“Want to talk about it?” Dirk asked.
I shook my head.
“Okay. Want me to hold you while you cry?”
I turned and walked into his outstretched arms. “It’s all my fault, Dirk. He’s leaving because of me.”
“Shh, that’s not true, Kaylee.”
It was true. The look on his face when I’d mentioned Channing . . . I’d never be able to forget it.
I groaned into Dirk’s tux as he gently swayed in a rocking motion side to side. His attempt to make things better.
“Brock and Tanner are going to hate me. Oh my God, Stella and Ty Senior will never forgive me!”
Dirk pulled back and looked down at me. “Kaylee, listen to me. Ty does what Ty wants to do. He always has, he always will. And as far as his family goes, they have always supported their sons in whatever they’ve wanted to do. Maybe this is a good thing for Ty.”
I looked up at him, stunned into silence.
“Just hear me out on this. Ty’s been fighting some serious demons the last few years, ever since the accident. He’s missed that world—no one can argue that. After the accident, when he was told he would never get on a bull again, something inside him changed. We all saw it. Then the pain replaced the sadness, and he got lost in the pain-pill addiction. Something in him has changed again over this last year.”
I looked down at the ground, only to have Dirk place his finger on my chin and lift my eyes to his. “You are what has changed him, and I know that scares him.”
“Why?” I asked, my voice sounding wobbly. I hated sounding weak.
“You make him feel something he hasn’t ever felt before. The old Ty would have had a beautiful woman on his arm tonight, then would have left early to most likely fuck her and walk away. Brock told me Ty hasn’t been hooking up with anyone, not since you walked into his life.”
“I don’t know what to do, Dirk. I don’t know if my heart can take another heartbreak. When I lost John, I lost a part of myself to a dark pit of sadness, regret, and blame, and I thought I’d never crawl out of it.”
“But you did.”
“With a lot of help from my therapist.”
“Ty is stuck in his own personal hell. He’s already lost the one thing that he thought made him who he was. Bull riding. Now imagine a part of him coming to life again, and you’re the reason. He’s probably scared shitless. And the Shaw brothers are not ones who like feeling scared.”
I smiled and let a soft chuckle free. “How do you know he feels that way toward me?”
Dirk tossed his head back and laughed. “All you have to do is look at the poor bastard when you’re anywhere near him. He can’t keep his eyes off of you, Kaylee. And tonight he looked like he wanted to rip Channing’s head off when you were dancing with him. Hell, I thought I was gonna get punched when he realized you were my date.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “He said he doesn’t want a relationship, but I know he feels the same thing I feel. I know he does.”
A smile slowly grew over Dirk’s face. “Then what are you going to do about it?”
With a deep breath, I stood up taller, then lifted my chin. “I’m going to let him go.”
Dirk raised his brow. “Really? I kind of figured you were going to say you were going to go after him.”
With a shake of my head, I said, “No. Ty needs to do this. If being away from bull riding is what’s keeping him locked away, then maybe this is what he needs. I won’t keep him from that.”
“And you?”
“What about me?”
“Will you wait for him . . . or will you move on?”
I didn’t answer him, and he looked over my head, out at the lake. He took in a breath and then slowly let it out before he focused back on me. “The circuit is filled with women throwing themselves at us. You know that, right?”
“Are you trying to tell me Ty is going to be sleeping around?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “I don’t want you getting hurt, Kaylee. I care about you as a friend, and Ty is my friend also, but I remember the days when Ty would have women practically falling at his feet. If he thinks you’ve moved on, he’s going to—”
I held up my hand. “I get what you’re trying to say. I don’t need to hear it out loud.”
“Okay, but, sweetheart, you need to ready yourself if it does happen.”
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I turned and faced the lake. The mountains reflected off the water, and it was one of the most beautiful sights I’d ever seen. The peacefulness was almost too much to take in. I could have stayed out there for hours, just watching the ripples of water as the wind blew. The view was more serene than anything that was going on in my own head, after all.
I wrapped my arms around my body and fought off the chill that was making me tremble. Or maybe it was something else altogether different that had my body shaking. Whatever it was, I was going to leave it up to fate to figure out, because I suddenly felt too exhausted to even think about it.
Chapter Nineteen
TY
I sat across the table as Sam waited for my answer.
“This weekend? In Billings?” I asked.
“Yes. You’ve been in front of the camera plenty of times, Ty. You know how it works. Give it a test run,” Sam said.
Laughing, I scrubbed my hands over my face. “Okay, say it goes good, everyone is happy. Then what? The next invitational isn’t until July.”
“We’d like for you to go to Pueblo. Immerse yourself back into the world, go out on some PBR Majors, get back into the swing of things.”
“You’re asking me to just up and leave my family ranch. My family.”
“Yes, we are, and if you weren’t willing to do that, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”
He slid a piece of paper across the table with a figure on it. An even bigger figure than before. I glanced at it as Sam went on.
“Sign the contract, and this is yours.”
“No contract, and money has never been my driving force—you know that, Sam. It was being the best at what I was doing at the time. If I didn’t think I could do commentating, I wouldn’t have come.”
