could, and I hadn’t exactly been slacking before. Plus, we could give them jobs and help so… Yeah, it was probably stupid.
“Some aren’t staying,” Brian interjected, knowing I was defensive on the topic. “Things have settled in Milwaukee, and now they can take people too and have the jobs with expanding farms and whatnot. All the areas you’ve gone in are able to take more too. It’s not like you’re just blindly opening the doors. The Dorcuses have taken screening them very seriously.”
“One topic at a time,” Dain cut in. “I agree that Maya and Topher stay at one of the guest apartments. This floor has restricted access, and maybe we need to do it better than just the code to get up here. I think we put in biometrics. It’s harder to fool.”
“It is,” a few people agreed.
“I’ll get Milo or Noah on it,” Carter promised. “Not that anyone talked about the code, but I know a few times someone repeated it in unsecured areas or we gave it to the doc and he wrote it down. I think this is better when we’re trying to get back to normal, but doing things right instead of so many hovering while you were hurt.”
The world’s cutest burp interrupted our discussion, and I saw Luca holding Topher so he could. That seemed to make the baby happy as he closed his eyes and snuggled against the elf.
“Well, he likes this brand,” Luca chuckled softly. “He was not fussy about accepting the bottle and needed it.” He looked at me then. “Now the carrier you walked in with is part of a car seat, and the base is probably in the car he traveled in. I got a travel bassinet, a carrier, and basics.” He didn’t look offended when I gave him a questioning look asking how he knew all of this.
“Lots of babies come through court,” Tasar informed us. “Getting the monarch’s blessing on your child, especially the first born, is a tradition and open to any fae no matter their standing. We all have spent a lot of time with babies.” He smiled, going over by Luca. “And someone needs a diaper change.”
I caught whiff of that a second later, instinctively plugging my nose. “Oh, damn, that’s going to be awful with heightened senses. Wow.”
“You’ll get used to it,” he promised. “Why don’t we get a few things set up in whatever apartment and you just chill tonight? Tomorrow is a day off from training, and we don’t mind staying the night. The guest apartments have beds.”
“And we’ll start plotting and ordering what’s needed,” Tommy offered and then smiled. “We should get animal stencils. We’ve got bunnies and wolves and tigers and all sorts of animals in our pack. We make sure they’re all on his walls.”
“That’s cool,” Ben agreed. “And paw prints. Ours are different than wolves’. We’ll look up what colors are best for babies. Maybe bright? Or is that too much for their eyes? Rainbow? We could do rainbow pastel paw prints.”
“Newborns don’t see color,” Tasar told them, and I didn’t know that either, a bit worried I was completely unprepared on too many fronts. “They see color around three or four months. You don’t want too much or too bright in the nursery, as that’s not calming and can agitate them.”
“Okay, we can work with that,” Tommy muttered, the others nodding.
I bobbed my head until they left with Topher, and then I started shaking my head. I didn’t have this. “I need a minute.” I headed for the shower, feeling myself getting shocky again and sick. I realized part of it was my wolf being upset, but honestly, she needed to wait her turn and get in line.
The second my clothes were off, I turned on the water and moved under it, not waiting for it to warm up even. The cold helped clear my head as I sank to my knees. I plopped on my butt and curled up, tucking my head against my knees as I moved my arms over my head as if to protect myself from any other hits. I let out a silent sob as my body shook with emotions.
I smelled wolf, and the temperature of the water got warmer seconds before Hagan’s larger body surrounded me, hugging me tightly as if trying to ground me.
“They didn’t die,” I choked. “All those years of hoping, somewhere in the back of my mind, that they had tried to come back for me but died or something kept them, and they really did ditch me because I was a freak. It wasn’t something I didn’t understand.” I let out a wail. “Why wasn’t I enough? Why didn’t they love me?”
“They are broken, Sera, not you,” he rasped, bringing me closer and turning me so I was curled up between his legs, my side flush against his chest. “They were the freaks, not you. You’re amazing. Only disgusting people abandon a child like that. They were monsters, not you.”
“I wanted to be wrong,” I sobbed against him. “All I wanted was to be wrong and it wasn’t what I thought.”
