Ethan considered that for a moment and responded with a resounding, “No.”
“I won’t say I had a hard time, E. I think Gage did, so maybe you should ask him that question.”
Right. Like that was going to happen. Of all the things Ethan might ask his brother-in-law, it certainly wouldn’t be about relationships.
“Talk to me, E,” Travis encouraged and Ethan realized he’d been sitting there quietly for long minutes.
“There’s nothing to say,” he answered defensively.
“No? You ask me whether it was difficult for me to accept my feelings for Gage, but you want to tell me there’s nothing to say. Right.”
“What?” Ethan asked, remembering to keep his voice low because Mason was asleep just a few feet away.
“We’ve all got secrets, E. I’m the absolute last person who would judge you. Consider that for a minute.”
Ethan did. He knew Travis would understand how he felt about Beau. He just wasn’t sure he knew how to talk about it.
After years of keeping his personal business to himself, talking to anyone was almost painful. How he had managed to share with Beau he had no idea, except it just felt right to talk to him. Not like he was baring his soul and someone was ready to tell him where he went wrong. Or what he should do differently. With Beau, Ethan knew he would listen without judging.
He knew that was the case with Travis too, but Ethan was hesitant. If he opened up to one member of his family, would he have to tell them all? He didn’t like the idea of them having to defend him to anyone, much less the people they called friends who would no doubt look down on Ethan.
“Ok, I’m gonna ask you a question,” Travis said, that ever familiar frustration seeping back into his voice.
Ethan waited, knowing his brother wouldn’t shut up, even if he told him to.
“Do you think we don’t know?”
“Know what?” Ethan asked, choosing to play dumb.
“That you’re gay, E. Do you think it’s not as obvious as the day is long? You’re twenty-eight fucking years old, and you’ve never had a girlfriend. You’ve never let us meet anyone except that jackass Blake, and even then you tried to convince us he was just a friend.”
Ethan expected to be filled with rage, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t mad at Travis for calling him to the carpet. He just felt defeated.
“Do you love him, E?”
Ethan didn’t play dumb this time. Travis knew. They all knew. He’d never thought they didn’t know that he wasn’t the same as they were, but he respected the fact that they didn’t ask him about it. He didn’t want to share, didn’t want to put that burden on them.
“Yeah, I love him,” he answered honestly. Looking up and meeting Travis’ steely gaze was harder than he expected, but he did it and then he repeated with more affirmation in his voice. “Yes. I love him.”
“That’s a first step,” Travis said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “Don’t think you can protect those you love by pretending to be something you’re not. It always comes back to bite you in the ass.
“I mean, hell, I walked out of Kylie’s life right after we got married because I thought she couldn’t handle the fact that I needed more than only she could offer. I had to admit to myself and to my family that I’m bisexual. No one turned me away, E. The people who love you are much stronger than you give them credit for. Sometimes it just takes time to realize that.”
Ethan swallowed past the lump in his throat. Travis, the one word wonder, just said more in the last five minutes than Ethan had heard from him in… well, probably in years.
“I don’t want him to get hurt,” Ethan stated, keeping his gaze trained on Travis. “Coming out is going to put him right in the line of fire.”
“You think Beau doesn’t know that already? Give him some credit, E. He’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. He doesn’t need you making them for him. So come up with a different excuse because that’s bullshit and you know it.”
The harshness of Travis’ words sparked the dry embers of his anger and Ethan glared at him. “It’s not bullshit. You haven’t been there. You haven’t been beaten because of who you love. You haven’t suffered the loss of someone who took their own life because they couldn’t deal with not being accepted.”
Travis looked stunned, and Ethan felt a measure of satisfaction. That didn’t last long because he suddenly felt sick.
“What are you talking about?” Travis asked, his voice low, his words coming out slowly.
“Me, dammit! And look what it’s done to the family. Dad ends up in jail because of me.”
“Dad wasn’t in jail. He wasn’t arrested.” Travis paused. “You better start talking, Ethan.”
