by Lauren Runow
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” the bouncer screams while tackling me. “It’s time for you to go.”
He’s forcing me out the door as I try my hardest to fight back. “Get your hands off of me!”
The bouncer throws me out on the street, knocking me to the ground before yelling, “And stay out.”
I make my way up to a seated position on the curb with my legs in the street. Reaching for my phone, I swipe it on and dial Allison.
“Charlie, is that you? What time is it?”
I can tell that she was asleep and my mind goes blank, thinking of her in my arms asleep just a few hours ago. I sit in silence, not able to say a word.
“Charlie, are you there? What’s wrong?” her voice is concerned now.
I finally speak up, “Why do you love me? You don’t even know me?” I’m stumbling and I’m sure it’s obvious how much I’ve had to drink.
“What? Charlie? What are you talking about? Are you drunk? Where are you?” Her breathing is becoming harsher and her tone more direct, ripping my heart in two even more.
“You heard me,” I say, cold and distant. I know I have no other choice but to end this. “If you knew who I really was, you would hate me. I’ll save you the trouble. Just forget about me.” I hang up and throw my phone across the street right as a car passes by and smashes it to pieces. “Fuck!” I scream at the top of my lungs before stumbling back up and walking back to my apartment.
I have no idea what time it is. All I know is that my head is pounding right along with someone pounding on my front door. I reach for my phone to check the time and that’s when all the memories come flooding in from the night before; getting thrown out of the bar, calling Allison, throwing my phone and it being smashed into pieces.
I wrap my hands around my head when I hear the pounding and a sweet voice at my front door again. Jumping up in bed, I realize who it is. Allison. Shit.
Still spinning from all of the alcohol, I stumble out of bed, walking to the door. Allison’s still pounding on the door yelling, “Charlie, are you home? Please answer the door.”
I fall against the door, my heart breaking into a million pieces. She must have heard the loud thump of my body against the door because she stops pounding.
“Charlie, I can hear you against the door. Please, tell me what’s going on. Please, open the door.”
I can barely bring my voice to a high enough octave for her to hear. Trying a few times, I finally get it out, trying to sound very stern, yelling through the door. “Go away Allison. I’m not the one for you.” I slide down the door, sitting with my back against it and my knees up to my chest, putting my head down.
“Charlie, I wish you would talk to me.” Allison’s voice is cracking, and I know she’s crying.
“Allison,” I can’t hide the sound of my voice cracking as well, “Please just go. Just forget about me.”
“I won’t Charlie. Not until you tell me what’s going on! I told you I loved you and I meant it and I know you love me! Please let me in!”
“Please, Allison, just leave!” I get all my strength to sound as furious as possible as I slam my hands to the floor.
Allison’s silent for a few long minutes. Finally she speaks, “I’m here for you, Charlie. I hope you realize that.”
I sit, holding my breath, waiting for her to say something else but she doesn’t. She left and I’m a complete wreck over it.
I’m flipping my new phone in my hand eying the difference in size. Trying to look at the bright side of things, at least I got a newer version out of this mess. It has been hooked up to the cloud so all of my contacts, photos and text messages are there. When I turn it on for the first time, it shows I have three voice messages and five text messages, all from Allison. I can’t bring myself to listen or read them but I don’t want to delete them either.
Trying to push her out of my mind, I get ready for my night with Jacquelyn. The thought of going back to her, or anyone else but Allison, makes me sick to my stomach but Diane was right, I know nothing else and would lose everything if I quit. Plus, she would tell Allison so I would lose her, too. I’m fucked either way. At least I keep telling myself that. It’s not working very well though.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I try to psych myself up. Suck it up Ashley! You get to fuck for a living. Millions of guys would die for your job. Forget about her! Let’s do this.
As I drive to Jacquelyn’s, I’m flipping through the radio stations frustrated with everything I’m hearing. This first station plays Lips of an Angel by Hinder. Uh - No.
Second station Poetic Justice by Kendrick Lamar. Really? Now? No.
