[Something in the Way 01.0] Something in the Way

by Jessica Hawkins

“What’s wrong?” Tiffany asked.

  “Nothing.”

  She was quiet a moment. “I want this, Manning.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “I’m not a virgin. If you’re worried I’ll get attached—”

  “It’s not that,” I repeated.

  “I’m on birth control.”

  My heartbeat hadn’t calmed any, and that comment didn’t help. It just reminded me of the terrifying conversation inside about the girl who got pregnant. “Who’s Regina Lee?”

  “A girl at my high school who had sex with a teacher. All the parents got worked up, but he was only like twenty-four or something.”

  “How old was she?”

  “Seventeen. Regina says she’ll wait for him to get out.”

  The way Charles had threatened to throw his power around scared me. Who knew if it was true what he’d said about bringing more charges against the teacher? But a man like that definitely had connections, and it was clear he didn’t want me anywhere near Lake. He’d been angry enough that I hadn’t mentioned my work next door, but it was Lake being over there, me being around her, that’d really set him off. I hoped we’d be done with this house soon and get out of his proximity. Anything in the neighborhood went wrong, and he’d surely find one of us to blame.

  Tiffany cocked a hip. “So is that the problem?” she asked. “You’re worried I’ll get pregnant like Regina Lee?”

  “No.”

  “What then? Not pretty enough? Too fat?”

  Nobody in the Kaplan family could be considered fat. “Definitely not.”

  “You already told me you don’t have a girlfriend. Were you lying?”

  She asked it casually, as if it were nothing to lie about that. I urged myself to say yes. It’d be easier to be a cheater than admit I felt protective enough of Lake that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Tiffany yet. Then I could wash my hands of this and drive off. Tiffany would go inside and tell her dad. He’d be thrilled.

  And Lake would think I’d lied to her.

  “I don’t have a girlfriend,” I said.

  Tiffany pushed off the truck. “Then you must be, like, gay. Or mentally unstable. I’m here offering you sex. If you’re not just going to come out and tell me why you don’t want it, then bye. Don’t call me again.”

  She turned and walked up the grass. I couldn’t breathe—it was an unwelcome and unfamiliar feeling. I didn’t let shit like this get to me. Where girls were concerned, I’d generally not found them worth the trouble. But as Tiffany got farther away, so did Lake. I wouldn’t be invited back. How would that look, a grown man trying to hang around her? If I saw it, I’d put a stop to it.

  Without Tiffany, there was no Lake. No monster sandwiches, no blueberry pie. But what’d I done to deserve that sweetness in my life? Nothing. And who’s to say I wouldn’t spoil it? I might. So probably, I should just walk away.

  But it wasn’t just Lake I’d been watching tonight. Tiffany was right when she’d said she was a disappointment to her dad. He put her in a box, then got mad she was in it. Not that Tiffany didn’t provoke him. She did. But she was just looking for someone to pay attention to her.

  “Wait.”

  Tiffany turned around. “What?”

  “It’s none of that,” I said. “I’m just old-fashioned.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I climbed the grassy incline until I stood in front of her. I took her shoulders as if bracing us both. Maybe I didn’t deserve sweetness, but Tiffany, yes. She was a decent match for me. She could use someone on her side. And she came with Lake. I leaned in and kissed Tiffany on the lips. “It means I like to take things slow,” I said. “I’m old-fashioned.”

  Tiffany blinked up at me. “Well, that’s a first.”

  Yeah, it was. “I gotta go. But I’ll call you.”

  She nodded at the ground. For a minute, I wondered if she even wanted me to. “Okay,” she said. “Goodnight.”

  She turned and went back inside. I would’ve expected any girl to swoon after that. Maybe Tiffany wasn’t fast because she was desperate to be loved. Maybe she was fast because she liked it that way. She might actually leave me in the dust if I didn’t make my move. I could lose my chance with her.

  I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted to fight to hold on to Tiffany.

  But I did know, that was the only way to remain a part of Lake’s life.

