As I wrote out the post, I felt a rush of freedom. Something about getting my tattoo made me feel as if I’d broken free from all of my fear. I was quite happy that I had accomplished what I’d set out to do. I also felt even closer to the image of the woman that I wanted to be.
It wasn’t so much about changing, as it was about emerging.
I felt like I was leaving my shell behind.
After I made the post, I lingered on the Internet for a while. I pretended to be looking up other things, but the truth was, I was waiting to see if Blue would leave a comment on my blog.
I was lost in an online catalog when I heard the telltale chime that I’d received a new comment. I switched back over to my blog and found that it was, in fact, from Blue.
I clicked on it, eager to find out what he had to say about my accomplishment.
SWF,
I can only imagine how much strength it took for you to follow through with your intentions. I’m sure that the tattoo is exactly what you’d wanted. I hope that one day I will get to see it for myself. Until then, just know that you have left your mark on my heart with your bravery and your determination to be yourself.
Blue
I smiled as I savored his words. Blue had a way of making me feel embraced even though he couldn’t see me, let alone touch me. I was quite aware that he’d probably jump at the chance of meeting me, but I wasn’t ready for that.
Blue was like the prize dangling before me, encouraging me to keep moving on my bucket list. I wanted to be one hundred percent me when I met Blue, so that there would be no question about whether the chemistry I felt with him was real attraction or just something I imagined.
As I shut down my computer for the night, I was still warmed by the words that he’d written.
I gazed at my tattoo. It was a reminder to love myself—not for who I might become, but for who I already was.
Suddenly, I knew what item I wanted to cross off next on my bucket list.
I’d gotten to know myself fairly well over these past few months. I was ready to introduce myself to my friends. It was a silly idea to think of, but that was how I felt. I wanted to give all of them a chance to get to know the me that I’d been allowing myself to become.
It would be a fun way to show off my tattoo, and I would be able to gather my favorite people all in the same place.
I wasn’t usually one to host, considering I did not enjoy cooking all that much, but that was going to change too. Over the past few months, I’d learned all kinds of new recipes and healthy ways of cooking. I could showcase my new cooking skills as well.
As I thought about who I might invite, my mind immediately shifted to Blue. He had been dropping hints that he would love to meet me. Was I brave enough? Was it the right time?
My heart skipped a beat at the very idea. I couldn’t host a dinner party without Max being there. How would I handle Max and Blue being in the same room? I wasn’t sure whether I was really going to invite Blue, but it was fun to think about.
I was sure that the next item on my bucket list was going to usher in an entirely new way of being for me. I was ready to be seen more by others, and whether or not I was accepted, I knew that I would be able to be proud of myself.
I had always known the Samantha that was hidden inside of me, but it was time to introduce her to the rest of the world.
And there was someone else I was getting ready to introduce to the world too. I grinned as I opened up my work in progress and immersed myself back in Zara’s world.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List
17 Host a Dinner Party
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
It had been a few days since I’d started mulling over the idea of the next item I wanted to cross off my bucket list. I’d always wanted to host a fabulous dinner party for my friends. It seemed like such a fun idea, but I’d never had enough confidence in my cooking abilities to do it.
Since I had begun to change my diet, I’d taken the time to learn some new recipes and how to cook healthier foods. Of course, I still had to find the tastiest recipes. Now that I’d mastered a few of them, I felt more confident in my cooking.
Although not the healthiest of all my choices, one of my favorite meals was chicken and broccoli Alfredo. Since I’d been doing well on my diet, I decided that I could splurge—and I might as well combine that splurge with a delicious meal to share with my friends.
The following Saturday would be the perfect day to host my dinner party. I would just invite my closest friends, get some great wine, and keep things casual.
With that plan in mind, I was ready to send out invitations.
I went through the guest list in my mind and wrote out an invitation for each person. Most people texted, tweeted, or otherwise pinged people rather than mailing out invitations, but I wanted to go the traditional route. I had a good time creating funky shapes and adding bright colors to the invitations. Since most of my friends lived nearby, I planned to hand deliver them.
There was one invite that I couldn’t hand deliver. It was a huge step for me to even consider inviting him.
That person was Blue, one of the readers of my blog, whom I’d almost convinced myself could quite possibly be my soul mate. He always had some practical and inspiring advice to offer me. He was also always dropping hints about meeting me. With all of the changes I’d been going through since beginning my bucket list journey, I felt I was finally ready to meet him in person.
I wasn’t sure just yet how to go about inviting Blue. He had sent me personal messages through the contact form on my site, so I did have his email address already. I could easily send him a message and hope to hear back from him, but that seemed so impersonal.
I wanted him to come to the dinner party more than anyone else. What better way to slowly get to know him than to have my friends around as a buffer? Still, the actual act of inviting him was making my heart race and my palms sweat. I wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to accomplish it without talking myself out of it. If I was going to do it, I had to do it fast—and without overthinking it.
