Metal clanked against metal as Stone made the first move and Roderick deftly blocked it. Men looked so beautiful when they moved. Fluid muscle rippled across Roderick’s body as he blocked, countered, attacked, blocked again. Watching him made her breathing ragged and, without thinking, she opened her fan to cool her heating skin.
The tittering next to her made her look away. Both Bridget and Alexa were giving her we tried to tell you looks. “Wait until you see him without his clothes on,” Alexa whispered so Flora couldn’t hear.
Eliza looked at them. “She says she isn’t going to wed him.”
“Have you gone daft? Look at him,” Bridget huffed.
“And have you noticed the way he looks at her. What more could a woman want?” Alexa tossed her hands in the air as if that explained it all.
“He’s a rogue.” Delia waved her hand as if to dismiss it.
“Stone told me last night that he gave you a very honest and forthcoming explanation about his past.” Eliza sounded irritated. Like Delia was somehow missing the point.
“I don’t know about that. That is the part of a rogue’s charm, I would imagine. He’ll say anything to get what he wants.” It was Delia’s turn to sound annoyed. They wouldn’t understand and she didn’t want to explain it to them. How did one say I shouldn’t even be alive. I don’t deserve a man like him?
“You should give him a chance. At least find out,” Eliza pressed.
“What am I doing? I’m sitting here, aren’t I?” Delia’s fists clenched at her side. She was having a hard enough time fighting Roderick and Stone. She couldn’t possibly best Eliza as well.
But Eliza only responded with another cryptic statement. “Reginald wouldn’t have wanted you to keep punishing yourself. He’d want you to be happy.”
Delia felt the blood drain from her face. The day was suddenly too much. “Stop this,” she pleaded, her voice catching part way through the words.. “I do not want to discuss it further.” Standing, Delia walked down the benches. Tears were filling her eyes, and blindly she made her way from the training yard out of the castle gates.
How would Eliza know what Reginald would have wanted? She was doing this to honor him, wasn’t she?
She walked, not paying attention to where she was going. She just needed time alone to collect herself. She did not normally allow her emotions to best her. She didn’t realize she was returning to the very spot it had all happened until the cliffs came into view. It had been years since she had been here. Taking a deep breath, she slowed her pace. The wind tousled her hair, but she paid it no mind. The spot where the rock had dislodged was a deep pit in the bank of the cliff. She walked toward it until her feet were just inches from the edge. Slowly she looked down until she could just see the very ledge she had perched on, halfway down the rock face.
Her eyes welled with fresh tears as the edges of memories filled her thoughts. She’d carefully hidden those remembrances and she didn’t welcome them now. It hurt too much to think of how her brother had died.
In part, she was doing this to honor Reginald, but truthfully, she wanted to punish herself. She didn’t deserve to live while he perished trying to save her.
Two hands firmly wrapped around her waist. “Delia,” Roderick breathed. “What are you doing?”
The sound of his voice and the feel of his hands, jolted her from thoughts. She turned to look at him, his face taut as his gaze searched her own. Her body drifted closer to his until she found herself pressed against him, his heat and hard muscles bringing her a comfort she didn’t merit. “I haven’t been here since it happened,” she mumbled as she leaned her forehead against his chest. “Why him? Why not…” She didn’t finish but the words reverberated in her mind…why not me?
He squeezed her close, brushing her hair out of her face. “You’re all right,” he murmured.
Long minutes passed as neither of them spoke and she drained all her emotions out through her eyes. Finally, taking a shaky breath, she lifted her head. “You must think I’m mad or daft or both.”
“I think you’re neither,” he whispered close to her ear.
She gave a nod, wrapping her arms around his strong waist. Part of her wanted to explain why she couldn’t marry him. In this moment, her heart told her he would understand, but she couldn’t ruin the closeness they were sharing. She hadn’t been this connected to anyone since Reginald died.
That thought jolted her and she made to pull back but he held firm. “When you are ready, you can tell me all of it.”
“I can’t tell anyone.” Her lip trembled and tears once again pricked her eyes until one spilled over.
The pad of his thumb brushed it away. “You can tell me. There is nothing you can say that would change the way I feel.”
“I know you think that, but it isn’t true. Besides, telling you won’t change the way I feel.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Delia.”
“You couldn’t know that; it was my fault. I’ll never forgive myself and I don’t deserve—” She stopped the flood of words flowing out of her mouth.
“Reginald would have disagreed.”
“How can you say that—”
“Delia. I loved him like a brother. And I am telling you that I don’t blame you, your brothers don’t blame you, Reginald certainly did not blame you and would never have wanted you to suffer like this—”
“I blame me. I can’t just go on being happy while he is gone. It isn’t fair.”
His eyes held hers. Ever so gently he lowered his head and placed a light kiss on her lips as his thumb stroked her cheek. “Have you ever thought that you owe it to Reginald to live for both of you?”
Shock waves pulsed through her. It was both the kiss and the words. Reginald had died that day, but she had stopped living too. “I didn’t…I never…I wanted to honor his sacrifice.”
“He wouldn’t have changed it. He would have given himself a thousand times to save you. And he most certainly would have wanted you to live a happy life.”
