“She’s pretty.”
He shut his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. “She is.”
It wasn’t the reassurance I wanted. Maybe he thought I was fishing for a compliment, and I was, so why couldn’t he just tell me I was pretty, too? Was that so bad? I wouldn’t read anything into it. I was ninety-nine percent sure about that.
“Someday,” Manning said, almost to himself, “when you’re older and wiser, looking back on this, you’ll understand.”
“When?”
“I can’t tell you that, because I’m not even sure I understand.”
That wasn’t fair. Maybe he didn’t know exactly what he felt about me, but he had some idea, and he expected me not to wonder about it. I would wonder and think hard about it now—not ‘someday’ when it might be too late. When he was already gone. I wasn’t convinced Manning wanted Tiffany, or even that she wanted him. So what was the link between them? When one didn’t want the other, what had kept them together the past month?
“I said someday,” Manning said, breaking the silence. “Not now.”
“I can’t wait that long.”
He grinned at me. “There’s no hidden prize or anything. Just understanding that comes with time and age.” He looked at my bare legs and quickly away again, as if it were a habit he was trying to break. “You know our conversations—they stay between us. Right? You know that?”
I nodded. Our time together was precious and not to be shared. “I know.”
“All right. Let’s talk about something interesting.” He sat up again and scratched his chin, thinking. “If you won a contest on the radio to go anywhere in the world and you had to leave tomorrow night, where would you go?”
“Big Bear,” I said.
He laughed. “But you’ll already be there.”
So will you. I wasn’t brave enough to say it. Instead I asked, “What was Tiffany’s answer?”
“I didn’t ask her.”
A thrill ran up my spine. This was mine. “I have to think about it.”
“That’s fine.” He turned to me, giving me his full attention. “We have time. I want to know.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I care,” he said. “I care very much.”
14
Lake
Something about a dining hall full of humans under fourteen amplified everything. Counselors shouted over kids excited to be away from home for a week. Trays banged against tables, silverware against plastic dishes. The camp’s kitchen staff hurried kids down the buffet line. Cooked hamburger meat battled with body odor—I was glad not to eat near the boys.
Cabin nine sat in the middle of the hall with Manning in the center of the picnic-style table. The boys laughed at what he said, looked up at him between bites of sloppy joes, showed him stuff from their pockets.
Peals of giggles at my own table brought my attention back to where it should be. Hannah sat at the opposite end of a long wooden table, eight nine-year-old girls between us. “What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Bettina likes Bobby Newman.”
In the four hours we’d been here, it wasn’t the first boy-talk I’d heard. “Which one’s Bobby Newman?”
They all pointed at Manning’s table and Bettina turned a bright shade of red. Luckily for her, the only “boy” who noticed was Manning. He sucked his teeth, holding back a grin, as if he knew exactly what we were talking about. Bettina’s secret crush. Mine, too.
“What activity are you girls most looking forward to?” Hannah asked.
Reluctantly, I pulled my gaze away from Manning’s. Was it fair to feel as if I knew him well enough to say he was happy? I hadn’t seen him so relaxed, so quick to laugh and smile, as I had since we’d gotten to the parking lot this morning.
“Horses,” one of the girls screamed.
I was the only one at the table who didn’t agree. Climbing on a large, unpredictable animal sounded no safer than riding a hunk of unreliable metal into the sky. It was the only activity I’d sit out. Like last year, I planned to wait at the stable while Hannah and the instructors took the girls.
“We have arts and crafts next,” I said.
Some of the girls groaned, some tittered. Katie tugged on my sleeve. “Can we make friendship bracelets?”
“Of course.” We still had an afternoon full of things to do, so I did a drink check. “Did everyone have at least one full glass of water?”
“Yes,” they all replied.
Hannah and I exchanged a look. We’d only gone through one pitcher between ten of us. I stood. “I’ll get more.”
As I waited for a refill from the kitchen staff, Manning came up next to me and set his tray on the buffet. He held his plate out to Bucky, who was packing up the chafing dishes. “Fill her up.”
