by Sharon Green
There were a lot of things Tain would have enjoyed saying a short while ago, but now she'd passed the point of believing those things would be satisfying - or would do any good. Killen was taking advantage of the situation to really enjoy himself, and there was nothing she could do to change matters.
"You can't mean there's nothing you can think of to say?" Killen teased after the silence had gone on for a minute or so, then Tain felt him shift where he was before his hand came to her middle to stroke gently. "If you're refraining from telling me how good I was to keep me from getting a swelled head, you have nothing to worry about. I've learned how to take overwhelming praise with all due modesty."
"You made it very clear that you don't want me saying things you prefer not to hear," Tain suddenly decided to tell him. But she kept her eyes closed as she spoke, not in the least interested in how he took her comment.
"No, what I tried to make clear was the way you're supposed to act, especially when other people are around," Killen corrected, the teasing quality gone from his voice and his hand now unmoving on her middle. "Are you trying to say you didn't enjoy that as much as I did?"
"What choice did I have?" Tain countered, making herself ignore the change in his voice. "I needed relief desperately because I was forced into needing it, not because I find you irresistible. And now I'm being forced to tell you that the insertion has finally stopped affecting me. I hope you'll excuse me if I don't celebrate the announcement."
"You're … probably just tired as well as stressed," Killen said after a short hesitation, his tone obviously trying for lightness now. "I know this situation isn't easy for you, so it will probably take you a while to notice how really great I am. We'll give it that while and then we'll talk again."
Tain opened her eyes when she heard him getting to his feet and saw him retrieve his body wrap and put it on. It was disturbing to think that Killen was disappointed in her reaction to the sex they'd shared, just as if he'd actually expected her to be as enthusiastic as he'd been. He couldn't really be that naive so chances were good that he was pretending, but why would he pretend?
Turning to her side on the blanket made it easier for Tain to think, which gave her the answer to her question in no more than a minute. Killen was responsible for getting her back to base in one piece, and if something … permanent happened to her he would be held responsible. Someone else would have relied on the orders he'd given her, but she now remembered that he'd tied her to a tree when they'd first stopped rather than rely on the way she was blindfolded and had her wrists behind her.
He's afraid I'll find a way to get around his orders, so he's decided to use suspenders and a belt, Tain thought, the concept perfectly clear. He's trying to make me think I mean more to him than I really do, an effort to tie me emotionally rather than with leather. His mistake was not being more subtle, but maybe that was a deliberate mistake. He somehow sensed that I would be more responsive to openness than game-playing, but I'm not going to be responsive to anything. I can't afford to be…
Tain closed her eyes again, hating to admit the truth even in the privacy of her own mind. From the first minute she'd seen Killen, she'd known he was a man she could get seriously involved with. But she didn't want to get involved with a man, not when she'd worked so hard to get where she was in her chosen profession. If she and Killen developed a serious relationship, one of them would have to leave the department. The rules were clear on the point, and it was one rule no one ever ignored. Once emotion entered the picture, intelligent efficiency of effort went right out the window.
And considering that people didn't change much no matter how technologically advanced the worlds got, she would be the one who would be made to leave. If she left the department on her own she'd have no trouble finding a home with people who did similar discreet work for the Union government, but being made to leave because of "personal reasons" would make trying to find another job like her original one a waste of time. Which was why she'd told Coleson that if he ever paired her with Killen she would quit on the spot.
Hiding behind closed eyes wasn't the comfort it should have been for Tain, but that didn't make her want to look at the world again. Part of her felt the urge to scream out that having to live alone if she wanted to keep her job wasn't fair, but the rest of her knew better than to lie. It was a fair requirement for someone who risked her life all the time, especially when other lives often depended on her being clear-headed enough to do the job right. A single hesitation at the wrong time, brought about by thoughts of how her other half would cope if she were killed, and that could be the end right there.
So the choice came down to staying with a job she loved that would kill her to lose, and letting herself feel something for a man who would end up causing her to lose that very necessary-to-her job. Even being deeply and completely in love with the man would do nothing to make her loss of the job less devastating, which in turn would most likely change her feelings for the man. Her loss would end up being entirely his fault, and that would be the end of the relationship.
But someone like Jake Killen would find it impossible to understand her position even if it was explained to him. Tain had quietly found out that he considered what he did to earn money nothing but a job, and if the job was lost it would always be possible to get another. He would brush aside her objections and concentrate on nothing but making her fall in love with him, and he would almost certainly succeed. His draw was too strong for her to resist for long, and he would work even harder if he got the least hint that he had a chance of succeeding.
Which was why Tain had decided to believe that Killen was trying to trick and trap her by being open and gentle. It was the only way to defend herself, especially in a place where he had all the advantages. She had to make him believe she had no personal interest in him, she just had to…
A long stretch of time passed that Tain spent on her stomach with her head down, studying her hands and trying to think lucid thoughts. The desperate need for self-defense helped her to come up with an idea or two, but not very pleasant ideas. If she could possibly avoid using those ideas she would, but if push came to shove she would just grit her teeth and get on with it.
