I was quite certain that was not going to help matters, but I decided not to mention it. I enjoyed the feel of his hands on my shoulders. Did he really do this for all of his students? Wasn’t it possible that he was the tall handsome stranger that would come out of the blue? Maybe for once—just once—a psychic had been right.
I was still so preoccupied with these thoughts minutes later that I could barely focus on the dance. I kept smashing into Raul when I should have been spinning away from him. I stepped on his feet at least three times. I was fairly certain I had seriously injured one of his toes.
When he drew me up against him, instead of snapping my head back as I was supposed to, I lifted my head so that my lips could meet his. It was just a brush of contact, but it sent a thrill through my entire body.
Or maybe that was the sensation of falling. Not falling in love, but falling straight to the dance floor. I landed with a hard thump on the floor.
“Samantha! Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Raul dropped down to his knees beside me. “I was just surprised and shocked.”
I looked up at him from the crumpled pile I found myself in. Had my kiss been so repulsive that he had dropped me on the floor? “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”
I blinked quickly to combat the tears of embarrassment that threatened to form.
“Oh, Samantha, I’m the one that should be sorry. Maybe I gave you the wrong impression.” He offered me his hand and helped me to stand up.
I couldn’t even look at him.
“Samantha, this is such an intimate dance. Feelings can be stirred up, confusing feelings.”
I shook my head and started to walk away. I wasn’t confused, just rejected. He caught my hand with his and pulled me back as if we were still dancing.
“Don’t do that, Samantha. Don’t be embarrassed. This is not the first time this has happened. When I help a woman embrace her sensuality, it can become complicated.”
“I get it, okay? You’re not interested.” My voice was harsher than I’d intended. I pulled away from him.
“Wait, Samantha. It’s not what you think. What you’re feeling for me—that’s not really for me. You think I’m the one that stirred your sensuality, but I’m not. It was all you.”
I turned back to look at him.
Chapter 9
Raul was handsome. There was no question about that. But beyond that there was no real reason for me to be infatuated with him. I knew nothing about him. The more his words sunk in, the more I thought they might be true. Had I fallen in love with the dance, with expressing my sensuality, and mistaken it for feelings for him?
“I’m sorry. I should go.”
“Please just remember, Samantha, you did this. You discovered yourself. Don’t let the confusion cheapen the experience that we’ve had here. Hm?” He smiled at me.
I felt the urge to punch him, but I knew that it was not his fault. I had allowed myself to get caught up in the sensations of the dance and had embarrassed myself as a result.
As I left the dance studio, I felt pretty miserable. It wasn’t just about Raul. My heart ached with disappointment about Blue. My mind kept flashing back to Max dancing with Anisa. I allowed myself to believe that there might be someone new in my life—Raul. Because of that I’d trodden on very dangerous ground. Now I couldn’t escape the hurt and shame that trampled all over my self-confidence.
Without really thinking about it I found myself turning into the grocery store parking lot. I needed a few things, but as I walked up to the sliding doors I knew that wasn’t why I was there. I picked up the few items that I thought I needed and then headed straight for the chips and snack aisle. It was an aisle that I had taught myself to avoid.
At first I’d been determined to find all of the healthy snacks I could, but I tended to overeat on those too. So, eventually I’d made the decision to eliminate snack foods and instead snack on vegetables or fruit throughout the day. It had made a huge difference in not only my calorie intake but the amount of healthy whole foods that I was eating instead of processed foods. Once I’d begun to see results, it was much easier to just bypass the snack aisle. Once I was drawn in, though, I could become dazzled by the assortment of goodies.
I stared at the variety of crackers, chips, and candy. All of the delicious treats were calling out to me—or more specifically, to my thighs and midsection. I tried to remind myself about how much progress I’d made. I thought about how being successful on my weight-loss journey was so much sweeter than anything on those shelves.
But it had been such a rough night. I didn’t care about my journey, I didn’t care about my thighs; all I cared about was chocolate chunk cookies as big as my face. Raul had let me down gently, but he had still let me down.
Max avoided my calls. Blue hadn’t even bothered to check in on me. I was lonely. I was feeling as if I would always be lonely. No, food wouldn’t fix that, but at least it was something that I could enjoy.
I reached for the bag of cookies. Just as I was about to grab it, salsa music began to play over the PA system.
“Hot and spicy salsa on sale in aisle five! Don’t forget to pick up some chips to go with it!”
As I stood hovering in front of the snacks with the salsa music playing in the background, a group of people began converging on the same aisle. Apparently between the music and the announcement everyone thought it was a great idea to pick up some salsa.
I was just about to give in and grab the cookies when my hips began to sway. Somehow I had an image of Raul standing right behind me with his hands on my hips.
“I can make you that woman.” I heard him say.
He had shown me my power, my feminine seduction, yet here I was ready to sacrifice all of the progress that I’d made to the cookie gods.
