Passion Relapse

by Jack Fisher

  Many sensations flowed through her. Some were familiar. Others were entirely new. She felt arousal of the most basic kind, including that of the sensual variety that she knew so well. However, there was another breadth of sensation that came with it. Like reaching into a well of untapped potential, something else began to emerge. The more Mary tasted his lips, the more she wanted to embrace the feelings they evoked.

  The moment left Mary locked in a feeling from which she could not escape. Then, an unexpected distraction jarred them from this feeling in the form of thunder.

  “The fuck?” gasped Peter, abruptly ending the kiss and looking up.

  For a moment, Mary thought divine forces had conspired against them. She was prepared to grab Peter by the face and pull him back into more passionate gestures. Then another round of thunder rocked them, this time even louder than before. That was when she looked up and saw exactly what Peter had seen.

  “Um…when the hell did this happen?”

  “I don’t know, but it looks like Hartman County’s record drought is about to end,” Peter said.

  “And we were so caught up in each other that we didn’t notice?”

  “Apparently,” he replied.

  It had to be a fluke, but Mary’s own eyes confirmed it. Somehow, between the time when they’d started talking and the moment they’d kissed, it had gone from partly cloudy to overcast and from overcast to a full-blown thunderstorm. She didn’t remember it getting cloudy or feeling the wind pick up. It showed just how engrossed she had been in Peter.

  Fluke or not, Mary still tried to shake off the distraction, hoping to salvage what remained of this moment. Then rain started falling, and it wasn’t a drizzle.

  “This…could just be a quick shower,” Mary said hopefully.

  The sky must have heard her because it responded with a burst of lightning, followed by more thunder.

  “You were saying?” Peter said in amusement.

  “Come on! What we were doing was important, Mary said. “I don’t care if this is a fucking tornado. We can’t just leave it here.”

  “I don’t want to, either,” he said, “and we won’t.”

  She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but she could tell that the firefighter in Peter was assessing this like any other emergency situation. He looked at her then back at the sky. Then, he turned to her again.

  “My apartment’s not far from here. If we hurry, we can get there before the worst of it hits,” Peter said.

  “That sounds somewhat logical,” Mary said nervously.

  “Except…” he said.

  “That’s skipping a few steps. What we just did… We’re living dangerously here, Peter. We’re still a couple of recovering sex addicts, last I checked. Put us together alone in an apartment and what do you think will happen?”

  The circumstances were impossible to ignore. They would be breaking every spoken and unspoken rule they’d agreed on. She and Peter couldn’t put themselves in a situation where the temptation would be too great. However, after what they’d just done, they seemed past that point already.

  “I know what I’m asking sounds like a bad idea. Us being soaking wet probably doesn’t help,” Peter said.

  “Doesn’t help that I dressed light today, either,” Mary said, still shivering in the pouring rain.

  “But maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is nature’s way of telling us we need to be bolder. I’ll still leave it up to you. Just know that I’ve done a lot of things in my life that only felt right at the time. This—whatever this might be—I know it’s right.”

  He sounded so certain, but Mary remained conflicted. Heavier rain and another burst of thunder added urgency to her decision. It started coming down so hard that most of her clothes were already soaked. A sharp gust of wind followed, sending a cold shiver through her body. It was as if fate itself wanted her to follow Peter.

  Sister Angela wouldn’t approve. Nobody who understood sex addiction would approve, either. However, with the sensations of the kiss still fresh in Mary’s mind, she saw the potential for something greater. It might save her soul or break her spirit, but she would never find out if she kept running. Having done enough of that, she made her decision.

  “Okay. Let’s go!” Mary said, her shivering hiding her reservations. “Take me to your apartment, but let’s at least try to minimize the temptation.”

  “Understood,” Peter said with a smile. “I can’t make any promises, though.”

  “Me, neither. I’m not sure I want to.”

  Before either of them could have second thoughts, Peter led her away from the picnic table and toward the parking lot. Mary clung to his arm and stayed close, still feeling the warmth that she had only gotten a taste of. It gave her even more incentive to see things through.

  The rain fell harder and the wind picked up. This was the kind of storm that wasn’t just going to pass them by. They were going to have to hunker down and wait it out, giving them plenty of time to finish what they’d started. Mary still had no idea where it would lead, but she was tempted to find out, and for once, she felt tempted for all the right reasons.

  Chapter Thirteen

  #xa0;

  “It’s official. The universe is fucking with us,” groaned Mary, now cold and shivering from running through the storm.

  “I don’t know what to tell you or the universe,” Peter said, who was just as soaked. “My landlord did mention something yesterday about some utility work in the basement. Guess he didn’t plan on the weather, either.”

  “Does that mean the power won’t be coming back on anytime soon?”

  “It…might be a while,” Peter said in a less-than-optimistic tone.

  Mary muttered a string of curses under her breath as she hugged her shoulders to stop the shivering. They’d arrived at Peter’s apartment building just as the storm had gotten really bad. It was like a miniature hurricane. Heavy rain and high winds hammered the area that had only known drought for months. It had caught everyone off-guard, adding even more complications to the emotionally tense predicament.