  11

  Lake

  I didn’t move away from the window until the front door slammed and Tiffany pounded up the staircase.

  I couldn’t be sure what I’d seen. If Manning had kissed her just now on the front lawn, it’d looked innocent enough, a peck on the lips. What did that mean? There was no connection between them. I knew that, but did Tiffany?

  I went into our adjoining bathroom and made some noise, hoping Tiffany would invite me into her room. When she didn’t, I knocked.

  “What?” Tiffany asked.

  “Can I come in?”

  “What do you want?”

  I opened the door. Tiffany sat on her bed with her address book open and the receiver of her see-through, touchtone phone in her hand. “I’m trying to find something to do tonight.”

  “I thought you were going out with Manning?”

  “Does it look like I am?”

  “What happened?”

  At this point, the conversation could go two ways. Either she’d kick me out and accuse me of being nosy, or she’d spill her guts. I was hoping for the guts. Did Manning ask her the kinds of questions he asked me? About music, books, fancy dishware? I couldn’t picture them talking about those things. When I had Manning’s attention, there was no room for anyone else.

  The dial tone began to beep. With a sigh, Tiffany hung up the phone and flopped backward onto the bed. “He wanted to hang out. We almost went back to his place, but he has to work early.”

  My face warmed. What I wouldn’t give to see where he lived, what kinds of things he thought important enough to put on his shelves. What color were his sheets? What other books did he own? Did he keep photos on his nightstand? If Tiffany went there, she’d get to see all that before me. I walked a little more into the room. “Are you going to see him again?”

  She reached up and flicked the corner of her Nirvana poster. “I don’t know.”

  I stood taller. I wasn’t surprised. I knew it was coming. I’d always assumed the two other guys Tiffany had brought home to dinner had broken up with her right after, but maybe it was the other way around. “Really?” I asked.

  “Don’t get me wrong. Manning’s super-hot, and he’s nice to me. But he’s like an old man. He works and has classes and goes to bed early and takes things slow.” She yawned, turning her head to me. “I thought college guys would be different, you know? Fun and cool.”

  I nodded as if I understood. In reality, Manning was the coolest person I knew because he didn’t care one bit about being cool. “So you’re going to dump him?” I asked, trying not to sound hopeful.

  “No. If I don’t want to see him anymore, I just won’t pick up his calls.” She sat up and fixed her hair in the reflection of her mirrored closet. “You saw Corbin today?”

  I was still wondering what it’d be like to have Manning call me in the first place. “Who?”

  “Corbin. Hello? Hottest guy in your school? You saw him at the beach?”

  I blinked a few times. Had that only been this morning? “Um. Yeah. How’d you know?”

  “I talked to him.”

  “When?”

  “On the phone.”

  “He called?” I asked.

  “Yep. While I was changing. I told him to call back because we were about to have dinner.”

  “Did he ask for me?”

  “Why?” she asked. “Do you like him?”

  “No.” It came out defensively, a reflex more than an answer. I’d spent the last couple years wanting nothing to do with the boys at my school. Now that I knew Manning, who wasn’t anything like t
hem, I was even less interested. But Corbin seemed different, too, like he was listening when I spoke instead of trying to see down my top. “I mean, I do like him,” I said. “But just as a friend. You?”

  “Do I like Corbin? He’s only seventeen. Way too young for me.” She flipped through her address book. “And it’s not really sexy when a guy likes you too much. That’s basically why I could never date someone like Corbin.”

  “I thought you said he had a small crush on you a while back.”

  “He did, but who knows if it was more? I just think it’s weird that he’s suddenly interested in you.”

  I had no idea what to say to that. Corbin hadn’t brought up Tiffany at the beach, but maybe he did still have a thing for her. I didn’t care either way. “I’ve never liked a guy who liked me back.”

  Her expression softened. “Don’t worry, it’ll happen. Especially when you get tits.” She giggled. “Sorry. Don’t use that word. It’s gross. My friends always say it, but that doesn’t mean you should.”