“I know. I know y
ou did, honey,” he murmured, rubbing my back and pushing my wet hair out of my face. It was finally long enough to get in the way, a few inches past my shoulders, and his moving it reminded me of the trauma I was already struggling to survive past. He seemed to realize my mind went somewhere dark as I cried harder instead of calmed down.
And my wolf started freaking out. I snarled loudly and bit him so he let me go, shoving open the shower door and hurrying away. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine,” he promised, giving me a worried look. “I don’t get what’s going on though.”
I didn’t either. My wolf wasn’t just upset, she was pissed at me. I kept backing away from him, not sure how to handle this, as she’d never been upset with me besides wanting that elephant shifter in our lives. This was way different though.
Axel grabbed me when I came out into the bedroom, pressing me against the wall and snarling in my face, his teeth and hands changing.
My wolf reacted, trying to bite him, but then Eugene was there too, partially changed and snapping at me.
“Get Brian out of here,” Axel shouted.
“No!” Brian yelled from somewhere I couldn’t see. “What are you doing? Don’t hurt her!”
“I don’t get what’s going on,” Hagan said again.
Eugene and Axel shared a look before the tiger explained. “Yeah, you’ve never gone against family. We have. Her wolf doesn’t understand what happened but knows she shipped off her father and is pissed at her own blood.”
“Fuck, that goes against her instincts,” Hagan worried. “Brian, she’s not stable. At least wait in the kitchen.”
“He’s mine,” I snarled, not getting why I cared right then but pissed they were trying to control us. Eugene and Axel turned me around, moving my hands behind my back and pinning me to the wall.
“Let us help,” Eugene murmured. “We’re not trying to hurt you, but she’s lashing out. She wasn’t a part of you when it happened, Sera. She thinks you when you were human weren’t loyal like a wolf.”
“They left me!” I bellowed. “They abandoned me! I sent him away to protect Topher and all of us.” That might have been what my wolf needed to hear or understand. She stopped lashing out, but I felt her pacing near the surface, pissed they were caging her, us, if things weren’t shady.
Fine, I had nothing to hide. I elbowed Axel and broke their hold, moving across the bedroom only so I wasn’t trapped or confused by anything other than what we had to deal with. I snarled, annoyed she was pissed at me when I’d been the one hurt. Shouldn’t she protect me first?
That seemed to smack her upside the head, and I dropped to my knees, starting to shift as I clawed up the large rug under my bed. Eugene moved in front of me, changing into his wolf and tearing his clothes in the process. He shoved me onto my back and moved over me, growling in warning but not trapping us.
My wolf pulled back. He was one of our pack, our family, and older, had lived through more. He made her realize she was lashing out in the wrong way. Just to make the point clear, I thought back to the day they’d left me, every memory I had of how my parents had treated me from the names they’d called me to how cold they’d been to me. Even if I hadn’t been different, they weren’t good parents.
I forced myself to remember the abuse I’d suffered in the system, the horrible times I’d had to endure and all the pain I’d survived. She started crying, moving with her paws over her head. She’d never seen it like this. I always did my best to compartmentalize, shove it down, and try to move past it. I’d never given her more than a piece here or there.
Eugene seemed to get the change in what we were feeling and shifted back, licking my lower lip. “Sera would never betray anyone. They betrayed her, and she did what she had to so she could survive.”
I nodded. “I never let her see all of it. She got a bit from when I lost it in Grand Rapids, but I never think of any of that. She heard Clayton say he knew what I was, but I didn’t ask or get answers she needed. I knew the answers.”
“And while intelligent and sentient, our animals don’t always understand nuances or complications that animals don’t feel,” he muttered, nuzzling my neck. “It’s going to take her a bit because she wasn’t there. It’s different if your animal is.”
I swallowed loudly, meeting his gaze. “What did you have to do? Did he accept it easier?”
“No,” he whispered, lowering his forehead to my shoulder and running his stubble against the top of my breast. “It took us a while. I had to kill my own blood, which is a line wolves don’t ever cross, so he didn’t understand.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing that my meltdown had brought up his own issues.
He shrugged. “I’ve made my peace with it. I don’t like talking about it because people still do, it’s still a thing in certain circles, and I just want to move forward.”
“I know the feeling,” I grumbled. “I’ve had more people bring up my past or shit to poke me with in my career than should be allowed. Even Galvin said in front of others that they were shocked I went anywhere near the system and didn’t have the intention of blowing it up. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why would people think that? Shouldn’t someone screwed over try to fix what was so broken?”
