by Skye Taylor
“Hey there, kitten. Life’s not that bad.” Jake scooped her up and cradled her head against his shoulder. He patted her tiny bottom, and the loud cries diminished to hiccoughing sniffs as her mouth rooted around for the source of something to eat. Incredible how a baby so tiny and seemingly fragile could be so vibrant and full of the drive to survive.
“Sorry, can’t help you there.” Her wet little mouth connected with the bare skin of his neck and it tickled. He chuckled and bobbed up and down, hoping the movement would distract her.
It occurred to him that she might need changing, so he laid her on the padded dresser top and began unsnapping the little pink shirt she was wearing. Her eyes were wide as she gazed up at him with that solemn look only a newborn can manage. The diaper did need changing.
Jake murmured the nonsensical stuff people always tell babies while he tidied her up. She continued to stare at him with wide blue eyes. At least she’d stopped crying. When he finished his task, Jake dropped the diaper in the bucket beside the dresser, found a clean receiving blanket, and wrapped her up again.
As soon as he lifted her back into his arms, she began rooting again, and when she didn’t find what she wanted, she began to whimper impatiently. The sound of the shower had stopped, so presumably Zoe would be out soon to take care of Molly’s empty tummy. In the meantime . . . Jake moved Molly to his shoulder again and began singing to her.
TOWELING HERSELF off, Zoe heard Molly begin to fuss and hurried to pull on her robe. Her hair needed brushing, but that would wait. Molly wouldn’t mind if her mother looked like a wild woman. Zoe rushed toward the nursery.
The sight that greeted her made her heart jump into her throat. Jake, head bent against the top of Molly’s downy red curls, was singing softly as he bobbed her up and down in his embrace. For a moment, Zoe just stood there, absorbing the sight of this big, wonderful man, his eyes shut, singing to her daughter as if it were something he did every day and thoroughly enjoyed.
Then he must have sensed Zoe’s presence, and he looked up.
“She can’t hear you.” Zoe almost whispered the words, afraid of Jake’s reaction.
He frowned. “She can’t?”
Zoe shook her head and fought the tears that still threatened to flow whenever she thought about Molly’s disability.
Jake pulled the baby closer, as if he could protect her from the bad news. The bobbing stopped, and Molly whimpered. Carefully, Jake lowered Molly away from his shoulder and looked into her unhappy little face.
“Are you sure?” Jake asked, still looking at Molly with his big hands cradling her head and her squirming feet punching at his chest.
“Almost sure. They’ll test her again in a month.”
Jake tucked Molly’s head beneath his chin and rocked her back and forth. When his gaze finally lifted to meet Zoe’s, his eyes were filled with distress. “I’m so sorry.”
Zoe fought even harder to keep her own tears in check when she saw the sheen in Jake’s eyes.
“Poor wee Molly.” Jake pressed his lips to Molly’s temple, but she ignored his kiss in favor of hunting for milk.
“I think she needs you,” Jake said, still seeming reluctant to give Molly up.
“It’s past time, but she was sleeping so soundly, I thought I could sneak in a shower.” Zoe held out her arms, and Jake transferred Molly over, stopping to wrap the blanket more snugly about her as he did so.
He stood, looking awkward and uncertain as Zoe lowered herself into the rocker.
Zoe began to pull her robe aside and then realized Jake was still watching her. In spite of everything that had gone on the night Molly was born, despite the fact that Jake had already watched Molly nursing at her breast when she was just moments old, Zoe suddenly felt self-conscious. She looked up at him wordlessly.
“I’m sorry. I should . . . I’ll go.” Then he turned on his heel and left the room.
Chapter 39
JAKE’S FOOTSTEPS quickly receded down the stairs. Then the front door opened and clicked softly closed again. Zoe wondered what Jake had come over for before she’d found him in Molly’s nursery. He hadn’t said. Or maybe she hadn’t given him a chance to say. Zoe wished she hadn’t been so squeamish about nursing Molly with him watching. They might never have been lovers, but there wasn’t much of her he hadn’t already seen. And she’d missed him.
