Stopping, I faced him. “Is he still singing that stupid song?”
Tanner chuckled. “Well, he started to, and Brock put a stop to it, but even the kid sees it.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “You wouldn’t understand, Tanner.”
“Then talk to me about it, Ty. Come on, follow me.”
I did as he asked and followed him into the tack room, where he opened the small refrigerator and took out two beers. “Let’s head up.”
“The barn loft?” I asked with a scoff.
“Hey, I’ve had some pretty fucking profound moments in that loft.”
“Yeah, me too. I lost my virginity up there.”
Tanner stopped walking and looked back at me. “Are you shitting me? That’s my spot, dude. Why do you have to taint it with the sort of information that you could have easily taken to your grave?”
I shrugged and motioned for him to walk up the steps while I tried not to laugh my ass off. Once we got up there, we walked over to the double doors and opened them. There was a small balcony our father had added on years ago. We all used to sit up there, our legs hanging between the rails, and dream of what our lives would be like. Beck had always wanted to be in the marines. He followed his dream, and it had killed him. Brock, he was always the one arguing with me about who was the better bull rider. Truth be told, we were both good . . . damn good. And Tanner, he just wanted to be in the rodeo. Roping, women, and horses. The only three things he cared about.
We sat down, our legs dangling as we drank our beers in silence for the first few minutes before I spoke.
“You know the high you feel right before that chute opens and you go after that calf?”
Tanner took a pull of beer and nodded. “Yeah. Nothing like it.”
“After my accident, I craved that feeling. Knowing I would never have it again did something to my mind. Fucked with me, big time. Then I discovered I could have a version of it with the pain pills.”
I could feel Tanner’s eyes on me. He remained silent, so I kept talking.
“It was a different high. A different rush, but hell, it was a rush nonetheless. It dulled the pain I not only felt in my knee but in my chest as well. Just like that feeling you get before a run—it was also addictive.”
Facing Tanner, I took in a deep breath and let it out. “So addictive it scared the shit out of me. I got lost to it so fast. I spun out of control, and man, I thought I was smart. Hiding it from everyone, thinking I had the reins grasped tight on it. It took me a long time, Tanner, to realize I never had control. It almost . . . destroyed me. The rush I got from bull riding, yeah, it was dangerous, but I always knew I was the one in control, you know?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Just when I thought I had beaten the addiction, another one came along. One I wasn’t ready for at all.”
“Ty, what do you mean?”
I heard the concern in his voice and put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Not drugs, bro . . . Kaylee. She might as well be a damn drug.”
His body relaxed.
I added, “I’m not going to lie: when she first showed up, with that little southern accent and those blue eyes, I wanted nothing more than to get her into my bed.”
“You don’t anymore?”
“Oh, I still do . . . and that’s the problem.”
He laughed.
“For the first time in my life, though, I’ve felt something for a woman that wasn’t lust.”
“Don’t know that feeling, dude,” Tanner said, taking a drink of his beer.
“Be glad you don’t. It fucks with your head.”
“So I’ve heard and seen. Chance is all caught up in some little barrel racer. Thinks he’s in love.”
“Wow,” I replied, looking at Tanner. “What’s going on with that?” I asked, hoping to change the subject from me and Kaylee. But it didn’t work.
Tanner smirked. “We ain’t here to talk about Chance. Keep going.”
I nodded. “Anyway, Kaylee wasn’t supposed to stay in town. I figured I could scratch the itch, she’d move on, probably come back into town a few times a year, we’d hook up, and that would be that.”
“What happened?” he asked.
“I kissed her.”
His brows pulled in and he stared at me. The only sound that could be heard was that of Mama’s wind chimes blowing in the slight wind that enveloped us.
“You remember that rush? The high? I felt something like it for the first time in my life with a woman, and it was caused because of Kaylee Holden’s damn kiss. My chest closed in on me, and I needed a woman—and it wasn’t just for the sex. I don’t even know how to explain it, but it felt like she had poured something of herself into me, and it left me craving more. So much more.”
“And let me guess: you freaked out.”
“Of course I freaked out. Wouldn’t you have?”
He laughed. “Yeah, I probably would have, for a minute, and then I would have explored it.”
I shook my head. “I can’t let myself get attached to her. The idea that I had felt that much from just a kiss . . . who in the hell knows what making love to her would have been like if I hadn’t walked away. I can’t trust myself with those types of feelings. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“I get it, but I think you’re missing out on something if you don’t at least try, Ty.”
I pressed the beer to my lips and took a long drink. “I can’t do it, Tanner. If I let myself even think about it, and then things don’t work out or she ends up leaving? No, thanks.”
He let out a confused laugh. “So you won’t even give it a chance because you’re afraid it might not work out or she’ll leave?”
“Pretty much. I don’t think I can handle another failure in my life, Tanner.”
“Another failure? What in the hell are you talking about, Ty?”
“Bull riding, my drug addiction?”
Tanner grabbed my shoulder and gave me a push, causing me to look at him. “You did not fail at either of those things, dude. Ty, you were on your way to being number one again. It was a drunk driver who took that away from you. That was completely out of your control. And the drugs? You beat it—you recognized when the temptation crept up again after Brock’s accident, and you started back up with therapy. You’re winning that battle, Ty. Don’t you ever fucking doubt that.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “You should charge my therapist for this session, ya know.”