  Shortly after they’d made it into the building, the power had gone out. That meant they couldn’t distract themselves with movies or TV. She and Peter would now be in a darkened apartment, soaking wet and with little to do.

  It felt like one of those scenarios that could turn into a horror movie or a porno. Mary could already hear Sister Angela’s voice urging her to leave, but she promised herself she would see this through. Already, it felt like her resolve was being tested.

  “I’ll get some towels,” Peter said after closing the door behind them. “Just make yourself comfortable…relatively speaking.”

  “I’ll try, but I’m in the apartment of a guy I just kissed. That’s going to be tricky,” Mary reminded him.

  “Yeah. I imagine it would be,” he replied awkwardly.

  “Did you expect the power to go out?”

  “No, but I think it’s best we temper our expectations from here on out.”

  Mary rolled her eyes and hugged her shoulders, still shivering from the wet cold. While Peter went to retrieve the towels, she made her way into the apartment.

  Overall, it was a fairly decent place. It looked like it was a one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment with a gas fireplace and an average-sized living room. She could tell he had just moved in. There were still boxes stacked along the walls near the fireplace. The only pieces of furniture he had were a small sofa with an end table and a TV stand.

  There were no pictures or décor on the walls, nothing that would indicate he had once been a womanizing pussy hound. If he had anything he could’ve used to impress a woman, he’d obviously left it behind in LA. For someone trying to get away from the reckless life he’d once lived, it seemed fitting.

  Mary ended sitting down on the sofa. With the power out and nothing else raising her suspicions, she gazed through of the window overlooking town. Since the apartment was several floors up, she had a nice view of Hartman County�
��s urban areas. The view revealed that the universe wasn’t picking only on them.

  The street lights and windows for several blocks were dark, indicating that the power outage went beyond this building. It also revealed the size and scope of the storm. If the darkness of the clouds was any indication, the storm would last for quite a while. That meant she was stuck here for the time being

  After the gravity of her predicament set in, Mary contemplated what would happen next. She thought back to the kiss that the storm had interrupted. She could still taste Peter’s lips on hers, still recall the way his arms felt around her. In her shivering state, Mary really longed for that warmth right about now. At the same time, she tried to scrutinize all the feelings that kiss had evoked in her.

  What are you doing here? What do you want from this man? she asked herself.

  As she watched the rain fall, Mary went over the possibilities. The most obvious also happened to be dangerous. Maybe those feelings were the product of repressed sexual urges. It made some sense, as evidenced by her recent masturbation habits. The whole ordeal could just be the byproduct of a sex-addicted woman who just really wanted to have sex again. If that was the case, then Mary might as well brave the storm, because she would only hurt herself and Peter by giving in.

  She refused to accept the possibility. There had been something else in that kiss. Those lustful inclinations were present, but there were more powerful feelings at work. It couldn’t be that she was falling in love with the guy. Love didn’t work that way. Even if it did, it still wouldn’t be sufficient.

  That kiss had just been the culmination of many feelings. All those things they’d talked about earlier, from her descent into addiction to her struggles to recover, had acted as a spark of sorts. Mary had never been so open and honest with someone before. Perhaps talking about those experiences had revealed something she had missed in her previous efforts to deal with her problems. It was the least-obvious possibility, but one that offered the most tantalizing outcomes.

  “Hey. Sorry I took so long,” Peter said, breaking her train of thought as he entered the room. “I had to sift through a few boxes.”

  “That’s okay. I didn’t expect you to be that organized,” Mary said. “It never was your style.”

  “You’re not still mad at me for losing your biology textbook, are you?” Peter asked as he tossed her a towel.

  “You mean the one from sixth grade? The one that got me a week of detention?” teased Mary. “Now that you mention it, I am still mad.”

  “Sorry. I can’t get that week back for you, but I can get you some coffee if the gas is still working.”

  “I guess it’ll have to do,” she said with mild annoyance. “We’re still not even, though.”

  They both laughed, which helped ease the tension. They might have been a couple of recovering sex addicts in a very awkward situation, but neither she nor Peter had forgotten that they had once been friends. Mary took comfort in that friendship, even as she contemplated the more intimate possibilities.

  As Peter walked to the kitchen, Mary stood and dried herself off with the towel. She then looked over and watched the handsome man from her youth work the stove.

  He still wore the same pants as earlier, but he’d changed his shirt. If he had been trying to seduce her, he probably would’ve just strutted out in his underwear and let her hormones do the rest. That clearly wasn’t his agenda, though. He’d kept those feelings in check, much to her relief.

  However, they must still be affecting him. He fumbled around with the stove, struggling to get one of the panels lit. He seemed every bit as distracted as she was, appearing way too tense. Mary laughed to herself, wondering if he was contemplating the same intimate possibilities. Distractions aside, Peter finally got the stove going.