Third station Take is easy by Eagles. No.
Fourth station Motivation by Kelly Rowland. Hell no.
Fifth station Look At You by Big & Rich. Jesus Christ! No.
Sixth station playing You and I by Lady Gaga. No.
Flipping on Pandora Save me by Unwritten Law plays. Fuck! Something has got to be fucking with me.
Exasperated, I flip off the radio, driving the rest of the way in silence.
Once I arrive at her house, I jump out of the car without hesitation, ready to get this over and done with. I knew if I sat there I would never get out of the car.
Trying to put on my game face and become Mr. Ashley, I lightly tap on the door, placing my arm on the outside, leaning against it trying to look as sexy as I can, playing the role.
Jacquelyn quickly opens the door, eager to say her apologies. “Mr. Ashley. I’m so glad you decided to return. I know I was extremely inappropriate. I hope you’ll allow me to make it up to you.” She opens the door wider, “Please, come in.”
I oblige, taking off my jacket and placing it on the stairway as I enter. “It’s alright, I’m glad to be here,” I can barely get the words out it hurts so bad to say it. I’m hoping she doesn’t notice.
“So, Mr. Ashley. I said I wanted to make it up to you and I fully intend to. Please, follow me. It’s my turn to fuck you.” Jacquelyn tugs on my shirt, giving me a sexy grin, trying to toy with me as she walks toward her bedroom.
Grateful she’s taking control; I follow her trying not to think about what I’m doing here. Once we enter her room, Jacquelyn seductively starts stripping off her clothes, leaving a trail on the floor. She grabs my shirt again, pulling me to the bed and playfully pushing me down.
My whole body is numb as I try to hide the fact that I don’t want to be here. I’m just allowing what ever she has in mind to happen. Letting her use me, and my body, as her play toy because that’s all I’ll ever be to someone.
Unbuttoning my pants, Jacquelyn reaches in to free my cock that’s still limp. Dammit, how am I going to be able to do this if I can’t get hard? Fuck.
Jacquelyn doesn’t seem to care and she lowers herself in front of me, teasingly licking the tip not saying a word. I feel a surge of blood pour to my cock, slowly making it grow harder and harder and I’m grateful it still works even though my mind is a complete fucking mess.
“Yeah baby, grow for me,” Jacquelyn says in between long, sucking strokes.
Much to my dismay, my cock is fully engorged and ready for Jacquelyn to do as she pleases and she takes full advantage.
“You just lay there, baby. I told you, I’m going to make up for my blunder and I’m going to fuck your brains out as my apology,” she says provocatively.
The thought literally makes me ill and I have to sallow the bile coming up my throat.
Eagerly, she pulls my pants down the rest of the way, like she’s ready to mount her prey, or her fuck toy. I’m dying inside and just hoping it’s over quickly.
She climbs on top of me, guiding me inside her and starts to move back and forth. “You like that baby? You like me fucking you?”
I try to play along by moaning and closing my eyes but really it’s just to hide the pain that I feel ripping through me.
She picks up her pace, bouncing up and down then falls on my chest whispering in my
ear, “I love fucking you. I want to see you cum baby.”
Hoping it will be over as soon as I cum, I make it my mission to cum as fast as I can by grabbing her hips and holding her still as I pound into her as fast and as forceful as I can.
She moans in deep appreciation of my sexual assault. I don’t care though. This isn’t for her. This is to end this as soon as possible.
My legs start to tighten and right as I start to cum my head finally kicks in and I realize I’m not wearing a condom.
“Oh, shit!” I yell as I try to push her off of me but she squeezes her legs so tightly around me and wraps her arms around my back holding on to me for dear life.
She licks my neck and whispers in my ear, “That’s right baby. I love your cum.”
What? Are you fucking kidding me right now?
That was the most horrible experience of my life. I’ve never felt so disgusting. I swear my heart was just ripped out of my chest and is beating dead on the floor. She finally moves off of me and lays on her back next to me with the biggest, most disgusting grin on her face.
