by Lisa De Jong
“It’s a surprise.” His eyes gleamed.
I snuggled into his side, relaxing as I looked forward to time with Daniel. As long as I was with him, I didn’t care what it was. It could only be good. Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he drew me closer. I glanced up just in time to anticipate his kiss, his smile wide when he pulled away.
Daniel introduced me to Lisa, his office manager. I was a bit mortified to meet her after the behavior she’d witnessed the last time I was here, but her welcome was genuine, and I couldn’t help but return her warm smile. Daniel gave her a few instructions for the rest of the afternoon before taking my hand and pulling me out the door.
I sank into the warmth of the heated seats, relishing the soothing pulse of our energy as Daniel and I traveled. He kept stealing glances at me, a contented smile on his face. We rode in an easy silence with only the sound of soft muted music and the purr of the engine as we sped down the open road.
“That’s my parents’ exit.” He lifted his hand from my leg to point to the road we passed. I peered out the window, imagining what it was going to be like to see them again. Reuniting with Erin the other night had been healing. Losing her had been devastating, only eclipsed by the hole Daniel’s absence had left. It was as if when each of them came back into my life, a piece was put back into place, filling me, making me whole. I couldn’t wait to fill the spot forever reserved for Patrick and Julia.
“You miss them?” His voice was soft, concerned, his soul attentive to the ache coming from my heart.
“Very much.” I didn’t realize I was getting emotional until I heard my choppy voice.
“Melanie, sweetheart, I don’t want to pressure you. Say no if you’re not ready for this yet...but they really want to see you.”
“They know?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, watching me apprehensively.
Daniel told me of how Patrick had seen me the day I had come to the office and the conversation they had had afterward. And of course, now that Erin knew, Julia knew.
“I’d thought it would be better to wait...” The sudden break in his sentence allowed me to fill in what was left unsaid, Until you’re not married anymore. He raked a hand through his hair as if the very thought seemed to cause him distress. “But I just can’t see keeping you from them. Erin is coming back this weekend, and she’s kind of made...plans.” He looked across at me, both hopeful and scared of my reaction. “She wants us all to have dinner at my parents’ house.”
I guess I had thought it was better to wait, too, but really it just didn’t make sense anymore. Everyone knew about Nicholas. Did I wish I were coming back into this relationship under different circumstances? Absolutely. But they loved me and I loved them, and a legal document couldn’t change that, not any more than it could change what Daniel and I had. In my heart, he’d always been my husband and they’d always been my family. My marriage was nothing more than a sham, a cover for an indentured servant.
“I’d like that.”
He blew out a sigh of relief and squeezed my leg in a silent thank you.
I looked back out at the road when he slowed for the next exit. I felt a vague sense of déjà vu as we pulled up in front of a small white house framed by tall expansive trees. Winter had left the branches bare and they scraped across the pitched roof of the house. The porch jutted out into the yard as if in greeting. Welcoming. Everything about the house was simple and plain, completely unassuming.
It was wonderful and perfect and heartbreaking, because I knew what Daniel felt when he saw it. I had told him he needed to get a new house for his son, but he hadn’t. Instead, he gotten a new house for me.
A black-haired woman in her mid-forties, dressed in a business suit, stepped from a silver luxury SUV parked in the driveway. She shielded her eyes with her hand, squinting as she looked toward Daniel’s car and waited for us to get out.
“It’s okay if you don’t want it, Melanie.” Daniel’s voice broke through the silence in the car, soft and uncertain. I turned to him. His hazel eyes burned into mine, searching my soul. I allowed the emotion to come, didn’t fight the moisture that filled my eyes. I looked back at the house, drawn to it and terrified all at the same time. I forced myself to—just—get out of the car.
The realtor introduced herself before taking a step back when she saw the expression on my face. She seemed relieved to switch her attention to Daniel as he shook her hand. Silently we followed her up the walkway. I braced myself as she slid the key into the lock and turned the knob. My breath escaped me when the door slowly drifted open. It was not the same—not at all—but it felt the same.
And it would have hurt if it hadn’t have felt so right.
Silent tears ran down my face as I felt the pull bounding around the room, insisting that I stay. I knew I looked as if I was breaking down, falling apart, but it was completely the opposite. I was coming together. It was as if I had ended up in the same spot I’d been torn from so long ago.
At the same time, everything was so messed up. It made my head spin.
From behind, Daniel wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders and pulled me against his chest, his heart pounding against my back as he rocked us. He leaned in and whispered his remorse near my ear, “Baby, I’m so sorry. It was stupid. I should have thought. I should have known. It just felt...right.”
I wanted to tell him so many things. I wanted to tell him how wonderful he was. I wanted to praise his extraordinary heart, his perfect soul. I wanted to tell him that this meant as much to me as it did to him. Instead, I whispered the only thing I could manage, “It is right.”
He exhaled heavily, his rigid muscles easing as his arms slid down to my waist. Intertwining our fingers, he hugged me tightly, never letting go while we continued to sway.
Neither of us wanted to move, the moment sublime. Daniel reluctantly pulled away when we realized how awkward it had to be for the realtor. Her back was to us as she stared blankly out the kitchen window into the backyard.
