“Aubrey. Nice to see you again. If you both could please lose your robes, we’ll get started.”
Aubrey lets hers fall to the ground and leaves it there. I pick it up and lay it over the arm of the nearest chair along with mine. I know there are people who would pick up behind her if I wasn’t here, but I don’t think that’s fair. She isn’t normally this much of a snob. Blake’s presence has a horrible effect on her personality.
The shoot lasts longer than I expect. So long, in fact, that Zach has to call and cancel our dinner meeting and reschedule.
Blake takes photos of us together and then each of us separately. Zach watches the entire time, a scowl on his face. Every now and again, I’d catch him shoot an evil look in Blake’s direction, not that Blake noticed. His attention was focused on us, not Zach.
As we finish up, Zach rushes us to get dressed and out the door. I don’t even get the time to find Blake and thank him. I know I’ll see him tomorrow at the show, but it feels rude to disappear without letting him know. Zach doesn’t seem to care. He’s hell bent on getting us back to the hotel. He claims we need to rest up for the show. I think it has more to do with getting me away from Blake.
“You know,” I start as I toss my purse onto the hotel bed, “you and Blake are going to have to learn to play nice eventually.”
“I always play nice, babe.” Taking a step toward me, Zach looks like he’s ready to pounce. I need to speak my peace before he has his way with me.
“You can’t avoid each other forever, Zach. He’ll be invited to the wedding.”
“Says who?” His sultry tone is gone, replaced with irritation.
“Say’s me. We’ve been friends since we were teenagers.”
“You don’t even see each other anymore. It’s not like you’re still friends.”
“I’d like to think we are, or at least, we could be.”
Zach stops his pursuit of me and stares, blankly, in my direction. “He’s your ex, Char. I’d prefer if he’s not there. In fact, I don’t like you being around him at all. I don’t like the way he looks at you. I don’t like how much attention he pays you. I don’t like that he’s the photographer at all these photo shoots people keep setting up for you.”
“I know. I can tell by the look on your face every time you see him. He probably won’t come to the wedding, but I’d at least like to invite him. And his parents.”
“I can’t talk about this right now. I’m getting pissed off just thinking about it. You need to set a date, and then we can talk about the guest list.”
Storming out of the room, Zach successfully ends our conversation. Of course, he got the last word. He always has to have the last word. Even if we’re not fighting.
I jump online and start making plans for my trip home. After talking with Alice, I send Georgie an email with his itinerary. Everything is set. Wednesday night, after the last runway show, I’ll be leaving for home. I only have a few days to spend there before I have to meet Zach and Aubrey back in New York on Sunday. The work week starts again bright and early Monday morning.
My next break won’t be until Christmas… if I get a break for the holidays this year.
Zach is cuddled up in bed with me when I wake up. He reeks of cigar smoke and beer. He must have gone down to the bar last night when he stormed out. His scent is making me want to gag, so I crawl out of his grasp and start getting cleaned up.
After a long, hot shower, I slip into a pair of stretch pants, covering my butt with a long sweater. I comb through my hair with my fingers and tie it in a knot on top of my head. The hair experts will make it look fabulous in a few hours. No need to waste my morning on it.
I head down to the lobby in search of a hot cup of coffee. After asking the older woman at the front desk, I exit the hotel and head across the street to a cafe. The sun is beginning to rise now—oranges, reds, and yellows blossoming around me. It’s a chilly but beautiful morning.
Taking a seat near the window inside, I send Zach a text, letting him know where I am. Hopefully, it wakes him up so he can start getting ready for us to leave. I text Aubrey after that, asking if she wants me to bring her back some coffee.
Just as I’m hitting send the bell above the door chimes. It startles me a little, and I look up. My eyes connect with his, and a smile spreads across my face. I forgot how handsome he looks in the morning. His shirt is slightly wrinkled. It’s damp around the collar from where his freshly washed hair has dripped. He never was good as drying it all the way. He didn’t have the patience.
“Fancy meeting you here,” I say when he finally spots me.
“Well, it is just across the street. I suppose if I sit here long enough, I’ll run into plenty of people I know.”
“You’re welcome to sit with me while you wait for all your friends to join you,” I say, motioning to the chair across from me.
“Spunky this morning, aren’t we, Charlie.”
“I’m always spunky in the mornings.” Blake smiles at me and walks to the counter to place his order. He returns with a steamy cup of coffee and a pastry that smell delicious.
“Help yourself,” he says, pushing the pastry toward me. He must have seen me staring at it.
“I shouldn’t. You know, I have to fit into those tiny outfits today.”
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem. You’ve always been fit. Time hasn’t changed that.”
I nod, unsure of how to reply. Sure, time hasn’t changed the fact I have a high metabolism. What has time changed?
