by Casey Crisp
I fought against the growing lump in my throat, swallowing hard around the words that wanted to expel themselves from my guilty conscience. “Why did you want to meet me, Chrystian?”
His next words were unexpected, and I found myself leaning forward from my spot on the barstool. “I want to tell you about how I fell in love with Isabella.”
But this story had an unhappy ending, and I already knew all the details. Aria had told me enough about Chrystian’s never-ending relationship with Isabella, and I didn’t really understand the point of revisiting a tired narrative. However, I also remembered Jerome’s advice to just sit back and listen, which is exactly what I did.
“I met Isabella when we were younger. She was neighbors with Venir, and I remember how we always wanted to hang out together. I think she was very lonely living with just her parents, and she wanted to know what it was like to have friends.” Chrystian cleared his throat, and his gentle honey-brown eyes were lost in the past. “At first, we thought we were too cool to hang out with another girl, and Alex was especially adamant that we exclude her from our group.”
I didn’t miss the way Chrystian’s voice caught on Alex’s name, but I didn’t comment on it either. “We all warmed up to her because Isabella was very persistent. She had a crush on Beckett and we all liked to pick on him.” Chrystian’s smile was soft and I gave him one of my own because Chrystian was hard to resist in his moments of vulnerability. “Isabella attended a different private school, but I never realized how important that separation was before.”
At his sudden pause, I urged him to continue. “When did you two start dating?”
“Middle school,” he replied. “I thought Isabella was different from the other girls. She was just as beautiful, but she always had this confidence that made me want to know more. I asked her out in the seventh grade by writing her a note. I snuck it into her locker and waited until Isabella showed it to me. She told me that we could only date if I got a haircut, so I cut my hair short because I really thought that she would like me more.”
He paused again, but this time, Chrystian’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “We broke up the first time when she found out that I was going to Arlington. Her scores were too low for Arlington’s standards and she was jealous. That should’ve been enough for me to realize that she was obviously unworthy of my time. A considerate girlfriend would be proud of my accomplishments, even if she couldn’t share in them.”
“How did she get into Arlington?” I asked, wincing at the sudden anger clouding Chrystian’s expression.
“I didn’t know until just recently, but apparently she had been planning it with Beckett’s grandfather since he could get her into the school.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and I hadn’t seen her in over a year because her family moved away, which is why we broke up for a second time,” Chrystian explained. “She called me a week before her family was planning to move back and told me that she had gotten into Arlington. She asked me to pick her up at the airport. I’m sure you remember that day.”
“I didn’t know who you were meeting,” I said, and it was strange when I realized that I had become intertwined with Chrystian’s story. “But I remember.”
“When I heard that she was moving back, I didn’t know how to react. We hadn’t spoken much during the year that she was gone, but that time apart allowed me to realize that I could actually exist without Isabella in my life. I also discovered that I no longer loved her, and it made me wonder if I had ever really loved her before?” Chrystian closed his eyes, shaking his head. “When I was a kid, I loved her because I thought that she was different, but I was really young and ignorant. I had a stupid perception of love, and Isabella was beautiful and she was an important part of our childhood. I became addicted to her like a drug, but she was toxic because it was our differences that hurt us, no matter how much we tried to deny it.”
“But you two started dating again when she came back,” I said, and I heard the pain in his voice.
“Isabella was gone for a long time, so I mistakenly read her indifference as interest. I felt something strange when I saw her again, and I thought that it was a good thing, but I was wrong about my feelings. It wasn’t until I met you that I started to think differently,” he said and his unwavering attention was disorienting. “You’re just like me, Brynn, and I started to fall for you. Suddenly, everything from my childhood was completely wrong. I realized that love didn’t necessarily mean that you had to meet someone different from you because I met a girl who reminded me of myself in so many different ways.”
“You changed your mind about Isabella?”
“I thought the answer was you, until everything happened with Alex.”
“I didn’t sleep with Alex that night, Chrystian. He was lying at the formal.”
“I know,” he said, stunning me back into silence. “Alex told me after Kyle forced us to have a heart to heart or whatever.”
“A heart to heart?” I couldn’t resist smirking at the idea of the two boys sharing their most intimate feelings together.
Chrystian matched my smile. “Have you ever been forced to talk to someone you hate in the back of your friend’s car?”
I knew that it was meant to be a joke to lighten the mood, but I found myself stuck on one word. “You hate Alex?”
Chrystian’s smile was gone in an instant. “That wasn’t the right thing to say.”
“Please don’t hate him,” I said, earning me a questioning look. “Don’t hate someone you’ve known your whole life over a girl you just met.”
“We didn’t just meet,” Chrystian objected, but his tone lacked conviction as if he had already seen the logic behind my words.
In the proceeding silence, I thought about Chrystian’s history with Isabella. Because I found it profoundly interesting that someone had thought about love with such a narrow perspective. Actually, after hearing Chrystian’s explanation, I realized that he still thought about love as one-dimensional, even if he claimed that he was making progress. “What else did you talk about in your heart to heart?”