Ethan wasn’t sure why this was coming up again, why he was caught off guard by the pain and anger that had been brewing inside of him for years. He couldn’t keep it in any longer. “Why? So you can go on a rampage too? Are you going to go after Jimmy Reardon for beating me? For damn near killing me because I was in love with his brother? Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I still do. Gavin’s dead, goddammit! He’s fucking dead because of me!”
Ethan shot to his feet, and Travis did the same. Before he could storm out of the room, he was embraced in Travis’ powerful grip, and he lost it. Every emotion he’d been holding back rose to the surface and exploded like a volcanic eruption. Angry tears blurred his eyes as he held on to Travis for dear life.
He had no idea how long Travis stood there, hugging him tightly before he finally calmed down, but when he stepped back, he didn’t see the pity in Travis’ eyes like he expected.
“Is that why Dad went after Jimmy?”
Of course, Travis was going to linger on that piece of information he’d shared.
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask him. He’s not supposed to know, but he does.” Ethan already knew how that happened, and though he understood Sawyer’s reasoning, he still felt betrayed because he’d been led to believe all these years that no one knew. Ethan continued, “Which means he’s out to get Jimmy the same way Sawyer is. The same way everyone will be. And it won’t change anything. It won’t bring Gavin back.”
“Gavin? He’s Jimmy’s brother?”
“Yeah,” Ethan said, the anger draining out of him and leaving him feeling weak and pathetic. He dropped onto the edge of the coffee table and stared down at his hands and before he knew it, Ethan shared the whole sordid story with Travis. Everything. From loving Gavin to finding him dead and every horrible detail in between.
Travis paced the floor for a long time. While he was making tracks on the hardwood, Ethan made his way over to check on Mason. The little boy was sleeping soundly. Ethan just wanted to hold him. To cradle him against his chest and absorb some of the innocence from him.
Ethan heard the front door open, and he spun around to see Travis walking out. “Where are you going?” he asked, already scared that Travis was going to do something that he’d never be able to take back. Something that would ruin their lives forever.
“Don’t worry about me, E. I’m smarter than you give me credit for.”
Ethan wasn’t so sure about that.
“Do me a favor.”
Ethan nodded, waiting to hear what the favor was.
“Tell Beau. Tell him how you feel. He deserves to hear it. And you deserve to be happy.”
“I already have,” he said to the empty space that Travis had just vacated. “But don’t worry, I can do you one better,” he added for good measure.
Ethan grabbed his phone from his hip and typed in a quick text.
Can I stop by tonight? Want to see you.
Chapter Thirty Seven
♂♂
Beau ran a towel through his wet hair as he headed to the kitchen. He was starving, but he doubted there’d be anything worthwhile in his refrigerator. Pulling open the door, the entire fridge shook from standing on unbalanced legs, and he sighed. A quick look inside and his suspicions were confirmed. Nothi
ng except a bottle of ketchup, a carton of eggs that were no doubt expired, and a six pack of water.
After spending two hours at the gym, Beau needed sustenance. Grabbing his cell phone, Beau checked the time and noticed that he had a text. Several actually.
Shit.
Fuck.
Shit.
Ethan was on his way over.
The sudden knock on the door confirmed it and Beau jumped, looking around to see what type of shape his apartment was in. Not good. It wasn’t messy, more like desolate. And depressing.
He didn’t want Ethan to see it but somehow he’d missed the texts and now he had no choice but to answer the door. With a shaking hand, he pulled the door open, cringing at the loud squeak from the hinges.
“Hey.”
Ethan smiled and suddenly, Beau didn’t have a care in the world. It didn’t matter that he hardly had any furniture or that there wasn’t a single thing to eat in his house. Everything revolved around the handsome man now standing in his doorway.
“It’s a damn good thing my brother answered the phone or I would’ve been knocking on every door until I found the right one.” Ethan’s tone was light and Beau just stood staring back at him. “Invite me in, Beau,” Ethan said with a gruff chuckle.
Beau peered behind him at his apartment and then opened the door wide.
