“Okay,” I said finally. “Okay, I’ll try. But you know there’s no reason why I should be able to help you. I don’t have any Miko in my family tree.”
He laughed and held up my hand, as if searching for something that I couldn’t see. “No, probably not,” he said with a wry laugh.
I shook my head. “Why could I blow that thing up when you couldn’t? Is it just because I was cursed for so long?”
He shrugged and looked at the sky. “Could be.”
For some reason I got the feeling that wasn’t the same thing as if he’d said yes.
*****
I watched Ryuu as he fiddled with the little Gundam model, moving the robot’s arms up into a boxing position. We had decided to study at his house after our visit to the temple, but I had more important things on my mind than math. “So,” I said tiredly. “I’m listening now. Tell me again so that I understand it. What happened…you know, after?”
He didn’t look up at me, keeping his dark eyes focused on the toy. “Well they took you to the hospital, of course. It looked like you had a seizure.” He sighed. “I knew what had happened, but I knew no one would listen to me. I thought to pick up the book- otherwise it probably would have made its way back to the library.” He shrugged. “I thought I might need it.”
I swallowed. Talk of me seizing was still a little bit hard to digest. “Then what? The hospital said I’d had some kind of mental episode, right?”
He nodded, flicking a fingernail over the little guy’s helmet. “Lots of theories. One doctor said it was probably some sort of virus or something that caused your brain to swell.” He rolled his eyes. “One of the psychologists insisted that it was repressed stress- something about you not having a mom.”
“Wow.” And that whole time, he’d known what was wrong but couldn’t get anyone to listen.
He laughed without humor. “They put you on a ton of medication- psychiatric stuff to keep you calm and even. None of it worked. Didn’t even faze you.” His eyes went distant. “You would pace and scream and babble for hours on end, then just pass out like your strings were cut. I think the kami in you burned through all of your energy and then you just fell asleep on the spot.” Anger tinged his smooth voice.
“They did finally find a medication that worked, and you would calm down. I tried to tell them that it was no good, but no one would listen to me.” He shrugged. “All the medicine did was sedate you so the kami could take over- you were more calm, but that’s because you weren’t fighting it anymore.”
I blinked at him. “Really?” Babbling and screaming? I remembered none of this.
He pulled the model apart and then started putting it back together again. It was rare to see him fidget. “You always reacted the worst to me. I think the kami got really angry when I was around.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I could only be around you when you were sleeping. So I spent the rest of the time trying to figure out a way to save you.”
I nibbled at my thumb nail, feeling like I was hearing a really great story. Fiction. Something that never happened in real life. “And you did. You found out how eventually.”
He sighed. “Yeah, eventually.” His dark eyes met mine. “I’m sorry. Sorry I wasn’t faster. I was just too young…” his voice trailed off and I almost missed the last part, “still am.” He popped the head back on the Gundam and I took it from him to get him to look at me.
“I was so scared,” he admitted. “There was no one I could talk to. No one to ask for help, because no one believed me. I read books, I searched the internet. Finally, I ran across an article written by a Buddhist monk. It was all about the evolution of ancient religious beliefs to modern ones.” He grinned. “So I tracked Fumio down and pestered him non-stop until he agreed to help me. At first, he thought he was teaching me history. You should have seen his face when I told him I had a curse to break.”
I studied the little Gundam guy. I was pretty sure it was the same one I’d given Ryuu on his last birthday- the last birthday I was sane for, anyway. I couldn’t believe he still had it.
“Fumio believed me almost immediately.” Ryuu’s voice was soft. “He didn’t tell me I was crazy, or act like he was humoring me. He helped me. He said that there are plenty of things in this life that can’t be explained, and the human spirit has depths that we can’t even begin to imagine.”
“What did you do? How did you finally break the curse?” I asked, dying of curiosity at this point.
Ryuu shrugged. “We tried incantations, blessings, religious artifacts, offerings, you name it. Nothing worked. Then Fumio had me start meditating.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Meditating?” It wasn’t really something I could picture a kid doing.