He rolled his eyes and dropped his hand. “I’m serious, Ty. Listen, I’m going to be the first guy to say I have zero interest in tying myself down to anyone for a long time. My dick likes his playtime, and trust me when I say that we get a lot of playtime out on the road.”
I laughed and shook my head.
“But I also believe in love. I see it in our parents. I see it with Brock and Lincoln. Hell, did you ever think Brock would open up his heart again after Kaci died giving birth to Blayze?”
“No, I honestly didn’t.”
“Then why won’t you let yourself believe that you can also find happiness, Ty?”
“I’m not the kind of guy Kaylee needs.”
“Who does she need?” Tanner asked, setting his now-empty beer bottle down behind him.
“Someone without a fucked-up past.”
“But she has a fucked-up past of her own.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Exactly. That’s why she doesn’t need someone like me. She deserves someone better.”
Tanner let out a frustrated sigh. “Ty, you’re never going to be able to move on if you don’t stop thinking you’re not good enough. Do you realize Dad couldn’t run this place without you?”
I laughed. “He did fine before I worked here full time.”
“He also never told you about all the ranch hands he had to hire on to help him out. You showed up and got everything organized and working like a fine-tuned machine, and
Dad hasn’t stressed at all these last few years.
“Ty, this is in your blood. This ranch. Being a rancher is what you were made for. And look at the work you do with the agricultural-education program. Look at what those kids are learning, what they’re doing. Brock also told me you’re looking into possibly raising some bulls for competition and have already been talking with Doug from the PBR. Damn, brother, give yourself some credit, will you, please?”
I finished off the last of my beer and set the bottle next to Tanner’s. “Yeah, I guess so. It doesn’t really matter anyway. I watched Channing walk into Kaylee’s house after kissing her. Then, when I looked back, her kitchen light went off, so what do you think they’re doing?”
Tanner scoffed. “Kaylee isn’t going to sleep with him. Not on her first date.”
“I’m pretty sure she would have slept with me if I had asked her.” I pushed back and stood, stretching my stiff leg.
“Bothering you?”
“Nah, just gets stiff sometimes when I keep my knee bent too long.”
Tanner stood and reached for the two bottles as I walked back into the loft. We walked down in silence and out to my truck, which was parked outside the barn.
“Let me give you a ride up to the house,” I said. “And stop fucking walking on the ankle, dude. You want to get back out on the circuit, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I sure as shit do.” Tanner got into my truck and shut the door. I could tell by the expression on his face, something was heavy on his mind.
“Spill it, Tanner. I know you want to say something.”
“Don’t give up on her or your feelings for her, Ty. Maybe if you just talked to her.”
I laughed. “Hell, we can’t be in the same room for longer than five minutes before we’re going at each other.”
“And why do you think that is? Y’all just need to have sex and get all that pent-up tension out of the way and over with.”
With another humorless laugh, I replied, “I wish it were that easy. Believe me.”
We drove down the dirt road and to our folks’ house in silence, everything Tanner had said to me replaying in my mind. I couldn’t get my head to wrap around the idea of something with Kaylee. The woman drove me insane. Yet, at the same time, I ached to be near her. Ached so badly sometimes it hurt. And that was what scared me. If she broke my heart, I really didn’t think I’d be able to handle it . . . and if I broke hers, I’d never forgive myself.
I pulled up and put the truck in park. “Thanks, Tanner. Who would have thought you had that in ya?”
He shot me a serious look. “I can be deep, bro. I can be deep.”
With a roll of my eyes, I looked away. “Good night, Tanner.”
“Night, Ty. See ya in the morning.”
As I drove down the road that led to my house, I smiled. Snow started to drop from the sky. Maybe it would come down heavy and I’d be stuck at the house tomorrow. Then I wouldn’t have to see Channing Harrell’s little pussy sports car still parked outside Kaylee’s house.
Chapter Seven
KAYLEE
I stood at my window and watched the snow falling. “What do you mean this is normal? Aren’t the snowstorms supposed to start slowing down? It’s almost April.”
“We live in Montana now, Kaylee,” Lincoln said. I could hear baby Morgan in the background, and a strange zip of jealousy raced through my body. I’d always known I wanted kids, but I’d never had the urge to have kids until recently.
I sighed and pushed those crazy thoughts away. “I know, but it looks like it’s a blizzard.”
“Brock wants to know if you have enough firewood. The wind is supposed to pick up, and he’s worried the power might go out. There’s a strong Canadian front moving down.”
“What? Ugh! Let me get changed, and I’ll go out and get some before Mother Nature decides to piss more snow out and block me in.”
Lincoln laughed. “It happened once before and you thought it was fun, Kaylee.”
“That was different. I was prepared for that snowstorm; this one I’m not. I can’t be stuck in my house. I don’t have any chocolate! A girl needs chocolate at times like that.”
“Just go get some firewood, and then call me back so I know you didn’t slip and fall.”
