by Alessa James
I totally knew I wasn’t supposed to be here. This wasn’t my world. I didn’t fit the image of a baseball player’s girlfriend. At all. I couldn’t be loud and outrageous even if I tried. It would be more like try-hard in my case. And I was happy enough with my life. I really was. Mom was always saying stuff like, “Molly, honey, you’re just a late bloomer. Boys will want to date you like crazy when you get to college.”
Besides, I hadn’t been looking for a boyfriend. I hadn’t even been looking for a guy to kiss. Then this whole thing with Jayden had happened, and my life just kept getting more and more out of control. Jayden held my shoulders and kind of lowered me onto the steps. When I shivered, he wrapped his jacket around my shoulders, and I hiccupped again.
“Come on, Molly. You’ve gotta tell me what happened.”
I swallowed and looked into his insanely blue eyes. Then I started talking really fast and out of control, telling him about Grams. After that, I just kind of thrust the black box and the note into his hands. He looked down at them with this confused look. Then he opened the note and frowned.
“Who gave you the box, Molly?” he asked, his voice suddenly sharp.
I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my knees.
“I-I don’t know. I found it in my locker a while back, and then it just sort of showed up again.”
His eyebrow went up.
“And you never opened it?”
I shook my head and shivered, trying not to start bawling like a baby again.
“No. I was too freaked out.”
He flicked open the box, but I couldn’t see past the lid. He closed the box and frowned, studying the note again.
“Can I keep these?” he asked.
I was confused, but I nodded anyway and then looked down.
“I’m really sorry about your shirt,” I mumbled, stifling a hiccup.
“Molly, look at me.” I looked up at him and sniffled. “I don’t want you to worry.”
I hiccupped again. The guy I was totally crushing on was telling me not to worry about my stalker.
Right!
Chapter 7: Chocolate Solves Everything — Not!
When I got home from school, I packed up my stuff and drove over to Stace’s house. While we were working on homework, I eventually caved and told her all about the notes and the weird jewelry box — and Jayden. She was totally mad that I hadn’t told her in the first place, but part of me was still thinking that she and Kelly had just brushed it off when I found the first note. Plus, I didn’t want to look all crazy paranoid.
“So, who do you think it is?” Stace asked. “I mean, gah! You’ve got your own stalker! That’s kind of awesome, don’t you think?
I gave her a look.
“Stace, you are the only person on the planet who would think that having a stalker is in any way a good thing!”
“Come on, Molly! Someone’s got some deep, dark secret crush on you, and you’re not the least bit curious?”
“The notes were crazy creepy, Stace.” I shivered. “They totally weren’t love letters. Whoever wrote them is nuts.”
Later on, after we finished our homework, it was like middle school. We sneaked into the kitchen and finished all the ice cream while Stace talked about getting back together with Kyle. When she asked me how things were going with Tyler, I kind of shrugged. I hadn’t really meant to get back together with him. I had just felt so bad — like Mike Jensen’s rampage had been my fault since Tyler had gotten smashed up right after I had left the party with my friends and Jayden.
When it was time to go to sleep, Stace’s mom set me up in the rec room, which had a foldout couch. It was across the house from the upstairs bedrooms, but at least the room had its own bathroom. I sent a quick text to Tyler since he had texted earlier. The bad part was that I wasn’t even thinking about Tyler when I typed it out, because to get to his number, I had to scroll past Jayden’s. Thinking about the night of the party, when Jayden had given me his number — and kissed me again — I felt my heartbeat speed up.
Suddenly I wanted to see him — Jayden not Tyler. My chest just ached. The way he had wrapped his arms around me earlier and held me while I cried. I had been totally wrong about him. He wasn’t a jerk like Mike. He was strong … and sweet. And I still couldn’t figure out why he was helping me.
Sitting on the foldout bed, I took out my notebook and tried writing another poem. Yuck! This was why I hated writing poetry. I really sucked at it. The poem I had written about Jayden in Mrs. Sharp’s class had just kind of flowed since I hadn’t been thinking about it so much. Mrs. Sharp had called it raw and emotional, which had been monumentally embarrassing since it had been about someone who hadn’t even known I existed at the time.
