by R. L. Weeks
“Should I wake up now?” I asked, breaking his focus.
“Wait.” He grabbed my hand. “Before you do…” He looked at me with an intensity I’ve never felt from another person. “I need to do one thing while we are here. Something I wanted to do last night.”
Electricity pulsated between us. He leaned in, and I felt like fireworks had erupted in my chest. The sense of danger from the house was secondary to how vulnerable I felt in his arms. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I fell into his embrace. I let him bump his nose against mine. Dizziness consumed me. I closed my eyes as his lips inched toward mine.
The kiss was long anticipated, freezing time. He held me closer—as if two people could somehow get closer—and pressed his lips against mine with urgency. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it until now. I was higher than the clouds; no creature could reach me up there. He pressed himself against me, and I felt how much he wanted me. I needed him. He caressed the wildness inside of me to the surface. I ran my hand down his arm, then waist. My darkness purred with his, and nothing else mattered.
The room fell away along with Nicholas and the moment we shared. “No.” I gasped as I woke. Cold air circled the room. My brain was whirring. I listened to the ticking from the clock in the hallway to calm myself after being awakened so abruptly.
I was still dizzy from our kiss. I hated that I wanted him but loved that I had him, if only for a moment. How I felt about him made no sense, but I needed it like a plant needed water.
I knew I should be worried about the creature from the shadows, but the kiss was at the forefront of my mind, and the tattoo… the tattoo. Panic rippled through me. I looked at my wrist in the dim blue light. It was there, the black lily inside the circle. I rubbed my temples. Oh God, what was I going to tell my mom? I didn’t even get to have a rebellious moment of getting a secret tattoo. It was forced upon me and by whom… or what?
Everything swarmed like a plague of locusts in my mind. The creature. The tattoo. The kiss. Nicholas. The house. The probability that I was a witch and the fiction that I had read so much of could be very real. It was overwhelming, but I could do nothing but accept it. How could I ignore it when the evidence was so rudely laid out in front of me?
I kept staring at the tattoo. My dad would kill me if he found out.
The emptiness returned. Feeling so good moments ago had turned to despair. I grabbed my phone, feeling lost, and texted Nicholas.
I need to talk to you.
I pressed send and fell back on the bed. I reached out for the teddy bear my dad had bought me when I was two. I held it close to my heart. It was still soft after all those years. Tears crept down my cheeks, one by one, bringing with them a melancholy I couldn’t shrug. “Dad,” I said aloud, feeling like a child again. “I’m sorry.”
My voice broke and I let myself cry. All the hurt I had kept at bay was rushing back in waves, dragging me into a deep ocean, and I couldn’t swim.
“Help,” I begged between sobs. I wanted to reach out to the man who had always been there, through every up and down. I just wanted to hear his laugh one more time. “Please, God.” I cried. “I will be good. Just let me see him one last time.” Guilt consumed me. I hadn’t grieved my dad. If he was still alive, he would have hated me.
My phone buzzed. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it. I was trapped inside a bubble and no longer existed in the real world. Everything had changed, and I couldn’t deny it any longer. He was gone, and he was never coming back.
I felt like I had been punched in my stomach over and over again. “Dad, if you can hear me,” I whispered into my pillow. “I’m sorry I didn’t cry. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I just didn’t want to believe you could be gone. You were always so strong, and I hate talking about you in the past tense because you should still be here. It isn’t fair.” I pulled my pillow to my mouth and screamed and screamed until I had nothing left to give.
***
When I woke, it was eleven in the morning. I’d missed classes, but I didn’t care. After grabbing a hair tie, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and rubbed my eyes. I didn’t feel like I had slept at all, which contributed to my horrible mood.
Mom was still asleep. I could hear loud snores coming from her room. I guessed we both needed to sleep in. I was just glad she was finally back to sleeping in her room. Curious to why she wasn’t at work, I checked the calendar on my wall. I hadn’t even bothered changing the months over since the start of summer. Finally, I reached September and sighed. It was Tuesday. She worked half days on Tuesdays.