I’m just glad our little rendezvous is over and I can’t wait to leave. I want to forget about this entire day, forever.
“I hope that was as good for you as it was for me,” she says with a mocking smile.
I’m silent, still trying to recover from what just happened as I stand up. Once I gather the courage, I try to sound pleased, “Why yes, Ms. Sanders, you did well. Apology more than accepted.”
“Can you stay for a glass of wine? I’d hate to only have you here for twenty minutes,” she pauses waiting for my reply but I’m silent again. “I did pay double,” her face resembles a little girl asking for a piece of candy with her puppy dog eyes.
I know Ms. Devine – or Diane Hayes, whatever her name is – will be pissed if I leave her not 100% satisfied so I agree to stay. “Sounds delightful. Shall I open us a bottle of wine?”
God knows I need a drink. I put my hand in the small of her lower back, kissing her head softly as she stands naked before me.
Jacquelyn slips on her silk robe, tying it loosely so her cleavage shows through. We walk into her dining room and she grabs a bottle of wine. “Silver Oak 2008 Cab ok with you?”
Really, you have the same wine I had with Allison? Figures. Oh well, it could be piss water right now for all I care. As long as it has alcohol in it, I’m good. “Yeah, that will be fine.”
I’m looking out the window, lost in a daze as she walks up, handing me the glass, “Shall we sit?”
We both sit at the excessive table that’s lavishly set for twelve people. “So, tell me something about yourself, Mr. Ashley. Like for instance, I don’t even know your first name…?” She lifts one eyebrow, smirking at me.
“It’s Charles, ma’am.”
“Oh, please stop with the ma’am business. We’ve just fucked remember? You’re starting to make me feel like Mrs. Robinson or something,” she pauses, smirking at me. “So Charles… do your friends call you Charles or do you go by Charlie?”
“No, just Charles,” I answer matter-of-factly. Her eyebrows lift, questioning my response but I don’t care.
“Do you live here in town?”
Not trying to give too much away, I lie, responding, “No, in the City. I have a place in the Sunset.”
“Oh, I see… Have you lived in the City all of your life?”
I’m quick to lie again, “Yup, born and raised.”
“And your family? Are they in the City, too?”
“Yup, one big happy family.”
She takes a deep breath like she’s hiding something as she takes a sip of her wine and chills runs down my spine. This woman just rubs me the wrong way.
“So that’s it? Not much of a talker, are you?”
“Not much to say. How about you? Tell me about yourself.” And get off my back with all of these fucking questions.
“Well, what you see is what you get,” she holds up her hands referencing everything around her. “As I told you, all of this is mine. I created the green screen technology for the movie industry. I sold the software and have been living this fabulous, very wealthy, life ever since.” She’s proud of her accomplishments and doesn’t try to hide it in her voice.
I raise my eyebrows, nodding my head, “Wow, impressive. I didn’t know I was fucking such a technically savvy woman.”
“Well, yes, there are many other things I am really good at,” she winks suggestively. First posted on dpg!
Her wink sends unwanted chills down my spine again and I can sense something different in her tone making our interaction seem creepy all of a sudden. I take a big swig of my wine, finishing it and place it on the table. “I’m sorry, but I must be going now. Thank you for the wine.”
“And the sex…?” she suggests, cocking her head to one side smirking.
“Yes, that too… It was,” I pause, looking for the right words, “exactly what I needed.” Over with quickly.
“Will you come again tomorrow?”
Fuck me. “Sure,” I lean in to kiss the top of her head goodbye. “Same time?”
“Yes, baby. Same time.” She grabs my hand, cupping it around her breast. “Dream of these until tomorrow.”
I laugh and smile at her before turning around and rolling my eyes in frustration. Once back in my car, I drop the top, hoping the harsh, pounding wind from the drive home will beat everything that just happened out of my mind.