My hips began to sway more. Without really deciding to, I began to dance. I began to salsa all alone in the middle of the crowded aisle. I wanted to feel that passion rise within me once more—to know that it had nothing to do with cookies and everything to do with being confident in who I was.
I didn’t even notice that just about everyone had stopped looking for jars of salsa to stare at me. I didn’t noticed because my eyes were closed and my body was finding its rhythm. I could feel it flowing through me as clearly as I had when Raul was dancing with me. This was the core of me that didn’t need cookies to make me feel better. All I needed was that connection with my sultry self.
To my surprise, I felt someone take my hand.
Chapter 10
I opened my eyes to see a tall thin man in thick glasses swaying his hips right in front of me. He was the furthest he could get from the type of man that I was attracted to, but when he began to dance with me I saw the core of him. We danced down the aisle with the rest of the shoppers watching us. When he spun me around, I narrowly avoided a display of cheese sauce.
As I caught my balance I noticed that we weren’t the only ones dancing. Other people in the aisle had begun to dance too. Most weren’t following certain steps—they were just having fun. I smiled at the sight.
Then someone grabbed my hand again. This time it was a woman—a bit taller than me and a bit rounder than me. She grinned shyly at me.
“Okay!” I laughed.
We began to dance. The dynamic was a little different, but it was also rather liberating. It reminded me of a movie I’d once watched of women discovering their feminine wiles by dancing in the woods under the moon.
As we really engaged in the rhythm I bumped into a man who was dancing. He bumped me back with a sharp sway of his hip. It sent me right into a stack of potato chips. The bags scattered in all directions. Some slid under the people who were dancing. When they put their feet down on the bags they popped. The chips scattered in all directions. The salsa music stopped and a voice came over the PA system.
“Will the people in aisle five please stop dancing so that we can clean up.”
I giggled at being caught, and at apparently instigating a
surprise salsa flash mob.
I hurried out of the aisle. I didn’t even notice that I’d left the cookies behind. Maybe the entire event had been a bit silly, but I really enjoyed it.
It had reminded me that I was a seductive force, not just when I danced with Raul, but at any given time.
Back at my apartment, I felt ready to update my blog. I was sure that there were other women out there who had experienced a similar kind of confusion. It was easy to confuse attraction with the awakening of sensuality.
Just because Raul had introduced me to my sensual side, that didn’t mean that he was the man I would share that part of myself with. I was glad that I’d gotten to know it and grateful that he had been so gentle in the process.
I lit a candle on my desk. I selected some salsa music to listen to. I wanted to be in that place of passion when I posted the update to my blog. I wanted to share with my readers the intense experience that I’d had. It wasn’t about dancing salsa. It was about discovering my own sensuality.
Sensuality had nothing to do with how I looked or what I did, and everything to do with what I had allowed to be awakened. A dormant part of me that had been tamped down by years of low self-esteem had surfaced at a time when I needed it the most.
In the past, I never would have considered myself alluring. I was clumsy and awkward. But when I danced with Raul, I was neither of those things. I was desire and rhythm. Now that I knew this part of myself, I felt more confident that I wouldn’t be tripping and spilling all of the time.
However, there was one more thing that I needed to do.
I flipped over to my e-mail and read over the last one that Blue had sent me. Once more I felt anger rise up in me. This time, though, I didn’t feel a need to forgive him. I felt a need to stand up for myself and what I deserved.
If I had superpowers I could have melted the monitor with the intensity of my gaze. But I didn’t have superpowers. What I had was my power. I was no longer going to let a man manipulate my confidence, nor was I going to put my life on hold.
My fingers flew across the keyboard without hesitation.
Blue,
You had your chance.
Samantha
After I hit send and the e-mail disappeared, I felt a thrill. It felt good to stand up for myself. It felt good to put Blue in his place. I was no longer pleading for his attention and waiting for a crumb to fall my way. In my opinion, if he wanted to be with me, he would be climbing the walls to get to me, not making excuses. I was no longer willing to wait. He had the opportunity to meet me—to celebrate with me—and he’d turned it down. That was his mistake, not mine. I wasn’t going to make the mistake of giving him another chance.
I didn’t want to hide behind my blog anymore. It was time for me to get out there and find my true love. If it meant that I had to give up on the men I’d been waiting so long for, then that was what I would do.
Whatever it took, I was determined that the next item on my bucket list—to fall in love—would get checked off. Maybe the psychic hadn’t been right. I had known from the start that she was likely a fraud. But that didn’t mean that I couldn’t fulfill the prophecy she’d made. Just because she had imagined it all in the hope of getting a good tip, that didn’t mean that it couldn’t still come true.
It was up to me to find that mysterious lover that was out there waiting for me to wake up and look for him. I wasn’t going to put off romance any longer.
It was time that I embraced my sensuality and went for what I really wanted.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List
24 Fall in Love
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
Of course I had the cart with the squeaky wheel. I never failed to pick the cart with the squeaky wheel. If only I could use my intuitive powers for good, rather than rusty carts, I might have found my true love by now. Instead, I was pushing a noisy cart around the grocery store shopping for a meal for one.
