by Lauren Runow
My body starts to come back alive as I peel myself off the floor. Thank God Nichole isn’t here, there’s no way I could explain everything that just happened to me.
I walk up the stairs, going straight into my room and slamming the door. It felt good to slam it but when I’m alone in my room, I loose it all over again, crying helplessly.
I don’t want to be alone, but I have no one to call. No one I can tell what just happened to. I think about Sonia, even pick up my phone but I’m too distraught to even think straight. I haven’t processed what just happened yet.
Is Charlie really a male escort? And my mom? Holy hell.
I cry harder until I fall asleep.
I’m awakened by my mom, yelling up the hallway before throwing my door open. “Allison, please let me explain.”
She’s the absolute last person I want to see so I roll away from her.
Begging me again, she tries to turn me around. “Please Allison, it’s not what you think.”
I’ve had enough.
Enough of this day.
Enough of the lies.
I turn to her and lose it. “Not what I think?” I fly out of bed, screaming at her, spilling everything that’s been going through my mind out at once. “So you mean to tell me you aren’t a madam for male escorts? And Charlie wasn’t one of your whores? And you told him if he quit to be with me you would tell me what he did, what you do, so I would leave him? And one of your clients just threatened to kill me?” I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and I don’t even care. It feels good to get it all out.
She sits, frozen, staring at me, lost at how to respond and I know in an instant that everything Charlie said was true.
I hate her!
“Get out. You make me sick.” I hold my arm up, pointing out of my room. When she doesn’t move, I slam my hands down on my bed screaming, “Now!”
She jumps up, promptly leaving my room, crying. I could care less. She deserves it. I fall back down on my bed, crawling into a fetal position, crying all over again, but not for my mom, for Charlie and having no clue what I’m going to do.
It’s two in the morning but I don’t care. There’s no way I could ever sleep with everything flying through my head and most importantly, not having a clue what I’m going to do to get Allison back. I take another shot of vodka when I hear someone banging on my door. Jumping up, I hope to God it’s Allison.
When I see it’s Diane, I slam the door in her face, yelling, “Leave me the fuck alone!”
Diane rushes her hand up to stop the door from closing and enters my apartment anyway. “Charlie, I’m sorry! I had no idea. God Charlie, Allison is MY daughter! How do you think I feel? What if something happened to her?”
“I told you Jacquelyn had issues and that I QUIT! Now leave me the fuck alone!” I scream in her face.
“Fine Charlie,” Diane backs away holding up her hands trying to calm me down. “I’ll leave. I’m sorry all of this happened. Just so you know, Jacquelyn’s alive.”
I gasp, looking over to her.
“I called the police, told them I found her that way. I knocked over a few more things and broke her sliding glass door to make it look like a break-in gone badly. I went to the hospital with her and stayed until she was out of surgery. The bullet grazed her head and she’s in a coma. The police know nothing about anything else.”
Diane turns and walks out of my apartment, saying nothing else and leaving me lost in my thoughts.
I’m awakened in the morning by my sister running into my room, jumping on my bed, questioning, “So… how did it go?”
Surprised and terrified by her question, I pull the covers up and don’t respond. Shit, what does she know?
“Allison, the interview?” Nichole asks again. “Why didn’t you call me to tell me about it? I’ve tried your phone over and over again. I figured you made up with Charlie and was surprised to see your door closed when I got home.”
I just stare, still in shock from the night’s events.
“Hello! Wake up, girl,” she looks more closely at my eyes. “Oh no, you’ve been crying. Shit Allison, did it not go well? I’m sorry.” She rubs her hand across my leg that’s under the covers, trying to comfort me.
All of the events yesterday made me totally forget about the interview and Paris. Suddenly my heart is lifted a little. I’ll be leaving in a few days and can totally escape from all of this. Start over. Away from Charlie and my mom.
A small smile grows over my face. “I got it. I got the internship,” my voice growing with excitement as I remember, “I leave for Paris in a few days.”