I’m sitting with my sister, trying to get ready for my photography internship interview when she finally does it, the whole I told you so…
“I’m sorry Allison but I told you so. He was trouble from the beginning and I told you not to get involved with him.” Nichole is brutal and not trying to comfort me at all. “You’ve worked so hard for this interview. Please don’t let that asshole screw it up. Put your big girl panties on and forget about him.”
I roll my eyes while flipping through my portfolio, going over in my head what I’ll say for every photo. Any chance I get I look to my phone like I’m willing it to ring. When it doesn’t, my heart sinks even further.
“Don’t fuck this up Allie, not over a guy. I’m out of here. Good luck today. Call me when you get out.” Nichole says walking out of the room leaving me alone in my thoughts.
Why? Why did I have to meet him now? What went wrong? Why did he change his mind so suddenly? Nichole’s right, men really do suck. I slam the portfolio closed, getting up to leave for the interview.
It’s on Post Street, right next to one of the many buildings where my school resides. I’m greeted in the lobby and asked to wait until Mr. Knowles, the man holding the interview, is ready.
Once I’m seated, I flip through the portfolio one more time, mentally making any last minute notes. I check my phone one more time, frowning when I see Charlie still hasn’t called.
“Miss Hayes,” the receptionist calls out after hanging up the phone. “Mr. Knowles will see you now.” I put my phone into my purse and get up, walking toward her desk. “You can go right through that door,” she points to the right.
“Thank you.” I try to hide my bruised heart, smiling as I walk through the door.
“Miss Hayes, nice to meet you,” Mr. Knowles stands up to greet me offering a warm handshake.
He’s a tall, thin, handsome man with dark eyes, a little sexy stubble and brown wavy hair. He’s 40 years old but I swear he doesn’t look a day over 30, wearing loose designer jeans and a Burberry black polo.
I smile, returning his handshake, “Please, call me Allison.”
“Allison, have a seat. I see you brought your portfolio.”
“Yes,” I hand it to him.
We flip through the photos as I explain every one, thankful that, at least for the moment, my mind is distracted from Charlie.
Mr. Knowles is very receptive and his face lights up with every photo. We get to the photos I took on our trip to Tahoe and I try to fake a smile. He sees a photo of Charlie and pauses on it, making
my heart sink.
“Who’s this?” he looks up pointing to the photo. “Someone you know?”
Trying to find the courage to speak, I stutter, “Just a model I used for one of my shoots.”
“I like him. I’ve been looking for someone with this look. Please, get me his number if you can.”
I try not to roll my eyes during the interview. Really? Holy hell. “I think I still have it somewhere,” I try to blow it off, moving to the next photo.
The interview is going very well and we hit it off on a personal level as well. Forty-five minutes in, he finally closes the portfolio, abruptly saying, “Well, I’ve seen enough. I’m sold. I think you would be a perfect fit. We leave in a week for Paris, are you able to do that? Are there any issues with your school?”
My face genuinely lights up with excitement, “Really? I would love to go! And no, my school is not a problem. Summer school is over this week and then I’m finished.”
“Fantastic. I’ll have my assistant send you all of the travel and hotel details. We will be there for at least a month but as you know, if it all goes well, you could be shooting some of Fashion Week,” he says very encouragingly and playful.
I hop up to shake his hand, my face beaming with excitement, “Thank you so much for this opportunity. I won’t let you down!” I grab my portfolio and head out the door where the receptionist greets me again. I can’t hide my excitement as I jump up and down like a little girl.
The receptionist laughs, “I take it that went well?”
“Yes, sorry. I’m just so excited!”
“Congratulations. So you’re going with us?”
“Yes, I am! I’m so excited! I have to call my mom. See you soon.” I walk out the door, leaving the receptionist giggling at how elated I am.
I’m in an absolute daze and not paying attention to my surroundings as I dig through my purse looking for my phone to call my mom. After running into a few people walking by, I step to the left where there’s a small gap between the buildings.
Finally, I find my phone and as I take it out of my purse I feel something sharp in my back, startling me.