Giving up, I threw my notebook back in my bag and turned out the lamp. I was nearly asleep when my phone buzzed. I had already gotten a text from Mom earlier saying Grams was doing really well, so I couldn’t think of who would be texting me this late. I grabbed my phone and looked down. I dropped the phone when I saw the text.
Why’d you tell him?
I started shaking and curled up on my side. I was nauseous and terrified, because all of a sudden I had a pretty good feeling who my stalker was. But Mike Jensen stalking me made even less sense than Jayden helping me. Or maybe it made too much sense. Because … maybe Jayden was only helping me because he knew his buddy had decided to torture me.
I felt tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. I didn’t know which was worse. Getting stalked by Mike “The Jerk” Jensen or Jayden only watching out for me because he felt guilty that his friend was such a psycho. I buried my face in the pillow and just cried, wishing I had never gone to that stupid Valentine’s Day dance.
The next day when we got to school, I knew I looked awful and sleep-deprived, mainly because I hadn’t slept at all after the creepy text. I watched for any sign of Mike Jensen and begged Stace to let me put my books in her locker. The thought of going back to mine had me almost in tears again. The one thing I was beyond thankful for was that I didn’t have any classes with Mike Jensen. Well, I would have been thankful for that on a normal day, but now I was extra relieved.
I still didn’t get it, though. Why would Mike have any interest in me? It was more confusing than Jayden noticing me. Mike was big, loud, raging, loved to party, went through girls like tissue paper. There was nothing about me that was remotely like that.
Girls who liked living dangerously were into Mike Jensen. And that was fine with me if they were into that; I just didn’t see the attraction. Jayden was another story. Yeah, I had heard about him doing some wild stuff, and he went out with a ton of girls who were nothing like me. But Mike was a cretin. Jayden wasn’t. At least that’s how I justified still having a major crush on Jayden.
I managed to get through the day without any additional creepy stalker notes, but it might have been because I was dumping my stuff at Stace’s locker and avoiding mine. At lunch, when Tyler asked about why I wasn’t going to my locker, I just shrugged. Seeing as Tyler had gotten his face pounded by Mike, I wasn’t going to drag him into this. If anything, I wanted Tyler as far away from this as possible, which was hard because he was still hanging out with us on the quad at lunch.
What was I supposed to say, though? That hanging out with me put a big target on Tyler’s back because Mike Jensen was nuts? Nobody would even believe me anyway. Mike Jensen leaving weird stuff in my locker? It didn’t even sound real to me.
I looked over to where Jayden’s group was hanging out. Mike and Jayden were sitting as far as possible from each other while still occupying the same general space. Jayden looked like he was waiting for Mike to do something crazy. And Mike was playing it all cool, making out with Emma Simmons, who couldn’t seem to get enough. Girls like Emma probably thought girls like me didn’t know what we were missing. Yeah, right! I knew enough to avoid a psycho.
Usually I wouldn’t spend so much time analyzing what the baseball guys and their groupies were doing, but
I kind of felt like my life depended on it right now. Back in freshman year, I had thought the whole poem thing in Mrs. Sharp’s class was harmless, because it wasn’t like I had put Jayden’s name on it. And that had been freshman year!
Now I was afraid that everyone had known this whole time about me having this huge crush on Jayden.
When I got out to the parking lot at the end of the day, I got into Mom’s car and turned on the radio, stoked to have transportation, even if it was only temporary. Turning on the radio, I started doing my homework. Then I started getting kind of annoyed at Stace for being late. Finally I had a total “D’oh!” moment when I remembered her text about her dentist appointment that her mom had picked her up early for.
Turning on the car, I figured I’d go back to my house for a bit, get some new clothes, maybe do some laundry — and then go back to Stace’s house. Or maybe I’d just bake some brownies and take them over there to thank her parents for letting me stay over on such late notice.