Bucky was a local I recognized from last year. He scrunched his mouth so hard, it almost touched his eyebrows. “No seconds.”
“Come on, man. You got plenty left and I’m a growing boy.”
Bucky’d just served food to over a hundred kids, but it didn’t matter. He always looked that grumpy. “Please, Bucky?” I asked.
He snatched the plate and began shoveling food onto it.
“Do you always get seconds?” I asked.
“Are you calling me fat?”
“I wouldn’t quit weightlifting just yet if I were you.”
Manning laughed. “I’d ask if you want me to get you seconds, too, but it sounds like you can handle yourself.”
I’d eaten everything off my plate but I wasn’t satisfied. “There’s dessert,” I said.
“Yeah? You want some?”
“I’m always hungrier up here.”
He took his plate back from Bucky and I got the water pitcher. Manning walked me over to the dessert section, picked out two chocolate puddings, and handed me one. “Are you having fun?” he asked on our way back to the tables.
“Yes, but I knew I would. Are you?”
“I am,” he said. “A lot, actually. All the outdoor activities remind me of being a kid again. The boys’ enthusiasm is infectious, and it’s been a while since . . . I mean, they stink like hell, but they keep me on my toes.”
I giggled. Manning’s boys were nine, too. Same as last year, some of them hadn’t discovered deodorant yet. “Do we have anything together today?” I asked since the same age groups were often paired for activities. “Just asking in case I should bring a face mask.”
“I don’t know.” He nudged my arm with his elbow before stopping at his table. “Guess we’ll see.”
I went to turn away but stopped. I lowered my voice. “After lights-out, most of the counselors come back to the dining hall to hang out and play games and stuff.”
“I heard.”
“Will you come?” I asked.
He looked over my head a second. “Maybe.”
When I returned to my girls, my smile must’ve been as bright as a light bulb. I was sure it took up half my face.
“I want dessert, too,” one of the girls said. I handed over my pudding without protest.
“Have you seen Tiffany?” Hannah asked, nodding across the cafeteria. “You might want to go check on her.”
I looked over. Tiffany had her finger in one of the girls’ faces as though she were scolding her. She’d been assigned to a cabin nobody wanted—the twelve-year-old girls. They were vain, boy-crazy, and learning to test boundaries. Part of me thought it was fair payback for how snotty she’d acted at that age, and the other part worried only Tiffany or the girls would survive the week—not both.
I got back up, crossed the hall to cabin eleven, and plopped down next to Tiffany. “How’s it going?”
I hadn’t meant to sneak up on her, but she jumped a mile high, whirling on me. Dirt streaked her temple, and her normally perfect hair looked as though it hadn’t been brushed in a week. “Jesus, Lake. Hell on earth. That’s how it’s going.”
I had to laugh. “It’s the first day. Things are always a little crazy.”
“You have to get me out of here.”
A couple of Tiffany’s campers looked over. I shushed her. “They’ll hear you.”
“I don’t care. They’re a bunch of brats.”
“You’re a brat,” said one girl.
“Shut up.” Tiffany pointed at her. “I told you all to be quiet.”
“Tiffany, stop. You can’t say that to them.”
She sighed, her upper body slumping. “I don’t like this, Lake. My co-counselor is only two years older than them and she’s not any help.”
I bit my thumbnail. “Try to remember what it was like to be twelve. There’s a balance between being their friend and commanding their respect.”
“Can you help me? Please?”
“I have my own cabin to deal with,” I said. Since I felt sorry for her, I added, “Once they’re in bed, all the counselors come back here to hang out. We can vent then.”
Tiffany grabbed my arm as I stood. “Don’t go. Please.”
“I have to. I’ll see you tonight.”
The girls were in their beds by eight and after some policing, including a lecture on gossip, they’d fallen asleep. Once I was sure they were out for the night, I grabbed Hannah to take her to the dining hall. It was a short walk, but we had to pass through woods to get there, guided only by the moonlight the trees let through.
