With some hesitation I clicked on the message.
SWF,
I can’t even tell you how sorry I am that I missed your dinner tonight. I would have done anything to get there—except crash through a police barricade. The highway was shut down and I wasn’t sure how to get to your apartment by an alternate way. I hope you understand that I was looking forward to seeing you. I would never do anything to hurt you. I might not be able to be at your side right now, but I am thinking of you and wishing that we could finally bring what is between us into reality. I still wonder, though, if that’s what you would really want. I hope you will forgive me and give me another chance.
Blue
Of course he wouldn’t have been able to reach me if he’d tried. My phone was out of commission. I hadn’t really thought about that. Max had mentioned the accident on the highway too, so I knew that wasn’t a lie.
Yet, I felt very suspicious. I wasn’t sure if I believed him. Just like Max, he seemed to say all the right things but it never led to anything more than talk. Maybe I was feeling a little grumpy, but I wondered if I’d gotten myself involved in another impossible crush.
Suddenly, I realized how far off track I’d let myself get. I had gotten wrapped up in Blue’s attention and even Max’s. I had begun to believe that I had to be with someone in order to be validated as a worthy human being.
I knew better than that. Zara had taught me better than that. I closed my e-mail program without responding to Blue, and returned to my document.
I was no longer going to allow the whims of the men in my life to distract me from what truly mattered to me—my future as a writer.
If I was meant to have romance, it would just have to find its way to me.
Zara was waiting for my attention.
Instead of putting my passion first, I had let it fade beneath my desire to have Max or Blue declare their love for me. I didn’t need them to declare anything. I was the one that needed to declare my love for me. That was a lesson I seemed to have to repeat over and over again.
Blue and Max were fully aware that I was open to anything they wanted to start. How could they not be, with the way I fawned over them? I wasn’t going to wait for them any more.
I’d been neglecting what my true passion had become—writing.
Zara was such an interesting character to me. The more I wrote about her, the more I learned about myself. She deserved my focus and attention more than any of my fruitless crushes.
I began writing with renewed fervor. Zara had a lot to say.
I vowed that I would not even consider a date with anyone until I finished Zara’s story. That meant that the next item to be crossed off my list was going to be getting my first book published.
Romance could wait.
It was time for Zara to be introduced to the world.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List
18 Publish a Book
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
Rain splattered against the window beside me. The steady pounding had been encouraging a trance-like state for quite some time. It seemed to be to my advantage as I was working on my book.
My fingers flew across the keyboard. Although I’d started out with some writer’s block, now I finally knew the ending to the story. I wasn’t just writing it—I felt as if I was living it.
There was so much about Zara that I hoped to one day be.
As I wrote the last sentence, I felt an intense wave of excitement rush over me. With the final words I typed, I knew that I’d done more than write a story. I had opened a new door in my life—where it would lead was a thrilling mystery.
I stared at the cursor blinking on the screen for some time. What I wanted to do was jump up and down with joy, but I knew that there was still work to be done. I’d completed the story, but now I had to take the next steps in my plan.
I was ready to take a more independent direction in my life. That meant not only writing a book but publishing it and making an income from it. I knew that I might not make a million, but I hoped I would make enough to keep me motivated.
I began the task of reading back over my own work. As I relived Zara’s journey I could see how it reflected my own in many ways.
She was a big woman—bigger than I currently was—who was insecure about her weight and how she looked. But, unlike me, she had the ability to overcome that insecurity. She was confident, bold, and determined. She was everything that I’d wished to become for so long that it seemed like nothing more than a fantasy.
Where I would run and hide from a challenge, she would step right up and overcome it. Over the past few months I’d been steadily checking things off my bucket list, but Zara didn’t need a list to do what she wanted to do.
Like me, Zara desired romance in her life. In many ways I put my heart into Zara’s desires—what it would be like to have a companion to trust and adore. By the end of the story, Zara became a superstar in my eyes. She was far too daring to keep contained on my computer screen.
I began to follow the formatting steps that I’d learned from my writing group. Although the group itself had turned out to be a bust, it was the reason that I’d connected with my mentor, Estrella.
Estrella had given me a simple piece of advice that had changed my ability to write. It was a turning point for me, and after I had experienced it, I’d been able to write as freely and openly as I’d always desired.
As I finished the formatting I knew that there was only one thing to do. I picked up the phone and dialed Estrella’s number.
“You’re reached the great Estrella!”
I smiled at her greeting. “Hi, Estrella, it’s me, Samantha.”
“Hi, Samantha. It’s so good to hear from you.’
“I know it’s been a while. I’ve been busy writing.”
“Now that’s what I like to hear.” Estrella laughed and then coughed a little.
“I’ve been writing so much that I actually finished my story.” I was bursting with pride.
“You did? That’s fantastic!”
“I was wondering—I mean, if it’s too much to ask I understand—but would you read it over and tell me what you think?”
