by Unknown
CONFESSING EVERYTHING TO SILVIA
1-VIII
I allowed my enthusiasm and spontaneity to take over, and I really shouldn’t have. It wasn’t her fault; it was my duty to restrain myself for her sake. I had managed to hide my old life and my true identity from everyone, including Silvia, I had managed to keep it buried deep down inside me for a whole year, and in ten minutes I ruined it all! My heart was pounding with joy, I lost control and I revealed everything all at once… She was startled and at once, all the doubts and hesitations that she’s had until now turned into certainty… She had conquered all her fears and suspicions, she was always on my side, she had faith in me, she trusted me. Her faith and trust was what had built such an unshakeable moral foundation for our love, and that unshakeable foundation I managed to demolish in the blink of an eye, just by telling her the truth... The tone of sincerity in my voice left no room for doubt. Her suspicions were confirmed…
I know that at some point it’ll pass; she will forget everything and we will go back to normal. People can become used to anything. I speak from experience. I’m hers and she is mine and that will never change! In fact, I’ll speak to her tomorrow. Over time, she’ll make her peace with the fact that she was destined to connect with a man that is a foreigner in her world, her era and her circle, with a man from a bygone era.
When I told her about my flight over the Swiss Alps, she was the one to suggest that we went there together the next morning, just the two of us…
We departed this morning, with crystal clear blue sky, two hours after the sunrise. She was incredibly fun and vibrant throughout the journey, as if our relationship had just started. She was playful like a child! When I asked her if she was feeling dizzy she replied, “On the contrary, I have never felt dizzy in my life; I don’t even know what it feels like!” But I pretended not to hear that and told her not to look down, to look at me instead. I wanted to be helpful somehow, to take care of her. She playfully replied that if she looked at me she’d experience a different kind of vertige. I noticed how she used the French word for it, just to add to the playful nature of her words. She kept joking until we arrived. She was in very high spirits.
Upon arrival, I felt so proud seeing how thrilled she was with the amazing views, with the wonders of nature that my homeland had been blessed with. I talked to her about everyday things, our friends, our lives, trying to hide how overwhelmed with emotion I was from seeing again the scenery of my old life.
We walked for quite a while until we decided to stop on a hill and lie among the wildflowers to rest. It must have been around noon.
“You’re right”, said Silvia after a long pause of silence, “this place is magical; I feel reborn!”
We talked about a thousand things and she was very cheerful. In fact, at times I caught her humming while she was tying a dark green silk thread around the windflowers that we had just gathered together. She was making a little wreath. Then, I remember asking her which part of all that we had seen and experienced over the past few months she had enjoyed the most. The words she uttered next made me even happier than I was: “It’s beautiful everywhere, as long as we’re together.” Then she talked to me about her love of nature. “I think it runs in my veins,” she said with a smile. And then I was reminded of the meaning of her name: it means “of the forest”.
I sat and enjoyed the light falling on her forehead, the arc of her eyebrows and the golden roots of her hair and I felt immense happiness to have my beloved of my youth at my side after so long. But at the same time I felt the grave significance of this boundlessness was not limited to the narrow confines of my poor heart, the confines of my own individual existence. It went beyond me and became a sacred promise for any person wanting to be worthy of something like this—something so unique that it defies the limits of time and space and reason itself. For it truly was a divine gift to see her, a relieving salvation from the ravages of time. It gives hope for an ultimate triumph of life over the fate of death.
And to think that without this awareness of the strangeness of my fate, without the vivid memories of my past life and the deep appreciation I feel for my new life, this relationship, along with all the other situations that I have experienced here and all the incidents that I have witnessed-might have seemed merely normal, even mundane I dare say, to me too, just like it seems to Silvia: the simple joining of two souls that share a close bond.
The next time she spoke, she said something that rendered me incapable of holding back any longer and that’s when I revealed everything.
She stretched out her hand, handing out to me the wreath she had finished making and asked me, “Will you put this wreath on my head? I think it’s time we headed home. Enough for today… Put it on my head and let’s go… I want to be wearing it on the way back…” To her, these words might have been as simple and unimportant as a drop of water in the ocean, but she had no idea what effect they had on me!
Lost as I was amidst an unprecedented thrill and surprise, I took a look around me and couldn’t believe it! I had only just realised that all this time we had been sitting at the very spot, on the very hill where thousands of years ago Anna had talked to me about a wreath of windflowers. I remembered exactly what she told me that day: “Enough for today... Let’s go back... I have to be home early. Next time we’re here I’ll make a wreath of windflowers. Will you place it on my head?” She then promised, she swore to me that we’d come back; and yet that was one of the last times I ever saw her alive…
And then I felt a spark inside me ignite and explode!