After a few moments of awkward silence, I begin to tap my foot nervously. There are so many things I want to say to him. Things I want to ask him about life. We haven’t spoken in months, yet it feels more like years. Maybe it’s because we used to talk every day and now we don’t. Maybe it’s because I wonder about him all the time. More than likely it’s because my heart never stopped loving him, and now that he’s sitting across from me, it wants to remember how it felt to love him.
I can’t think like that. I have to push past this feeling. It’s not normal. It’s not a good thing. Zach wouldn’t approve of us sitting here, even though we’re not even talking to each other. Zach. That’s how I can put a stop to this yearning feeling.
“So, I was talking to Zach last night about the wedding, and I need to ask you something.”
“No, I will not wear a bridesmaid’s dress. Not even for you,” he jokes.
“Funny, ha ha. No, seriously.”
“What’s up?”
“He’s not comfortable with you being at the wedding. I told him it was non-negotiable. Well, I tried to tell him, but he wasn’t listening.”
“So, I’m not invited then…”
“No, of course, you’re invited. I need you to make nice with him, Blake. Try and be his friend. Reassure him he has no reason to be threatened by you.” Blake lifts his eyebrow, suspiciously, so I continue, “He didn’t use those words, I did.”
“I can try, Charlie, but I’m not really sure it’s a good idea.”
“Why not? I think you two would get along great. You have more in common than you think.”
“The only thing we have in common is the fact that we’re both in love with you, Charlie.”
December 2000
Paris couldn’t end quickly enough. I kept running into Blake every time I turned around. At first, I thought it was a coincidence. After a while, it became obvious it wasn’t. He was making his presence known. He was making Zach aware he was in my life. The truth of the matter is, I enjoyed seeing Blake. I missed talking to him about stupid shit. He reminded me of home and the life I used to have. He also reminded me of what I’ve given up to pursue modeling as a career.
Talk about a double-edged sword.
Without saying goodbye to anyone except Zach, I left for the airport. I needed time away from it all after that week. I needed to clear my head and reset. Home was the best place to do that. Back to where it all began. Well, back to where all the bad in my life shifted to good
, anyway.
Home always brought memories of Blake with it, though. I kept looking out the window of my old bedroom waiting to see Blake walk out his back door and jump in the pool. I stood at the window for hours, waiting and waiting. It never happened. There was a brief moment of sadness that washed over me as I stood there, followed by relief. I was getting the break I needed… from everyone.
Alice and Scott helped me set a date for the wedding while I was home. It’s going to be a June wedding it looks like. I only have six more months to plan, but I have a good start so far. Alice and I have been emailing back and forth since I left. She’s helped me secure a venue, photographer, and caterers. The big things are all taken care of.
Zach is on board with me taking some time off since it pertains to the wedding. It’s a great excuse to head back to California. I need to look into a few things. Plus, I can be home for Christmas this year. Zach’s also set aside some time for Aubrey to plan a bachelorette party for me next month. I have no idea what she’s up to, but I have a feeling it’s going to be more her style than mine. She’s being rather secretive about everything.
So two months after my last visit, here I am, packing to head home again. It feels good. I throw the last of my clothes in my bag and zip it up. I’ll only be there for a few days, so I don’t need much. Alice is meeting me in LA tonight, and we’re going to spend tomorrow doing some shopping before heading home. I get two days at home, and then I have to come back to New York. It’s a short trip, but with Christmas coming next week, I’m glad I get the time with them.
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I head into the kitchen, grab my purse and the presents, and I’m out the door. The cab should be pulling up any minute.
Just as I enter the elevator, my phone rings. I drop everything and rummage through my purse. Ring. Where the hell is it? Ring. Come on! Ring. Gotcha!
“Hello,” I say without looking at the screen.
“Charlie.”
Blake. His voice is barely above a whisper. Something is wrong. I know it in my heart.
“What’s the matter?”
“It’s my dad. He, um, he had a heart attack.”
Shit! This can’t be good. He wouldn’t be calling just to tell me if he was okay. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and ask the question I’m scared to know the answer to.
“Is he okay?”
“I don’t know.” Blake sounds like he’s in a state of shock. The first thought that crosses my mind is he needs me.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” I ask, picking up my bags from where I dropped them and exiting the elevator. I spot the cab out front and rush to get there before the driver gets impatient.
“The doctors aren’t sure if he’s going to make it yet.”
“Are you there? Are you at the hospital?”
“Yeah. Can you come?”
Without even thinking, I tell him I’m on my way. After I hang up, I call Alice to let her know the change in plans. I’ll be flying into San Francisco and renting a car to meet Blake at the hospital. She’s hysterical on the phone, having been friends with the Collins for years. I do the best I can to calm her down, assuring her everything is going to be fine and I’m on my way.
Once I land, I call Zach to tell him my change in plans. He’s not pleased but swears he understands and asks me to call him once I know more. I promise to do so and drive like a bat out of hell to the hospital. I break at least five or six laws to get there in record time.
