“Sorry about the mess,” I said quietly. “But they really should put a warning on these things, you know. I mean, why would they use clear plastic to tie shoes together? Who is going to see that?”
“Well—uh—most people,” the manager said as he collected a few more shoeboxes from around me. “Are you planning on buying those?” he asked.
“I suppose I am,” I said.
Luckily most of the other customers had returned to their shopping. I was mortified, but it was something I was becoming accustomed to. It seemed to me that if it could happen to anyone, it usually happened to me.
“Here, let me get that,” he offered and pulled a small pair of scissors from his pocket. He reached down and cut the plastic that held the two shoes together. “There you go,” he said as if he was talking to a child. “All better now.”
I stared at him for a long moment. It was hard to imagine that I was ever his age—young and arrogant, believing that the world was designed just for me. It was hard for me to imagine still having that bright shimmering in my eyes indicating that the best was yet to come.
“Thank you,” I said. “Do you want me to help you with this?” I gestured to the mess of boxes.
“No, that’s alright,” he said. “Trust me—it happens all the time.”
“Really?”
“Well, not exactly like this.” He laughed a little. “Usually it’s kids that knock them over, but it’s just a pile of shoes, you know—no big deal.”
I smiled at him. Maybe I needed a little more of that shiny young optimism. It really was just a pile of shoes—no big deal. I took off the shoes and slipped my old ones back on. I followed the manager up to the register and paid for them, doing my best to avoid eye contact.
When I stepped out of the store I tried to leave the embarrassing moment behind me. I had a marathon to run, and I couldn’t let anything stop me.
I returned to my apartment and took a long warm bath. Then I headed to bed early so I would be bright and cheerful when my alarm went off at five-thirty.
When the blaring, mind-jarring sound of my alarm went off the next morning, the alarm clock somehow went sailing across the room. Luckily it landed on a discarded pillow on the floor and bounced safely to the carpet. It continued to blare obnoxiously. I groaned and forced myself to sit up in bed. I was not much of a morning person, and certainly not when I was expecting to exercise for the first time in months. Still, I didn’t want to disappoint Stephanie, and now there was no way to get to my alarm clock without getting out of bed.
I rolled over until I was half out of the bed and half in it. I stretched out my foot and tried to hit the snooze button with the tip of my toe. I only managed to push it further out of my reach. I stretched out my foot a little farther, determined to shut the alarm off. Unfortunately that caused the rest of my body to slide off the edge of my mattress, and I tumbled onto the floor. I landed with my head right next to the annoying alarm.
“Enough!” I shouted and smacked the alarm clock until it was finally quiet. I lay there for a few minutes, debating whether to get up. Eventually I pushed myself up off the floor. I stumbled around blearily until I had clothes on and my brand new running shoes tied tight.
Then I grabbed my purse and keys and headed out of the apartment. Morning looked a lot different at quarter ’til six. People were rushing to their cars, school buses were rumbling by, the trash truck was ridiculously loud. I wondered how I had slept through so much noise all these years.
I started my car and thought about turning it back off. I could always say I overslept or that I ate something funny—or just not call Stephanie at all. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to remember why I had even put “running a marathon” on my bucket list.
I remembered when I was about sixteen, watching a marathon. I remembered seeing the passion in the faces of the runners as they ran, knowing they had a long way to go, but still valuing each step. I had taken a life lesson from that at the time. That a journey may be long, a destination may be far, but each step matters.
Chapter 4
This was one of my steps. I had no idea what the destination was, I had no idea how long the journey would be, but this was a step on it and one that mattered. I had spent too much time being afraid to move forward in life, letting steps pass me by.
My bucket list was not just about doing fun things that I’d always hoped to do, it was about seizing opportunities in life that I had almost allowed to pass me by. So this was the next step in my journey. I was not going to take that step by crawling back into bed and hiding from something that was challenging. I was going to take it, by shifting my car into gear and driving to that pond where Stephanie would be meeting me.
It was time to leave behind the idea of fear and believe in my own bravery. That was the type of person I knew myself to be—strong, determined, and adventurous.
Soon I found myself parking in the parking lot beside the pond. I barely remembered the drive there, but I was feeling a little more inspired.
The air was crisp and cool as I drew it deep into my lungs. I felt how invigorating it could be to really breathe. A quick glance around showed me that Stephanie had not arrived yet. I walked over to a bench near the path and decided to look the part rather than just standing there. I pulled one foot up behind me and stretched my leg as I leaned forward. It felt good to truly expand my body. I switched to my other leg, and nearly lost my balance. Luckily the bench was there for me to grab onto and steady myself.
Back on two feet, I glanced around the path. It was a paved path that wrapped around a mid-sized pond. It was frequented by daily joggers, dog walkers, and moms pushing strollers. I had driven by it many times, but had never really taken the time to stop and explore the place. A little nature was very refreshing. Of course the hustle and bustle of the city was not far off.
“Samantha!” Stephanie called out from the parking lot. “Sorry I’m late,” she continued as she jogged over to me. She had her dark hair tied back in a ponytail and was wearing an adorable set of plum-shaded workout clothes. I, of course, was in sweat pants, a ratty old t-shirt, and my brand new sneakers, which I now felt were far too green.