Sam smiled. “You Shaw boys always were cocky.”
I returned his smile with a smirk. “We try.”
“Fine, no contract. Let’s call Billings a trial run. They’ll introduce you as a guest commentator. If you like it, then you start up in August on the PBR tour. I still want you in Colorado. You need to get back into the world of PBR, Ty.”
With a nod, I stood. “You’re paying for a place there for me, then. That’s all I’m asking for now. Once I figure out if this is something I want to do, I’ll sign a contract.”
“Of course. I think that sounds like a solid plan.”
I reached my hand out, and Sam stood and shook it as I said, “Trial run, it is. I’ll see you in Billings.”
Sam stood, we shook hands, and I made my way out of the room. My heart was pounding. Was I really going to do this? Leave the ranch. Leave my family?
Leave Kaylee?
My father stood to the side of the truck as I put my bags in the back.
“If Billings is a trial run, why do you need to go to Pueblo after?”
I could hear it in his voice. It wasn’t disappointment; it was sadness. I knew my father liked having both me and Brock back on the ranch, so the knowledge that I was leaving for a few weeks had him rattled.
“It’s just to get me back into the swing of things. It’s been a while since I’ve been in that world, Dad. Nothing is permanent. I didn’t sign any contracts. I need to see if this is something I want to get back into. I miss it.”
He forced a smile.
“What about the education program you started?” my mother asked. “The breeding side of the ranch, Ty? You started that too.”
I glanced over to Brock, who was standing off to the side. “Brock said he’d take over for me until I get back.” I faced b
oth of them. “I didn’t sign a contract; I’m just testing the waters. Seeing if this is something I want to get back into.”
My mother nodded, then winked. “Well, at least it’s safer than your last gig.”
I laughed and kissed her on the cheek. Turning to my father, I extended my hand.
“I’m proud of you, Ty. I want you to know that. Your mother and I will support you always, no matter what you do. If this is something you feel in your heart you want to pursue, we’re behind you a hundred percent.”
I pulled him in for a hug. “I appreciate that, Dad.”
He gave me a firm slap on the back, and we stepped apart.
My mother cupped my face, turning it to the left and then to the right. “Don’t be letting them put all sorts of makeup on that pretty face of yours.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And, Ty,” she said, reaching for my arm to stop me from getting into the truck. “Don’t get a girl pregnant.”
My mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not stupid. I know about the women you’ve . . . entertained . . . in the past. Don’t be getting careless and letting them fall into your bed. It’s time to start thinking about your future and not your penis.”
Snapping my head to my father, I said, “Dad, seriously? Can you explain to her how wrong that all was?”
He laughed, and so did Brock.
“Son, someday when you do get married, you’ll learn which battles to pick. This is not one of them I choose to gear up for.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, you are not allowed to talk about my sex life or my . . . penis. Ever again.”
She lifted a brow. “Then don’t give me a reason to, and we’re all good, son.”
With a sigh, I slid into the truck and shut the door. My folks stepped back as Brock leaned in.
“You sure about this?” he asked in a low voice.
“Of course I’m sure about it. This might not be bull riding, but at least I get to be around it. I need to see if this is something I’m meant to do.”
His brows pulled in tight. “I meant, leaving without even saying goodbye to her.”
“Who?” I asked, knowing damn well he meant Kaylee.
He shook his head. “She hasn’t been herself since you went to New York.”
I started the truck. “I’m sure she’s fine. She’s got Channing.”
“Ty—” Brock started, but I cut him off.
“Take care of Mom and Dad, and don’t fuck up the ranch. Mitchell Williams is interested in Might Fine. He’s ready for the fourteen-pound dummy when he goes out for his next bucking session.”
Brock nodded, but I knew the last thing he wanted to talk about was the bull I’d been training to buck. It had been my idea to get into bucking-bull breeding, and Brock and Tanner were on board with it. I couldn’t help but feel guilty at the idea of leaving all that behind.
Brock finally smiled, then gave me a pat on the back. “I’ve got it covered here. Knock ’em dead, big brother.”
I should have been nervous, but I wasn’t. My adrenaline was pumping as I let the sights and sounds of everything sink in. Dressed in jeans, boots, a button-down shirt, and a brand-new cowboy hat, I walked into the CBS control room.
Rich stood, reached his hand out, and then pulled me in for a bro hug. “Holy shit, Shaw. It’s damn good to see you again, man.”
Rich had been a professional bull rider before me and had retired not long after I’d won my world champion title.
“Rich, it’s good to see you.”
He shook his head and took a good look at me. “How in the hell did they talk you into this?”
“It’s just a test run, that’s all.”
“Test run, my ass. Once you get back into this world, you’re not going to want to leave. Unless . . .” He raised a brow. “You ever settle down, get married?”
“Nah.”
“No girlfriend waiting at home for you?”
An image of Kaylee smiling popped into my head, but I quickly pushed it away. “No.”
“Then this job is for you.”
Laughing, I took a seat and looked at all the monitors. “What about you? I heard you got married and your wife has already popped out one kid.”
“Yep, another on the way. I want to start taking some time off, hence them coming to you. We’ll have three of us some weekends, two on the weeks I want to be home with my family.”