Delia closed her eyes. Unbelievably, more tears leaked from them. She had never thought of it that way. What would Reginald have wanted for her?
“Delia, sweetheart, I—“
She held up her hand. “No more. Please, I need to think about what you said.”
“I understand, but this…”
The thunderous sound of hooves rose over even the noise of the water being pushed through the narrow cliffs. “Crum,” she groaned. Stone was coming.
“Let me deal with him. Promise me we can finish this conversation tomorrow.”
“There is another suitor coming tomorrow.” She laid her head back on his chest.
His arms held her tighter. “It doesn’t matter. You’ll marry me.”
She had to grin. At least a tiny tug of the lips. Any other time she would have tossed her head back and told him how wrong he was. But in that moment, she wanted to keep her head on his strong chest, wrapped in his capable arms. “You’re awfully sure of yourself,” she murmured, still keeping her head tucked against him.
“I am. Did you know that our marriage was Reginald’s idea to begin with?”
Chapter Five
The entire world seemed to tilt before it righted itself again. Delia tried to speak but then closed her mouth. There was so much she wanted to say but her thoughts were a jumble and she couldn’t form the words.
“What are you doing here?” Stone’s voice boomed over the rush of the water below.
“By your leave, I would have a little time to speak with Delia.” Roderick’s voice was not nearly as loud as Stone’s but it carried. Her brother looked down at her and she nodded her consent.
Stone turned his horse, and rode back to the cluster of riders gathered fifty feet away. They sat waiting on their horses giving the couple the ability to speak privately although they were in plain view.
Delia took a breath, attempting to gain control over the tide of emotion his last statement had brought.
�
�Who told you that?” She could barely keep the tremor out of her voice.
“I would like to explain all of it to you, but may I ask first why you came here? I don’t want my words to distract you from what drew you to this place.”
Shuddering, she glanced over her shoulder at the cliffs. What had she hoped to accomplish? She didn’t know why, but something about Roderick made her answer more honestly than she ever had. In her heart, she had always feared her family blamed her. If she voiced her own worry, Reginald’s death was her fault, than it might strengthen their own belief in the same. But Roderick was not her flesh and blood and the burden of holding her feelings had been heavy. “Deep down, I’ve always believed that I should have perished that day instead of him. How can I just live a normal happy life while he does not? It should be him getting married and having children, not me. I don’t remember much of it, I hit my head in the initial fall. But maybe if I came here, saw where it happened, I could remember and understand why it was him and not me.”
“Oh, Delia.” Anguish filled his voice. “No one would have wanted you to keep living more than Reginald. He loved you so much. He, above anyone, would want you to be happy.”
“Did he tell you that?” Her voice caught and her eyes flew back to his, searching for the answers.
“As a matter of point, he did. He told me that no woman in all of England or the world was as beautiful as his sister and I would have to become a man of substance to be worthy. He was adamant that I could only court you if I could reform.”
More tears flooded from her eyes. This changed everything. If this was the path that Reginald had planned, that he had wanted for her, than perhaps it was her duty to her brother to see it through. But how would she hold her feelings back for this man while living with him every day, performing her wifely duties? Because she could not fall in love. Not when Reginald would never have that chance. “Thank you for sharing all of that.”
“Do you want to walk to the edge or would you rather not?” His hand massaged her back as he asked.
“Yes,” she choked out as she turned toward the cliff. She remembered the first part as if it were yesterday. “Reginald had returned from Oxford, and William from a long sea journey. To celebrate, the family had a picnic near the cliffs. It was a beautiful day with a cloudless blue sky. I was days away from my fourteenth birthday and I remembered hounding Stone to give me a new pony.” She took a breath as she reached the edge of the cliff. The memories turned sharp and painful. She could see the ledge below.
“My oldest nephew had screamed for me to stop whining and chased me away with his arms flapping. As I ran, I looked back over my shoulder to stick my tongue out at him. I slowed my pace knowing I was close to the edge but not enough…” Her voice trailed off and a sob replaced it. Stone’s wild scream was the last thing she heard before she was falling.
“What happened next?” His arms had been around her, but now they gave her an extra squeeze.
“I remember landing on the shelf but then my head slammed into the rock and the world went dark. There are only snips of memory but when I dream, I see a flash of white in falling rocks.”
* * *
Roderick closed his eyes. Should he tell her? He had been there, he’d seen it too. Hurt radiated from her body, every muscle of hers tense against his making him ache for her and himself. He gathered her tighter. “Delia, I have to—”
“Delia, please.” Stone’s voice was hoarse.
Roderick turned to look at the man. Stone might be the strongest man he knew, but not at this moment. His face was twisted in agony while his shoulders sagged. The man’s burden had also been a heavy one. He understood it, at least he thought he did. Reginald hadn’t been his brother, but the loss had almost been more than he could bear.
“I can’t remember, Stone,” she answered softly.
He must have heard her because he answered, “Perhaps it is better that way.”
“I’m not so sure.” Roderick replied before Delia could. She needed to heal and it hadn’t happened in the years since Reginald’s death. It likely wouldn’t until she faced the memories. This was one way that he hoped he could help her.