After I got dressed, I looked in the mirror. My plain reflection stared back at me, looking sad. I looked awful, so I pulled my hair back down. It fell straight, apart from the strands on either side of my forehead, which had curled while I was asleep. I turned on my straighteners. My cheeks were puffy and red, which wasn’t surprising. I didn’t know I could cry that much. I had never been a crier.
Three months ago, I couldn’t feel a thing, and now I seemed to be catching up on all those months at once. It was more painful than the time I broke my leg when Vanessa and I had decided to climb trees while wearing sandals.
Eyeing my makeup bag, I held onto the desperation to make myself feel better again. Dressing nice and putting on makeup always did that.
After brushing my teeth and straightening my hair, I pulled my makeup out and lined them up from the foundation, primer, highlighter, and bronzer to my mascara, eyeliner, and my crimson-red lipstick and lip pencil.
I enjoyed putting it all on. I felt like a different person by the time I had finished. I feel pretty when I put the effort in, I thought and decided to be kind to myself today. I needed some kindness.
When I got downstairs, I opened the cupboard and looked at the array of packets Mom had got me. Vanilla Late, Unicorn Frappe, Sea Salt Caramel, Mocha Latte, and Java Chip. I picked one and made it, deciding to have that instead of breakfast. I poured it into a thermos. I hurried out of the house before Mom woke up. I should have brought my jacket with me. It was unusually chilly for September. Vanessa skipped toward my gate.
“Vanessa,” I said, not keeping the surprise from my tone.
“Sup?” she replied, smiling.
“Are you late too?” I asked suspiciously.
“Hunni, it’s early.”
I looked at my phone. It must have been 7:11, not 11 when I had checked. I wasn’t with it.
“Wow. I’m a dumbass.” I breathed in a scent of vanilla.
“New perfume?”
“Yep.” She grinned. “Come on.”
I followed her, watching as the tassels on her bag bounced with each step.
“Would Jerimiah be the reason why you’re suddenly putting in an effort?” I asked, noticing her pink lipstick.
She smiled but didn’t answer.
“Aren’t you scared?” I asked, curious.
“He didn’t kill anyone!” she said defensively.
“Okay.” I put my hands in the air. “It’s just, everyone says—”
“Since when did you listen to rumors?”
“I don’t, but you’re my best friend. I care about you.”
“I can take care of myself.”
We reached the school and spotted Jayde and a few others huddled in a group by the gate.
I avoided eye contact and walked with Vanessa. I heard their petulant giggles as we passed them.
Vanessa squeezed my shoulder in an attempt of compassion. I scanned the courtyard. Grayson was huddled with his jock friends by his blue Mustang. He always did like to make a statement. Dana, the head cheerleader, and her minions walked toward them. I looked the other way, reminiscing to when I used to be a part of that crowd.
My gaze diverted to the gates as Nicholas walked through them. He held himself in a way that made him seem taller than everyone else. His backpack was thrown over one shoulder, and he’d had his hair cut. It made him look even more handsome if that was possible. He looked right at me. I froz
e, alerting Vanessa to my guilt.
“Tell me you didn’t stop because of him. You did.” She looked at him staring at us. “Did something else happen?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t tell me you like him.”
“It’s not that.” I whispered, “Let’s go.” I suddenly remembered my phone, so I fumbled for it. I hadn’t even checked his text. Disappointment nestled in my chest when I saw the text had been from my cousin, asking how I was doing. Nicholas didn’t even text me back. My bet was that Tina had told my cousin that I wasn’t replying. Deciding to stop ignoring them, I called my aunt before class.
***
I walked into chemistry. Everyone was already seated next to each other. I sat next to my lab partner, Grayson. He ran his hand through his dirty-blond hair and popped the collar up on his jacket.
“Morning, gorgeous. I’m glad you decided to show up for class. Super sorry to hear about your dad. Did they find the bear?”
I looked at him coldly, hoping it would deter him from asking more questions. “No.”