“It’s okay. I was just doing a little stretching,” I said and smiled nervously at her. I enjoyed hanging out with her, but I was still waiting for her to tire of me.
“Good idea,” she said and stretched her arms high above her head. “I got caught up with Max this morning,” she added.
Max and this morning screamed in my head. Did that mean she went to a super early breakfast with him or did that mean that he’d spent the night? I knew what it meant, to be honest. Max had no problem finding his way into bed with women. He was charming, with a decent build and a romantic nature when it suited him. But it still made me uneasy to think about it. Focus, I snapped at myself. You’re here to train for a marathon, not to think about Max.
“Let’s warm up,” Stephanie said. “We can just do a quick lap around the pond and then we’ll figure out how many we feel up to.”
I stared at her for a moment. “Around the whole pond?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, laughing. “You’re so funny, Samantha.”
I wasn’t joking. That path was pretty long. She thought that was a warm-up? Brave, I reminded myself—brave and adventurous. I took a deep breath and nodded.
“Let’s do it!”
“Great!” Stephanie cheered. She began running toward the path.
I loped after her. Everything about Stephanie was bouncy. She bounced from foot to foot as she jogged. Her long thick hair was bouncy. Her perfectly formed breasts were quite bouncy. Behind her I felt like a potato that had sprouted legs for the first time. I wobbled, my pace irregular and throwing me off balance.
I tried to keep up with Stephanie, but the faster I jogged the tighter my chest felt. Not to mention the fact that I kept coming down at an awkward angle on my ankle, and a twinge of pain was shooting up my calf with each stride.
&nb
sp; Stephanie kept getting further and further away from me. At some point she wasn’t even Stephanie, my new friend, anymore. She was every woman that I felt I couldn’t measure up to or keep up with. I knew that was unreasonable. Stephanie had never been anything but nice to me. But she had the figure I wanted, she had the confidence I craved, she had the man I had been crushing on for over ten years. How could I not feel some jealousy building within me? But that jealousy sparked a fire within me, a determination to catch up with her.
I pushed myself harder and ignored the burning of my lungs and the screaming of my knees. I was almost a foot away from her when I tripped over absolutely nothing. I mean there was nothing on the path, nothing darted out in front of me, nothing caught my toe. I just fell, because I was me. Because my face needed to be introduced to the path.
Chapter 5
Stephanie must have heard the thump and my groan. She stopped and turned to face me. “Oh my gosh, Samantha, are you okay?” she asked as she crouched down in front of me. “Are you hurt?”
“I’m okay,” I muttered in reply and pushed myself up off the ground. “Just a little bump in the road.”
Stephanie swept her eyes over the path. “Usually they keep it pretty clear,” she said. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”
“I’m fine.” I nodded. “I guess I just couldn’t keep up,” I admitted with a sigh.
“Why didn’t you just tell me to slow down?” Stephanie said. “I didn’t realize how much trouble you were having.”
“I thought I could keep up.”
“Samantha, this is your first marathon. It’s going to take time for you to find your rhythm.” She smiled.
“My rhythm?” I asked as I leaned against one of the benches close to the water.
“Yes, your body will tell you what pace is right for you,” Stephanie said. “If you find that you’re having a hard time maintaining a certain speed, slow it down a notch or two. If you go full force every time you run, you’ll never find your natural rhythm. A marathon isn’t about sprinting, it’s about maintaining. If you want to make it to the end you have to find your steady pace.”
“I see,” I nodded, still feeling a little embarrassed. “I just wanted to do well.”
“And you are,” Stephanie said with an encouraging smile. “Why don’t we try things at a swift walk and we can figure out what works best for you?”
“You don’t mind?” I asked. “I don’t want to hold you back.”
“Nonsense, I am looking forward to getting a chance to talk with you.”
We fell into step together. It was nice not to feel my lungs burning.
“I love being out at this time of day,” Stephanie said. “It’s like the day is new.”
I smiled at her words. I had to agree with her. There was something calming about knowing that I still had the whole day ahead of me.
“So how have things been going with you and Max?” I asked.
I cringed. Why, why, why, did I ask that? It had just popped out of my mouth, unplanned. Now I would have to hear the answer.
“Oh, you know—we’re keeping things casual,” Stephanie said with a distant smile. “Seems to be the way he prefers it.”
I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that what he actually preferred was a different girl every week. I was in a tough place. I knew that Max was a bit of a player and I wanted Stephanie to become a good friend. But I couldn’t betray Max either.
“Well, I’m glad you hit it off,” I said, and immediately regretted it.
“Me too.” Stephanie shrugged. “I swear it’s so funny, all I hear about is Sammy this and Sammy that. I feel like I might already know you pretty well.”
I was stunned by her words. “He talks about me?” I asked, surprised.
“All the time.” Stephanie nodded. “He told me about the vacation you two went on together. He said it was the most fun he’d ever had on a trip.”
“It was fun.” I nodded. “Max and I always have fun.” I cringed as I heard my own words. “I mean—as friends.”
“Friends—of course.” Stephanie glanced over at me.
