by Parker, Ali
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
He took a deep breath. “My mom wants me to go home for Christmas,” he said.
“And? You don’t want to go?”
“No, I do want to go, but I hate to leave you here by yourself,” he answered.
I smiled. “Leo, you have a family that loves you. Go see them. Besides, some time in San Diego will be good for you. It’ll remind you what the sun looks like.”
“Are you sure? I can always tell her no.”
“No. Go home. See your family. If I had a family to see, I wouldn’t hesitate to leave you.”
He smirked. “Thanks.”
“Just being honest,” I told him with a laugh.
“I’ll be gone a week.”
“Did you buy your tickets?”
“My mom did,” he said with a sheepish smile.
“Good. I’m happy for you. Don’t feel bad about going home. I can’t believe you don’t go home more often.”
He scoffed, taking a drink of water. “My family is great, and I love them—from a distance. We get along much better when there is a couple of thousand miles between us. A week a year is enough for all of us.”
“Appreciate what you have because you never know when it might be gone,” I told him, speaking from experience.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Don’t be sorry. They’ve been gone a long time. My parents were great, but who knows if we would still get along? They died before I got a chance to be irritated by them.”
I played it off, not wanting to dig up old feelings that had been put to bed a long time ago. Being sad and wallowing in grief and self-pity did nothing for me. I had to keep moving forward, doing what I thought they would have wanted me to do.
It sucked I would be alone for the holidays, but it wouldn’t be the first time. In the twelve years since my parents had been killed together in a boating accident, I had spent the bulk of those years alone for the holidays. One never realized how truly alone they were until Christmas rolled around.
“What are you going to do all week?” he asked.
I grinned. “I’m going to walk around naked and be one with nature. I might drink a little, have a nice campfire, and maybe read a new book.”
He groaned. “I know you do that.”
“Do what?”
“Walk around naked when no one is there.”
I laughed. “Damn straight I do. You should try it. It is a feeling I cannot describe.”
“Please don’t try,” he groaned. “Doesn’t your junk get cold?”
I laughed. “A little. It’s like diving into an icy cold lake under a night sky. It is so refreshing. Trust me, once you do it, you’ll be addicted.”
“What about mosquitoes? Don’t they nibble on your shit?”
I rolled my eyes. “You have a strange concern for my dick. My dick is fine. It’s not cold or bitten or anything else.”
He chuckled. “Good to know.”
Our food was delivered. We talked about what he would do on the west coast while he was gone. It was going to be very lonely without him.
We parted ways at the restaurant. He was going to be taking the rest of the day off. We often worked seven days a week, and when we had these lulls in business, we took advantage of the downtime.
I honked once as Leo turned off on the dirt road that led to his house while I continued on up to the retreat to unload the supplies. I parked my truck near the shed we stashed most of our supplies in. The thing was probably only going to last another year before it would need some serious repairs or to be completely replaced.
It was just another thing added to the list of things that needed attention. I knew I didn’t have to worry about being bored while Leo was away. There was plenty of shit to do around the retreat. I could work for three weeks straight and never get it all done.
Two hours later, with the goods unloaded and put away, I sat down at my desk in my tiny office and got busy working on the accounts. It was my least favorite job. When the weather was nice, I usually took my computer and stack of bills and worked outside. I loved the feel of the sun warming my skin. I loved the fresh air and the sound of nature and life all around me. The peacefulness was like a balm to my lonely soul. Being in nature made me feel less alone.
The phone to the office rang, which was always a good thing. A ringing phone meant business. I quickly answered it.
“Is this Mr. Cole?” a man’s voice asked.
“Yes, it is. Who’s calling?”
“Hi, Gabriel. This is Tim Barnes. We met a couple of weeks ago.”
I sat forward. “Mr. Barnes! It’s great to hear from you. How are you?”
I had been a little worried he wouldn’t call. Relief washed over me. I reached for the notepad with my wish list scrawled across the pages. It was within reach, if I could convince the guy to kick his rather large donation my way.
“I’m doing great. I wanted to let you know we’ve spoken with all three candidates and are ready to set a date for the presentations.”
“Great!”
“We’re looking at the twenty-seventh of this month. Does that work for you?”
I nodded before I remembered he couldn’t see me. “That works great. Where?”
“New York City,” he answered.
I cringed. I was not a lover of the big city. I would do whatever I had to, though. I needed the funds and I would do what it took to prove to the board my retreat was worthy of their endowment. “I’ll be there.”
“I’ll shoot you an email with the details. Have you had a chance to think about what you would do with the money?”
I almost laughed. “Yes, sir. I’ve been putting together a presentation.”
“Good, good. I look forward to seeing what you’ve got planned.”
“I’ll be there,” I said.
“Make sure you bring your family. I’d love to meet them.”
My heart sank. “Will do,” I mumbled, not making any real commitment.
I hung up the phone and stared at it before my eyes moved to the list of things I wanted. I was never going to get the money and my wish list would remain exactly where it was—in my dreams. I got up from the desk completely disheartened.