  “Ah! There we go,” Peter said with a sigh of relief. “The gas is still working, so we won’t freeze or starve.”

  “You make it sound like we’re snowed in or something,” Mary said.

  “I know. Sorry if I sound paranoid. I guess I just got too comfortable in the predictable Southern California weather.”

  As he said that, he spilled some of the instant coffee powder onto his kitchen table. Mary snickered, much to his chagrin. For a well-conditioned firefighter, he was pretty clumsy and she had a good idea why.

  “You sure don’t look comfortable, but I’m guessing that’s not because of the weather.”

  “Speak for yourself, Mary. You’re still giving me that look,” retorted Peter smugly.

  “What look? You think I’m going to fall into the same trap as every other girl you’ve lured into your apartment?” teased Mary.

  “You always were a step ahead of me. I doubt any of my tricks would work on you, so I’ll save myself the trouble.”

  “You better. I came here for a reason, remember? I still don’t know the extent of that reason, but I’m determined to find out,” she said in a more serious tone.

  “So am I,” Peter said.

  He sounded every bit as serious. It convinced Mary that he was committed to finishing what they’d started. It might not mean sharing another kiss, but she tried not to make too many assumptions.

  As she watched Peter make the coffee, she pondered their next step. How exactly could they pick up where they’d left off? One moment they had been kissing and the next moment they had found themselves in the middle of a storm. Before that, it had felt like she and Peter were on the brink of a profound realization. In hearing the story of how her addiction had broken her, he’d seen something that she hadn’t, and now Mary was determined to see it, too.

  Once he’d finished making the coffee, he walked over to the living room and handed her a cup. With a hot beverage in hand, Mary sat back down on the couch with the damp towel draped around her neck. He didn’t sit down with her, though. As she drank to warm herself, Peter activated the gas fireplace. He managed to get it going without incident, providing them with much-needed light and heat.

  In any other circumstance, this would’ve been a romantic, sensual mood. Instead, a great deal of tension lingered, only some of which was sexual.

  “So…how do you want to handle this?” Mary asked.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t think that far ahead when I invited you here,” admitted Peter.

  “And for once, you can’t blame your penis. How sad is that?” Mary said.

  “Very, but if we’re going to finish what we started, then we need to stay serious.”

  “I am being serious. It is kind of pathetic when you think about it…us ending up here and our sexual urges having little to do with it. That says to me that we’re too used to things being simple, getting just intimate enough to get laid and not much else beyond that.”

  “When you put it like that, it sounds more tragic than pathetic,” Peter said.

  “It works both ways. It might be why I kissed you and didn’t know what the hell to make of it. I guess if we’re really going to take this head on, let’s start with that kiss, because I’d like to know what went into it.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  They were officially on the same page now. Peter looked just as conflicted about the kiss as she was. Mary also noticed that he remained near the fireplace, still keeping his distance, while she sat on the sofa.

  He wouldn’t say it, but she could tell he was reluctant to get close in a way that would risk greater temptation. It wasn’t just sexual temptation, either. Another kiss might just add to the confusion. Before they could be that bold, they needed to confront this.

  “That kiss was… Well, it was…nice,” Peter said with a slight smile.

  “No argument here. It was definitely something,” Mary said with a smile of her own. “Would it be just as sad if I told you that you’re the first person I’ve kissed in a year?”

  “Not necessarily,” Peter said. “A kiss is usually an effect, not a cause. So why don’t we focus on the stuff that came before it?”

  “Good idea,
but you’re the one who kissed me, so I’m not sure I can say much.”

  “You’re right. I am the one who triggered it. You just accepted it. That may not sound like much, but it’s worth thinking about.”

  “Why do you say that?” Mary asked.

  “Because when I was doing my reckless man-whoring, I took the exact opposite approach. I never instigated a kiss. I just charmed the woman until she made the first move.”

  “You think that matters?”

  “Yeah, I think it matters a lot,” Peter said. As he sipped his coffee, he began pacing around his living room. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, him making the first move. Most men who had significant dating experience wouldn’t have batted an eye. The fact he found it so jarring made it worth scrutinizing.

  “But why does it matter?” he muttered under his breath. “It shouldn’t, but—”

  “It does matter. And it matters for a reason,” Mary said, following his train of thought. “And a good reason that’s worth knowing.”

  That continued to bother them both. While Peter paced, Mary thought about it as well. It had been almost as jarring, a man being so direct with her. It had flipped the script she usually followed when hooking up with a man. She’d had to be the one doing the seducing, from that first interested gaze to the moment clothes started coming off. That hadn’t happened this time. Instead, Peter had made the first move and she’d just accepted it.

  Something about that stuck with her. Mary closed her eyes and relived that moment while the memory was still fresh. In doing so, she experienced some of those feelings again. This time, they weren’t nearly as overwhelming. This allowed her to process them, which led to a few realizations.

  “We’ve kissed people before. I’ve kissed men much harder than I kissed you. I’m sure you’ve kissed women just as much…and not always on the lips,” Mary said