“You fly back each week, right?”
“Yeah, but it’s getting to me, all the traveling. Sometimes it’s just easier going from city to city and not doing all the trips home.”
I nodded.
“Bill heads home once a month. Of course, I’m pretty sure he and his wife are on the road to divorce, so he’s not in a rush to get home.”
“Oh, man, I’m sorry to hear that.”
Rich laughed. “Dude, don’t be. Bill has been . . . celebrating, if you will.”
I nodded, understanding that he meant Bill had been sleeping around to celebrate his upcoming divorce. “How’s Kim?”
“Doing good. She’s also pregnant.”
“No shit?”
He smiled. “Yeah, there’s another reporter who’s been shadowing her. Just do me a favor, pretty boy—keep your dick in your pants with this one. She’s hot, and I’m pretty sure half the guys on the camera crew have tried to get into her pants since January. I’m thinking one or two have been successful. She’s not as conservative as Kim, but Kim sees something in her.”
I held up my hands. “Not a problem for me.”
He let out a gruff laugh. “You say that now; wait until you see her. You think Kim is pretty—this girl is drop-dead beautiful . . . and I’m happily married.”
“Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you don’t notice a pretty woman,” Bill said as he walked into the room and slapped me on the back, hard. “Fucking Ty Shaw. The buckle bunnies are going to lose their damn minds. Not to mention the Monster drink girls.”
I rolled my eyes and shook Bill’s hand.
“So, they’re spinning me as a guest commentator?”
“That’s the plan. Tell me you’ve kept up with all this. You know who’s in first? How many points behind, all that good stuff?”
I shot Rich a look of disbelief. “Seriously, you’re going to ask me if I’m prepared?”
“Hell yeah, I am. I need to know if your ass needs cue cards.”
Bill and I both laughed. “Fuck you. I know the stats on pretty much all the riders and the bulls. What I didn’t know, I read over last night to get up to speed, and it wasn’t much.”
“That’s my man,” Bill said, putting his headphones on. “You ready to become a star, my friend?”
I put on my own headphones and let Melissa, one of the camera-crew techs, put on my mic.
“I was born ready,” I replied, giving Melissa a wink when she looked up and smiled at me. We’d met earlier, and I couldn’t help but notice the fuck-me eyes she’d been tossing my way ever since.
“Ty, there’s a party tonight for one of the camera guys who works down in the chutes. You should come—it’d be a good way to let everyone meet you,” Melissa said, tucking my mic into place.
My gaze lifted quickly to Bill and Rich. They both nodded, indicating it was probably a good idea. “Sure, I’d love to go.”
Her smile widened. “Great, I’ll write down the information for you.”
“You’re on in five,” a voice said in my earpiece.
“Or you could just send it to me in a text message,” I replied, grabbing a pen and writing my number on a piece of paper and handing it to her.
“Great, will do.”
When Melissa left, the three of us took our positions outside the control booth, with the arena and chutes behind us.
Rich bumped my arm and leaned in close to me and said, “And no fucking anyone on the crew, Shaw.”
I grinned. “Killjoy.” Rich didn’t need to know I had no d
esire to fuck anyone.
Kim walked up to us, another woman following behind her.
“Rachel?” I said, stunned to see the one girl I had hooked up with multiple times standing in front of me.
“Ty? Oh my gosh, you’re the guest commentator?” she asked with a smile as she quickly walked up and threw her arms around me. When she took a step back, she let her gaze sweep over my body. “You look amazing. How are you?”
“It figures the bastard would know her,” Bill said to Rich.
I shot him a smirk, then put my attention back on Rachel. “I’m doing really good. How about you?”
She shrugged. “I’m good. Listen, let’s catch up after, maybe grab a drink in the bar?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Her smile faltered some, and I felt like a dick. Rachel had always assumed we would be something more than what we were. To me, she was a fuck buddy. The one girl who hadn’t been simply a one-night stand. She was good in bed, and I liked talking to her. It was never anything serious, although I knew she’d wanted it to be. She’d worked as an assistant to one of the CBS hot shots and flew in every week and followed him around like a fucking puppy.
She liked kinky sex, which I wasn’t all that much into, but I’d found it a challenge when she dared me to have sex in the strangest places. She’d once asked me to fuck her on the back of a bull. The thought had crossed my mind, but somehow it had just seemed wrong. For the bull, not me.
“Okay, well, good luck!”
“Thanks.”
Kim stepped up and gave me a quick hug. “Welcome back, Ty. Talk later.”
You could for sure tell Kim was pregnant, but she didn’t stick around long enough for me to say anything other than, “Sounds good, Kim.”
After the two of them had walked away, I glanced at Bill and Rich. They both gave me that look that said they wanted to know how in the hell I knew Rachel.
“What?” I asked, a smirk on my face.
“You bastard, you’ve had sex with Rachel, haven’t you?” Rich asked.
I laughed. “Yes, yes, I have. More than once.”
“Bastard!” Bill hissed as the countdown started in our ears.
“It’s showtime,” Rich said as the three of us looked straight at the cameras.
Always Enough Page 17