I didn’t have a family. The way the man continuously brought it up told me a family man was what they were looking for. Once he figured out I was a bachelor, they wouldn’t be quite as enamored with my little retreat. They would kick the money into the pockets of one of the other contenders.
“Fuck,” I growled before turning off the lamp on the desk and stomping out of the office.
I was in no mood to look at numbers. I didn’t want to think about what I did and didn’t have. I needed to get some fresh air. I walked to my cabin and put on my heavy coat and fur-lined boots. I stuffed a few extra essentials in my backpack and set out for a hike into the forest.
It was what I did when the going got tough. I headed for the trees. I mulled over the situation as I walked, climbing a steep hill and making my way to one of my favorite places to hang out. I thought about Cadence. I thought about the retreat. I thought about my future.
“What are you doing?” I asked myself over and over.
I felt lost, a man without a compass. I was living each day, but I had no long-term goals in mind. I wasn’t working toward anything beyond a bigger, more expansive retreat. I wasn’t trying to get rich with my business. I had no goals. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. Truthfully, I was afraid to want anything.
Losing my parents at the ripe age of nineteen had changed my outlook on life. I didn’t think it had, but sometimes, I looked at my life and wondered where I had gone wrong. Guys my age had mortgages and families. They spent their weekends shuttling kids to sports activities and crawled into bed with their wives every night.
I had the mortgage, but that was about it. I wasn’t unhappy, but I realized I wasn’t necessarily happy either. I didn’t feel complete. I didn’t feel
like I was satisfied.
Something was missing.
Chapter 16
Cadence
I rubbed my eyes, the numbers blurring in front of me as I sat at my desk going over the spreadsheets. I reached for the coffee, needing an infusion of caffeine to help me see straight. Joe had been kind enough to send a new client my way. Lord, were they in a pile of shit. Their previous accountant had screwed them over and I was struggling to make heads or tails of the ridiculous spreadsheets.
“Why, why, why?” I groaned, rethinking my decision to become an accountant.
“Because, because, because,” Kassie’s voice sang out.
I looked up and saw her walking in with a fresh cup of coffee from a local shop. “Oh yes,” I breathed. “Real coffee.”
She laughed, handing me the tall paper cup. I immediately took a sip, letting the bold flavor seep into my very soul.
“Joe told me about the new client,” she said, taking a seat. “I figured you would need some of the good stuff.”
“God, I don’t know why he does this to me,” I groaned.
“Because he knows you’re the best and you can handle it,” she said with a smile.
“It sucks.”
“Speaking of sucking,” she said, her voice taking on that mischievous quality. “Have you talked with your hot and hunky mountain man?”
“No. And he isn’t my mountain man.”
“He could be.”
I shook my head. “I don’t need a mountain man or any other kind of man. It’ll just get in the way.”
“If by it, you’re referring to hot sex, you’re so wrong.”
I rolled my eyes. “It isn’t always about sex.”
“Sure, it is. Our world would be a better place if it was.”
I laughed. “I seriously doubt that.”
“You know you liked him,” she said.
“I did, but that doesn’t mean I want to be with him.”
“Liar. I can see it in your eyes and all over your face. You want him.”
I scowled at her. “You can’t see shit.”
She shook her head. “I know you. You get this weird look about you. Like you’re smiling on the inside.”
“I do not,” I protested without any real conviction.
“You could call him,” she said.
“And say what? Hey, this is the chick you banged over the weekend. Let’s do that again.”
She shrugged. “I think I would probably be a little less crass about it, but yes.”
I wanted to. I wanted to call him and ask him to come over for dinner. I wanted to take him to bed. I wanted to do a lot of things, but responsibility told me I couldn’t. I needed to keep my head clear and not get caught up in a love affair that could never be.
“I can’t,” I said the words that hurt to say.
She looked at me and smiled. “I knew it.”
“So what? You’re right? I want him. I want the whole package. It just isn’t meant to be for me. I had my one shot at love and marriage and the rest of the stuff that goes with it.”
“Girl, people get divorced and go on to remarry and get their happily ever after. You can too. Trent is your past. Do not let him define your future. Do not let him win. Get out there and grab your own bite of happiness. I saw the fireworks between you and Gabriel. That kind of thing doesn’t come around very often. Hell, I would kill to have a man look at me like that. I would kill to look at a man like that and feel that spark in my belly.”
I smiled. “I did feel a spark. I think he did too.”
“I know he did,” she assured me. “He was gobbling you up with his eyes. Even when you weren’t looking at him, he was watching you. I caught him staring at you several times with very hungry eyes.”
I sighed. “If I was someone else, I would absolutely go for him. It’s kind of strange that he’s single. I mean, did you see him?”
She grinned. “I saw him all right. I think he’s single by choice. Maybe he’s been waiting for the right woman to come along. Maybe you’re that woman.”
“Yeah, right,” I mumbled. “He could have any woman he wanted. I’m not the right woman.”