“Sorry, it’s…” Shit, Beau didn’t even know what it was. Pathetic was one word. “I didn’t see your text. I would’ve met you at your house. I… There isn’t much here.”
Ethan silenced him by pulling him against him, his strong arm circling around, his hand cupping the back of Beau’s neck, scorching him with pleasant warmth. “It’s fine.”
No, it really wasn’t, but how was he supposed to argue with Ethan when he now had his tongue in his mouth. The only important thing on Beau’s mind was devouring him until he couldn’t stand on his own two feet.
Unfortunately, he didn’t get that opportunity before Ethan pulled away, smiling at him before turning to check out his apartment. Every room was visible from right where they were standing, including the tiny bathroom with the clear shower curtain, the secondhand table that sat in what was supposedly the dining area and the two mismatched chairs that he’d found at a garage sale.
He didn’t have a couch, just a small loveseat that had belonged to his grandmother and was handed down to him as the only house warming gift his mother had been willing to get him. Then, of course, he could see his bedroom and the mattress and box spring with the white sheets and tan blanket that lay in a rumpled bunch hanging off the side.
Damn it.
“Your place is much nicer,” Beau said nervously.
“From where I stand, there’s only a couple of differences between my place and yours,” Ethan said sharply.
Beau snorted. A couple? Right. Still he was curious to hear Ethan’s thought process. “What’s that?”
“You’ve done everything on your own. I had mine handed to me.”
Beau knew that to be only partly true. Lorrie and Curtis didn’t shower their kids with money or gifts. They ensured they were taken care of, but they made their boys work for what they wanted. But it wasn’t surprising that Ethan didn’t give himself nearly enough credit.
“That’s only one,” Beau stated, waiting to hear the rest.
Ethan looked back at him, his eyes serious. “The other difference is that I own mine outright. You’re renting this place.”
Ok, Beau felt as though he were seriously missing something. “That’s obvious,” Beau retorted.
“Which means…” Ethan paused, glanced down at his hands and then back up to meet Beau’s eyes once more. “Which means living with me would only make more sense.”
“Livi –” Beau nearly swallowed his tongue. “Wait, what?”
Ethan smiled and again Beau felt a little off balance. No, wait. He felt a lot off balance.
Then, Ethan moved closer once again, sliding his hand up behind Beau’s head and holding him there. He wasn’t sure whether Ethan knew just how much he needed the touch at the moment.
“I want you to move in with me,” Ethan whispered roughly.
Beau wasn’t sure he could find his voice long enough to answer. And the answer was a resounding yes, but the one syllable word just wouldn’t come forward. So rather than answer, Beau pulled Ethan forward, their bodies colliding as their mouths crashed together.
Ethan forced the kiss to end far too soon, but when their eyes met again, Beau said the only word that suddenly made sense. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
Beau laughed. “Did you think there was ever any other choice?”
This time Ethan instigated the kiss and the room heated several degrees as they stood in Beau’s barren living room, hands groping, tongues dueling, bodies colliding. Thankfully Beau didn’t have much on because he wasn’t sure he could waste time removing his clothes and Ethan’s. And in that instant, nothing else mattered except for getting Ethan naked.
Without restraint, Beau slammed Ethan against the wall, pulling at his shirt, desperately wanting to get them skin to skin. Clearly Ethan was on board with the idea because less than a minute later, they were both naked.
Unwilling to take the time to anything other than touch and taste, Beau dropped to his knees in front of Ethan and sucked him deep into his mouth in one powerful draw of his lips. When Ethan’s fingers twined in his hair, pulling sharply, Beau groaned. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take, but the pain mixed with the intense pleasure nearly had him coming in his own fucking hand.
“Fuck,” Ethan groaned. “Fuck yes. Suck me deeper, Beau.”
Beau did as instructed, letting Ethan fuck his face furiously as he held onto Ethan’s ass, pulling him closer with every driving thrust. The brutal lust racing through him was merging, twisting, uniting into a fireball of emotion that would detonate at any moment and the only thing he wanted to do was lose himself in this man.