Until his unexpected, heart-stopping appearance just moments ago, Zoe hadn’t seen Jake since his visit to the hospital with all his girls the morning after Molly had been born. And he’d gone without a murmur of protest.
Zoe lifted Molly to her shoulder and patted her back until she got the desired burp. Then she settled her into the other arm to finish feeding her.
If only Jake had ignored Zoe’s sudden shyness and stayed. She missed him. Missed watching him work as he puttered around her house fixing things. Missed conversing with him about everything from current events to the girls and their problems. Mostly, she missed the way he made her feel when he was close by.
Zoe closed her eyes and let her head drop back against the rocker. Seeing Jake standing in her nursery, calming her baby, had felt so right—so much the way she wished life could be. A tear dribbled down her cheek, and she brushed it away impatiently.
Now I’m just being a weepy new mother. If I want Jake in my life, I’ve got to talk to him. I’ve got to tell him how I feel and stop expecting him to be a mind reader. He doesn’t even know I turned Porter down.
Molly’s mouth let go of Zoe’s nipple with a little pop, and her head lolled in a sated, contented sleep. Carefully, Zoe got to her feet and settled Molly into the crib. She turned on the little nightlight and left the room, planning to head downstairs and find something to eat herself. Then she remembered she’d never even combed her hair after stepping out of the shower, so she crossed the hall to her bedroom instead.
While Zoe dragged a brush through her tangled, half-dry locks, the growing determination to talk to Jake returned. As she pulled on a clean pair of maternity jeans and one of the new blouses she’d bought to wear post baby, she debated calling Jake and asking him to come back. Then she made up her mind to just do it and returned to the bathroom to put on a touch of makeup. Just because he’d seen her at her worst, didn’t mean she shouldn’t take the time to look her best now.
Filling her lungs with a big breath of resolution, Zoe headed for the stairs.
Jake hadn’t gone home after all. He was sitting on the bottom step with his forehead pressed into his palms.
Zoe hurried down the stairs and sank down next to him.
“I thought you went home. I heard the door.” She wanted to reach out and touch him, but the taut set of his hunched shoulders made her hesitate.
“I started to go, but I changed my mind,” he answered, his voice oddly strained. He clenched his teeth, and the muscles jumped in his temple.
“What’s wrong, Jake?”
“Is it my fault?” Jake didn’t look at her. He was afraid to hear her answer, but he had to know.
“Is what your fault?” Zoe laid a hand on his knee. The heat of it seeped through his jeans and into his skin, making him excruciatingly aware of how close she sat and how much he wanted to pull her into his arms.
“Molly’s not being able to hear. Did I do something wrong when she was born?”
Zoe jerked her hand off his knee, and Jake’s fears were confirmed. It was his fault. He should have gone for help. Qualified help. Zoe would eventually have forgiven him for leaving, but Molly would always be deaf. He was never going to forgive himself. The groan working its way up his windpipe turned his attempt to apologize into a whimper of denial. He wanted to swear, but he refused to allow himself even that avenue of release.
“Jake! Listen to me!” Zoe dropped onto her knees in front of him. She grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands a
way from his face. “It’s not your fault. I don’t know where you got that idea, but it’s not.”
“How do you know? I might have missed something. She was so perfect.” Another cry of anguished denial filled Jake’s chest with an ache he didn’t think he could bear.
“My uncle was born deaf. It’s something in her genes. It’s not anything you did or didn’t do.” Zoe let go of Jake’s wrists and wiped his face with her fingers.
Jake blinked, suddenly aware that he was crying. Again. What was it about this woman that wreaked such havoc with his self-control?
“Oh, Jake.” Zoe stumbled to her feet and reached out to him. “It’s not your fault. Whatever made you think it was?”