“What happened? What did I do to you? What did I say?” she asked me worried, seeing a flood of tears streaming down my pale face. I held her clasped in my own, squeezed it tightly and started kissing it all over.
“Oh my dear Anna, my lovely Anna! How many years you take me back with these words! So it wasn’t a lie then! We’ve kept our promise; we came back!”
I realised what I had just said just by looking at Silvia’s reaction; her facial expression was simply indescribable! She grew pale and unintentionally—I want to believe—she tried to draw away from me. She looked as if she was frightened of me! Initially I didn’t do or say anything because I was frozen to the spot; her spontaneous reaction had left me speechless. After I overcame the shock, in vain I tried to convince her to look around her. In vain I talked to her about her mother, her brother, her friend Amalia and the environment of her home, narrating as many facts and details as I could remember from her previous life, in order to convince her…
“Don’t you remember the orchard? The travel book? The tall poplar tree under which we sat for hours? Don’t you remember when we climbed the Two Peaks? Nothing?”
I tried everything; I called upon all my memories and all my powers to make her believe me… I mostly talked to her about the last time we met, when I sat at her bedside, in her room, a few days before she died… I urged her to make the greatest effort possible to bring back those memories, memories that I was sure still existed somewhere deep inside her; but nothing… She couldn’t remember anything. She didn’t speak at all. She only looked at me; it was a worried and searching look that she gave me. The only words she managed to utter were, “I’m cold.” And then we left…
Employing all the faith I had in her, I spoke to her as logically as I could and tried to show her that there was no reason to be so startled at hearing this true story. I explained to her that many people were aware of my situation and had thoroughly studied my case, including Stefan, Jaeger, the physician, Professor Molsen, people from Norfor, like Valdemar Esklud, Miss Koiral and many others, and even more people from the Rosernes Dal. There was no reason therefore to be scared. I even encouraged her to go find Jaeger and ask him herself whether or not I was out of my mind…
“It was true then… I knew it! I had felt it… But then again I tried so hard not to believe it…” she whispered.
Little by little we both calmed down. She came close to me, stroked
my hair and wiped my eyes, just like a mother does to her child when it’s upset. But then she drew away again and sat alone, lost in her thoughts. It had been a while since someone had spoken when she whispered, “It doesn’t seem to be God’s desire for people to remember.” And she wept. Overwhelmed with emotion, we both hushed. I got up first and helped her to her feet.
“Let's go,” I said. As we departed she told me she believed me and then she reassured me of her love for me.
“Only don’t expect from me to feel like I have come from another era, like you,” she said, “I completely believe and respect everything you’ve told me about your life, but I am not like you. I am a woman of my era; I’m just like everyone else.”
We barely spoke throughout the entire trip back. The cheerfulness of the morning had been completely brushed aside by the incident with the wreath of the windflowers. Silvia was wearing the wreath on her head, which I had placed there, and was wrapped up in the usual blanket made of synthetic fur to protect herself from the wind. She no longer seemed anxious or worried; just moved… Every now and then she’d say a word or two. And I noticed that she never said the name “Andreas” again, since that moment up on the hill…
BACK TO THE PAST
1– VIII Again
(Late at night)
A little while ago I sat Stefan down and told him the whole truth about my old love story with Anna, and then I told him about today’s incident with the windflowers. His reaction was nothing like Silvia’s: no surprise, no horror, no terrified looks. He believed me straight away, he didn’t doubt me for a second! Excited by the spiritual power of the great love that had defeated time, he gripped my hands and smiled at me. He had found nothing out of the ordinary in my story, nothing that was breaking the limits or the laws of life.
“I’ve told you before,” said Stefan, “the human perception of time and space is not infallible. It could be that what our minds conceive as yesterday, today and tomorrow within the Great Reality and believe them to be distinct from each other is nothing but an eternal present that is not aligned with the standard, human conception of time.”
So that’s why you made me go through all this pain, my dear God? Maybe Stefan is right; this transcendental love between two people, a love that has been through thick and thin, has now almost been sanctified. Destiny had reserved a special place in this world for such a love, even after thousands of years. And this marvellous work of destiny goes beyond the narrow confines of my own personal case. This wonder deserves a place among the highest and holiest achievements of the human soul! This is the epitome of true love!
It is truly worthwhile for one to come into this world as a human being and live this life. If things are so different from how our eyes and reason conceive them, if such a divine fate can be reserved for a human being in this world, it’s really something worth living for. We don’t know exactly what life is all about or how it unfolds or what it contains, but those worthy of finding out are in for a wonderful surprise! It is a reality impossible for our mind to understand and our words to express.