Hearing a rumbling noise behind me, I looked in the rearview mirror and jumped. There was an enormous pickup truck right behind Mom’s car. Of course, I knew whose it was immediately. It was impossible not to recognize it with Monster Mike painted across the side in big, red letters that looked like they were dripping blood. All of a sudden my hands were slick with sweat, and I had to wipe them on my jeans so they wouldn’t slide off the wheel.
I looked around. The parking lot was totally deserted, and when I checked the rearview again, the truck was still rumbling behind me. I swallowed hard and shifted into reverse. The windows on the pickup were super dark, so I couldn’t see Mike Jensen, but I knew it was him. He wouldn’t let anybody else touch his truck. If someone did, he’d break that person into little pieces.
I waited for several seconds, sweating and itching to grab my phone and call Jayden. Then the truck just tore off, leaving exhaust and skid marks behind. Exhaling nervously, I backed out and turned out of the parking lot, my pulse hammering in my ears.
That was so bad.
I was shivering and shaking, and I nearly ran the stop sign as I pulled out of the parking lot. When I got to our house, I bolted out of the car like somebody was going to grab me. Inside, I sort of sank down on the floor and had a full-on cry fest for a few minutes. I felt sick to my stomach, like I was going to throw up.
I just wanted to stay on the floor, but then Stace texted me to say they were on their way home. I was just glad she hadn’t called me, because I was a huge mess. Finally I picked myself up off the floor and went upstairs to shower and change before grabbing a bunch of stuff from my room.
By the time Mom called on my cell to give me an update on Grams, I had it mostly together, so she didn’t get suspicious. After we hung up, I went and got the poem I had written about Jayden out of my dresser drawer. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to see it now. It was kind of stupid, but reading about his blue eyes and half-smile made me feel better. Sitting down on the couch in the living room, I took out my phone and brought up the text with the photo of Jayden.
Yeah, I could totally see girls stalking him, but I still didn’t get Mike Jensen stalking me, though. … Unless it was just another thrill for him — scaring some inexperienced little bookworm. He was psycho, and he did seem to like watching me squirm.
I texted Stace that I was running a little late before turning on the oven and collecting the ingredients for brownies. It was kind of soothing just standing there and cracking eggs and sifting flour. When I started melting the butter and the baking chocolate together, I was really tempted to make an extra batch for Jayden. I just couldn’t think of a way to do it where it wouldn’t cause trouble. Besides, we weren’t going out or anything. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself that he was just helping me because Mike was a scary jerk.
End of story.
It made me ache, though, just thinking about how Jayden never would’ve asked me to the dance — or even noticed me at all — if Mike hadn’t made the stupid bet with him. Because which was worse? Never getting kissed by Jayden in the first place — or getting to kiss him only because of Mike Jensen?
After stirring in the sugar, I added the eggs from the bowl. When I finished mixing everything, I poured the batter into the baking dish and licked the spoon, even though my mom was always warning me about salmonella. Then I sprinkled chocolate chips over the top of the batter.
I put the brownies in the oven and set the timer. While I waited, Stace texted me — two more times — seriously impatient until I wrote back that I was bringing over a batch of Mom’s brownies.
I smiled when she texted back “Can’t wait!!” Stace was pretty easy to please. Poor Kelly, on the other hand, was always worried about her figure since her step-mom kept telling her she was getting chubby, which was so not true! And her step-mom being so mean made me feel a little better about Kelly swiping the realtor keys from her.
Right now, I was just looking forward to hanging out with Stace, eating brownies, and trying not to think about guys in general. Before the stupid Valentine’s Day dance I hadn’t had any reason to even worry about guys!
Yeah, I sometimes secretly thought about Jayden Stone — but that was totally different than actually kissing him. Besides, we had nothing in common. I was quiet, shy, always reading a book. Jayden was center of attention and star of the baseball team. Plus, girls screamed like psychos if he even laid a hand on his guitar.
The timer for the brownies went off, and I waited for them to cool a little bit before wrapping the dish in foil, packing some stuff for lunch the next day, and grabbing my overnight bag. When I got to Stace’s house, her mom beamed at the sight of the brownies. They’re actually more like fudge than brownies — thick and gooey, so chocolaty.