“You did? Yay!” Nichole jumps up and down on the bed swaying me back and forth. “Allison, that’s wonderful! Wait, so why were you crying? Things still bad with Charlie?”
“It’s nothing.” I say aloofly, “Just so much going on.”
Nichole swings in and gives me a big hug. “Come, I’ll make breakfast. Should we call Mom and Dad?”
I instantly snap back, “No. Um, it’s ok. I told them yesterday.” I look away, trying to hide my disgust by curling up like I’m going back to sleep.
“Oh, so you call them and not me? I’m hurt. Come on – get up! We have some shopping to do to get ready for your trip.”
Once Nichole is gone, I fish in my purse for my phone. There are five missed calls from Charlie coming in at all times of the night. I close my eyes tightly in disgust, hatred and confusion before shutting the phone off completely.
Nichole makes us a wonderful breakfast of banana pancakes with peanut butter and syrup along with a freshly made green juice. I try to eat as much as I can, but I gag at every bite. My appetite is completely gone but I don’t want to tip Nichole off to anything being wrong, though, I know she must suspect something.
Nichole finally speaks up, “Ok, what’s really going on? Is it Charlie? What happened with you two the other day? Did he finally tell you he’s married?”
I glare at Nichole, “It’s totally over between us now. You were right. He’s a prick.”
“Oh, Allison, I’m sorry. I told you, all men are scum.”
I look down to my food, not able to take another bite as the sound of me saying it was over with Charlie pushed me over the edge and my stomach is fully twisted in knots. “Thanks for breakfast. I’m going to go shower. I’ll help you clean up when I’m out. I just really want to shower first.”
Thankfully, Nichole doesn’t pry, “No worries, I got it.”
I turn on the hot water and hop in the shower, still fully dressed, falling against the wall, sliding down. I sit with my knees tucked to my chest and begin to cry.
God, Nichole, if I could only tell you what’s really going on. Our mother might as well be Heidi Fleiss, running a high-end prostitution ring and my boyfriend was her best employee.
The thought is too much for me to handle and I throw up everything I just ate.
After awhile, Nichole knocks on the door and I know she’s just concerned, “Allison, you ok in there?”
I hop up, finally taking off my clothes, trying to hide the pain in my voice, ”Yeah, I had to shave, I’ll be right out.”
I step out of the shower and wipe the mirror clean from the steam, looking at my face for the first time. My eyes are puffy and swollen from crying so much. The sight makes me want to cry more but I fight hard to stop the tears. The last thing I need is my persistent sister asking questions. When I open the door, I let out a big sigh of relief that she’s not there waiting.
Running across the hall, I quickly close the door. The thought of doing anything right now is just too much and I climb back into bed with wet hair, the towel still wrapped around me, and begin to cry all over again.
Nichole opens the door and walks over to the bed, lying down beside me, wrapping her arms around me. My body falls loosely from her supportive touch, calming my nerves and finally I feel like I can begin to relax after everything that has happened.
“Allison,” Nichole’s voice very quiet
and calming, “What’s going on? I’m here if you want to talk.”
“Just lie here with me,” I whisper through my tears.
Nichole does and we lie in silence until my tears subside and I turn to face her.
“You ok, girl? This Charlie guy really messed you up, huh?” She reaches over to wipe tears from my face.
“It’s complicated…” I fall to my back, trying to hide more tears coming out. “I just need to leave. Get out of here.”
“What happened? What did he say?”
I start to cry again and Nichole reaches over to comfort me, not saying another word to which I’m very thankful.
We lay in silence and, after awhile, Nichole holds me tighter saying, “You want to go shopping?” her voice sounding as uplifting as possible.
I manage a small giggle and smile, “Sure, Nichole, let’s go shopping.”
I know that shopping is the one thing that will help clear my mind as I have a trip to get ready for. And there’s no one better to go shopping with than Nichole.
We spend the day at Union Square at all the high-end shops. My mood has lifted in a way that only a new Fendi bag will do. I know it’s only temporary but as Nichole said, “Whatever gets you through the day.”