Daniel brushed his lips along my ear. “I love you.” I nodded, and he walked away to speak with her.
I ran my hands through my hair, dried my eyes, and pulled myself together, feeling strong enough to explore this house that had taken hold of me.
It was perfect, except for the glaring void it held because Eva wasn’t here.
And I desperately tried to see him here, to picture a crib in the corner of the small bedroom or a highchair beside the dining room table. I strained to hear the laughter of a child as he ran down the wooden floors of the hallway, to see him playing in the backyard. Instead, there was nothing.
I wanted to feel—needed to feel—because I had promised Daniel I would do this with him, but I didn’t think I’d even begun to grasp how that child was going to rip my heart out.
****
My nerves were out of control. With shaky hands, I stuffed a pair of pajamas and change of clothes into an overnight bag.
I’d seen Daniel every day this week. Every morning I’d anticipate his call to meet him for lunch, and I’d race to meet him as soon as I got word. We’d hold hands as we walked the streets, sharing all of our favorite places, telling stories we’d forgotten we had. And at the end of the day, we’d always find ourselves back at his apartment.
I was playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse with Nicholas, teetering on the line between accomplishing the goal I’d set and exposing what was going on between Daniel and me. I knew Nicholas would eventually find out about us, but I hoped that I would be long gone before that happened.
Nicholas had been watching my every move, studying me as I moved about the house. I knew that I wanted him to see a difference, to feel the change that was coming. Still, I couldn’t control the instinct to hide it from him. On some level, I’d always been fearful of Nicholas, though I’d never really cared because I’d thought I had nothing to lose.
But now I had to admit to myself I was terrified of him, terrified of what he might destroy. Yet, I pressed on
, determined to do this.
I slung the overnight bag over my shoulder and headed downstairs.
It was only five-fifteen and Nicholas was already home. Never in nine years had he been home this early unless he had a real reason to be, and I knew that reason was me. But there was no way I was going to allow his presence to deter my plans for the night. He narrowed his eyes when he noticed the bag draped over my shoulder. “Going somewhere?”
I prayed that he didn’t notice the way my muscles flinched under his menacing tone, and I raised my chin to look him straight in the eye. “Katie’s. I’ll be back in the morning.”
I saw the rise of his chest as he breathed in and held it. Anger made a visible ascent up his neck and settled on his reddened face. I could see the war in his eyes as he decided how to best deal with my insubordination. The way his lip twitched and his fists curled—he wanted to tear me apart. Instead, his mouth spread into a cocky, arrogant grin. He cocked his head to the side. “Mmm, I see.”
I was pretty sure “I see” meant he could see right through me, but I didn’t wait for him to clarify. I escaped the room and his knowing eyes, threw my bag in the car, and left as quickly as possible.
I was suddenly very thankful for the arrangement Katie and I had made earlier. I’d go to her house and change for dinner with Daniel’s family, leave my car at the her house, and then she’d drive me to Daniel’s to drop me off. I really didn’t think I could stomach another near miss with Nicholas.
****
I rode in Katie’s car, hoping I wouldn’t be late. My knee bounced as I watched the clock draw nearer to six. Of course, Katie wouldn’t allow that. She pulled up in front of Daniel’s building at five minutes till. “Thank you so much, Katie. I’m so sorry I have you involved in this.” I waved toward Daniel’s building, feeling guilty that I was putting her in this situation once again.
“Pssh.” She shrugged my concerns off, turning and giving me a quick hug. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to see you like this.” She laughed. “Plus, Nicholas is pissed, right? I mean, how much better could this night get?”
I chuckled and shook my head as I gathered my things. “Yeah. Let’s just pray he doesn’t show up at your house tonight.” I stepped onto the curb and leaned in to thank her again before she took off.
I rushed upstairs and rang the doorbell. Almost immediately, Daniel swung the door open as if he’d been waiting on the other side. He wore black dress pants and a maroon button up, the sleeves rolled up his forearms. He never ceased to take my breath away. Smiling, he didn’t hesitate to pull me into his arms.
“Hi.” I pulled back to see his face, grinning at the joy I found.
“Hey, beautiful.” He tugged at one of the curls that brushed against my shoulder as he raked his eyes down my body. He grinned as he took in my charcoal gray cowl neck sweater and black skinny pants. They rested a beat longer on my favorite stiletto boots. “You look stunning.”
“Thank you.” I loved that he noticed. He was the only one I’d ever wanted to impress.
He grabbed his keys and wallet from the small table beside the door and tucked me into his side. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” Really, I couldn’t wait.
With Daniel next to me, the forty-minute drive passed faster than I could have imagined. We pulled up in front of the most beautiful house I’d ever seen, both grand and humble. Only the group of people waiting on the portico were more captivating.
I’d anticipated being timid and unsure of myself, insecure of what my place would be, but as soon as I saw their faces, I was gone. My hand was on the door handle before the car came to a complete stop. I hurled myself out and raced into Julia’s waiting arms. We crushed each other in our embrace, barely aware that we were both crying and laughing at the same time. It felt amazing to hold this woman who meant so much to me—this woman who had long ago become my mother. We pulled back, just enough to look at each other, to take in the change.
