by Chris Norton
“That’s my brother David,” I said.
“Oh, great,” he said with a relieved tone. I laughed. He must have thought it was my ex or some other guy I was interested in, especially since my brother’s photo popped up on the screen when he texted me. Chris must have seen it and jumped to all kinds of crazy conclusions. Thankfully it didn’t last long. I snuggled over next to him as the movie played. I can’t even remember what we watched because my mind wasn’t really on the movie.
About halfway through the movie, Chris asked, “Can I put my arm around you?”
I sort of smiled and said, “Yeah.”
I sat there waiting for a moment before Chris finally said, “Well, can you help me put it around you?”
“Oh, yeah,” I said. We both laughed as I picked up his hand and gently draped his arm around my shoulders. Later he kissed me again. The night was pretty much perfect.
CHRIS
I am not the kind of guy to fall fast for a girl, but with Emily I couldn’t help myself. She was everything I’d ever dreamed of. I liked her so much that I was afraid I might push her away. No girl wants a guy who comes across as desperate. Still, I wanted to see her the very next weekend. I can’t drive because of my injury, so if we were going to see each other, it was on her to visit me. I hated that and felt insecure that I couldn’t do typical things I’d always thought I should do in a relationship. A couple of days passed. We talked via FaceTime, which only made me want to see her more. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I swallowed my insecurities and asked her to come visit me at Luther.
I’d mostly kept quiet about Emily around my friends, but that week I slowly started mentioning her. But I played it cool. “Yeah, I’m talking to this girl, Emily. It sounds like she might come up this weekend. You guys can meet her if you’re around.”
My act didn’t work. All my friends knew this was a huge deal, and they were excited for me. “Wow, we’re going to meet a girl you’re talking to?” they said. “Must be serious.”
I could hardly wait for Friday to get there. But when the day came, Emily texted me with bad news. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to come,” she said. “My grandma is sick, and I have to visit her in Dubuque. I’m so sorry.”
I was crushed. A sick grandma is the oldest excuse in the book for blowing someone off. I thought, Maybe she’s making this up because she doesn’t want to come. She’s getting cold feet. She’s not really into me after all. I wondered what I would tell my friends.
I replayed our conversations in my head, looking for a sign I’d missed, but nothing added up. I had no doubt that our feelings were mutual. Why would she make up an excuse not to come? Perhaps she didn’t want things to get too serious. Just like in my hospital bed all those months ago, I found myself in that dark place, with all my deepest insecurities running through my mind. One setback and my worst fears came bubbling up again.
My thoughts were spiraling downward when she texted me again. “I really want to see you,” she said. “Is it okay if I drive up tonight? I know it will be late, but I don’t want to miss our visit.”
A wave of relief. The fact that she made it work was the best sign I could have hoped for. As it turned out, her grandmother really was sick, but she got better, which is why Emily drove on up to see me.
EMILY
About a month after we first met, I was visiting Chris at Luther and sitting on his lap in his dorm. We sit like that a lot so we can be close to one another without having to worry about transferring him to a sofa or love seat. We were having a normal conversation when it hit me that his positive mind-set was the most amazing gift anyone could have. He’d pushed himself to get through the most difficult things I could imagine. My eyes filled with tears as I gazed at him. I realized that as long as I had Chris in my life, everything was going to be okay. No matter what I would go through, I knew we’d get through it together. For the first time, I thought, I want to marry this guy someday.
CHRIS
As Emily and I grew closer, my insecurities didn’t go away. Everything was going too well. Something had to be wrong, I just knew it.
Several weeks after we met, I texted her around 9:00 on a Tuesday night. “Hey, what are you doing?” I asked her.
She responded, “I’m just chilling at a park.”
Her text caught me off guard. It was a cold night, not exactly your ideal park weather. I asked her why she was there, and I felt like she was hedging. She said, “I’m just in my car hanging out.”
Instantly, my mind flashed with all my worst fears. Oh no, I thought. She’s with someone else. I thought I was past the insecurity and was done trying to guard myself. Guess not. Immediately, I called her. When she picked up the phone, I could tell she’d been crying. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” she said, but her voice sounded hoarse.
“Come on, Emily. You can tell me. What’s wrong?”
She sighed. “I’m just thinking about all these kids out there who are hurting. This is something I think about often. I feel like I’m not doing as much as I could be doing. Before I moved to college, I mentored kids, taught Christian education classes, even ran a program called Girl Talk for middle school girls. I felt like I was making a huge impact for so many kids. But now . . . I feel like I’ve dropped the ball. There are hurting kids in Ames that I could help, but I’ve done nothing to even find out where I might be needed. I still talk to so many of the kids I mentored back home, especially Whittley . . . but I feel like there is more I could be doing.” Her voice broke as she started crying again.
Emily had spoken to me about her passion to help kids who have been placed in the foster care system. She was studying family services for that exact reason. I knew about her special relationship with Whittley, whom she loved. I did not doubt that the empathy she felt for children was real. But to be this randomly upset without a specific trigger? I didn’t buy it.