He didn’t seem to notice. “A few of us are going to this party thing at my dad’s cabin later if you want to come.”
“Thanks, but I have plans.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but Amara walked in and sat in front of us.
Mr Rodriguez walked in and greeted everyone, then asked me to hand out the pop quiz. I did so and finished my test in silence. I tapped my pencil on the table.
Grayson leaned over to look at my answers.
“I didn’t do well,” I told him and folded my paper in half.
He bit his bottom lip. “I texted you over the summer. You never replied.”
“I didn’t reply to anyone.”
“We went out for two months, and that’s all I get?”
“I’ve just been busy.”
He relented. “It’s all good. Let’s hang out soon, yeah? I’ve missed you.”
The teacher interrupted and told us to stop talking. I was so grateful.
When the bell rang, I hurried out of class before Grayson could catch up to me. I was grateful to be outside. Today had gone too slow. I found Vanessa sitting at the picnic tables.
Maria walked off as I sat down. “Sorry, girls. I have something I need to do. I’ll be back.”
We both knew it meant we wouldn’t see her for the rest of lunch. Vanessa dug into her salad. “You know,” she said with a mouthful of salad. “Jerimiah’s dad has a PhD in occult studies.”
“Great.”
She cursed. “Can you at least pretend to give a shit?”
“Sorry, it’s interesting. A little weird, but at least it’s different.”
“You’ve changed. You used to be so much fun, then…”
“My dad died.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
My hands were clammy. I saw Nicholas walking toward our table. Vanessa gave me a look and swallowed her bite, most likely so she could give Nicholas a mouthful.
“Can we help you?” Vanessa asked venomously.
“Vanessa. It’s a pleasure. What were you both talking about?” he asked.
“Nothing you’d be interested in,” she replied.
Nicholas smirked. “You don’t know that.”
I let go of the breath I had been holding in. “I need to talk to you.”
His eyes sparkled. “I know. I saw your text last night.”
Vanessa slammed her plastic fork into her salad. “Hold up. You actually get a reply out of her?” She looked at me. “We need to talk.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but they both talked over me. Nicholas started. “I meant to text you back, but…”
Followed by Vanessa’s “I can’t believe you,” directed at me.
Nicholas leaned back and looked coldly at Vanessa. “Perhaps she needs someone who understands her rather than judges her.”
“How dare you!” She pointed at him, her cheeks turning pink. “I don’t judge her. You’ve known her for five minutes. I’ve known Kate for her whole life.”
She didn’t faze him—or he didn’t show it if she did. “Perhaps I know the person she is now better than you. I see you on your high horse, judging everyone.”
“You’re the one who picks fights and is an asshole to your flings.”
Her comment seemed to throw him off a little. “I was different then.”
She scoffed. “Oh, puh-lease. You’re just trying to get in her pants because she’s vulnerable now.”
I couldn’t dislodge the lump in my throat. I’d had enough of it. “You know what? Screw you both. I’m not doing this.”
“Wait, Kate,” Vanessa ordered.
I stood. “I don’t need this.”
Vanessa calmed herself quickly. “Don’t go. He can go.”
I looked between them both. Nicholas hadn’t even bothered texting me back. Maybe we hadn’t kissed. It could have been the dream version of Nicholas or whatever wacky thing we wanted to call it. I pulled my sleeve down, making sure the tattoo was covered. I eyed Nicholas’s arm for an indication the dream had been true, and he had a tattoo too, but his wrist was covered by the sleeve of his jacket. I felt ridiculous, and to find out that my best friend thought I was a train wreck on top of it all?
“I’m going to eat alone.”
I packed up my lunch and headed away from the benches and bumped right into Jayde and Amara. Just what I needed. I looked up at the sky. What had I done that was so bad in a previous life to deserve today?
“I see Nicholas has downgraded to trash.”
I shrugged my way past them. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, and besides, I’d call it upgrading if there was anything going on. Which there isn’t.”
“No? He broke up with Amara,” Jayde said sourly, “for you.”
