by Casey Crisp
“You don’t mind if I text you?”
I gave a distracted confirmation, whipping my head to the side when the door to the gym opened to reveal Brynn and Nicole. “Tomorrow,” Ryder said, briefly acknowledging my sisters before leaving the three of us at the gymnasium entrance.
“Rose!” Nicole giggled, grabbing my arm and tugging on it excitedly. “You and Ryder are adorable.”
“Knock it off!” I sighed before quickly locating our car in the mostly vacant parking lot. “It’s just lunch.”
Brynn offered nothing in response to our conversation, simply climbing into the backseat to glare out the window as she often did after our practices. I studied my sister in the rearview mirror, noting the dark circles shadowing her eyes. “How about some music?” Nicole offered, messing with the radio and allowing it to fill our silence.
The ride home felt much shorter than usual, and I devised that it probably had something to do with how much I was dreading my impending conversation with Brynn. That is, if we even managed to have a conversation together. I fully expected to be greeted with silence and a possible glare before she stormed back to her own room.
“Brynn?” I hesitantly inquired as we lingered around the living room.
She stopped to look back at me. “What?”
“Can I talk to you in my room?”
Brynn nodded her consent, which meant that I would get the chance to vocalize my concerns. Cautiously, I led the way to my bedroom, and I waited for Brynn to make herself comfortable on top of my bed before I let out a sigh. “Do you remember Andrew?”
Brynn’s eyes widened, but she never acknowledged my question. “Do you remember how hard it was to talk to me after what he did?” Another nod. “And do you remember how you felt? When your older sister insisted on keeping everything locked up inside without telling anyone what happened?”
I didn’t receive any indication this time, only Brynn’s suffocating stillness. “Brynn? Didn’t it bother you? I always said that I was okay, but I really suffered. I couldn’t forget what he did to make me hurt inside. He weighed on my mind constantly, and I regret the way I refused help from my friends and family. I wish I had been more open with someone I trusted. Someone like you.”
Brynn swallowed hard, speaking out loud for the first time. “I told you about what happened with Jonathan.”
“I know,” I agreed sadly. “But something else happened too, right? With Alex?”
Brynn’s whole body went rigid at the mention of his name. “Brynn,” I murmured. “Did Alex hurt you?”
Brynn closed her eyes, heaving out a sigh as a single tear fell down her cheek. “He didn’t do anything, but I still wanted him.”
“What do you mean?”
Brynn sniffled, opening her eyes that were dancing with moisture. “I wanted Alex to do something, but he only made me feel worthless. He told me that he wanted me, but he also didn’t want to be with me...I’ve never felt more confused in my whole life.”
I processed this new information, grappling with the idea that Brynn apparently possessed deeper feelings for Alex than I had originally perceived. “Brynn,” I cautiously ventured. “Are you upset because Alex rejected you?”
Brynn nodded, looking down at her hands folded neatly in her lap. “When he said that he wanted me, I realized that I wanted something more from him. I was willing to do whatever he wanted, even after everything that happened with Jonathan.”
“What made him say that?”
“I don’t know? Alex told me that he didn’t date girls like me, but then he kissed me and danced with me and I didn’t really know what he felt anymore. I hated how much I wanted him.” Brynn sucked in a deep breath. “I really hate Alex, and I hate his friends. I hate that they can play with someone’s feelings like it’s a game. V does it to Aria all the time and Beckett’s messing with Nicole’s head about the whole formal thing....” Brynn suddenly paused and I watched her whole body shake with her rising hysteria. “I wish they would all go away.”
I was relieved when I heard Brynn vocalize her feelings, even if they were laced with an undeniable bitterness. But I understood why she was confused. I would feel the same way if the boy that I liked was sending me all those mixed signals. As for her frustrations with the others? They were certainly justifiable. For example, Aria was a close friend who didn’t deserve to experience any kind of pain, and Nicole was still so innocent. It was only natural that she cared about them, especially when she had been hurt to the point where she treated Alex and his friends with equal disdain. They would need to prove her wrong, and I had my own reservations concerning whether or not they could manage to redeem their mistakes.
“I heard what happened with Chrystian today,” I continued. “Do you think he’s like the others?”
“I know he is!” Brynn practically glowered. “You have to remember his relationship with Isaeblla.”
I accepted her explanation, even if I didn’t share her opinion. “Aria told me that Chrystian and Alex are fighting over you, so I guess that means Venir has plans to intervene. If you want, I can tell Aria what you told me and she can get him to forget everything.”
“I don’t want to deal with him.”
“I’ll fix it!” I promised, taking a moment to savor this new closeness with my younger sister. “I don’t want you to ignore your feelings. I made the same mistake, and I never intend to do it again. I mean, if you can’t trust your sisters, then who can you trust?”
“I think I understand,” Brynn said, burying her tear-streaked face into my side. “Thank you, Rose.”
“I’m always here,” I whispered.
It was the first step in what I perceived as a long process towards healing. A broken heart was no small matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as anything less than unyielding in its constant pain. And perhaps that meant so much more when the heartbroken person was as stubborn as someone like Braelynn Starr.