Chrystian shrugged. “We actually didn’t talk much, but we’re both stubborn. I didn’t think I had much in common with Alex until now.”
“Why did Alex lie?”
Chrystian sighed. “Alex likes to brag about his girlfriends. I thought that’s what he was doing at first, but I didn’t understand why he would lie when it involved one of Aria’s friends. What good would that do?” Chrystian’s leading question made me wonder just how much he had thought about Alex’s behavior. “Alex might be really horrible sometimes, but he doesn’t lie, which is why I was really confused.”
“Have you figured it out?”
Chrystian leaned forward on his stool as if wholly invested in what he was about to say. “I guess Alex thought that he could keep you away from me by lying.”
“But he ended up telling you the truth,” I pointed out. “I mean, I also wanted to tell you everything, but I was such a coward.”
“You’re not a coward, Brynn,” Chrystian insisted firmly. “But you made a good point. Alex is usually selfish, so I know how important you are if he’s capable of letting go.”
“What do you mean?”
“Alex cares about you, Brynn, and he doesn’t just see you as something that he wants. I mean, he really likes you, and if he’s willing to be honest, then I guess he thinks you’re worth a fair fight. Because I know Alex is willing to play dirty when he feels like it.”
I was stunned by his revelation, and it was like I was having an out-of-body experience in which I was no longer completely present. Yet, at the same time, I knew that if I could just blink again, then everything would be back to normal. Subsequently, I managed to blink twice before finding the right words. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I made the mistake of saying that Alex didn’t deserve you,” Chrystian began, “I think I was wrong, and as much as I really like you, as much as you�
�ve helped me move past Isabella, I think you would be better with Alex.”
“Why?”
Chrystian relented a smile. “I think Alex can challenge you and make you better, and I can’t play that same part in your life. It would be very selfish, especially since I know that you’ve made Alex into a better person.”
“He’s still intolerable,” I whined and Chrystian chuckled.
“Alex is a very complicated person. He’s certainly a lot more than what most people like to give him credit for.”
“You make it sound like he’s misunderstood.”
“Well, his reputation doesn’t help.”
“Mine isn’t much better.”
“That really doesn’t matter because you’ve still managed to help me and Alex become better people. For that, I’m glad to have known Braelynn Starr.”
I was grateful for his expression of gratitude, even as my own heart continued to express conflicting emotions. “Alex doesn’t even do relationships. He told me about his ex-girlfriend and how much she hurt him.”
“I think he might be willing to do relationships again.” Chrystian grinned. “With the right person, of course.”
I sighed at his insinuation. “What should I do?”
“I think you should talk to Alex.”
“He’s been texting me,” I informed him quietly.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Chrystian said. “Brynn, tell Alex that you want to meet him. He deserves to be heard.”
“I know.”
“He won’t do anything stupid,” Chrystian reassured me. “Trust me, I don’t think Alex wants to hurt you again.”
“Oh? I guess he finally admitted that he hurt me before,” I grumbled.
“I think we both have.” Chrystian sighed. “I’m sorry about everything that happened at the formal, Brynn. You didn’t deserve that.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m also sorry for what I said to you when you invited me to the formal. I think it was a little harsh.”
“A little?” Chrystian’s eyes widened almost comically.
“Fine,” I muttered. “It was really rude but I wasn’t in a good place.”
Chrystian’s gaze was sympathetic. “How do you feel now?”
“I’m willing to talk to Alex, aren’t I?”
“That’s not exactly reassuring.” He chuckled. “But I hope we can still be friends.”
“Who else will criticize my writing?” I asked him while reaching into my pocket to grab my cell phone.
“Does that mean you’ll eat lunch with me tomorrow?”
“How can I deny you after that mushy conversation we just had?” I asked, typing in Alex’s contact to pull up our recent messages.
“You can always say no.”
Alex: Brynn, you saw the worst of me tonight and for that I’m sorry. I want to make it up to you. Let’s talk soon, please?
“I think I should stop turning people away.”
Brynn: When do you want to meet?
Rose
“It’s almost time for the state playoffs,” Miranda began, walking back and forth across the court. “We’re expected to earn a high seed in the tournament, but with exams starting soon, it’s going to be hard to practice. Why? Because the state won’t allow us to practice during exams, but it certainly doesn’t mean that the gym is suddenly off-limits. If you have the time, then perhaps you might consider scrimmaging with your teammates. You won’t have time to warm-up once we start our regular practices again.”
“Coach, when will the playoffs start?”
“They’ll have the brackett decided by the beginning of February. Tournament play will commence as soon as it’s released.”
Sydney raised her hand next, glancing over at Brynn. “Coach, do you know who you’ll be starting for the tournament?”
I could feel Brynn’s mounting frustration collected in one hostile glare thrown in Sydney’s direction. “That will be determined soon,” came Miranda’s intentionally vague response before she quietly adjourned our practice session.