What is this feeling now? My eyelids are getting heavier and heavier! Am I feeling sleepy? Yes, yes, it is sleep that burdens my eyelids! This is the first time this happens to me in this new life of mine! Oh it’s such a sweet feeling! Does this mean that I’ll be able to rest at nights from now on? Oh I’ve missed this… I’m starting to feel so relaxed…
THE END
(At that moment, Andreas Northam falls asleep for the first time in a whole year. As soon as Northam sleeps, Paul Amadeus Dienach’s consciousness returns to his natural body back in Switzerland in the year 1922 and he recovers from his coma.)
LIST OF PROPER NAMES
NAMES OF PEOPLE
AESTHETES AND ART PHILOSOPHERS
MEN
Close
Lestrem
Lucifero
Nimotti
WOMEN
Lelia Nopotkin
ACADEMICS
MEN
Volky
Milioki
PUBLIC FIGURES AND POLITICIANS
MEN
Baldini
Verhin
Grueberg
Delaroche
Milstone
Franklin Montague
Rickenmat
Gustav Siovogia
John Terring
Torhild
Trodalsen
Vohlbach
FLORISTS
MEN
Costia Rodulof
LORFFES (leading officials of the intelligentsia)
MEN
Yalmar
Ulfink Enemark
Nicolas Lajevski
Knut Niversun
Rinarschield
John Humphrey
Gunnar Hiller Jr.
ILECTORS (High-ranking leaders of the intelligentsia)
MEN
Buren
Jaeger
WOMEN
Tatiana Baclyn
GREAT SPIRITUAL LEADERS
Alexis Volky
ARCHITECTS
MEN
Olaf Keirl
Kekonen
Igor Bodurof
Niemorsunt
Rauschen
Heimerstam
WOMEN
Vada Lastrem
Alicia Neville
Hilda Normanden
ASTRONOMERS – NATURAL PHILOSOPHERS
MEN
Striberg
Tegner
Feridi, father and son
BIOLOGERS
MEN
Jacobsen
Jansen
SCULPTORS
MEN
Greneval
Eriksen
Dean Kersteen
Albert Kingsman
Sweeny Koniemark
Levertin
Arald Mayen
Melsam
Mondstein
Gutorp Nilsen
Davis
Nurberg
Ottermanden
Pradelli
Feinrich
WOMEN
Ileanna Wirbach
GREAT THINKERS (with no specific object or specialty)
MEN
Durant
Olaf Esklud
Esterling
Zalmar
Milliakof
Ratziskin
Runerborg
Matjei Svanol
Viktor Gorms
GREAT THINKERS CONTEMPORARY TO ANDREAS NORTHAM
Axel Jenefelt
AIDERSEN THINKERS
MEN
Bramsen
Borge
Nyttenmat
Royalsen
Chillerin
THINKERS, FORMER EDUCATORS
MEN
Johan Geyer
ASCETIC THINKERS
MEN
Aloisius Nilson
ANCHORITE THINKERS
Joel Letonen
Miliotkin
Gunnar Nelbarn
DRAMATISTS
MEN
Evelyn Cornsen
Bjornsen
Borudin
Ignatio Walmine
PUBLISHERS
Dupont
INTERPRETERS OF AIDERSEN INSTITUTE THOUGHT
MEN
Tinersen
EDUCATORS
MEN
Astrucci
Cornelius
Lain
Gunnar Bjerlin
INTUITIVE SPIRITS
MEN
Atterman
Gibling
Eric Gord
Carstens
Orlik
Fletchius
WOMEN
Mary-Lea
Vera Brandes
Tervalsen
INTUITIVES FROM THE VALLEY OF ROSES (ROSERNES DAL) AND AIDERSEN INSTITUTE
MEN
Arald
Gustavsen
Poliotkin
Rasmathy
SCIENTISTS
MEN
A
strom
Vilinski
Yarl
Jergesen
Karl Hornsen
Boyer
Sioberlef
Eilensleyer
Erlader
Valdemar Esklud
Esterling
Sabba
Stirlen
Holberg
WOMEN
Coiral
PAINTERS
MEN
Knut Valdemar
Svansen
Nichefelt
Fabius Sigra
Stiernsted
Syld
WOMEN
Dora Vilen
DOCTORS AND RESEARCHERS
MEN
Molsen
Diseny
Kirchof
Flessing
PREACHERS
MEN
Knut Dieter
SCIENCE HISTORIANS
MEN
Rondelli
WOMEN
Brigita Luni
ART HISTORIANS
MEN
Nymark
Pierri
WOMEN
Inga Pearson
Ludmilla Sikorski
MUSIC HISTORIANS
WOMEN
Dalia Keetly
PHILOLOGISTS AND CRITICS
MEN
Koralsen
Duilio Markmatt
Felix Diemsen
Oaken
CRITICS AND PHILOSOPHERS OF CULTURE
MEN
Anerholm
Kershey
GREAT COMPOSERS
MEN
Valmandel