Brynn
After my conversation with Rose, I still saw them between classes at Arlington, but I easily controlled my feelings. For example, I stopped noticing his betrayal when I saw Jonathan, I no longer felt confusion and hatred when I saw Alex, and I lost my suspicions around Chrystian. Instead, I felt something akin to indifference and that was fine with me. It was better than being consumed by all those nasty emotions, and I felt a pleasant lightness like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
My intention was to avoid our school’s Student Council representatives, and that was simple enough because I was rather adept at avoidance. You see, distancing myself from the source of my pain allowed me to focus on myself and heal my broken heart. It was enough to restore normality to my chaotic existence, and I wasn’t the only one who felt satisfied with my transformation. As such, I couldn’t stand the idea of thinking about the dark hole that had started to swallow any semblance of happiness in my life. However, as more time passed safely away from its clutches, I slowly started to feel the steady effects of complacency.
“Brynn,” Nicole whined, interrupting my thoughts. “What are you doing for the winter formal?
“Rose said that I could stay with her and Ryder.”
Nicole gave me a disapproving look. “You shouldn't be a third wheel with them. There’s plenty of boys who would agree to go with you.”
“I don’t think so,” I told her sternly, ignoring the way she rolled her eyes. “Unless you want sullen Brynn to make another appearance.”
Nicole sighed. “You drive a hard bargain, two-face.”
“Don’t joke about that.”
“Fine, but you know I’m right.”
“What about you?” I asked. “Have you told Beckett to finally leave you alone?”
“I can’t do that because I owe him a favor.”
“Well, tell him that you aren’t comfortable. He’ll undoubtedly have another stupid request for you.”
“I just want to get it out of the way,” Nicole insisted, brushing aside my concerns. “Besid
es, I’m only a freshman! I’ll have three more formal opportunities before I graduate.”
I shrugged mindlessly. “It’s not that interesting. Just a bunch of horny teenagers looking for an excuse to dance with each other.”
“That’s not entirely true!” Nicole grimaced. “I’m sure that there are plenty of students who have someone they really care about. They just want to be with that person.”
“To hook-up in one of the bathrooms,” I noted, laughing at the outraged look on my sister’s face.
“I figured that you wouldn’t care about something like this. It’s certainly not your type of scene.”
“Yeah? And what is my type of scene?”
“Eating unhealthy food and oversleeping whenever you get the opportunity,” Nicole stated in a flat tone.
“Maybe you’re right,” I conceded. “I’ll just stay at home while you and Rose go out and indulge in sin.”
“You can’t do that, Brynn!” Nicole pouted. “You’re graduating next year. You should take advantage of every high school experience that you can.”
“For some reason, I don’t feel like I’m missing out,” I said. “In fact, I’ll probably enjoy it more by not being there.”
Nicole seemed fully prepared to passionately defend her argument, but she abruptly paused before nodding at something over my shoulder. I slowly turned around and saw Isabella as she walked in our direction. "I wonder if Isabella has broken down and begged for Chrystian.” My sister snickered.
I frowned when her words stirred something unpleasant inside of me. Meanwhile, Isabella stopped next to our table, eyes narrowing slightly. “Hi, girls,” she greeted us, like we were long-time friends instead of wary acquaintances.
“What’s up, Isabella?” Nicole asked, and to anyone else her tone would seem friendly, but I knew my sister better than most.
“May I join you?” Isabella asked and I tried not to laugh as Nicole immediately scooted further into the booth. She was always eager for good gossip.
Isabella cleared her throat before directing a tight-lipped smile in my direction. “How are you feeling, Brynn? I heard about what happened between you and Jonathan.”
So did the whole school.
“I’m good,” I replied, maintaining a neutral expression when I detected a hint of hostility to her rigid posture.
“I know Chrystian asked you to the formal,” she continued, tapping her well-manicured nails against the table. “Did you know that he and I broke up?”
This was certainly not a topic that I wanted to discuss with Isabella. “He did,” I said because there was no reason to lie. “I told him that I wasn’t interested.”
“I heard about your argument.” Isabella nodded. “I had no idea that he was into you. He never expressed interest before.”
“It was sudden.” I chuckled while distinct memories played out in my head that would prove her to the contrary.
“He was so upset when you turned him down,” Isabella remarked, looking at me in a way that I could only describe as searching. “Did you know that?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t spoken to him in a while.”
“Did you know about Chrystian’s fight with Alex? They were both quite vocal when it came to you.”
I glanced over at Nicole whose eyes were darting back and forth between me and Isabella with apprehension. “No,” I replied quietly. “Nobody told me.”
“They won’t even talk to one another,” Isabella said. “Imagine two best friends becoming enemies because they both have feelings for the same girl. How special you’ve become, Brynn.”
“Why are you doing this?” I snapped at her, dismissing all restraint to remain civil.
“I have a good explanation,” Isabella responded coolly. “I think you owe them a choice. It might be the only way to end their meaningless argument. However, I also suggest that you think carefully about choosing Chrystian because he doesn’t deserve to be with someone who broke his heart.”