“Awww, fuck.”
Beau reveled in Ethan’s harsh moans and desperate pleas as he continued to suck him faster. Harder.
“I’m gonna come in your mouth,” Ethan warned, and Beau doubled his efforts. He wanted more. He wanted everything.
“Is that what you want? Me to come down your throat?” Ethan asked, his voice hoarse with need.
Beau didn’t answer, just used his hand to grip the base of Ethan’s cock, stroking him hard and fast while he let him drive his dick deep in his mouth.
“Fuck yes, baby! Fucking coming!”
Beau swallowed every last drop as Ethan shot into his mouth, while Ethan still latched onto his hair tightly.
When Ethan’s cock was spent, his body relaxing into the wall, Beau made it to his feet. But that’s as far as he got. As soon as he was upright, he was being shoved, stumbling the few feet to the loveseat. After knocking him down onto it, Ethan turned and eased himself into Beau’s lap, facing away from him.
“Fuck me, Beau. Now!”
“Lube,” Beau groaned as he reached around and gripped Ethan’s cock with his fist, wanting to get him hard again.
“No time,” Ethan growled, lifting up as he reached around him.
“Don’t want to hurt you,” Beau told him, although he was so desperate to bury his dick in Ethan’s ass, he could barely contain himself.
Forcing Ethan up so he could rise, Beau darted for the bathroom to retrieve the lube before returning to find Ethan hadn’t moved an inch.
“Lube it,” Ethan insisted as he stared intently back at him.
Beau flipped open the cap and squirted the cool liquid in his hand before stroking his own cock roughly. It was almost too much. The way Ethan’s gaze heated as he watched combined with his own punishing grip nearly had Beau coming before he was ready.
“Now sit down,” Ethan demanded and Beau once again dropped to the couch, but this time he pulled Ethan down with him. He allowed just enough time for Ethan to align his dick with his ass before he was pulling Ethan down harde
r.
“Fuck!” Ethan growled.
Beau stilled, suddenly worried he’d hurt him.
“Don’t fucking stop,” Ethan moaned, stroking his dick as he began riding Beau’s cock. “Fuck me, Beau. Fuck me hard. Don’t you dare stop until you come in my ass.”
Shit. Beau didn’t think that was going to take long at all, especially when Ethan proceeded to give him a play by play of how it felt to be impaled on Beau’s cock. The man was driving him mad, the lust a raging inferno burning through him, sending him higher, higher still until he couldn’t control himself.
“I’m gonna come, E. Come right in your ass,” Beau informed him as he reached around and gripped Ethan’s cock.
“Hell yes,” Ethan groaned. “Make me come with you. Fuck yes, baby. Just like… Fuck!”
And that was all he could take. Beau’s muscles locked, his cock lodged as far inside of Ethan as he could go when he came, the brutal orgasm shattering him at the same time Ethan let go, his cock pulsing in Beau’s grip.
Several minutes later, they were still on the couch as Beau tried to come down from the most intense orgasm of his entire fucking life. With their fingers linked together, Beau let the cool air wash over his overheated skin until he felt like he was at least somewhat human.
“Now what?” Ethan asked, glancing over at him with a grin.
“I was just about to go out to get food when you got here,” Beau said.
Although, he wasn’t all that hungry anymore. Considering they’d just consummated taking their relationship to the next level, he was still riding a high that he wasn’t sure he’d ever come down from. And then Beau’s stomach called him a liar, giving a warning rumble and he knew he had to find food or he’d be worthless for the night. He hadn’t eaten since lunch.
“I know you’re not big on fast food, so let me cook for you,” Ethan offered, looking somewhat shy.
Beau’s heart swelled. He loved this man.
Looking down at himself, he knew he needed to shower again. “I’d like that,” he said honestly. “I’ll meet you at your house in twenty,” Beau stated.
Ethan got to his feet, stumbled around as he gathered his clothes before yanking on his jeans, then his shirt and sliding his feet into his boots. Beau followed him to the door.
Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) Page 31