"It's time you started supper, Kitten" Killen said suddenly, actually startling her. He'd spent the time himself checking on the horses and then sitting around thinking, and now he was sharing one of the things he'd obviously been thinking about. "I don't have to tell you that cooking over a fire takes longer than a couple of minutes, do I?"
All sorts of clever or sarcastic come-backs fought to leave Tain's tongue, but abrupt suspicion kept her quiet as she got to her feet. She'd spent more time on this world and others almost as backward than Killen had, and both of them knew it. Why, then, would he be prodding her with the kind of arrogance designed to start an argument? Even a glance showed that the man was watching her closely, so all she did was look around at the sacks that had to be provisions.
"Have you decided yet what you'd like to eat?" she asked mildly without actually looking in Killen's direction. "If not, you can think about it while I start the fire."
As Tain went toward the firewood, she decided that the plan she'd just come up with would be better than the others she'd thought of. Playing it cool and agreeable would at the very least give the man nothing to complain about, and at best it might convince him that he meant nothing to her. Disliking someone for no apparent reason was too often looked at in the age-old way: the supposed dislike was really intense interest that the person involved was trying to cover up. As an experienced agent she ought to be better at covering things up than the average man or woman in the street, not worse.
"I think I'd like some stew," Killen finally answered as Tain started the fire, his voice nearly a drawl. "You'll have to make do with more of that cereal, at least until I decide that you've earned a reward. Good kittens get to taste real food, but bad ones have to make do without."
"Stew it is," Tain agreed without reacting to the
rest of what he'd said, at least on the outside. Mentally Tain felt the urge to grit her teeth over the way Killen was pushing, but knowing he was definitely up to something let her hold her temper without trouble. Once she figured out what he was up to it would be time enough to decide whether or not to read him the riot act…
* * *
Jake watched his temporary slave go to the packs to find a pot and the dried meat and vegetables that would go into the stew, his body relaxed only because he refused to let his muscles knot. She wasn't reacting at all the way he wanted her to, the way he'd decided he had to have her act.
The girl's disturbance over his lovemaking had bothered Jake at first, so he'd left her alone in order to do some thinking. If she really didn't feel for him what he felt for her, his forcing her to accommodate him couldn't be considered anything but low. It had taken a long string of minutes before a different idea came to him, one that was downright intriguing.
If Tain really had nothing in the way of feelings for him, she would have been more disgusted than disturbed over what he'd done. Or she would have put him down in an offhand way, the kind of way he'd seen her use with others in the department. Her very disturbance said she was feeling something, but not a something she wanted to feel. For some reason she felt it necessary to hide her real reactions, and he decided to find out what that reason was. If she had legitimate grounds for acting like that he would respect her need, but if she was just being stubborn…
So Jake had prodded at her in a way that should have made her lose her temper. When people lose their tempers they tell you more than they would choose to say in calmer moments, and in that way you find out what you need to know. Not to mention the fact that Tain was even more attractive to him when she was angry. Fire flashed in those pretty blue eyes of hers, threatening to burn him to the ground if he couldn't handle her and the anger both. And he wanted to handle her, with both hands…
But she hadn't gotten angry at his prodding. Instead she'd dismissed just about everything he'd said, accepting it as if nothing he said or did was very important to her. And she seemed to have lost the disturbance she'd felt, settling down into the role she really did have to play without any more fuss. Jake felt the urge to say something else to dig out a reaction, but at the last moment managed to keep his mouth closed. Being too obvious wasn't likely to get what he was after.
So Jake just sat and watched Tain prepare the food, and when she brought him his bowl of stew he half hoped she'd done something to ruin the meal. That would bring her anger out into the open where he wanted it - but a single, cautious taste of the stew told him the story. The food was fine, just the way it was supposed to be, and the miserable female didn't even seem to mind that she had to make do with cereal instead of real food.
But as Jake swallowed down what he didn't really want any longer, he made himself a promise. He would find a way to shake Tain's cool indifference, damned if he didn't…
* * *
Tain collected the bowls after they'd both finished eating and took them to the bucket where the pots were already soaking. It wasn't going to take long to get everything washed, and while she saw to the chore she was able to think about Killen's reaction to her plan. Or his try not to show a reaction, even though he hadn't been quite as successful as he probably thought.
The man is definitely not very happy, Tain thought, making sure not to show any outward satisfaction. For some reason he wanted me to jump at him, and when I didn't he almost added to what he'd already said. Then he realized that pushing it would be … pushing it, so he just kept quiet and ate his food.
Ate his food. Tain smiled to herself, remembering how Killen had been cautious with his first taste of what she'd given him. She could have put something into the stew that he wouldn't have enjoyed at all, but that would have been reacting to his prodding and she'd decided not to react. And her plan made things better in more ways than just one, at least for her. All she wanted was to get back to base and her normal life, and the less fuss she made the less excuse Killen would have to give her a hard time.