“Is this your not so subtle way of telling me to back off, Isabella?”
She gave me a dainty shrug. “What do you think?”
“You want to know what I think?” I asked, rivaling her sugary-sweet tone. “I think you need to mind your own business.” Isabella was affronted, huffing out a sigh as I added, “I don’t give a fuck about Alex and Chrystian. For all I care, you can have them both.”
Isabella stood up at once as if she was unable to resist dramatizing our conversation. “You don’t belong in their world.”
It was her final word on the subject, and I observed her raging figure before looking at Nicole. “What the hell was her problem?”
Nicole shrugged, but her gaze was distant. “Do you really hate them that much, Brynn?”
“I’d be fine never speaking to Alex or Chrystian again. In fact, their friends are ridiculous and that includes your precious Beckett. He’s just as bad as the rest of them, and I just hope that you aren’t the next Starr sister with a broken heart.”
Nicole narrowed her eyes. “I can take care of myself, and I don’t plan to do anything with Beckett.”
“I see the way he keeps a new girl on his arm every week. He’s not somebody who you should entertain.”
“I get the point.”
“I mean, it’s fine going to the formal, but I think you need to keep a close eye on him.”
“And I suppose that you’ll try and interfere with Aria and V’s relationship?” Nicole asked with a much louder tone than she intended, frowning in her disapproving manner.
“When Aria asks me for advice, I’m not afraid to tell her that she deserves better.”
***
If a conversation with my sister was considered foreshadowing, then I had my explanation for why Venir cornered me in the hallway while I was walking to my afternoon basketball practice. He was positively incensed as he slammed his hand against the wall, effectively blocking my path. I glared up at him, and I was not intimidated by the look that he was aiming back in my direction. I knew most people would immediately submit to such dominance, but I refused to accommodate Venir Rensselaer. “Who do you think you are?” he asked and his tone was thick with anger.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve been on my radar recently,” Venir reported with a sneer, “and that’s not a good place to be.”
“Is this a warning?” I retorted, rolling my eyes at his subjugation.
Venir chuckled, but it was completely void of humor. “Look, I don’t usually do this kind of thing. There aren’t many people who deserve a warning when they piss me off, so consider yourself lucky.”
“I don’t really feel lucky!” I snorted. “What’s the problem? Did I do something wrong?”
“Where do I start? Because it wasn’t so bad when Alex was brooding,” Venir explained. “I’ve see it happen before, when we were younger and some stupid bitch broke his heart. He got over it, and I figured that he would get over this too.”
The mention of Alex was enough to get my blood boiling. “I got over him pretty quickly, so I imagine that he’ll feel the same way.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy!” Venir snapped. “Especially since you've also managed to ruin Chrystian! I won't lie and tell you that we never fight, but to the extent that I witnessed between Alex and Chrystian? Beckett and I had to physically intervene to keep them from doing something they’d regret. I guess that’s when I started to ask questions, and all the answers pointed to you, but I was generous and asked Aria to handle it.”
“Rose told Aria everything, so you know the truth.”
“That might have been enough, but then you started sticking your nose in my personal life! Beckett told me that he overheard you and Aria having a conversation about our relationship. So, listen carefully, Starr, because I will get involved if you keep filling her head with lies-”
Venir abruptly paused and I could tell that he was fighting to keep himself composed. It was too late though, he showed me t
he cracks in his armor. “I love Aria,” Venir said. “Just because you had a nasty experience with Alex doesn’t mean that the rest of us are any reflection of him. I would never do anything to hurt her, which is why I won’t stand aside and let you do this.”
He leaned in closer, obviously enraged. “Do you know why I never confronted Aria about her argument with Sydney? The one everyone tried to hide from me? I knew about it before your team returned home from that ridiculous tournament. The only reason I kept quiet was because I knew how much Aria wanted to get along with her teammates, and she was really excited about meeting you and your sisters. I thought that you could help Aria stay out of trouble when it came to Sydney Black, so I welcomed you into our group with open arms. But I’m beginning to regret that very much! Especially when you try to take Aria away from me!”
I held his gaze with unflinching determination. “As long as Aria keeps asking me for advice, I’ll keep giving it to her.”
“Is that so?” Venir asked, and I involuntarily shivered at the coldness in his dark eyes. “Then you and I are going to have problems, Starr. I don’t care if Alex doesn’t like it! I won’t let you destroy the one good thing in my life!”
“Alex doesn’t care!” I immediately objected. “He made that very clear.”
Venir let out an irritated sigh. “Then you’re blind and stupid, but I don’t want to get myself involved in Alex’s business. I know better than that.”
“Well, good for you,” I huffed sarcastically. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have practice.”
“I’m keeping an eye on you, Starr,” Venir called out to my retreating figure, but I shook my head and kept walking. “You’re lucky that I tolerated the three of you in the first place. If it were up to me, then the Starr sisters would’ve already been kicked out and sent packing to your old shithole.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, trying not to let his warning affect me, even as its ominous implications slowly ate away at my resolve.