We walk up to our apartment, holding numerous bags, only to see Charlie sitting on our front step. My heart sinks to the floor as we catch eyes.
He instantly stands up to walk toward me but Nichole jumps in between us, chastising, “Oh, no you don’t!” She looks back to me for reassurance but I just look away. “Look, I don’t know what you did but she wants nothing to do with you. You need to leave,” her voice stern as she pushes him away.
“Please, Allison, talk to me,” he pleads.
“I’ve already told you, Charlie,” Nichole speaks for me again, “She wants you to leave.”
Charlie looks to Nichole before looking back to me, trying to catch my eye again. “I need to hear it from her.”
I look into his eyes and my heart leaps into my throat. Suddenly my mouth is completely dry and I can’t say it. I can’t tell him to leave. I do love him. I’m just so confused. I let my heart do the talking and put my hand on Nichole, saying, “Please, give us a minute.”
Nichole frustratingly puts her hands up in the air. “Fine, I told you already to stay away from him and you didn’t listen then. Now look at where we are. Allison, I’ll be inside.”
Nichole walks away, leaving us in silence as we stare at each other with distance between us. Charlie steps closer and I instantly take one step back.
He holds out his hand, “Please, Allison, talk to me.”
Tears start to flow down my face and I finally manage to speak, “I can’t Charlie.” I shake my head no and look down to the sidewalk.
“Allison, I was afraid to tell you. I thought you would hate me. But I swear. I quit. That night in Tahoe. Before I made love to you. I texted Ms…” he stutters and I know it’s because he doesn’t want to say my mom’s name. “I texted her and said I quit. I was done. I wanted nothing but to be with you, and only you. Please believe me.”
“Charlie, this is just too much. And my mom!” I shutter at the thought. “I just can’t handle this. I’m leaving anyway.”
I look up to his face just as a single tear falls down his cheek. “You’re leaving?”
I wipe my tears away, confidently saying, “Yes, I got an internship. I leave in a few days for Paris.”
“No, you can’t leave,” Charlie reaches out to embrace me.
I pull away. “Don’t touch me. I’m leaving Charlie. I have to. Please, just forget about me.” I run into my apartment, leaving Charlie standing alone.
I run up the stairs, giving Nichole a don’t-ask look and she just puts her hands up in the air shaking her head as she walks into her room.
Slamming the door behind me, I throw myself down on my bed. I’m determined not to cry again so I start a group text with my friends, Sonia, Lacy and Megan.
You girls up for a night out?
Lacy replies first:
Hell yeah!
Megan and Sonia agree too and we decide on meeting at my place in a few hours before going out.
The girls arrive noticing right away that I’m looking to drown my memories with whatever guy will take them away. I only dress in a short black, backless dress with black stiletto ankle wrap peep toe heels when I’m on a mission for a man, even if it is to drown my sorrows, he won’t care.
“Damn girl, you’re looking hot! Like you’re on a mission, hot. Is Charlie going to be there?” Lacy says as she surveys up my outfit.
I glare at Lacy and try to sound as aloof as possible, “That prick? No, he’s just like the rest of them. I need to find me a rebound tonight before I head off to Paris.”
Megan, always being the comforting friend, puts her arm on me saying, “I’m sorry. What happened?”
“Turns out my sister was right, he’s married…” I turn around so they don’t see my face in pain as I lie. I had no choice, how can I tell them what’s really going on without telling them all about my mom?
Sonia is my closest friend, we’ve been best friends since seventh grade, and I don’t dare look at her. She has to know I’m lying and I’m so grateful she’s not calling me out in front of the other girls.
We all walk into the kitchen where I pull out a bottle of Fireball Whiskey. “I say let’s do a shot before we leave.”
Lacy and Megan giggle in delight but Sonia isn’t fooled, I only drink like this when something is really wrong but I don’t care.