I popped open my computer and logged into my email account to find the last email that Blue had sent me. I clicked on the reply button and began typing a message before I could stop myself. As a result, what I wrote was a bit jumbled and rushed but I hit the send button without changing a thing.
Blue,
As you know I’ve been checking things off my bucket list. One of those things is hosting a dinner party. I thought maybe you would like to join me. It’s okay if you don’t want to. It was just an idea. I’m sure that you may be too busy. But if you’re not, and if you’re hungry, then you should come. Well, not if you’re hungry right now because the party isn’t until Saturday, but you might be hungry on Saturday, and then you might want to eat and I will have food. If you want to come.
SWF
After the message went through I read it over. I cringed at the way I had worded it. Blue would probably think I’d had too much wine to drink. But it was done, and I couldn’t take it back.
I decided to distract myself by writing a blog post about my plans to introduce my new and improved self to my friends.
As I was writing it, I realized that wasn’t exactly what I was doing, though. I was introducing myself to my friends—my true self, that I was no longer afraid to show.
Normally I would be a bundle of stress and anxiety about the planning and dinner itself, but when I was finished writing the post, I felt great. I was eager to get out and buy the supplies that I would need, as well as deliver my invitations.
Blue was usually fairly quick to respond to my messages, so I lingered on my computer for a few minutes. I surfed some websites, trying not to think about the message that I’d sent.
A
fter about twenty minutes, I began to wonder if I’d made a mistake. Had I been too forward by asking Blue to dinner? Had I shocked him into silence? I caught myself chewing on the edge of my nail. I knew that I couldn’t let myself sit there all day waiting. I had other invitations to deliver.
With one last glance at the computer, I picked up the pile of envelopes and headed out the door.
Chapter 2
I stopped at my neighbor’s apartment and slid an invitation under her door. She had helped me so much when I decided to try my hand at online dating. Then I walked down the block to Fluff and Stuff. It was my day off, but it wasn’t unusual for me to pop in just to say hello to the other employees.
When I walked in, Janice was in the middle of a polite argument with a customer.
“I understand that your shirt went into the washer white, Mrs. Dupree, but you also put in a red pair of shorts. Fluff and Stuff can’t be held responsible for the colors running. The damage to your shirt was not caused by our machines.”
“You’ll have to understand that I came here because of the good reputation of this laundromat. I didn’t mean to mix those shorts in with the whites. They were supposed to be in a separate load. Perhaps if you had more adequate sorting tables, none of this would have happened.”
“Mrs. Dupree, I’m sorry this has happened. Perhaps you can leave your shirt here and we’ll see what we can do to get it back to white?” I smiled at her.
“I don’t want to get it back to white. I want the shirt that it was before it got stained pink. Why is it that you don’t see this was a problem that was caused by your facility?” Mrs. Dupree glared at me.
In the past I might have given in and compensated the woman for her shirt, just to avoid confrontation. But I was feeling much more confident.
“I’ll be happy to refund you the money that you spent to use the washer, but that is the best that I can do.” I stood sternly in front of the woman.
“That’s not what I want!” Mrs. Dupree flapped her shirt in front of my face.
All of a sudden I noticed something about the shirt. Not only was the blouse pink, but the buttons were pink too. The buttons wouldn’t have turned pink in the washer. None of the other clothing in Mrs. Dupree’s basket appeared to be stained.
“Mrs. Dupree, are you sure that your blouse was white when you put it in the washer?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I’m sure!”
“Well, it seems to me that this shirt was always pink. The color is solid throughout the entire shirt; there are no streaks and not even a hint of white. Are you sure you didn’t leave the white blouse at home, perhaps?” I did my best to keep my voice professional with a hint of kindness.
The woman looked at the blouse in her hand. Suddenly she gasped. “Oh no, my mistake. This is my pink blouse! I must have gotten them mixed up.”
The woman turned and walked away. Janice shook her head with disbelief.
“How do you always stay so calm?”
“I’m not always so calm, trust me.” I leaned against the counter.
My mind shifted back to Blue and whether he had answered my invitation. I was going to be an obsessive mess if he left me hanging, I was sure of that. Maybe I hadn’t changed as much as I thought I had.
“Thanks for handling that. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t understand how people can be so rude sometimes.” She frowned.
“Don’t let it get to you. Everybody has their bad days.” I glanced over the list of customers behind the register. “Pretty slow today?”
“Not this morning. We were slammed. But since then it’s been quiet. Which means you should be enjoying your day off!”
“I will be, I will be. But I wanted to bring you something.”
“Oh?”
“I’m having a little dinner party.” I handed Janice an invitation. “Please feel free to bring your boyfriend.”
“Thanks.” Janice smiled. “I’ll be there. Is there anything I can bring?”
“Just yourself. I’m going to provide everything—including wine.”
“Sounds wonderful. What’s the occasion?” Janice wiggled her eyebrows. “Did Max finally pop the question?”