By the end of the night, I finally told Stace everything, including about Mike Jensen being a crazy stalker. I made sure to swear her to secrecy, and I could tell that she was in major disbelief.
“Why would he stalk you?” she demanded.
I shrugged. The problem was that I didn’t know, either. I felt better telling Stace, but by the time she went back to her room to go to sleep, my stomach was in a million knots. Why couldn’t things just go back to being simple?
When I woke up the next morning on the foldout bed, I just wished Mom would get back from staying with Grams. I was craving something kind of normal, since nothing really was lately. Stace insisted we leave early for school because she wanted to get a super-sized frozen coffee drink with a ton of whipped cream. When we got to the coffee place, though, the line was huge, so I dashed over to the drugstore to buy a granola bar to add to my lunch.
Really, though, I just wanted to print out the picture that Stace had taken of Jayden. I couldn’t help myself. It wasn’t like I was going to put it up in my locker and pretend like he was my boyfriend or anything. But I wanted the picture anyway.
Maybe I’d keep it in the drawer with the poem. Or I could use it as a bookmark in my history book. Then I froze. What if I left my book somewhere by accident and someone found it with Jayden’s picture in it? That would be awful! I’d probably die of embarrassment.
That still didn’t stop me from going to the kiosk, printing it out, and slipping it into my backpack. I promised myself that I would stop by home after school to put it in my dresser. Looking around, suddenly I was afraid someone was going to see me. It totally felt like I was the weirdo stalker even though Stace had taken the picture of Jayden, not me. I shook my head. Whatever. It wasn’t like I was following Jayden around or leaving creepy stuff in his locker like a psycho.
By the time we got to school, I thought I had everything figured out. In other words, I would just avoid all guys. Tyler, Jayden — and especially Mike. Stace, of course, was not a fan of this plan, mostly because it involved me hanging out in Mr. Kaplan’s room indefinitely. Mr. Kaplan, who I’d had for World History, was probably the one teacher who trusted students enough to leave his classroom unlocked. I had gone in there to read or study a milli
on times, and Mr. Kaplan said he barely even noticed I was there. That was how quiet I had been in his class.
During nutrition, I saw Tyler rushing toward me with this worried look. It made my stomach clench, because I didn’t want to have to tell him anything about Mike Jensen. Tyler had enough reason to avoid Mike. He didn’t need me scaring him.
“Molly?” he asked, coming up behind me after I tried walking in the other direction.
I turned reluctantly and smiled.
“What’s up, Tyler?”
“Have you been to you locker today?”
The nervous feeling in my stomach got worse. I didn’t want to tell him that I had completely stopped going to my locker. I shook my head.
“There’s a note taped to it.”
“Oh,” I mumbled. “I guess I should go get it.”
“Who’s it from?” Tyler asked a little more possessively than I liked.
I shrugged and braced myself to lie.
“No idea.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked.
I shook my head like that was the worst idea ever. Then I tried smiling again.
“No, it’s all right. I have to get to class early, anyway.”
When he leaned over and kissed my cheek, I kind of jerked away.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded, really wanting to stop talking to him. It wasn’t Tyler’s fault, but I needed to get away from him. Like now. I was afraid of what Mike Jensen might do to him. But more than that, I realized that I couldn’t sit with Tyler, hold his hand, or let him kiss me — when I really wanted it to be Jayden.
Maybe in college I’d meet a guy who made me feel the way Jayden Stone did. Maybe. I could hope, anyway. But I had decided that, for now, the drama wasn’t worth it. I could have my crush on Jayden, but it had to be super-secret from now on. No more poems, no more staring at him from across the quad. I just had to forget about him.
And eventually Mike Jensen would just have to move on and leave me alone. He reminded me of those boys in elementary school who would catch some poor bug or animal and torture it just because they could. Well, I was sick of it. He could find someone else who wanted to play his sick games, because it wasn’t going to be me. I was done squirming.