He nodded. “It helped, a lot. I could start to feel a sense of something there when I would close my eyes. When I tried to find that feeling near you, the kami would go insane and try to kill me.” He gave me a dark look. “That’s how I knew it was working. The thing was scared.”
“But it took a while. I had to get older, I think, for my abilities to get stronger. And then I read about forging a connection with the host. I couldn’t talk to you, so I found another way to make a link. I tried to access you while you were dreaming and apparently, it worked. And then…”
He looked down and cracked his knuckles. The muffled pops were loud in the quiet room. “And then?” I prompted.
He looked up at me, his black eyes defiant, and his cheeks turning a beautiful rosy red. Ryuu- calm, unflappable Ryuu- was blushing. “I… kissed you.”
I snorted with laughter. “You what? That’s the corniest thing I’ve ever heard. What is this, Sleeping Beauty?”
He snatched the Gundam from me and stood to put it back on his bookshelf. “Shut up!”
I wiped tears of laughter from my eyes with the back of my hand and went to stand behind him. He’d gotten tall, but I was still just a smidge taller. I wrapped my arms around him from behind in a fierce bear-hug, standing on my tiptoes to rest my chin on his silky head and peer at the little toy on its shelf. “Thank you,” I said softly.
He had only been a little boy-he still was, really. And he had worked so hard to bring me back. I didn’t care how cheesy it was. “It doesn’t matter what you had to do- I’m glad to be back.”
He wriggled out of my arms and stepped back. “Stop treating me like a little kid.” But it was so hard when he was just so dang cute. I reached out and ruffled his hair.
“Whatever.” He made an agitated sound as I messed up the purposeful disorder of his shiny hair.
My phone started squawking in my pocket and I rushed over to my bag to dig around for it. “Crap! Tutoring.” I’d forgotten all about it.
“C’mon,” he groused. “You need to go to tutoring and I need to go see what disgusting thing Dawn’s making for dinner.”
I patted the Gundam on the head with my index finger then turned and left the room.
*****
That night I had trouble sleeping. I finally shuffled into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Dad was sitting at the table, an unopened beer at his side. The stupid cow cookie jar was sitting in front of him and he was staring at it as if it held the answer to the meaning of life. He lifted the lid and it mooed pathetically, its crossed eyes rolling. When he made no move to shut the lid, I put my cup down and stomped over to slam it shut.
“I thought you threw that thing out!” I could still see the seam where he’d glued its tail back on after it had flown off the counter all by itself and smashed on the floor. Ryuu had sworn the thing had a kami attached to it. Of course, I hadn’t believed him at the time. Neither had Dad, and we’d both gotten a lecture about horsing around in the kitchen.
I put my hands on my hips and stared down at my dad. I was always a little worried when he got down. The Dad I remembered from three years ago had been so upbeat and quirky. He had been a drinker before my mom left. He’d been sober ever since, but apparently my going suddenly insane for three years had pushe
d him back into his old habits. He was doing better now that I was home. I’d only seen him drunk that one time. He was making a big effort to pull himself back together. Which was why tonight had me worried.
“It’s her birthday today,” he said softly. “I wonder what she got for her birthday? Did he buy her jewelry?”
All the steam went out of me and I sank down into the chair across from him, turning the cow so it couldn’t stare at me. Ryuu was right, that thing was possessed. “Sorry Dad.” I hadn’t even realized that today was Mom’s birthday. I’d been too busy with flaming books and Buddhist monks. This explained the post card I’d gotten a few days ago. She rarely ever contacted us, but when she did, it was usually around a birthday or holiday.
“She left us,” I reminded him, ignoring the fact that he’d just admitted that he thought she had left him for another guy. Apparently, my suspicions were right, but there was no satisfaction in knowing that. “So shouldn’t we be mad? Why beat yourself up?”