“Gee, thanks for your vote of confidence. I’ll have you know I put a new toilet seat on in the master bathroom.” I heard a door shut, and the sweet sounds of Morgan were gone. “Where did the baby go?”
“Brock took her to put her down for her nap. Why did you change the toilet seat? There was nothing wrong with the one on there.”
“Well, I’m still trying to connect it and everything.”
The line went silent. Chewing nervously on my lip, I quickly kicked off my sneakers and slipped on my snow boots as I waited for Lincoln to press me for more information.
“Oh. My. God. Kaylee! You did not order that bidet toilet seat, did you?”
“It looks really cool! I miss having a bidet! You can take the money out of the girl, but you can’t take away her desire for luxury and a warm seat to sit on when she has to pee in Montana!”
“You are ridiculous!” Lincoln said with a laugh.
“You say that now, but trust me, you’re going to want one during a blizzard especially.”
“The seat heats up, huh?”
I smiled. “So does the water.”
She moaned a little. I knew that would get her. When we first moved here, we both fell in love with Montana. This was our first winter, and we were at what I hoped like hell was the tail end of it. I knew she was wanting it to end as much as I was.
“I need to come over and see how that works.”
“Well, I have to hook up the water—that’s the only thing throwing me.”
“Good God, don’t mess with the water. You’ll flood the house!”
I reached for my winter jacket and put it on, zipped myself up, then grabbed my hat, scarf, and gloves.
“Hey, speaking of this house. I was thinking, since you’re married to Brock now and I’m renting it, what if I buy it from you?”
“Are you serious? You want to buy the house?” I could hear the excitement in her voice. “Yes, you can buy it from me! Oh, Kaylee, this means you really are staying!”
Frowning, I put my hat on. “Did you think I wasn’t?”
“Well, I mean, I didn’t know.”
“I like it here, Lincoln. Plus, now that I’ve got Blayze and Morgan in my life, I wouldn’t want to leave them.”
“Kaylee, I would love for you to buy the house. We can talk more about it later. Just go get some wood, then let me know when you get back inside.”
“Will do,” I said, opening the front door and stepping outside. “Give me a few minutes to call you back.”
“Okay, talk soon! Love ya!”
“Love ya too.”
I hit end and put the phone in my coat pocket, then quickly slipped on my gloves. I was about to turn and pull the door closed when Ty said hello from behind me, scaring the living daylights out of me. I jumped and slipped on ice on the front porch.
“Oh, no . . . no . . . no . . . no!” I screamed as I slipped and slid across the porch toward the steps. “Shit!”
But luckily, I came to a stop when his strong hands kept me from tumbling down the steps. I quickly turned and saw Ty standing there with a smile on his face.
“It was tempting as hell to let you fall, ya know.”
I snarled my lip at him before giving him a good push. He didn’t budge, of course, but I got an A for effort, even if it made me slip again, and he had to reach out and steady me. I ignored the zip of excitement that raced through my body. How in the hell did he do that—make me feel our connection—when I had layers of clothes on?
“Why are you here? There’s a blizzard outside.”
Ty laughed. “This isn’t a blizzard, Kaylee. The snow we got right before Christmas? Now that was a blizzard.”
I rolled my eyes and headed carefull
y down the steps.
“I need to get firewood. Brock said the power might go out.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
Facing him, I felt a little flutter of excitement bubble up in my chest. Had Ty been worried about me and come to make sure I was okay? That thought really shouldn’t have gotten me as excited as it did. Damn my vibrator. She was obviously not doing her job.
“Brock called me, since my place is the closest, and asked me to make sure you had enough firewood.”
I was positive he could see the disappointment on my face, because he pulled his brows in ever so slightly. I quickly smiled. “That was sweet of him, but I am perfectly fine and more than capable of taking care of myself.”
Continuing down the steps, I slipped and fell right on my ass. Hard. The pain shot through me, taking my breath away and causing instant tears.
“Shit, Kaylee, are you okay?” Ty asked, reaching down to help me up.
My tailbone hurt so bad I almost felt sick. The moment Ty saw tears in my eyes, I could tell something in him changed. He moved to lift me into his arms. I hated feeling weak and wanted to protest, but this was the closest my body had been to his since that night he’d kissed me . . . so, weak I would be. Plus, I still hadn’t gotten my breath back, and the pain was verging on the unbelievable.
Ty quickly brought me back into the house and gently placed me on the sofa. He took off my hat, my gloves, and then my boots as I stared at him in shock.
Who was this man? Where did Ty the uncaring jerk go?
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head. I wasn’t okay. I was in terrible pain, and I knew that if I talked, I would cry. Not to mention, I was feeling a bit emotional on top of the pain. Looking into his blue eyes nearly left me dizzy. His black cowboy hat always made his eyes stand out a little more, and he was mere inches away right now. It was all too much coming at me.
“Can you stand up and we’ll get your jacket off?”
I went to stand and stopped, the pain radiating through my entire midsection. “Oh, God. Oh, God,” I croaked out.
“It’s okay, let me help you.”
Ty carefully helped me out of the jacket. The way he moved so slowly, so gently, if I hadn’t been in pain, I would have swooned.
Always Enough Page 6