Estrella was silent for a long moment. I held my breath as I wondered if I was asking for too much. Estrella was a writer herself, with many books published. I was sure that her schedule was probably pretty full.
“I’m not so sure that you know what you’re asking for, Samantha.”
“I do. I know that you will be honest with me. That’s what I want.”
“Alright, but remember, just because I like you doesn’t mean I will like your writing.”
“I know, I know.” I grinned. I was sure she would like it. She had to like it.
“Okay, you can e-mail it to me. I’ll read it over, then we can meet to discuss it. Does that sound good to you?”
“That sounds great, Estrella! Thank you so much!”
“Don’t thank me, darling—not until you hear what I have to say about what I read.”
“I promise, I want an honest opinion.” I was nearly giddy with excitement.
“Okay, I’ll call you when I finish. See you soon, Samantha.”
“Thanks, Estrella.”
I hung up the phone and immediately pulled up Estrella’s e-mail address. As I was about to hit send, my heart lurched. I began to feel hot and more than a little sweaty. I was about to send my work to a published author who would probably take one look at it, giggle, and toss it in the garbage. What was I thinking?
I groaned and leaned back in my computer chair. As I did, I tipped a little too far back. My chair slid out from under me and my feet flew up into the air. I kicked my laptop right off the desk. When I landed with a thud on the floor I gasped and looked for my laptop. Luckily it
had landed on the carpet, but that didn’t stop the cup of coffee I had sitting beside it on the desk from tipping over and spilling on top of it.
“No!” I screamed and lunged for the computer. When I snatched it up out of the puddle of coffee I thought I might faint. The only copy of my book was on that computer—the book I’d been working on for what seemed like decades—when in reality, it was more or less months.
I flipped open the computer and checked to see if it was still working.
The screen was blank.
Chapter 2
I must have been screaming louder than I thought because someone began pounding on my front door. I didn’t want to leave my computer to answer it, but the pounding grew louder.
“Hello? Do I need to call the police?” A voice shouted through the door.
“I’m okay!”
I knew that it was my neighbor, Kat, from next door. She’d helped me out when I was working on my blog and also when I tried out Internet dating. My heart raced as I wondered if she might be able to help me out now.
I ran to the door and jerked it open so fast that I smacked my nose with the door in the process.
“Ouch! Wait! Come back!”
She stopped at the end of the hallway and turned back. “What is going on in there, Samantha?” She looked more impressed than concerned.
“I did something horrible!”
“What is it? You can tell me!” She looked hungry for gossip as she walked back toward me.
“I knocked my computer off the desk and spilled a cup of coffee on it and now it won’t work!”
I nearly broke into tears. The excitement of finishing my book and then the trauma of destroying my computer was enough to make me feel as if I was in the middle of a natural disaster.
“Oh boy.” She shook her head. “No matter how many times I tell people—no drinks by the computer—no one ever listens.” She pushed past me into the apartment.
“Don’t worry, even if the computer is damaged it can be repaired. You might end up losing some data—”
“No! No data! My book is on there!” I followed after her into my bedroom.
“Book? You wrote a book?” Kat smiled. “That’s quite a task to complete. What’s it about? Can I read it? Should I read it?” She wiggled her eyebrows.
“Please! Can you fix it?” I asked. “If you do, I’ll make sure that you get the first copy for free!”
“Good deal.” She bent down and picked up the computer. She clucked her tongue at the puddle of coffee on the floor. “What a mess.” She opened up my computer. Then she began looking at it with a peculiar expression.
“What is it?” I was too anxious to wait for her to tell me. “Is it ruined? Is everything gone?”
Kat looked over at me with a pained smile. “Samantha, when you picked it up, what did you do to try to make it work?”
“I didn’t do anything! I swear! I saw that it was blank and I didn’t do anything!”
Kat laughed a little. I thought about murdering her—but just for a second.
“So if I make your computer work, I get the first copy of your book—for free, right?” She looked at me.
“Yes, of course. Please just fix it.”
Kat pursed her lips. Then she reached out and pushed the power button on the computer. Instantly it began turning on. My heart stopped for a second. When I saw that it was perfectly fine I felt relieved.
“Sometimes, all you have to do to make it work is turn it on.” Kat offered a gloating smile. “So don’t forget about that free book. And also, no more coffee by the computer. Seriously, it’s practically computer abuse to have it anywhere near your keyboard. Okay?”
“Okay.” I still felt shaky from the near disaster. I was also more than a little humiliated that I hadn’t realized that I just needed to turn the computer on. The blank screen had only been blank because the computer had shut down when it hit the floor.
“Thanks, Kat.” I frowned.
“No need to thank me. Just get me that book.” She gave my shoulder a light slap. “It better be good.”
As I watched Kat leave, I was reminded of how nervous I felt. Before I could think about it any longer, I pulled Estrella’s e-mail up again, attached my book, and hit the send button.