“I have given you a great deal of leave. Do not test my patience,” Stone barked. His shoulders stiffened and his face hardened, returning to the man to which Roderick had become accustomed.
Still holding Delia, Roderick bent down. “There is more I need to share with you. By your leave, we will meet in the kitchen tomorrow morning.”
She gave a nod. Stone’s horse pranced and Roderick looked back to see an impatient Stone, extending his hand. Delia grasped it, and Stone pulled her up onto his horse. The hoops of her skirt, stuck out awkwardly, but she was beautiful sitting sideways on that steed. Roderick had the intense urge to pull her back into his arms and carry her back to the house himself.
Matthew trotted his horse over to Roderick and reached his hand down. Pausing for a moment, Roderick assessed the other man. He couldn’t remember the last time he had ridden a horse with someone else and Matthew unsettled him. Being Reginald’s twin, the resemblance made him feel as though he were looking at a ghost.
Finally, he accepted the hand and climbed onto Matthew’s giant steed. Falling in line behind Stone, they began the short trek back to the castle. Matthew was silent, and Roderick watched Delia’s skirts sway to the movement of the horse.
“I’ve never thanked you for saving Delia.” Matthew spoke out of nowhere, startling Roderick.
“You didn’t have to,” he replied.
“I know you were very close with my brother. I’m sure you miss him—“
“Not as much as you. But yes, I’ll never have a friend like him as long as I live.” He wanted to add that Reginald had made him a better man but it was strange to share so much with Matthew, wasn’t it?
“I’ve near reached out to you, though I thought about it many times, but even my family struggles with our resemblance.” He sighed. “I suppose I worried you would too.”
Roderick grimaced behind him. It seemed the entire family struggled with Reginald’s loss. A pang of regret tightened his chest. He should visited over the years. It had just been so painful. “I have done the same. I meant to come here, I just—“
“You’ve missed him. We all have. And I would like to think that we have consoled each other but sometimes, I think we have each retreated to a corner of our own grief. May I ask you what Delia has said? I don’t mean to put you in an awkward position but more than any of us, she has closed herself off. I worry she blames herself.”
“Matthew, I don’t want to betray her trust, but I might recommend you ask her.” At that moment, he saw Delia peeking over Stone’s shoulder to look at him. They were nearly through the castle gates and Roderick was already plotting how he might get her alone again if for no other reason than to hold her close and learn more about her. He wanted her, more than any woman in his life, but more than that, he wanted to heal her and to help. It was a strange feeling for a former rogue.
The emotion surprised even him. Upon saving her, and losing his best friend, he’d sworn to change his life. To be the man Reginald would want for his sister to marry. And her eyes haunted him in his sleep. They’d also pushed him forward when he wanted to retreat back into his old ways.
He had successfully remade himself, though his reputation from his early days continued to follow him. It didn’t bother him what others thought, he’d been dedicated to changing himself and being the man she would need. What he had not expected was to feel so much for Delia beyond commitment.
His body tightened at the sight of her. He would have to keep his desire firmly in check if he wanted to accomplish his other goal, making her whole again. No one knew better than him that a second chance was possible.
She slipped off Stone’s horse with such grace, even in her hooped dress and pelisse. Simply walking around her family, she headed straight for the kitchen entrance to the castle. Her head was high and, while man
y of her family gave her long looks, no one asked. As the door closed behind her the dam broke and her family began to pepper Stone with questions.
“Where did she go?”
“What is wrong?”
“Why did she run?”
“Is it him?”
Stone sliced his hand through the air. “Leave her be.”
Roderick’s mouth turned down. He understood Stone’s desire to protect Delia but no one was talking to her, helping her work out her feelings. It was going to be difficult but he had had to convince Stone to allow him another private conversation with Delia.
The other man headed back to the training yard and Roderick followed. It was perfect. Men talked best when swinging swords. Every line in Stone’s body was taut. This was going to be a challenge but Roderick didn’t mind. In fact, his own body tensed, ready for a good healthy fight.
Stone picked up his sword, most likely to put it away.
“Care to finish what we started?” Roderick called from behind him.
“No one is here to watch me trounce you,” Stone growled back.
Roderick gave a low laugh. “’We’ll still know.”
His opponent gave a single nod and then stepped back to allow Roderick to ready his sword.
Stone gave him an appraising glare. “I will admit you swing a sword well. For a big man, you have some real agility.”
Roderick grinned. Not at the compliment but that Stone was talking. He wanted the man communicating. Giving a short bow to signal he was ready he moved into position.
Stone made a quick jab but Roderick was ready and deftly blocked it. Two more maneuvers and, after passively blocking, he thrust right into Stone’s body. The swords were dull and the men wore body shields, but it was a point in Roderick’s favor.
“You’re good,” Stone grumbled.
“So are you, though I’d wager you win many battles on intimidation alone.”
Stone gave him a long look. “I am not sure if I should be angry with you for that remark or not.” Jabbing again, he marked Roderick on the shoulder. Even with the dull blade it smarted.
The Duke’s Scottish Lass: Brethren of Stone Page 4
