me a father rather than a master, who will ever deal with him in an honorable and loving manner, both in respect to his own deserts and to her merits, whose prayers have, I doubt not, procured this admirable result of what was in no wise designed, but by God's providence fell out of the asking a simple question in an inn and of a stranger.
"And now, mine only and very dear child, I commend thee to God's holy keeping; and I beseech thee to be as mindful of thy duty to him as thou hast been (and most especially of late) of thine to me; and imprint in thy heart those words of holy writ, 'Not to fear those that kill the body, but cannot destroy the soul;' but withal, in whatever is just and reasonable, and not clearly against Catholic religion, to observe a most exact obedience to such as stand to thee at present in place of thy unworthy father, and who, moreover, are of such virtue and piety as I doubt not would move them rather to give thee an example how to suffer the loss of all things for Christ his sake than to offend him by a contrary disposition. I do write to my good brother by the same convenience to yield him and my sister humble thanks for their great kindness to me in thee, and send this written in haste; for I fear I shall not often have means hereafter. Therefore I desire Almighty God to protect, bless, and establish thee. So in haste, and _in visceribus Christi_, adieu."
The lively joy I received from this letter was greater than I canrehearse, for I had now no longer before my eyes the sorrowful visionof my dear father with none to tend and comfort him in his wanderings;and no less was my contentment that Edmund, my dearly-loved playmate,was now within reach of his good instructions, and free to follow thatwhich I was persuaded his conscience had been prompting him to seeksince he had attained the age of reason.
I note not down in this history the many visits I paid to the CharterHouse that autumn, except to notice the growing care Lady Surrey didtake to supply the needs of prisoners and poor people, and how thisbrought her into frequent occasions of discourse with Mistress Wardand Muriel, who nevertheless, as I also had care to observe, keptthese interviews secret, which might have caused suspicion in thosewho, albeit Catholic, were ill-disposed to adventure the loss ofworldly advantages by the profession of what Protestants do termperverse and open papistry. Kate and Polly were of this way ofthinking--prudence was ever the word with them when talk of religionwas ministered in their presence; and they would not keep as much as aprayer-book in their chambers for fear of evil results. They weresometimes very urgent with their father for to suffer them to attendProtestant service, which they said would not hinder them from hearingmass at convenient times, and saying such prayers as they listed; andPolly the more so that a young gentleman of good birth and highbreeding, who conformed to the times, had become a suitor for herhand, and was very strenuous with her on the necessity of suchcompliance, which nevertheless her father would not allow of. Muchcompany came to the house, both Protestant and Catholic; for my aunt,who was sick at other times, did greatly mend toward the evening. WhenI was first in London for some weeks, she kept me with her at suchtimes in the parlor, and encouraged me to discourse with the visitors;for she said I had a forwardness and vivacity of speech which, ifpractised in conversation, would in time obtain for me as great areputation of wit as Polly ever enjoyed. I was nothing loth to studyin this new school, and not slow to improve in it. At the same time Igave myself greatly to the reading of such books as I found in mycousins' chambers; amongst which were some M. de la Motte had lent toPolly, marvellous witty and entertaining, such as _Les Nouvelles de laReine de Navarre_ and the _Cents Histoires tragiques;_ and others donein English out of French by Mr. Thomas Fortescue; and a poem, writ byone Mr. Edmund Spenser, very beautiful, and which did so much bewitchme, that I was wont to rise in the night to read it by the light ofthe moon at my casement window; and the _Morte d' Arthur_, which Mr.Hubert Rookwood had willed me to read, whom I met at Bedford, andwhich so filled my head with fantastic images and imagined scenes,that I did, as it were, fall in love with Sir Launcelot, andwould blush if his name were but mentioned, and wax as angry if hisfame were questioned as if he had been a living man, and I in afoolish manner fond of him.