Unfortunately, it was no secret that my sister’s personal affairs were starting to impact her performances on the court. Because even Brynn was perfectly aware of her slow retrogression. Honestly, it frustrated me just as much since I was unable to intervene.
Accordingly, Nicole and I were both determined when we confronted Brynn who regarded the two of us with a defensive posture. “Yes?”
“What’s wrong with you?” Nicole started bluntly, dismissing any attempts to remain considerate of our sister’s feelings.
“Don’t worry about it,” Brynn replied, but it only served to amplify Nicole’s irritation.
“Do you want to lose your starting spot to Sydney?” Nicole hissed. “How do you plan to attract college recruiters on the bench?”
“Let’s not go that far!” I inserted myself between my two sisters, bristling at one another like cats. “Brynn, I thought you talked to Chrystian?”
“I did!” Brynn sighed and she suddenly appeared nervous. “Alex is the one who’s bothering me. I agreed to meet with him after practice.”
“Perfect!” Nicole declared. “That’s what I’ve been saying all along.”
Brynn rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been on top of my game, but I’m not doing it on purpose.”
“It’s a problem that you need to solve, but it happened at the worst time.”
“Is Alex picking you up?” Nicole asked, and I groaned at the familiar look in her eyes. The look that she always got when she was particularly enchanted by a new piece of information.
“Yes,” Brynn muttered. "That means you can’t come, Nicole.”
“Hey! I’m not the one jeopardizing our chances of winning a state championship.”
Brynn ignored Nicole’s comment, jerking her head towards the door. “You’ll have to find your own ride home.”
“Skyla will be more than happy to take me home,” Nicole insisted haughtily, and I waited until she made her dramatic exit before attempting civil conversation.
“Will you be okay going somewhere with Alex alone?”
“I don’t have much choice,” Brynn grumbled, adjusting the duffle bag over her shoulder. “I’m meeting him on his terms.”
“And his terms require a trip down the highway?” I asked.
“I don’t think he can make things worse.”
“Then we have very different opinions of him,” I remarked, and I leaned in closer to make sure that my words were only heard by Brynn. “Aria told me that she overheard Alex talking to Venir about you earlier. I think Alex made his intentions clear.”
Brynn didn’t appear concerned by this information. “I’m well aware of how Alex feels about me.”
“Are you?” I asked, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on my sister’s shoulder. “Call me if he abandons you on the side of the road?”
Brynn softened at my failed attempt at humor. “I don’t think Alex would do that to me.”
“Intuition?”
“Call it an educated guess.”
“On what basis?”
Brynn sighed, suddenly distracted by a notification on her phone. I watched as her eyes narrowed at something on the screen. “On the basis of a friend’s suggestion,” she replied distantly. “I’ll see you at home.”
I watched Brynn leave with an unsettling sensation of uncertainty burrowing its way into the center of my chest. Because my sister always deserved the best, but she was only seeing the worst that life had to offer. For that reason alone, I was immensely sorry for everything that she had endured.
***
Ryder was already waiting in the parking lot, sunglasses perched attractively on the edge of his nose. “It’s almost dark out,” I said, sliding into the front seat next to him.
He laughed. “What are you trying to say?”
I shrugged, rubbing my hands together as I fought against the cold. “I can’t wait for spring.”
“Do you want me to turn the heat
up?” he asked, but I shook my head, choosing instead to stuff my hands into the loose pockets of my coat. Meanwhile, Ryder reached over to turn down the radio. “I saw Brynn getting into a car with Alex.”
I nodded. “She told me that she was going with him.”
“And you’re okay?” Ryder asked, and I laughed at his confusion.
“It’s a long story,” I said. “But I think Brynn will be fine.”
“You seem confident,” Ryder agreed, turning over the ignition before shifting his car into reverse. “Is it cool if we go to my house?”
“That’s fine,” I said, pulling out my phone to send a quick message to my mother and Jerome. “Was your coach as ruthless about state playoffs as Miranda was?”
Ryder let out a low noise of affirmation. “We won the championship last year, so there’s a lot of expectations for our team to win again.”
“That is a lot of pressure,” I remarked. “Just out of curiosity, what’s it like to win a championship?”
“You’ve never won before?”
“We never had the right opportunity,” I admitted. “You need a team where you can form a strong enough bond with the other players to win something like that.”
“You’re surprisingly wise today,” Ryder murmured distractedly, slowly easing out into the heavy traffic congesting the busy highway. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your expectations.”
“I don’t really have any,” I said, waiting patiently for him to explain.
“I won’t lie to you, Rose. Winning a championship is honestly great at the moment because you accomplished something incredible, but in the long-term, the feeling fades away and only leaves you wanting something bigger.”
“I thought it would be just as glorified as the films make it out to be.”
Ryder chuckled. “I guess after it initially happens, but those movies don’t really talk about what comes next. The excitement dies down and something else happens to distract everyone. I really don’t think that there’s anything much to brag about, especially when it’s really only in college where those accomplishments attract the most attention and prestige.”
I nodded at his explanation. “I guess you’re saying that we should intentionally lose our championship game?”