Once the dishes and pots were done, Tain went back to stretch out on the blanket in the last light of the day. Killen continued to glance at her from time to time, but she pretended she was all alone in the camp. In reality she was keeping a fairly close watch on the man, so she noticed that he was about to speak when his intentions were interrupted by the sound of a horse coming through the woods. Killen got quickly to his feet, his hand on the long knife he'd kept close to him in its sheathe, but when he saw the rider - riders - he relaxed immediately.
"Tandro, glad to see you made it," Killen said as the newcomer stopped his horse only a few feet away from Killen. "I was starting to get worried, but then I remembered you had a new slave to enjoy."
"'Enjoy' might not be the best choice of words," the man Tandro replied dryly as he dismounted, then reached up to get Ennie down. "This slave is completely untrained, so she'll need a lot of instruction before anyone is able to really enjoy her."
The native was a big man, easily the same size as Killen, but Tain could see he had black hair and dark brown eyes instead of the dark blond hair and gray eyes Killen had. Ennie had looked extremely uncomfortable where she'd been perched in front of Tandro, and once her feet touched the ground she began to voice her complaints.
"You had no right to tell me to keep quiet until we were in this camp!" she snapped at Tandro, her small hands closed into fists. "Being forced to sit like that not only hurt, it also made me hot again. If you'd let me say so, we could have stopped to let you do something about it again."
"That's one of the reasons you weren't allowed to speak," Tandro responded mildly, looking down at the much smaller girl. "You seem to think that I'm the slave, bound to cater to you in all ways, but you're about to learn better. Go to the other slave now and ask her politely to show you where the provisions are. You'll make some food for both of us, we'll eat, and then we'll see about easing you again."
"Absolutely not!" Ennie stated, glaring up at the big man. "If you want something to eat you can get it for yourself the way you did earlier, and at the same time you can make something for me. It was really awful of you to refuse to share earlier, and I won't put up with that kind of behavior again. But before you get involved with making food, you'll come into one of those tents with me. And once I'm feeling better you'll find some clothes for me to wear. I refuse to stand this humiliation even a minute longer - What are you doing?"
Just about as soon as Ennie started her tirade, Tain saw Tandro turn away from the girl and go back to his horse. There were saddlebags behind the saddle, and Tandro looked through one of the bags for a minute before he found what he was after. The thing wasn't very big or thick, but it was about six or seven inches long and it was made of wood. Tandro held it by its handle, and above the handle the wooden thing spread out to be about three inches wide.
And as soon as Tandro had the thing in his hand, he took Ennie by the arm and began to move her away from the horse. His actions had interrupted what Ennie had been saying, but he didn't answer her final question in words. Instead he sat down near where Killen had been sitting, pulled Ennie across his folded legs, then showed her what he was doing.
Which, of course, turned out to be giving the girl the punishment she'd been begging for. Tain flinched just a little when that narrow paddle came down on Ennie's bottom, making the girl shriek with outrage, humiliation, and the pain being added to her earlier switching, not to mention probably also adding to her arousal from the insertion. It took about three or four swats on that bare, squirming seat before the ache began to build really high, something it was easy to tell when Ennie's cries suddenly changed.
Couldn't happen to a more deserving girl, Tain thought as Ennie's kicking and yelling developed definite overtones of desperation. The paddling lasted a good number of minutes before Tandro decided he'd punished his slave enough. Ennie, who hadn't been allowed to protect herself with her hands, of course, h
ad long since been reduced to tears and howling. When Tandro pulled her from his lap and put her to her knees beside him, he had to order her to silence before the howling stopped.
"That's better," Tandro said in the same mild way while Ennie cried hard but silently. "I told you that whether or not you obeyed me would often be your choice, and now you know what a wrong choice brings. Unless you want more of the same, go to the other slave without any further nonsense and do as you were told."
It was perfectly clear to Tain that Ennie would have preferred to refuse, but she wasn't that much of a fool. The girl swiped at her eyes with one hand before climbing slowly to her feet, then she limped and squirmed her way over to where Tain sat.
"I - I need to be shown where the provisions are," Ennie gulped out, obviously having trouble controlling herself and the crying. "And I also don't know what to do with the provisions, so if you would - "
"What you want is over here," Tain said at once as she rose to her feet, not about to let the girl reach the point of asking her to do the cooking. "I'll also tell you what has to be done, but you're the one who'll be doing it."
"Please, don't make me do something I have no idea how to do right!" Ennie whispered as she followed Tain to the sacks of provisions. "If that beast isn't happy with what he's given he might beat me again, and if he does I'll die!"
"No, you'll just want to die," Tain corrected, turning to look at the girl. "Being paddled is rarely fatal, but I have no interest in finding that out first hand. You were the one who was told to do the cooking, so if I do it for you I'll be helping you to disobey. If you'd rather not make thing even worse than they are right now, you'd better learn fast."
Ennie's expression said she really disliked the answer she'd gotten, but there wasn't time for the girl to pester more than another time or two. Tandro had gone to take care of his horse, but he wasn't likely to be all that long in coming back. Once Ennie was forced to understand that Tain would not be changing her mind, the girl had no choice but to do what she'd been ordered to.