“You’re sure this is allowed?” Hannah asked.
“Yep. Once the kids are in bed, we all hang out, even Gary. Head counselors take turns throughout the week walking through camp to check on each cabin. You might have to at some point.”
“By myself?”
“Are you afraid?” I teased. “You know I made up that story about the bear to get the girls to hand over their candy, right?”
“Really? So there aren’t bears out here?”
One quick glance around the deadly silent dark made me shiver. “No, there are.”
Hannah made a noise. I hurried her along—it actually was a little scary—but I also wanted to see if Manning would come tonight. I supposed I should talk Tiffany off the ledge, too.
In the cafeteria, the tables had been moved to the room’s perimeter, clearing the area. A boom box sat on the fireplace mantel and a junior counselor rapped along to “Nuthin But A ‘G’ Thang.” Some people stood off to the side talking, while others had brought cushions and blankets to sit on the floor in a circle.
Manning sat with Gary and some other counselors in plastic chairs they’d formed into a half circle. Hannah and I walked over, all eyes on us as we approached.
“What’s up?” Gary said. “Grab a chair.”
Manning stood. “I’ll get some.” He walked off to the side and lifted a seat in each hand. A girl I didn’t recognize had her chair a little too close to Manning’s. Now I not only had to worry about Tiffany, but other girls, too? “Move over,” I said to her.
“Um.” She glanced behind me at Manning.
“Please,” I added.
She scooted aside as Manning added our chairs to the circle.
“When did you get so bossy?” Gary asked me as I sat. “Last year you were much more shy.”
Even though my cheeks warmed, his teasing made everyone look at me, even Manning. “I said please.”
“You should see her with the girls,” Hannah said. “She’s the boss.”
“That so?” Manning asked.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “You look surprised.”
“I didn’t say you were shy.”
Neither of us smiled, but the energy between us was light. Playful. Something about today had obviously softened Manning’s outer layer and I couldn’t help feeling responsible for that.
The song changed, and Hannah bobbed her head with the music. “God, I love LL Cool J.”
Manning shifted his eyes to her. “Yeah? I would’ve guessed Mariah Carey or something.”
She laughed. “I listen to both. LL is good to get in a certain kind of mood.”
“Yeah,” he said and laughed as if it were some kind of inside joke.
Maybe it was. I didn’t know what an “around-the-way girl” was, but they seemed to. “What mood?” I asked.
Manning looked at something behind me. “Never mind.”
“What are we talking about?” Tiffany asked a second before she fell into Manning’s lap. He oophed, and she put an arm around his neck. “Oh, please. You’re twice my size.”
“Now I see where Lake gets it,” Gary said.
Tiffany flipped her hair over her shoulder, sending a telling waft of Herbal Essences in my direction. There was no sign of the dirt I’d seen earlier, and she had on a full face of makeup. The girl had showered. “Gets what?”
“Playing the boss.”
“I don’t play. I’m bossy, and I make no apologies. How else would I get what I want?” Her eyes twinkled with everyone watching her. She looked up at Manning. “Right, babe?”
“Are you two dating?” Gary asked.
Tiffany looked at Manning, so we all did, too. “No.”
“We’re taking it slow,” Tiffany said.
“It’s cool,” Gary said. “Just leave that stuff at home this week.”
“You have my word, man.” Manning patted Tiffany’s outer thigh. “Up.”
She kissed his cheek and stood, then motioned for me to let her sit. “Scooch.”
I could barely function enough to slide over and share my seat. She just kissed him when she wanted. Hugged him. Sat on him. She didn’t know how lucky she was. I didn’t think I’d ever just reached out and touched him. I looked at my hands, at the dirt in my cuticles from planting trees earlier.
“How’d today go?” Manning asked her.
“Great.”
Her smile was so fake, I couldn’t believe Manning bought it, but he smiled back. “I’m glad. I was worried about you.”