“I thought you broke up before.”
Amara placed her hand on her bony hip. “Yeah, after he spoke to you on the first day back. You don’t know Nicholas. Trust me, he’s just going to use you.”
“Why do you care then?” I asked. “Jealous?”
“Jealous,” Amara laughed. “Of some nobody who dropped out of the squad without so much as a goodbye? Who takes pills like they’re candy and has easily put on ten pounds over the summer? Size four to a six, I’d say.”
“Your perception of the world is truly warped,” I said, chastising her. “Get out of my way. I don’t need this today.”
“Aww, she’s going to cry,” said Jayde.
My head pounded. “This is ridiculous. Move.”
Amara took a step toward me. “Or what? You’ll get your daddy to talk to mine like you used to? Oh, wait…”
Anger rushed through me like hot lava. Everything was spinning. I just wanted them out of the way. “I said FUCKING MOVE.”
The ground beneath our feet began to tremble. Jayde managed to get out of the way, but Amara didn’t. The windows on the building next to us smashed outward. I could feel waves leaving my body, and I didn’t want to stop it. I spotted Jerimiah staring at me from a window as everything went to shit. There was a bump, followed by a rolling shake.
Dust clouded the air and covered my black sweater. The walls around us came tumbling down. I jumped back and covered my mouth. Large areas of the building fell. One student pulled another to safety, and I felt myself being dragged backward as I watched a brick crack Amara’s skull. Blood splattered around us but was quickly coated with dust. I snapped out of my trance and froze, unable to move or speak as I watched the horror unfold in front of me.
Nicholas rushed to my side. “What happened?” His voice was urgent. He pulled me back farther, to avoid any leftover falling debris. Students hurried away, but Jayde remained rooted to spot, looking at me with a deep hatred I now deserved.
I shook my head in disbelief. I didn’t know what to say.
“Go,” Nicholas ordered, and I did. He hurried to help move the bricks off Amara, but I knew it was too late. I saw the brick hit her head, heard her skull cru
nch as her eyes went empty and she disappeared under the rubble.
Sirens wailed and paramedics ran into the school. Everything moved in slow motion. They’d covered me in a blanket, but it didn’t stop the shaking.
Students cried, holding each other. They were saying it was mini-earthquake, but no one knew I’d caused it.
A stretcher was rolled out. On it, a body bag. It was the final proof I needed that Amara was dead. I ran as fast I could away from the school, my tears drying in the wind. I had killed her. I murdered Amara.
Chapter Five
I wailed as I sat in the desolate room of the old house. I could somehow feel the entities around me. They watched, waiting for me to join them. I held a shard of broken glass over my wrist. I couldn’t live with myself. I had killed someone. She was dead because of me.
I couldn’t breathe. I took several deep breaths, craving oxygen, but the air didn’t give me what I needed. My heart felt as if it was going a million beats a minute.
The dead witches hovering close to me reflected on the shard of glass. Light sprayed from the front door the bottom of the room as it opened. I was shrouded in darkness.
“Kate! No!” Nicholas ran over to me, then dropped to his knees in front of me. He grabbed the glass, cutting his hand, and threw it to the other side of the room.
He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me gently. “Shhh. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I killed her,” I said, blubbering. “She’s dead.”
He grasped for the right words to say. I sensed it through our bond. “It’s not your fault.”
I looked at him with bloodshot eyes. “Yes, it is. I was so angry. Everything was too much, and I felt rage bubble up inside of me, and I couldn’t stop it. I knew what I was doing. I knew I was causing the earthquake, and…” I broke down, crying.
“And what?”
I sniffed loudly. “I wanted to kill her. This magic, it’s evil.”
He didn’t reply. Instead, he held me like I would a child. He let me cry and cry until night fell and I had nothing left to give.
He turned me around after some time and gazed into my eyes. It was invasive. He reached into my mind and picked it apart hinge by hinge. I drifted in and out of consciousness. Everything was warping. I felt like I was floating on clouds far above Earth.