I could tell that she wanted to ask me something more, but I avoided looking back at her. I hoped she would drop the subject.
“He seems so dedicated to his work,” she continued. “That’s nice to see.”
“I guess. I’ve never understood what he finds so fascinating about computers.” I laughed a little.
“Well, if it makes him happy,” Stephanie said with a smile. “I love to see people passionate about what they do. It makes them more passionate about other areas in their lives—if you know what I mean.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
I thought I might vomit. Maybe it was the exercise catching up with me, but I was pretty sure it was the idea of Max being “passionate” with Stephanie.
“You know what?” I gasped out as I slowed my pace. “I think I’ve had enough for today.”
“Oh, really?” Stephanie said with a frown. “Are you sure?”
“I’ll do better tomorrow,” I said, taking another deep breath.
“Good, because you know the race is on Sunday.”
“Sunday?” I laughed. “Very funny.”
“I’m serious.” Stephanie frowned. “Didn’t you see the updated flier?”
“Huh?” I stared at her with disbelief, still hoping that she was joking.
“Yes. They moved the race up a month because of the bad weather last year. They’re hoping to avoid any rain,” she said.
“There’s no way I’ll be ready by then.”
“You’ll do fine,” Stephanie assured me. “Just meet me here tomorrow. We’ll get your body nice and loosened up, and you can do the best you can at the marathon.”
“I could probably show up,” I said, nodding my head but feeling more skeptical about the whole idea.
“I think you might surprise yourself, Samantha,” Stephanie said with confidence.
It was nice to have someone believe in me, but it also made me question Stephanie’s sanity.
“Alright, I’ll meet you tomorrow,” I finally said.
“Great!” Stephanie grinned. “I’ll bring us smoothies!”
“Great,” I replied and managed a smile before I limped off to my car.
Chapter 6
I proceeded to spend the rest of my day flipping out. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. My legs were sore, I was tired from waking up way too early, and the marathon was on Sunday! There was nothing I could do to stop this from happening. I had already told Stephanie that I would do it, and she would likely tell Max. I couldn’t have Max believing that I was too lazy to do what I said I would do. I had been absolutely out of my mind to think I could do this in the first place.
By the time I returned to my apartment that night, I’d decided that I would have to claim some terrible disease that would magically be cured by Monday. I had spent some of my shift at work looking up short-lived, easily faked, highly contagious diseases. I was debating whether to go with shingles or influenza when my phone rang, causing the picture of a rash to disappear from the phone screen. It was Max.
“Hello?” I asked, hesitating slightly.
“Hey there,” he said with that familiar, easy tone that made my insides melt. “I hear you’ve been busy.”
“Maybe,” I said and then coughed. “I haven’t been feeling too well.”
Then I winced. Did people with shingles cough? I had a feeling I was stuck with influenza.
“Oh, that’s too bad,” Max said. “I was hoping maybe I could come by some time. We haven’t had a lot of Max and Sammy time.”
“That’s true,” I said, my heart pounding.
Even with Stephanie to occupy him he was still thinking of me. That was a good sign, wasn’t it? I shifted uncomfortably. Was I hoping that he wanted to be with me more? I felt a little guilty for it.
“But if you’re not feeling well…” he said quickly. “I’m sure that you need your rest.”
> “No, no, I’m better,” I said and immediately felt foolish. “You should come over tomorrow. I work the morning shift, so I should be home by the time you get off work. I mean—unless you have other plans,” I added.
“Other plans?” he asked with shock in his voice. “No other plans could ever stop me from seeing you, Sam,” he said, being his normal charming self.
I tried to ignore the quickening of my heartbeat. I was supposed to be getting over Max, not getting jealous over him.
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I said.
“I’ll be there,” he said and clicked off the phone.
The picture of the rash popped back up on the screen. I grimaced and deleted it. There was no way I was going to get out of this. I remembered what the young man at the shoe store had said to me. “It’s not a big deal.” Like Stephanie had said, I would run in the marathon and that would be that.
I decided I needed a little more motivation. My blog was the perfect place to get that. Once I put down in words what I was experiencing, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to take it back.
I opened my computer and began tapping on the keyboard. I had to admit that even my fingertips hurt a little bit. I was determined to get my feelings out about running.
As I described the sensation of liberation—to run like I had once as a child—I found myself smiling at the memory of it. Of course I admitted to face-planting. I also detailed what it was like to feel as if I had to earn my place running beside Stephanie. I described finding my own pace.
I didn’t know for sure that my words would help anyone, but I imagined I wasn’t the only person in the world who felt the way I did. I knew there would be at least one pair of eyes reading my words.
Blue. I had come to look forward to reading any comment that Blue left. I knew it was a little silly of me to feel as if I had some kind of bond with a complete stranger on the Internet. I didn’t even know if Blue was male or female, old or some young teen, but it didn’t matter. Blue always appreciated what I had to say and even offered advice at times.
When I submitted the blog post, I felt like I had just spoken to my priest. Everything was out in the open and off my chest. I felt lighter. I waited for a few minutes. I pretended that I was not waiting for a sign that Blue had left a comment.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 14