“I think you might have to convince him of that. He seemed to think you were pretty right for him. Call him.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.”
I bit my bottom lip. She was dangerous. She was giving me hope, making me think I could have a little excitement in my life. “I have to get back to work on this,” I said, dismissing all thoughts of Gabriel from my mind.
She burst into laughter. “Nice try, but I know you want him. I’m not going to quit hounding you about it until you call him.”
“Go away so I can get this done.”
Her laughter trailed behind her as she walked out the door. The moment I was alone, I let myself go back to that night in his cabin. I remembered the feel of his rough hands scraping over my skin and the way it had felt when he pushed himself inside me. Thinking about the encounter made me warm. I fanned my hand in front of my face, trying to cool my thoughts and my rising arousal.
I focused on the numbers. Getting worked up about a man I couldn’t have wasn’t going to do me any favors. I had gone a long time without a man. I could go back to that lifestyle.
But I didn’t want to. I liked what he’d done to my body. I liked feeling desirable. I liked being wanted.
“Shit,” I muttered, checking the time. It was just before three. I had worked enough. I could take the rest home and do it in the comfort of my jammies with a glass of wine in my hand.
I packed up and walked out of the office two hours earlier than usual. I saw the looks from my coworkers as I strolled down the hall. I held my chin high. I deserved a little slack. I did more work in six hours than they did in a week.
I was going to surprise the girls and pick them up from school. I quickly called my mom to stop her from leaving the house. “Mom,” I said when she answered.
“I’m not late, am I?” she asked.
“No. I’m off early. I’m going to pick the girls up today.”
“Are you sick?” she asked.
I chuckled. “No.”
“You never leave work early.”
“No, I don’t but I wanted to today. It isn’t like I was going to get a lot of work done anyway.”
“Why not?”
I hesitated to tell her the honest answer. She and I were very close, and she’d probably figure it out if I didn’t tell her. “I can’t concentrate.”
“Why is that? What’s on your mind?”
“Him,” I confessed.
Her soft laughter made me feel a little better. She wasn’t judging me. “I’m not surprised. I could tell you had a thing for him.”
“I don’t have a thing,” I protested.
“Cadence, it’s okay. I don’t fault you for wanting to have a boyfriend. I encourage it. I want you to have fun. Enjoy your youth. Trust me, time is not kind to a woman’s body. It isn’t fair, but that’s the cross we all must bear.”
“You’re encouraging me to fool around with a stranger?” I asked.
“He’s not a stranger and I have a feeling I’m not encouraging you to do something you haven’t already done.”
I could feel my cheeks blushing. Once again, I was hot all over. My mother’s spidey senses were ridiculous. I hoped I inherited the same trait to use against my own children one day.
“Mom, it isn’t like that.”
“You know, I was thinking about going to a craft show this weekend. The girls have talked about wanting to go with me. Why don’t you let me have them for the weekend? We’ll go shopping and they can help me pull out all my Christmas decorations.”
I knew what she was doing. “You don’t have to take the kids.”
“I want to. This will be my Christmas gift from you guys.”
“More like your gift to me,” I scoffed.
“You have the weekend free to do whatever it is you want. If I were y
ou, I would use that time wisely.”
I groaned, my free hand gripping the steering wheel. “What if he doesn’t want to see me?”
“Then you stay home and relax. I have a feeling he’ll want to see you though.”
I was nervous just thinking about it. “I don’t know.”
“Either way, I’d like to have the girls. You’ll figure out what to do.”
“Thanks, Mom. The girls would be thrilled to help you with your decorating.”
“I’ll see them tomorrow,” she said and ended the call.
I drove to the school thinking about what I would say. Could I really invite myself to his place? I wasn’t that ballsy. I had never been bold in my life. I reminded myself I was supposed to be turning over a new leaf in my life as a divorcee. I was supposed to be stronger and tougher. In the grand scheme of things, calling the man and asking if I could see him was minor in comparison to what I had done at his place.
I smiled, remembering the look on his face when I had dropped the robe. That was not a look I would ever forget. I had been nervous as hell on the way to his cabin. I had nearly talked myself out of doing it three times before I actually knocked on the door.
I had done it and I didn’t regret it. I got into the pickup line, putting the car in park knowing I wouldn’t be moving anytime soon, and grabbed my phone. I pulled up the retreat in my search history and pushed the button to contact him.
“Hi, this is Cadence,” I said when he answered the phone.
“Cadence,” he said with obvious surprise. “Hi. I didn’t think I’d hear from you. How are you?”
I smiled, letting the sound of his voice wash over me. “I’m good. You?”
“Good, great.”
“Are you booked up for the weekend?” I asked him.
“No. I don’t have anything booked for the next few weeks.”
I gulped down the nerves. My heart was pounding in my chest. I reminded myself I was a bold, brave woman. I could ask him to invite me to his place. It was essentially asking him to fuck me. “So, you’re alone?” I asked.
“I am.”
“Would you like some company?” I asked in what I hoped was a sexy voice.