Ever since I’d decided that the next item I would check off my bucket list was to find true love, I had been trying.
I’d attended two social mixers where I was the only one not eligible for senior discounts. I got active at the park, which led to my kite getting stuck in a tree and a very married man helping me get it down. I even went to a baseball game, hoping to gain the attention of a single guy who was a sports fan. Instead, I gained the attention of the hot dog vendor and really went over my calorie limit for the day.
So far the dating idea had been a bust. It wasn’t as if it had been successful in the past. I wasn’t sure why I expected things to be different. I wanted more than most men were interested in offering, I guess. I wanted a commitment—a real relationship, not just a fling.
As I paused in front of the meat section, I considered my options. I could go with lean chicken or a nice thick steak. If only choosing a man were as easy as choosing a hunk of beef. I smiled at my analogy.
“Hi.”
For just a second I thought the steak was talking to me. Then I looked up and saw a man standing nervously beside me.
“Hi. Sorry.” I slid my noisy cart out of his way.
“I don’t think you remember me.” He laughed.
I looked at him again. “Should I?”
“Well, we shared a dance.” He blushed. “In aisle five.”
All of a sudden I knew exactly who he was—the man I’d salsa danced with on aisle five. I had never even gotten his name.
“Oh, I remember!” I smiled. “Sorry about that. I was having a wild day.”
“Oh, please, don’t apologize. I haven’t been able to get that out of my head since it happened. It was just so random—and amazing. I was just shopping for chips and the next thing I knew I was dancing with this stunning woman.”
I laughed and tried not to choke on my own spit. “It was a lot of fun.”
“Ever since that day I’ve been hoping that I might run into you again. I know that sounds weird and stalkerish, but I just felt a connection there.” He cringed. “It’s okay if you’re not interested.”
Was I getting asked out in the meat department?
I perked up very quickly. “Yes, I’m interested.”
He was tall and thin—a bit too wiry for my taste—but if I’d learned anything during my journey through my bucket list, it was that a person was not always what they looked like. This man before me in his plaid button-down shirt might have looked like he had just stepped off the cover of Geek Magazine, but that had nothing to do with who he was inside.
“Oh wow, that’s so great. I really didn’t think you’d be interested. So maybe we could go out some time?”
“I’d love that.”
“To lunch maybe? Tomorrow?” He was grinning so widely that I could count most of his teeth.
“Perfect. Would you like to give me your number—and maybe your name?”
“Oh, sorry.” He laughed again. “It’s Greg.”
He gave me his number and then waved awkwardly at me as he walked away.
I couldn’t help but smile as he nearly knocked over a stack of canned soup. I had no doubt that Greg and I were going to have a lot in common. I was excited to have my first official date since I’d started my hunt for true love.
When I arrived home, I threw my groceries into the fridge and headed straight for my computer. I was excited to blog about what had happened at the grocery store. Just when I was beginning to lose hope, things had taken a turn for the positive.
I mentioned in the blog post that I was ready to really put myself out there, that I couldn’t wait to find out where I’d end up.
Not long after I’d published my update, I received a new e-mail. I saw that it was from Blue. Things had been barely cordial between us lately.
Samantha,
I know we haven�
�t talked much lately. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make things up to you. Maybe you could give me some ideas?
Blue
I smiled as I read his e-mail. I wished I could be bold enough to tell him that if he wanted to make things up to me, he needed to meet me somewhere right that second. But I wasn’t bold enough. I didn’t want to get stood up again.
Blue,
I’m sorry. I was just being sensitive. You don’t have to make anything up to me. I’m ready to get out there and play the field. This is the start of a new adventure for me.
Samantha
I felt that by pointing out that I was moving on, he’d know that he was off the hook. So it surprised me when he e-mailed back within minutes.
Samantha,
I’m glad you met someone new. I think you should explore your options. But I hope that I can be part of the field that you’re playing in.
Blue
I sighed as I read over the e-mail. I wanted so much to believe him. But it seemed to me that he wasn’t being honest. I’d let him know many times that I was very interested. He had yet to follow through on meeting me. I’d just made it clear that I could survive without him, and it seemed he was trying to give me hope again.
In the past, Blue’s words had always made everything clear to me. Now I just felt more and more confused with each e-mail that he sent.
Chapter 2
The next morning I woke up excited about my date with Greg. I sorted through my closet to find the right thing to wear. Since it was a lunch date, I didn’t want it to be too dressy, but I also didn’t want to go in jeans and a t-shirt.
“If I’m going to do this falling in love thing, I have to put the effort in.”
I selected a summer dress. I hung it on the outside of my closet door.
As I headed into the kitchen to get some breakfast, there was a knock on the door.
“Sammy, are you decent?”
I smiled at Max’s voice. “Come on in, Max—but know that I’m in my pajamas.” I laughed.
Max used his key to open the door and stepped inside. “Sorry to stop by so early. I hope I’m not interrupting your writing.”
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 68