“Aw. Next time come check on me,” she said. “I missed you, and I could’ve used some back up.”
“Thought you said it was all right?”
“It was . . .” She shrugged. “But they’re a little hard to handle.”
“Too bad you aren’t in charge of boys.” Manning stretched his long arm along the back of our chair, his thumb ghosting over my far shoulder. “You’d have no trouble getting them to do what you say.”
Tiffany actually blushed, which was rare. Meanwhile, my heart dropped a thousand miles. Why was he worried about her? Why did she miss him? They didn’t even care about each other. She took a sip from a red Solo cup I hadn’t noticed before.
“What is that?” I asked her.
“Special grapefruit punch.”
I looked in at the pink drink. “With alcohol?”
“Yep. Want some?”
Manning had turned away to talk to Gary. I took the cup from her and sniffed the rim. It didn’t smell like grapefruit. More than once, my dad had come home groaning that he needed a drink. I’d never really had the desire to get drunk, but Tiffany and her friends and mine all made it sound so glamorous. Like fun in a bottle. Much better than feeling like this, jealous of my own sister, invisible to the only man who’d ever seemed to see me.
Still, I wasn’t brave enough to drink it. Camp was no place to be reckless. I wasn’t sure where Tiffany had gotten the alcohol, but it definitely wasn’t allowed.
I went to hand it back when Manning’s arm flew over my head. He grabbed my wrist so fast, punch sloshed over the side onto my top. “Don’t drink that,” he said.
“I wasn’t going to.”
“Oh, come on,” Tiffany whispered. “One sip won’t kill her.”
He turned on Tiffany, keeping my arm firmly in his hand. “What are you doing?”
“What?” she asked. “Our parents aren’t around for once. I just want her to have some fun.”
“That’s your little sister. She looks up to you. If you tell her underage drinking is okay, she’ll believe you.”
My ears burned with embarrassment. I didn’t feel this childish when m
y parents scolded me. “I’m right here,” I said.
“If she gets caught drinking, you know what’ll happen?” he asked Tiffany. “Did you even think about that?”
She shrunk down. “No.”
Manning lowered his voice. “Gary will kick her out faster than she can apologize.” He looked at me. “He’ll call your parents to come get you. Tonight.”
Going home was the last thing I wanted. I tried pulling my hand back, but I couldn’t even move him. If he was trying to warn or scare me, his grip was having the opposite effect. My insides flurried as I realized the extent of his strength. I wondered if this was why Tiffany sometimes did things she wasn’t supposed to. If she thought this kind of attention was better than none at all.
Tiffany took her drink back. “Sorry, Lake. I’d die if you left me up here by myself for the week.”
Finally, Manning let me go to take the cup from Tiffany. “That goes for you, too. Where’d you even get this?”
“I have my ways.” She pouted. “What about later, when it’s just you and me?”
“No. And don’t bring it up again.”
I couldn’t handle this. If they were making plans to be alone, I wasn’t sure if it was better to know or pretend it wasn’t happening.
Manning tensed in his seat. “Is that the guy from the fair?” he asked.
Tiffany and I followed his line of sight to Corbin Swenson, who looked as tall and swoony as ever in a sweatshirt, jeans, and skate shoes. Corbin walked toward us, his hood pulled over his head, hands shoved in the hoodie’s front pocket.
“Corbin!” Gary said. “You made it.”
Corbin opened his arms. “You wanted a baseball all-star, here I am.”
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Tiffany said. “You weren’t at any of the meetings.”
“Lake knew.” Corbin winked at me, and Tiffany and Manning looked over.
“I asked him to drive up for a day to play some ball tomorrow,” Gary said.
“Maybe teach these boys a few things,” Corbin added.
“What’s wrong with just throwing the ball around?” Manning asked.
“Nothing.” Corbin shrugged as he and Manning locked eyes. “But when you have access to an all-star, might as well take advantage. I came here as a kid. Same as Lake.”
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