Now Kat and Estrella were going to have the chance to rip my book to pieces. I felt slightly sick to my stomach.
I wondered if finishing a book was really such a good idea after all.
Once I’d recovered from my run-in with the computer, I calmed down a bit. It wasn’t such a big deal that I’d sent the book to Estrella. There was no one I would trust more with my creativity than her.
I still felt a little sick to my stomach as I wondered how she would react to it. I had begun to pin my hopes on this as a future career, and I didn’t want to get discouraged. I decided to post a teaser on my blog about what I was up to. I thought that might force me to actually go through with my plan.
After I scrubbed the coffee stain out of my carpet, I turned my attention back to my computer. It was still a little sticky, but worked just fine. I logged into my blog and began writing a post describing why coffee is the enemy of computers, then I got into the real meat of my post.
I described the dedication I’d shown over the past few weeks as I worked hard to meet the deadline I had given myself. Now that I’d met it, I was ready to take the next step.
I wasn’t going to spend months—or years—waiting for a publisher to approve of my work. I was going to self-publish it as an e-book.
After I posted the blog entry, I felt a little more determined. It always helped to have my goal memorialized on my blog, as it meant that more than just me were waiting to see how it all turned out. In particular, as always, was Blue. Blue, who was always on my mind.
I closed my computer to keep myself from obsessing about Blue or the book.
As I started toward the kitchen to prepare an afternoon snack, my cell phone began to buzz.
Chapter 3
I picked up my phone to find that Max was calling.
“Max, hi—”
“Oh, your phone is working?”
“Well, yes, it is but—”
“Oh, you’re still alive?”
“Well, yes, I am, it’s just—”
“So I can stop wearing black and biting my nails?”
I laughed. “Max, stop, you know I love you.”
“Do you?” His tone was playful. “Because I vaguely remember having this friend who would watch movies with me, go to dinner with me, tell me when my hair was poofy, and always, always, answer her phone when I called.”
“What can I say? I’ve been busy.” I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he’d noticed. It meant that he did care about not having my presence in his life as much.
“Oh really? Who is he?” I knew Max was forcing his voice to be serious—he was teasing me.
“He is not a he, and what I’ve been doing with my time is a secret.”
“Hm.” Max was quiet for a moment. “Nope, not going to stop asking. What have you been doing, Sammy? How could you abandon me?”
“I have not abandoned you.” I laughed. “I’ve been working on a special project.”
“That tells me nothing! You have no idea the things that are going through my mind.”
“I would love to know!”
I grabbed a corn tortilla, some baked chicken, a bag of salad, and mustard. As I spread my treat out on the counter, I listened to Max rattle off what his imagination had me doing.
“Maybe you’re trying to create a robot of some kind to take over your job at Fluff and Stuff so you can spend more time with me. Or maybe you’ve decided to volunteer to live on Mars and you’re just trying to get me used to the Sammy deprivation. Perhaps you’ve taken a vow of Max avoidance and you’re afraid to let down your latest deity. Maybe there’s been an infestation of large bugs in your home and they’ve surrounded your bed, making it impossible for you to leave it or call me for he
lp. I mean really, Sammy, I’ve been panicking over here.”
As I finished making my wrap, I shook my head. “Max you know you could have just come over and checked on me.”
“But that would ruin the fun.”
“I suppose.” I smiled. “I’ll tell you what. Come to dinner with me Friday night. We can celebrate together.”
“Celebrate what?”
“You’ll find out on Friday.”
“I don’t like this.”
“But you like me.”
“I love you.”
I tried not to swoon at hearing those words. Max wasn’t shy about telling me how he felt. Of course he meant that he loved me as a friend, but hearing those three little words still made me buzz with hope.
“If you love me, then you’ll come to dinner on Friday.”
“Fine.” He sighed. “I guess I can survive until then.”
“I’m sure you can.”
“I’m not so sure. But I guess I have no choice. This better be good!”
“It will be!” I hung up my phone.
Would it be good? Would anyone even want to read it? Would Max think I was a fool for trying to break into an already crowded book market?
I set my phone down and picked up my wrap. I wasn’t going to shut down with fear. I was going to try to be brave—like Zara would be.
I managed to make it through my shift at Fluff and Stuff the next day—but just barely. I kept checking my phone to see if Estrella had called. I knew it was unreasonable of me to expect that she would have read my entire book in twenty-four hours, but I was dying to hear the verdict. Then a small part of me was terrified to hear the phone ring, because once she gave me her opinion, there was no turning back.
To try to keep my focus on the future and not the disaster that Estrella might consider my book to be, I’d decided to drop in on an e-book seminar after work. I already knew the basics, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to go over things again.
I locked up the laundromat and started walking towards the library. I kept thinking about different parts of Zara’s adventure. Was the tattoo really believable, or was it too over the top? Did I focus too much on her boring job or give away the end by discussing her hopes of a different career in the future?
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 51