“I don’t know. I just thought—” Jake’s chest felt like it might implode. His heart rate shot into the red, and breathing seemed impossible. Pushing himself off the step, he pulled Zoe into his arms. He pressed his cheek against the top of her head and held on tight as the weight of guilt fell away. “I thought it might have been. And if it was you’d never forgive me. For that. Or anything else. Oh, God, Zoe. I’ve been such an ass.”
Zoe slid her arms about Jake’s waist and melted into him. Within her embrace, he felt the tension leave his body slowly.
“What am I supposed to forgive you for? And why should I think you’re an ass?”
“I said some pretty stupid things. I should have apologized right off, but stuff kept getting in the way. Or maybe I’ve just been making excuses.”
Zoe released her grip and pushed away to look up at him. “Apologize for what?”
“For hurting you. For all the awful things I said. I was wrong. And I’m sorry. And I love you.”
Zoe gaped at Jake, her eyes wide and uncertain.
“I love you,” he repeated. “I think I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. Only I thought it was something else. I thought I just wanted your body. Then we got to be friends, and I was afraid sex would just mess everything up. Please say you’ll marry me.”
Zoe remained wide-eyed and silent, but it looked like her mind was racing with thoughts.
“I hope you’re not trying to think of a way to let me down easy.” Jake held his breath waiting for her to respond. Say something. He’d made a mess of this proposal for sure. Instead of the carefully rehearsed apology and the romantic proposal he’d worked out on his way over here, he’d blurted out the first thing that came into his head. It hadn’t been a proper apology. And it hadn’t been a proper proposal either.
Abruptly, he dropped his arms and jammed his hand into his pocket. He sank onto one knee. Somehow he managed to pluck the ring free without dropping it in his anxious haste.
He swallowed hard. “I want to give you the fairy tale. Please marry me?” He reached for her hand and found her ring finger. “Please say you love me. At least a little. Enough to give me another chance.”
Zoe gazed down at Jake into the warm gray eyes that had become so important in her life and realized she was gazing into the future she’d always dreamed of, but never quite believed would happen to her.
“Yes.”
“Yes, what? I get another chance? You forgive me? Yes, you’ll marry me? Or yes, you love me?”
“Yes to everything.”
Jake’s ring was still warm from his pocket as he it slipped onto her finger. And he gazed up at her with so much love in his eyes that it felt like she was falling.
“Catch me, Jake. Catch me and kiss me proper.”
Jake surged to his feet again and hauled her into his arms. His kiss went far beyond anything proper, but as the fireworks exploded and a flood of emotions swept through her, Zoe decided falling was the most wonderful feeling in the world.
Epilogue
WHAT’S THAT BIG machine, Daddy? three-year-old Molly signed with agitated hands. Her huge blue eyes darted between Jake and the ultrasound equipment. A worried frown creased her little forehead.
Jake dropped to one knee beside Molly and signed back. It’s the funny camera I told you about. The one that will let us see the babies inside Mommy’s tummy.
“We forgot to tell her it was a really big camera,” Jake told Zoe, as she settled herself onto the padded table in her obstetrician’s sonogram room.
Where do we see the pictures? Molly asked, the frown turning more inquisitive than worried. Will we get one to take home with us? I want to show it to Lynn and Lori. Can we take a picture to show Grandma Celia? And Daddy, we need one to send to Ava, too. She will be so excited she will want to come home right away. How can the camera see the babies? Will it hurt Mommy? Her little hands flew fluently through the questions, even as her gaze zipped about the room, taking in all the intriguing paraphernalia.
Jake answered all her questions just as fluently. Molly was such a bright little girl. Full of questions. Full of a zest for life and every adventure it brought her way. Deafness hadn’t seemed to slow her down one bit. Jake thought she was way smarter than the average three-year-old, and a lot braver, too. Of course, he could be prejudiced. He felt that way about all his daughters, but Molly was special.
Every once in a while he remembered the incredibly stupid remark he’d once made to Zoe about Molly not being his. He’d been so wrong. Molly had been his from the moment he’d held her, bawling and wet and beautiful.