“What?” I laughed. “As if Max would ever propose to me.”
“Maybe not propose—maybe not yet. What I meant was, did he finally ask you out?” She smiled so wide that I could see small dimples forming in her cheeks.
“Max and I are just friends.”
“Sure.”
“I mean it.”
“So what’s the occasion?” Janice waved the invitation in front of me.
“Nothing really. I’ve just decided that I want to see my friends more often.” I shrugged. “I guess you could say I’m becoming more social.”
“It sounds like it’ll be fun. I’ll be happy to be there. But I’m still not buying the ‘just friends’ speech.”
I tilted my head back and forth. “That’s for fate to decide, I suppose.”
“Let me tell you something, Samantha, sometimes fate needs a good swift kick in the—”
“Hey, ladies.” Max smiled as he walked into the laundromat. “What have you two been chatting about?”
“You, mostly.” Janice winked.
“Oh?” Max smoothed back his hair. “I like to hear that.”
“Here you go—an invitation for you to my dinner party, and I suppose you can bring your ego as well.” I held out his invitation.
“A dinner party?” He grinned at me as he took the envelope. “Will there be wine?”
Janice and I both stared at him as if he had two heads.
“Right—silly question.” He slid the invitation into his back pocket. “I’ll be there. Let me know if you need any help setting up—or cooking.” He cringed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I put my hands on my hips.
“Oh nothing. But I mean, will there be anything other than salad?”
“Max!” I shook my head.
“It’s an honest question. A man needs more than bunny food.” His smile revealed to me that he was trying to get a rise out of me.
“Trust me, you’ll be satisfied.” I met his eyes with a grin of my own.
“I like to hear that too.” He laughed. “I need to get to my appointment. Seriously, though, let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Max!” I waved to him.
Chapter 3
As soon as the door closed Janice jumped into action.
“Thanks, Max!” Janice repeated my words in a mocking tone and pretended to swoon across the register.
“Stop it!” I laughed. “I don’t sound like that.”
“The two of you are going to kill me with all of the tension between you.”
“I think you’re just looking for something that isn’t there, Janice. Of course we’re close, we’ve been friends for a very long time.”
Janice looked at me as if she was going to argue.
Before she could speak, I rushed forward. “Besides, I invited someone else that I’m interested in.”
“What?” Janice grinned. “You’ve been holding out on me, girl. Who is this mystery man?”
“Just someone I’ve gotten to know.”
“Oh, okay—you want to draw out the mystery. Don’t worry, I will definitely be there for this dinner.” She laughed.
I smiled at her before walking out of the laundromat. But the smile faded as soon as I was out the door. I realized I’d just pushed myself right over the edge. Now if Blue didn’t show up, I would look like I had an imaginary date—which, in all reality, I sort of did.
For all I knew, Blue could have been an old man hunched over his keyboard and dispensing wisdom as he pleased. Was that why Blue hadn’t gotten back to me? Maybe he was the one who had something to hide.
As I delivered the rest of my invitations, my mind wandered over the possibilities.
The little grocery store near my apartment was more like a mixture of a department store an
d a corner store. It had some groceries, some housewares, and even some clothing. I enjoyed shopping there because of the assortment of things that I could purchase. Of course, that also meant that a quick shopping trip always ended up being a lot longer.
As soon as I stepped in, I saw them. On the very top shelf was a beautiful set of crystal wine glasses that would be perfect for my party.
I looked around for someone to help me get them down. There was a bit of a line at the register and the only clerk working looked very occupied. I decided that I would do the rest of my shopping and wait for the line to go down, then ask for help.
I was careful to select the best ingredients. I spared no cost for the dinner party.
As I shopped, I thought about the beautiful wine glasses that my friends would be toasting with. I checked on the line. It was shorter, but there were still a few people to go.
I browsed a bit. Then I saw a man walk toward the shelf with the wine glasses. I was sure that he was looking at something else. When he stopped right in front of them, I could see that he was looking up at my glasses. Then he looked toward the register. I knew that he was going to ask the clerk for help. I had to do something—and fast—if I wanted those glasses.
As the man walked toward the register to wait for the clerk’s help, I looked at the shelving. It looked like it would be sturdy enough to climb. I hesitated. I knew that it wasn’t the best idea in the world, but I still wanted to try. I wanted those glasses so badly, and there was only one set.
I carefully climbed up the two lowest shelves. They felt very sturdy. I climbed up to the next shelf. This meant that I was officially off the floor and there was no turning back.
“Miss! Miss, what are you doing?” the clerk called out from the register.
I ignored him. My eyes were on the prize. I was getting those wine glasses.
I grabbed the edge of the box. I carefully nudged the box toward the edge of the shelf. I just needed to get a good grip and then I would be able to safely get them.
Suddenly, I heard a loud creak. I was aware of the metal shelf bowing beneath my feet. I knew that I was about to fall, and if I grabbed the wine glasses I would be taking them with me.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 48