I pour shots, handing the girls each one. Sonia and I catch eyes as I hand her the shot. She tilts her head to the side in a silent everything ok look and my eyes fill up with tears as I look away, trying to hide it.
Thankfully, Lacy holds up her glass for a toast, “To Allison! Lucky bitch that gets to live in Paris for a month.”
The toast makes me laugh as we clink glasses and all take the shot.
“So, where should we go?” Megan asks.
“I was thinking Ruby Skye. I want to dance my ass off, but with higher class guys,” I laugh.
They all agree and we head out to the club.
We’re offered automatic entrance since the bouncer has authority to let any sexy, single girls in. When I look back at the long line I smile, loving the fact that I’m female. We all flash a sexy smile to the bouncer, thanking him as we walk by.
Ruby Skye is a more elegant nightclub in the San Francisco scene, looking like an old ornate theater transformed into a nightclub. There are girls dancing as displays on ledges and light beams moving through the air to the hype techno music blasting around the club.
We head to the bar to order our first round of drinks, checking out the scene and what my options are for the night. I will need another drink first though, or maybe ten. The thought of another guy still makes my chest hurt so I know I’m not drunk enough yet.
A guy across the bar winks at me. He’s cute so I smile back thinking he could be a possibility as I down my cosmopolitan.
“Oh, so it’s one of those nights,” Lacy teases as she follows suit and downs her drink, too.
Ariana Grande’s song Problem comes on making me light up, grabbing my girls, I yell, “Yes, let’s dance!”
We head out to the dance floor, singing the lyrics, dancing as sexy as I know how, trying to dance my problems, and Charlie, away.
There’s a knock at my door and I try to put on a smile as I greet Jason and Jen walking through the door. Jason holds out his hand to shake mine and Jen wraps her arms around me, hugging me tightly. She’s always been a close friend, even before she and Jason got married. They were high school sweethearts so she’s been there through everything.
“I’m glad you guys could make it,” I say, trying to sound positive.
Jason tries to play cool but Jen is not one to sit silent, “So tell us, what happened?”
I try to lie, “What, I can’t ask my friends to come up for a night ou
t?”
“Charlie, we love you. We’re here for you. What’s up? Where’s Allison?” Jen asks.
I turn into the kitchen, putting my hands on the counter and dropping my head down, letting out a big sigh. “I knew she wouldn’t want me.”
Jen runs over, “Why would you ever say that?”
“Come on, Jen,” I look to her, surprised, “look around. You know what I do for a living. No girl is ever going to be ok with that.”
“Well, Charlie,” she’s trying to be reassuring, “I agree. No girl is going to be ok with that. How did she find out? Did you really just come out and tell her?”
“No! Hell no.” I run my fingers through my hair as I tell them the whole story about how I quit when we were in Tahoe, how I truly love her and was giving it all up for her. Then how my madam is her mom, how I felt I had no choice, how one of my clients kidnapped Allison and now she’s in the hospital in a coma. I’m talking so fast, Jason and Jen just sit in shock.
Jen finally speaks, “Holy fuck…” Then looks to Jason trying to lighten the mood, “And we thought our lives were crazy with the kids.” They both laugh. “But seriously Charlie, holy shit. Is she ok?”
“Yeah, she’s fine, at least physically. Emotionally, I’m not sure. I’ve tried but she won’t talk to me. She got a photography internship in Paris and leaves in a few days.”
“I’m so sorry, Charlie. You really love her, don’t you?” Jen asks.
I look up to her, my eyes saying it all.
Jason finally speaks up, clapping his hands together, “So yes, we need to go out and get you something to drink.”
“Thanks guys, for coming up. Let’s go to Ruby Skye, the bouncer’s my boy so we don’t have to worry about the line. It’s a cool place and I want you guys to have a fun night for coming all the way up here, just for me.”
Jen walks over, giving me a big hug and I’m so thankful they’re here.
Once we get to the club I greet the bouncer holding up my hand, “Hey, bro. What’s up?”
“Charlie, man, good to see you. You coming in tonight?”