  Tiffany didn’t get motherly often, but when she did, it was nice. Like she was looking out for me. “Okay. I won’t. And thanks for saying the pie wasn’t soggy earlier.”

  “It wasn’t. I ate the whole piece and you know how I am about calories.”

  I smiled. Giving me her calories was a compliment. I had the sudden urge to hug my sister. It’d been a weird night. Some bad things had happened, like the fighting and the possible kiss, but it could never truly be bad because time spent with Manning was time getting to know him. It was true even when we didn’t speak.

  And now that Tiffany was losing interest, I’d have him back. At least until school started. After that, I wasn’t sure.

  I was about to embrace Tiffany when a loud, sudden knock on the door made us both jump.

  “Tiffany?” Dad asked.

  As when anyone came to her room, Tiffany snapped at him, as if it was her programmed response. “What?” she asked.

  He came in, saw me, and pointed to the bathroom door. “Go to your room, Lake.”

  He was angry. Again. Normally, I wouldn’t question him, but Tiffany had taken some of the heat tonight that should’ve been aimed at me. And I was feeling defensive of her. “Why?” I asked. “So you can be mean to her some more?”

  My dad looked shocked. My first instinct was to apologize, but I didn’t. I stayed where I was, my shoulders squared.

  “It’s okay, Lake,” Tiffany said. “Just go.”

  I looked between the two of them. Clearly, they didn’t think this involved me, but it did. It was about Manning. So I went into the bathroom and pressed my ear to the door.

  “What was that tonight?” Dad asked.

  Tiffany didn’t answer for a few seconds. “What do you mean?”

  “You brought a stranger into my home. Someone who could be dangerous. You made your mother and sister go through the charade of making dinner and buying expensive wine. Why? What are you trying to prove?”

  “Nothing—”

  “He’s a lowlife, smug construction worker who jumps from job to job. Once he’s done with that house, he doesn’t have to show up for work the next day. What’s to stop him from rounding up his friends to rob us in the middle of the night and leave town?”

  I gritted my teeth so hard, my jaw ached. That was completely unfair. Manning had been nothing but respectful tonight. He’d even made an effort to look nice.

  “He wouldn’t do that, which you’d know if you’d given him a chance,” Tiffany said. “But you didn’t. You were so rude to him.”

  “Oh, please. You don’t know anything about that guy. You just want to fool around. When are you going to grow up? Do your friends get away with this kind of behavior?”

  “You’re overreacting.”

  “I don’t want you seeing him again.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do. I’m an adult.”

  “Then start acting like one. Get a job. Or don’t, but if you want to keep living under this roof, you’ll do as I say.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to live here anymore.”

  “No? And where are you going to go with no money? If what you want is to screw around all day and shop and party, then find a husband who can afford to take care of you. I guarantee you won’t find him on a construction site.”

  “You don’t even care what I want,” she said, her voice rising. “You just want me to roll over and do everything you say without questioning it. Like Lake.”

  “You’re nothing like Lake,” he snapped.

  They went silent. My heart raced, as if I were there, standing in the room, only it was worse because I couldn’t see anything. It was true—I did do everything my dad asked. And Tiffany did nothing he asked. I wished, for once, she would just try with him instead of deliberately pushing his buttons, getting him to say things to hurt her.

  Dad spoke first. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  “I know what you meant,” Tiffany said. “I’m not Lake and I never will be. If you don’t like the choices I make, then kick me out. I’m not going to stop dating someone just because you tell me to.”

  “I will, Tiffany. Don’t test me.”

  “You’d put your own daughter on the street?”

  “If I did, it’d be for your own goddamn good. You need to learn—”

  “Fine,” she screamed so loud, I actually pulled away from the door. “I’ll be gone in the morning.”

  After a few silent seconds, Dad’s footsteps pounded the floor and a door slammed shut. My breath caught in my throat. Maybe Tiffany and I had our differences, but oh my God, I didn’t want her to be homeless. I had no idea where she’d even go. Tiffany and I had grown up in this house, a bathroom apart. I stood there so long, listening to the silence, not breathing, I started to see stars.