He laughed and tried to focus on me. “Oh honey,” he said with a soft smile. “There’s no way we can know what’s going on in another person’s head. Your mom had her reasons for leaving.” He put his head on his folded arms. “I didn’t pay enough attention to her- wrapped up in my writing, or drinking with the guys- that’s probably a big part of it.”
I snorted. “That’s just dumb.”
But I felt that way too. Like maybe I was bad and that’s why she left me behind. I scooted back from the table and stood, ticked off at myself for getting all mopey. Taking my cup of water, I went back to my room. I would go to bed early. I’d wake up tomorrow morning and everything would be back to normal. I’d forget all about the stupid postcard.
I didn’t need her. I was just fine without her. We both were.
Chapter 5
I put my head in my hands and blew my bangs out of my face as I glared at the page in front of me. The tactic didn’t work. The textbook wasn’t intimidated.
“You still don’t get it?” Wyatt’s voice was hushed, though I didn’t think the librarian was going to come over and yell at us for talking. It was obvious that we were working- not having fun like all the other kids in here, gaming on the computers or whispering in the corners.
“Maybe I’m just too far behind,” I moaned.
He scooted his chair around next to mine and stabbed a finger at the diagram on the page. “Look at the picture.”
I squared my shoulders and read the boxes again.
Wyatt nodded. “See. You’ll get it. It’s just that it’s all new to you.” He stared at me for a minute, then sat up straight and pushed his chair back.
“Hey, thanks for doing this,” I said with a tired sigh. “I know you don’t want to be seen with the crazy girl.”
He pursed his lips together, not agreeing, but not denying it either. “It’s okay.” But he looked impatient and I knew he wanted to go.
I glanced at the clock and started shoving books in my bag. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late.”
He stood. “No big deal. I’m just supposed to meet up with some of the guys.”
I grimaced. The football guys. “And you don’t want them to know where you’ve been.”
He shrugged, but he hesitated by his chair, not wanting to just walk away. “I’ll meet you here on Wednesday, okay? There’s a test Thursday.” His green eyes looked pinched.
I stared up at him. “Why do you care what they think anyway?”
He looked surprised, and embarrassed.
“I mean, they’re all such jerks. They way they treat people. Seems like you’d be embarrassed to be seen with them.” Instead of being embarrassed for helping someone.
He looked down at me, his cheeks flushed. “Whatever.” His hands clenched and unclenched on the back of my chair, then he turned and hurried out the door.
“Pretty stupid for such a smart guy,” I muttered under my breath as I packed up my stuff.
*****
I was sprawled on the couch, waiting for Ryuu and wondering if I would survive the upcoming chemistry test when Dawn drifted into the room. I watched her curiously as she took a seat next to me on the couch. Dressed in her usual vibrant, feminine clothes, she reminded me of an exotic bird perched next to a pigeon. Me being the pigeon.
Her sweet face was pensive, and I wondered what she was thinking. I hadn’t really spoken much more than a casual hello to her since I “woke up.”
She sighed. “You’re a really good friend to Ryuu,” she said finally. “The two of you are still close aren’t you? Even though you don’t remember the last few years?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
She looked at me, her brown eyes wrinkling faintly at the corners. “I want to talk to you about that, actually.” She clasped her hands in her lap. “I know that Ryuu has this elaborate story about what happened to you. I think it’s helped him cope with losing his best friend for so long- it’s the same thing he did when he lost his parents.” Her expression was pleading. “But I really think it’s best if you don’t encourage it. It’s time for him to stop living in this make-believe world.”
So that was it. “But it’s true,” I insisted. “It’s not make believe. I opened that book and something just…took over my mind.”
She just stared at me with her mouth hanging open. “You don’t actually believe that?”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I just told you I do. Ryuu can see things that we can’t.” I couldn’t quite keep the anger out of my voice. One more person calling Ryuu crazy.