I proceeded carefully. “Really? That’s why you’re crying?” I hesitated, then continued. “Have you talked to your ex?”
“No,” she insisted. “I’m so done with that. All I’ve been thinking about is wanting to make a difference in the lives of kids who are hurting. I just want to know what I’m meant to do and how I can make the biggest impact.”
I was stunned. Her heart, her desire to make a difference was unreal. I’d certainly never felt that way. I’ve never seen anyone else cry because they didn’t think they were doing enough to help others. I realized how much she felt for others, and that made me admire her even more. Over time I’ve realized that because I’ve gone through a spinal cord injury, I’m not as empathetic as I once was. When you go through a traumatic experience, other things don’t rattle you as much. So to see Emily reveal her heart in this way made her even more attractive to me. Once again I saw what I’d known since the first night I met her—no matter how beautiful she was on the outside, her true beauty came from within.
EMILY
I wanted my family to be just as excited about Chris as I was. He was the best person I’d ever met and had the greatest attitude. At first, though, my parents and family couldn’t understand it. They thought I wasn’t thinking through what it would be like to be with someone who’s a quadriplegic. I knew they trusted me and thought he was a great guy and an incredible person, but they were worried I was caught up in the moment and not thinking through the logistics and the future. Plus, they knew my history of helping kids who were in trouble. I’m sure they thought I was doing the same thing with Chris.
I dreaded the whole meet-the-parents scenario because my mom and dad had not been shy about expressing their concerns. But after a few weeks of dating, Chris told me he and his friends were going to pass through Muscatine on their way to Ohio State. Chris had met Urban Meyer, the coach of the school’s football team, and gottten tickets to a game. “What would you think about me stopping by to meet your parents?” Chris asked.
“Definitely!” I said. “That would be great!” Ins
ide, though, I was super nervous. Would my mom and dad be able to look past the wheelchair and see Chris for who he really was? What were they going to think of him? Our relationship was pretty low-key at this point, but I could already picture a future with Chris. The fact that I really liked him raised the stakes of this first meeting.
It turned out I didn’t have to worry. That Friday night my parents greeted Chris with hugs and genuine smiles. “We’re so glad to meet you, Chris,” my mom said as she helped him inside.
Dad carried Chris’s bag and shook his friends’ hands. “Emily has told us so much about you.”
It was late, but we all sat around the kitchen table talking and eating chocolate chip cookies my mom had baked. My concerns melted away as I watched them all in the dim kitchen, laughing and smiling. True, it was mostly small talk, and I could tell they weren’t completely hooked yet, but it looked like they were on their way to seeing Chris the way I saw him.
“Well, he seems like a nice young man,” my mom said the next morning. It wasn’t the raving endorsement I’d hoped for, but I’d take it.
CHRIS
After a month, Emily and I were talking constantly and seeing each other every weekend. I tried to play it cool, but I knew I was in love with her. I also knew it was too early to say it. The last thing I wanted was to scare her away. One night Emily told me “I heart you,” which was pretty close to the real thing in my mind, so I started saying it to her after that. I know it sounds cheesy now, but she thought it was cute, and it was special to both of us.
There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted her to be my girlfriend. With all the time we spent together, it felt like she already was, but nothing was official. In early October, several weeks after we started talking, I got up the courage to ask her as she drove me in my van to Iowa City.
“What would you think if we made it official? Like, boyfriend and girlfriend?” I asked. I’ll fully admit that I’m not a romantic guy. I was doing my best, though.
I thought for sure she would smile and say yes. Instead, she was quiet. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for that,” she finally said. “It’s not that I don’t like you, but I just got out of a relationship, and it would look bad if I jumped right into something else. It’s too soon. I just don’t feel right about it yet.”
I played it off as if everything were fine and we could wait as long as she wanted, but inside I was crushed. I wondered if maybe she was embarrassed to be with me. We were obviously so close; what could be holding her back?
A couple of weeks later, I tried again. My foundation was having a fundraiser with at least two hundred people, and Emily was coming with me. We were in my dorm as I ironed out a few last-minute details.
“Are you about ready to go?” she asked, checking the time. I nodded and smiled at her. She looked so pretty standing there in her dress, her straight brown hair flowing down her back. I can’t believe I get to sit next to her tonight, I thought. I knew it was the right moment to ask the question I’d been dying to ask—again.
“There are going to be a lot of people at this thing,” I said. “So, when I introduce you to people . . . could I introduce you as my girlfriend?” I held my breath as I waited for her answer. She’d said no before. Would she say it again tonight?
To my relief, Emily just said, “Yeah, you can.”
It doesn’t exactly rank up there with the most romantic moments of all time. Emily still ribs me from time to time that I never really asked her to be my girlfriend. I got in on a technicality. That night, though, I didn’t care. My chest puffed with pride, and I fought back a grin every time I said, “This is my girlfriend, Emily.”