  I let myself into her room. “Tiff?”

  She was still sitting where she was when I’d left, staring at her door. “What?”

  “Are you okay?”

  She blinked a few times and turned to me. “Are you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  My hands shook. Tiffany tried so hard to be tough, but I knew she wasn’t. Maybe I was the only one who knew that besides my mom. I couldn’t imagine how it’d feel to be on the receiving end of those things Dad had said to her. I crossed the room and she opened her arms right as I launched myself into them. I was the one who started to cry.

  “Stop,” Tiffany said. She laid us back on the bed, petting my hair. “They’re not worth crying over.”

  “Who?”

  “Men.”

  “Even dad?”

  “Especially dad.”

  I drew my eyebrows together. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. I’d heard her crying enough times after their fights. “Are you leaving?” I asked. “I don’t want you to go. Please, just go apologize to him.”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  “But you said . . .”

  “I’ve said it before. I wasn’t serious, and he knows that. He’s not going to kick me out.”

  I couldn’t remember any of their arguments ending that way. It was as if Tiffany wanted to see how far she could push him. I looked up at her. “Why didn’t you just tell him you’d stop seeing Manning?”

  “Because that’s exactly what he wants. He’s trying to control me and you and Mom.”

  “That’s not true,” I said. “He just wants what’s best for all of us.”

  “For you and Mom, maybe. Me? He just wants to pretend I never happened. His life would be easier if I weren’t around.”

  She said the words so simply, someone else might’ve thought they didn’t affect her. That she didn’t care. I knew she did, though. How could she not? He was her dad. Even after all the fights I’d witnessed, I couldn’t believe she truly thought that. “He loves you,” I said. “Things are just weird right now. When you find a job, he’ll ease up.”

  “You don’t know anything, Lake. You’re too young to understand. I’ll never ge
t the kind of job he wants me to. You will. I’m not going to be a doctor or a lawyer or any of those boring things. He can’t stand that he’s worked as hard as he has to give us opportunities just to have me waste mine.”

  Tiffany didn’t even try. She’d barely studied, and she’d skipped a lot of classes, especially her senior year. I didn’t know if I was smarter than my sister, but I definitely tried harder. “You could do whatever you want, Tiffany. If you apply yourself—”

  “Shut up,” she said without inflection. “You sound like dad. He says that all the time.”

  “But that fight could’ve been avoided,” I pointed out. “You said you don’t even like Manning.”

  Tiffany blinked up at the ceiling, tilting her head. Her hair tickled my neck, but I just watched her. Her eyes roamed until she finally said, “I thought I didn’t . . . but maybe I do.”

  My heart dropped. She couldn’t just change her mind back and forth like that. “Why?” I asked. “Just because it makes Dad mad?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. It just made me rethink the whole thing, like maybe I didn’t give Manning a real chance.”

  “That doesn’t seem fair, using Manning to get back at Dad.”

  Tiffany tore her eyes from the ceiling to look at me. She pushed me off and we both sat up. I thought she’d kick me out, but instead she looked right at me. “I guarantee Manning has done worse than that to a girl. Men don’t care about women. They use them. The sooner you understand that, the better.”

  My stomach churned. Not Manning. He wasn’t that way. When I looked at him, spoke to him, we connected. He’d given me Birdy when I was sad. He’d returned my bracelet. He’d eat anything I made. In my gut, I knew—he was a good person. “I think it’s the other way around,” I said gently. “I’ve seen guys go crazy for you, and you just ignore them.”

  Tiffany smiled a little. “That’s how you play the game. The truth is, men think they have power, but they don’t. We do. Like tonight, with Manning. When he wouldn’t do what I wanted, I told him not to call me again and walked away. And you know what he did?”

  My heart thumped. I knew. I tried to pretend I didn’t, but I did. I’d seen it with my own eyes.