He’d been wrong about a lot of things in his life, but he had Zoe to keep him from blundering into dumb mistakes now. She was the wisest, most loving woman he’d ever known.
Zoe had been right about how Celia would flourish in the assisted living facility. Celia no longer remembered Jake’s name or where he fit into her life, but she never failed to greet him with the same loving smile and fierce hug. She didn’t remember the girls’ names, or Zoe’s either, but it never seemed to matter to any of them. Visiting Celia and the rest of the crew at Safe Haven was just a part of their lives, one that everyone had adjusted to, even himself.
Zoe had been pretty smart about teenage girls, too. Smart about what Ava needed from her father, anyway. Travis was a distant memory, and Ava was a bright, confident young woman with a healthy attitude toward boyfriends and life. She was in her first year of college and had met a new young man who seemed pretty special. Jake had liked him when Ava brought him home for a weekend visit, but as she’d gotten ready to return to school, she’d hugged her dad and told him he was still her best boyfriend. At least for now.
Jake simply couldn’t imagine his life without Zoe in it. He didn’t want to imagine life without her. His father had been right, too. A man could be married to his best friend. Jake bent to kiss his guiding star, then pulled a chair close to her side.
Come sit with me, he signed to his youngest daughter as he sat down so Molly could scramble into his lap.
“Want to place any bets?” Zoe reached out to slip her hand into Jake’s. “I hope you aren’t going to be disappointed if we get two more girls.”
Jake leaned forward to plant a kiss on Zoe’s brow. “Never,” he promised. “If they’re as pretty as their mother and as clever as Molly, what’s not to love?”
But in spite of his glib assurances, he felt the tightening of longing in his gut. It would be nice to have a son. Not that he would love a son more than his girls, but still . . .
“Good morning!” The technician pushed her way into the room carrying an open laptop. “You ready to check out the twins?” Then she noticed Molly sitting on her father’s lap. “And who is this young lady?” She extended her hand toward Molly.
“This is my daughter, Molly,” Zoe began. “She can’t—”
“Oh, that’s right. Doctor Whalen told me.” The woman squatted to Molly’s level and began signing, I’m Cathy. What’s your name?
Molly grinned and told Cathy in a sturdy, confident voice. “I am Molly Ann Cameron.” Saying it out loud was something she pra
cticed regularly.
Cathy smiled and signed again. That’s a lovely name for a very smart little girl. Then she straightened.
“You know American Sign Language,” Zoe asked, sounding surprised.
The technician busied herself connecting the laptop to the machine. “We had a deaf patient my first year on the job. Learning the basics turned out to be the easiest way to converse with her.”
Cathy seated herself on a chair at Zoe’s other side and began applying jelly to the transducer. “Do you want to know the sex?” Cathy paused to look at Zoe then glanced at Jake with her eyebrows raised in question.
“I was never any good at waiting to open my presents at Christmas. I don’t think I could last until April not knowing,” Zoe answered.
“Me either,” Cathy chuckled as she pushed Zoe’s jersey up to bare her belly and began moving the transducer over Zoe’s distended stomach.
Jake leaned closer, clutching Molly against his chest and squeezing Zoe’s hand.
Two heads appeared, facing each other as if whispering together. He realized he was holding his breath and let it out slowly. As long as they’re healthy, he reminded himself. It will be fine if they’re girls. I love my girls. He hugged Molly closer.
“Well?” Zoe asked.
“One of them is sucking its thumb.” Cathy pointed to the screen.
“Amazing,” Jake breathed in awe. More than amazing. His heart swelled as he gazed at the two little lives created by the love he and Zoe shared.
The technician moved the transducer, and the view changed. Cathy pointed to a spot on the large monitor. “Hard to tell about either one from this angle.”
Jake had no idea what he was looking at. The technician adjusted the view again, prodded Zoe’s belly, moved the transducer, and wiggled it tight against Zoe’s skin. She told Zoe to roll over and face Jake.