EMILY
I was definitely ready for Chris to ask me to be his girlfriend. We’d spent so much time together, and I was crazy about him. However, the way he asked still makes me laugh. He never actually said the words, “Will you be my girlfriend?” But I was into him enough that I let it slide.
Even though it already seemed like we were dating, I felt good knowing we were finally official. He must have introduced me as his girlfriend at least a dozen times that night at the foundation fundraiser. And every time I heard it, it felt so right.
That night was also a chance for me to see Chris in his element. I was blown away by the scale of that fundraiser. I’d never been to a foundation event, much less known someone who put the whole thing together. He was so determined to help people, and the fact that he was doing it successfully as a college student showed me that he’s not the kind of guy who’s all talk. If he wants something, he goes after it.
At this point we were still just saying “I heart you,” but in my heart it was much deeper than a cute saying. I loved his drive and passion, his positive attitude, and his dedication to helping others. I loved the way his eyes lit up when we saw one another. And I hated saying goodbye at the end of each visit. I wasn’t quite ready to name my feelings yet, but I knew they were stronger than anything I’d ever experienced.
8
Up to the Challenge
CHRIS
Once Emily and I finally became “official,” all my insecurities melted away. I stopped watching for signs that she didn’t want to be with me. At long last I could let my guard down and accept that this incredible woman, who was so beautiful inside and out, was into me.
But I still had one last hill to climb: I had not told her I loved her, even though I really wanted to. I’d never felt this way about anyone before. I was completely head over heels for her, and my feelings only grew stronger each time we were together. I could have told her I was falling in love with her two weeks after we first met. But telling a girl you are falling in love with her two weeks into a relationship is not usually a good move. If I blurted the words out too soon, I was sure I’d scare her away.
So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Even though I could not wait to tell Emily that I loved her, part of me could not bring myself to do it. I’d never said these words to a girl before. I took them too seriously to blurt them out to just anyone. When I told a girl I loved her, I wanted that girl to be “the one.” How could I know that Emily was the one after only eight weeks, much less two weeks? Before I met her, I’d have told you that the very idea was crazy. Now I only knew I was crazy about her, and I wanted to tell her how I felt. I didn’t know exactly what the right timing was, so I kept the words to myself week after week until the words were bubbling up inside me. I didn’t think I could hold them in much longer.
That weekend, Emily came to Luther College to hang out with me like she did most weekends. We went out with some of my friends that Saturday night, then came back to my dorm cluster (which is like a living room connected to six rooms) to watch a movie or talk or something. It kept getting later and later, but neither of us wanted to call it a night. Everyone else went to their rooms and were now sound asleep. I couldn’t think of sleep. When we got back to the dorm, a friend had transferred me to the couch and reclined the seat back. So Emily and I sat back together, my arm around her, her head on my shoulder. For hours we just sat and talked. By now it was 3:00 a.m. The words “I love you,” kept bouncing around in my head, but I told myself that the timing was all wrong. It was too late at night and too early in our relationship to make a big declaration. But my heart wouldn’t listen. It told me this was the moment I’d been waiting for.
My heart pounded as I cleared my throat. I had no idea if she felt the same way about me that I did about her. There was a good chance she didn’t, not yet at least. I knew she’d say something back. Emily is so honest that she’ll tell you exactly what she thinks. I didn’t know what I would say if she rejected me. I also didn’t know how I could keep these words to myself.
“I know this is crazy,” I whispered. “It’s probably way too early to say this, and you may not be quite there yet, but . . . I love you.”
EMILY
Chris’s words hung in the air. I could not speak. I wanted to a
nswer him and not leave him hanging, but I didn’t know how to respond. I knew what was in my heart, but how could I put that into words? Were my feelings truly love?
This would not be my first time saying I love you. I had told myself I wouldn’t say it again until I was sure that it was true love. But we’d only known each other for two months. Is that really enough time to know if you love someone? Chris sure seemed to know. Did I?
I sat there, not saying a word, as all these thoughts ran through my head. Silence is not what a guy expects when he says I love you. I had to say something before this became even more awkward.
“Honestly,” I said, then paused. “. . . I’m just not sure how to respond.” Okay, so that probably didn’t help, but I couldn’t take the silence anymore. “So, I’m definitely falling for you,” I reassured him. “You’re the strongest, most positive person I’ve ever met. I feel like you’ve already made me a better person just from my being around you.”
Chris didn’t say anything. He was probably wondering where I was going with this. I was kind of wondering the same thing. I’m a verbal processor, so I had to talk this out to figure it out. That’s not the most romantic way to answer someone who had just poured their heart out to you, but it’s what I needed.
“I miss you when I’m not with you,” I continued, “and I never want to leave when it’s time for me to go home. I can picture our future together, and I know that as long as I have you, everything’s going to be okay no matter what happens.”
Then it hit me. Whatever I’ve said to anyone else, and how early it was in our relationship—none of that mattered. My voice caught in my throat as I realized that everything I wanted was right there with me.
“You know what, Chris? I love you too.”
His face was a mixture of relief and joy. “You do?”
“I really do.”