“People can’t always reconcile how we’re not completely broken with what we survive through,” Axel muttered from next to us. I realized he had moved to block me from the door in case I had thrown Eugene off of me.
“Thanks for the save. I didn’t even know she was upset.”
He shrugged. “Her priority was Topher. The second he was out of the way, she had a bone to pick with you.”
I snorted. That was one way to put it. Fuck.
3
Hagan understood more what happened as a wolf than Brian, but both of them had grown up in loving families. Part of me wanted to ask Axel how he knew and more about Eugene, but the last thing I ever wanted was people to push me like that, so I couldn’t do it.
Curiosity killed the cat, and I didn’t think it was good for wolves either when it wasn’t their business.
Reality seemed to have sunk in for the others though, as I wasn’t the only one refilling my drink. I shared a few looks with the others and was glad I’d put my ring on that blocked my clairvoyant side because Brian shot me some glances like he was debating asking me something.
I had a feeling it might be to marry him. No. Just no. That would not help the situation. I did, however, agree he should call his mom and update her, especially since I’d just showed up there like a crazy person. Plus, Brian would obviously be in Topher’s life, so yeah, no reason they couldn’t do whatever grandparents did.
There were several more shots realizing I’d have to deal with that.
I decided that the “mistress” apartment would also become a place for the twins and the boys on top of the house. There was a lot of back and forth, and there was no reason they couldn’t spend weekends in the city or whatever. We needed easier, and we could have that with the money I had, so screw it.
The next morning Brian was the only one feeling the booze, cursing all of us for not having hangovers. Honestly, it lightened the mood, which we needed.
Especially when some of us got our first lesson on diaper changing.
“What the fuck is wrong with his belly button?” I demanded, not having seen that when Dr. Sloan had checked him out. “Call the doc. That can’t—”
“It’s fine,” Tasar promised, a few others nodding. “It’s the umbilical cord. It falls out and heals. You just make sure you don’t put the diaper over it and there’s not any discharge or anything like normal healing wounds that are bad.” He waited until I nodded to undo the diaper, and I wasn’t the only one who gagged. “Yes, baby poop is rather potent, and unfortunately it’s worse for babies on formula.”
“That’s just—oh fuck,” Axel gagged. I blinked in shock as he darted over to the garbage can and actually threw up.
“That’s fairly common,” Alok admi
tted, shrugging when several of us gave him shocked looks. “He’s a tiger. Dogs might top cats, but tigers are normally more sensitive than wolves. Elephant shifters have it worst.”
I nodded, feeling a bit better I wasn’t handling this worse as Axel finished puking. Then again, it was pretty impressive he was trying given he seemed terrified of breaking Topher like Eugene and I as well.
Alok waited for him to finish before continuing, showing us how to wipe and any signs to look for of rash.
“As the female here, am I the only one wondering why his balls are that big?” I asked, feeling seriously weird for noting that. Did that make me a pervert?
Dain burst out laughing, feeling what I did. He hugged me. “You are not a pervert. Yes, that’s normal. You’ve only seen adult male bits. The size difference is—you’re not a pervert, and yes, that is normal.”
Alok and Tasar looked like they were about to burst out laughing too, especially when Ben muttered he was glad I asked because he’d been worrying the same thing. Glad it wasn’t just me.
“Topher has been circumcised,” Alok continued. “And we don’t know what care he got right away, so Dr. Sloan is being extra cautious to make sure he heals properly. You add a little of this ointment to gauze to protect his penis before putting on a new diaper. It’s basically lubricant so it doesn’t dry out and get infected or have problems.”
“I so don’t want to handle this,” I whispered, wincing when I realized I’d said that aloud. However, it was amusing that several people nodded along with me.
“That’s fine,” Tasar told me gently. “Then don’t. There are enough of us who know how to help. Take more than a day with the idea of handling a newborn. You would have had months to adjust if you had gotten pregnant. We’re just showing you and explaining what you’ll want to know. It’s just a toe in the water.”
“Okay, I can—watching was—I’m glad I know,” I muttered, still feeling pretty uncomfortable like I maybe had to turn in my woman card sometime soon.