She was every bit as beautiful as she’d always been, her age only adding to her grace. She stepped back and took both of my hands in hers, inspecting me. It reminded me of the way a new mother would take her baby and look her over, count her fingers and toes to make sure she was complete. She pulled me back into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered.
I nodded against her and squeezed her once more before turning to Patrick, who’d been standing patiently at her side. I grinned up at him as he reached for me. “Hi, Patrick.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Welcome home, Melanie.”
As I stood up, I wiped the tears from my eyes before focusing on Erin, who stood behind us. I knew it was taking everything she had to not to rush me and to give me a moment to reunite with the rest of the family. As soon as our faces met, though, neither of us could wait any longer. “I can’t believe you’re really here,” she said, holding me close.
“Shall we head inside? Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.” Julia brushed her fingers over the back of my hand and turned to lead everyone inside, smiling at me over her shoulder as she walked through the door.
I hugged myself as I watched my family follow her inside. Sometimes this still didn’t seem real.
I dried the last of my tears as I prepared to share a table with them. I sensed him, and I turned to meet the hazel eyes that were burning into the back of my head. Daniel’s face was indescribable—breathtaking—as if he’d just seen paradise from where he stood at the bottom of his parents’ steps. I reached out to him, my fingers extended, the energy flowing freely in the space between us. His mouth twisted up at the corners as I silently asked him to be by my side. I turned to walk inside, but he stopped me, taking my face in his hands.
He stared intently at me, placing a firm, closed-mouth kiss against my lips. “Thank you.”
I beamed up at him and ran the back of my hand over his smooth cheek and down his neck. I nodded in slow acceptance, because while I could object and tell him that I should be the one thanking him, that I was the one benefitting from it all, I knew he was every bit as grateful for my return to this family as I was.
We stepped inside, and I couldn’t help but stand in awe. The house was incredible, a perfect flow of past and present as if a person could walk through a museum and still feel at home. I absolutely loved that Julia shared my penchant for antiques. Daniel chuckled and pulled me forward when the particularly charming sideboard in the foyer distracted me. “We’ll explore later,” he whispered.
I smiled meekly. “Sorry.”
The others had already found their seats when we entered the dining room. The conversation was loud and carefree as dishes were passed and plates were filled. When I saw that Julia had made my favorite chicken dish, I cast her a meaningful look across the table. She shrugged though she couldn’t hide her smile, clearly gratified I’d noticed her display of affection.
My attention darted back and forth over the table. Everyone took turns sharing stories and filling me in on everything I’d missed in the last nine years. The table was filled with near constant laughter and mirth. The mood only darkened for a few moments when Patrick told of how he had lost his beloved aunt two years before.
I never felt uncomfortable—not once. I’d thought perhaps I would feel somewhat like an outsider, like the second-wife who’d never quite fit in. Instead, it was as if a place at this table had been sitting empty while they awaited my return.
Daniel’s touch was never far—his hand on my knee, intertwined with my own, woven through my hair, resting on my neck.
I didn’t miss the way his family watched his every move. Patrick’s eyes widened when Daniel offered up a different version of the story Erin told, teasing that she could never tell a story without exaggerating it. Patrick’s contented expression only grew with each story that they told. Whenever Daniel laughed, Julia become nearly delirious as if she were hearing music for the very first time. And Erin, wh
ile she’d always been one of the happiest people I knew, I’d never seen her like this. She absolutely glowed.
It was then I realized this dinner wasn’t just welcoming me back but Daniel as well.
For dessert, Julia served coffee and her homemade apple pie. We all fell into a relaxed state, our bodies sated. The easy conversation continued as we sat and sipped our coffee.
Daniel leaned in and whispered in my ear, “You ready for that tour now?”
I grinned, and he stood to help me to my feet. He led me from room to room, giving me time to explore everything. I loved all that Julia had done to create such an amazing home, but I honestly was more drawn to the photos in each room. Some were familiar, ones of Daniel and Erin as children, and it was heartwarming to see them again, jogging old memories of stories I’d heard about their youth. Then there were those I’d never seen, ones of things I’d missed—family vacations, Daniel’s graduation from medical school, past Christmases—each a glimpse of a time that had simply stood still for me.
What struck me most was the expression on Daniel’s face in every single one, each depicting an empty, hollow man.
Daniel was patient while I examined everything, each piece holding a story that he was happy to share. It was obvious Julia never purchased anything unless it touched her in some way.
Daniel stood behind me with his chin resting on my shoulder, telling me about the painting his parents had acquired on their last trip to Europe for their thirtieth anniversary. It hung proudly on the wall in the upstairs study. It was mesmerizing, capturing the life-long love affair of an aging couple. “I guess Dad saw it and looked at Mom and said, we’re half way there, and she had to have it.”
I couldn’t imagine a better anniversary gift, one that was a testament to the love they’d shared and a promise of what was still to come.
The energy swelled between us, both of us caught up in the hope of that kind of love, the kind that Patrick and Julia shared, the kind that lasted forever.