This continued for some little time, and methinks, had it proceededfurther, I should have received much damage from a mode of life withso little of discipline in it, and so great incitements to faults andfollies which my nature was prone to, but which my conscience secretlyreproved. And among the many reasons I have to be thankful to Mistress"Ward, that never-to-be-forgotten friend, whose care restrained me inthese dangerous courses, partly by compulsion through means of herinfluence with my aunt and her husband, and partly by such admonitionsand counsel as she favored me with, I reckon amongst the greatestthat, at an age when the will is weak, albeit the impulses be good,she lent a helping hand to the superior part of my soul to surmountthe evil tendencies which bad example on the one hand, and weakindulgence on the other, fostered in me, whose virtuous inclinationshad been, up to that time, hedged in by the strong safeguards ofparental watchfulness. She procured that I should not tarry, save forbrief and scanty spaces of time, in my aunt's parlor when she hadvisitors, and so contrived that it should be when she herself waspresent, who, by wholesome checks and studied separation from the restof the company, reduced my forwardness with just restraints such asbecame my age. And when she discovered what books I read, oh, withwhat fervent and strenuous speech she drove into my soul the edge of asalutary remorse; with what tearful eyes and pleading voice shebrought before me the memory of my mother's care and my father's love,which had ever kept me from drinking such empoisoned draughts from thewell-springs of corruption which in our days books of entertainmenttoo often prove, and if not altogether bad, yet be such as vitiate thepalate and destroy the appetite for higher and purer kinds of mentalsustenance. Sharp was her correction, but withal so seasoned withtenderness, and a grief the keenness of which I could discern washeightened by the thought that my two elder cousins (one time herpupils) should be so drawn aside by the world and its pleasures as toforget their pious habits, and minister to others the means of suchinjury as their own souls had sustained, that every word she utteredseemed to sink into my heart as if writ with a pen of fire; and mostlywhen she thus concluded her discourse:
"There hath been times, Constance, when men, yea and women also, mightplay the fool for a while, without so great danger as now, and dallywith idle folly like children who do sport on a smooth lawn nigh to arunning stream, under their parents' eyes, who, if their feet do butslip, are prompt to retrieve them. But such days are gone by for theCatholics of this land. I would have thee to bear in mind that 'tis nocommon virtue--no convenient religion--faces the rack, the dungeon, andthe rope; that wanton tales and light verses are no _viaticum_ for ajourney beset with such perils. And thou--thou least of all--whosegentle mother, as thou well knowest, died of a broken heart from thefear to betray her faith--thou, whose father doth even now girdhimself for a fight, where to win is to die on a scaffold--shouldstscorn to omit such preparation as may befit thee to live, if it soplease God, or to die, if such be his will, a true member of his holyCatholic Church. O Constance, it doth grieve me to the heart that thoushouldst so much as once have risen from thy bed at night to feed thymind with the vain words of profane writers, in place of nurturing thysoul by such reasonable exercises and means as God, through theteaching of his Church, doth provide for the spiritual growth of hischildren, and by prayer and penance make ready for coming conflicts.Bethink thee of the many holy priests, yea and laymen also, who be inuneasy dungeons at this time, lying on filthy straw, with chainson their bruised limbs, but lately racked and tormented for theirreligion, whilst thou didst offend God by such wanton conduct. Countup the times thou hast thus offended; and so many times rise in thenight, my good child, and say the psalm 'Miserere,' through which wedo especially entreat forgiveness for our sins."
I cast myself in her arms, and with many bitter tears lamented myfolly; and did promise her then, and, I thank God, ever after did keepthat promise, whilst I abode
under the same roof with her, to read nobooks but such as she should warrant me to peruse. Some days after sheprocured Mr. Congleton's consent, who also went with us, to carry meto the Marshalsea, whither she had free access at that time by reasonof her acquaintanceship with the gaoler's wife, who, when a maid, hadbeen a servant in her family, and who, having been once Catholic, didwillingly assist such prisoners as came there for their religion.There we saw Mr. Hart, who hath been this long while confined in adark cell, with nothing but boards to lie on till Mistress Ward gavehim a counterpane, which she concealed under her shawl, and the gaolerwas prevailed on by his wife not to take from him. He was cruellytortured some time since, and condemned to die on the same day as Mr.Luke Kirby and some others on a like charge, that he did deny thequeen's supremacy in spiritual matters; but he was taken off thesledge and
Constance Sherwood: An Autobiography of the Sixteenth Century Page 25