Dawn heaved a sigh. “Look Kit, I know that I’m not your favorite person in the world. You told me once that you would make a better mother than me.” She laughed at the memory. “And you were only fourteen at the time.” She shook her head. “The sad part is you were probably right.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. I had really hoped she wouldn’t remember that. “It’s only because you don’t listen to Ryuu- you don’t see him. You were too busy going out on dates to pay attention to your nephew, and he really needed you. It made me mad.”
Dawn’s eyes looked sad. “I know it felt that way to Ryuu, but really I was doing it for him.” I just looked at her, not buying it. “Kit, you might be able to understand now that you’re a little bit older. When my sister died and her little boy came to live with me, I was in shock. I was only twenty-three years old. I wasn’t ready to take care of a kid.” She shrugged. “My family was always pretty traditional. I didn’t think of myself that way, but when Ryuu came into my life I realized that he needed me to be more solid.”
“So you decided that being away all the time was more solid?” I couldn’t help the sarcasm.
She shook her head. “Why do you think I was dating? I was trying to find someone to settle down with- fast. So Ryuu would have a family.”
I uncrossed my arms and sat up. I hadn’t thought of that. Of course I hadn’t. I’d only been fourteen at the time- just a kid. “Well I don’t think he ever wanted that. He just needed you to be there for him.” I turned toward her.
“The problem isn’t whether or not you’re cut out to be a mom, or if you’re married or not. The problem is that you don’t listen to Ryuu. You don’t see him for who he is.” I threw my arms up in the air and stood, pacing. “You always act like there’s something wrong with him- like he has to be cured or changed.”
Dawn looked up at me with eyes like saucers. Then she slowly shook her head. “I’m amazed. Kit you always amaze me. You still have that beautiful child-like honesty. Most people lose that as they get older.”
“I want to believe in him,” Dawn said suddenly. “But this talk about curses and … spiritual energy? It’s just too much. He’s just like his grandmother- completely lost in a world of his own. I just want him to live a normal life.”
I rounded on her, pointing my finger. “Well I don’t want that for him! I want more for Ryuu than for him to be just like everyone else. I want Ryuu to be Ryuu. And I’ll believe in him no matter w
hat!”
I’d had enough of this conversation. I dropped my arms and scooped up my bag. “I’m going home. Tell Ryuu he can come study there if he wants.”
I walked back to my house, my anger at Dawn fading to nothing. Hearing myself say those things aloud had made me realize something. I really did believe it. I would trust anything Ryuu said to me because I believed in him. And I was pretty sure I was the only one who did. And that made me even more mad. Mad enough to say things that would make his aunt hate me. I didn’t care. Ryuu had put up with this crap long enough- people not listening to him, saying that he was crazy, avoiding him.
Just like his grandmother, Dawn had said. I wondered what Ryuu’s grandmother would say about his abilities. Had everyone thought she was crazy? I wondered if she was still alive. Maybe she would believe Ryuu. Maybe she could help him. I vowed to ask him the next chance I got.
I bounded up the porch steps and opened the door. I was greeted by loud snoring that almost eclipsed the TV noise in the background. Sighing I turned off the TV and jiggled the couch, making Dad snort and roll over. “Hey. Get up. I’m having someone over.”
At least there were a lot less empties this time, a good sign. I picked up the beer cans and took them out to the recycling bin, grumbling about drunk old washed-up writers. Just add it to chemistry tests, Shinto spirits, and the list of other assorted crap tailor-made to make my life miserable.
*****
I met Ryuu at the temple a couple of days later for another sort of test. He was waiting for me at the big wooden door, looking both excited and nervous. We were about to find out if I could destroy any old cursed object and not just the particular one that had affected me.I followed Ryuu into the temple, noticing as I did that it was more empty than usual. We passed a monk laying out little prayer cards on a wooden table near the entryway. I nodded and smiled in greeting, recognizing him from my other visits, but the man merely looked at me and went back to what he was doing. We had almost made it to the main room when a stern voice disrupted the stillness that always seemed to fill the place.
Kami Cursed (Dragon and Phoenix) Page 5