Blake is waiting for me outside the emergency room doors. He’s smoking, something I’ve only seen him do a handful of times and only when he’s stressed out. I want to smack him and tell him they’ll kill him, but now is not the time. I’ll scold him later, once we know his dad is going to be okay.
Flicking his cigarette away, Blake pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. I give him a light squeeze, attempting to reassure him I’m here. He doesn’t let go right away, and when I attempt to pull back, I realize why. He’s crying on my shoulder. This has never happened before, and I’m at a loss. I have no idea how to console him.
Leading him over to the closest bench, I hold him while he gets it all out, rubbing my hand up and down his back until his tears subside. Once they do, we sit in silence for a few minutes.
“I don’t know what to do, Charlie.”
“There’s nothing you can do. He’s in good hands. They’ll do everything they can to try and help him.”
“I know. I just feel so helpless,” he confesses.
“Where’s your mom?” I ask, attempting to get him to focus on something else for a few minutes.
“She’s inside, waiting for the doctor.”
“Why don’t we go wait with her? I’m sure she needs you right now, more than you think.”
Judy pulls me in for a hug as soon as she sees me. It lacks her normal enthusiasm and passion. Under the circumstances, I’m not surprised.
“What have you heard, Mom?”
“Nothing. The nurse came over a few minutes ago and said the doctor should be out in a little while to speak with me. She couldn’t tell me any more than that.”
We all wait in silence. I watch the minutes tick by on the clock. Five minutes. Fifteen. At thirty minutes, I’m getting antsy. As much as they need answers, I want answers for them. The nurse said he’ll be here soon. Where the hell is he?
“Mrs. Collins,” a man in light blue scrubs calls from across the room.
Judy stands but doesn’t move. Blake stares in his direction, a look of dread consuming his features. I have to be the brave one. This is why I’m here, to help.
Taking Judy’s hand, I escort her over to where the doctor is waiting for her. Blake follows behind us, his fists clenched. Some things never change.
“I’m Doctor Howe. I operated on your husband. I’m happy to report everything went extremely well. We were able to clear the blockage, and he’s in recovery. You should be able to see him shortly.”
“He’s going to be okay?” Judy sounds unsure of her question.
“He has some recovery ahead of him, and he’ll need to take some medications to try and prevent this from happening again, but yes, ma’am, he’s going to be just fine.”
Judy sinks to the floor in a fit of tears. Happy tears. Tears of relief. I contemplate joining her when Blake takes a seat next to her and wraps his arms around her. They sit, crying in each other’s arms, in the middle of the floor. They don’t care who’s watching, and it doesn’t matter, because he’s going to be okay.
When Blake and Judy are called back by the nurse, I say my goodbyes and head home. Calling Alice on the way, I give her the good news. I can hear her smile as she praises the good Lord above.
After an exhausting day of travel, not to mention the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been riding, I curl up on the couch, falling asleep quickly. The smell of bacon and eggs wakes me the next morning, the sun already above the horizon. I’ve slept in later than I have in years.
Walking into the kitchen, Alice hands me a steaming cup of coffee. I give Scott a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat at the kitchen table next to him and stealing his favorite part of the morning paper. He smiles at me as I clear my throat and get ready to read the comics aloud, one of our favorite past times.
Alice and I are going to head up to the hospital to check on Mr. Collins before we go shopping. After much debate, I decide to call Blake first to see if they want us to bring anything. I dial his number and the ringing echoes. That’s weird. It rings again and echoes again, only louder this time. One more ring, another echo, and then it stops.
“Hello? Hello? Blake, are you there?”
“Behind you, Charlie.”
Screaming, I practically jump out of my seat at the sound of Blake’s voice. “What the hell!”
“Sorry,” Blake laughs, holding his stomach.
“Liar. What are you doing here?”
“I came home to get a few things, so I thought I’d stop over and say thank you,” h
e replies, taking a seat next to me.
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s doing great. It’s my mom I’m worried about now. She’s still trying to cope with what happened. It really did a number on her.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s the one who found him, Charlie.”
“Oh shit! I had no idea.”
“Yeah. It should have been me.”
“Why do you say that? Were you here when it happened?”
“I had just come home. Mom came to pick me up at the airport, and when we pulled in, I realized I had forgotten one of my bags, the one with presents in it. I told her to head inside and I’d run back to get it. She called me five minutes later, crying. I could barely understand what she was saying. I turned around and met her at the hospital. She found him, barely breathing, in his chair in the living room.”
I know that chair. I learned the hard way no one was allowed to sit in that chair but him. He claimed to have it perfectly “dented” the way he liked it. Basically, he didn’t want anyone to ruin his butt impression. There could be ten people in the room, and if he wasn’t there, the chair was empty.
“I’m so sorry, Blake. I’m glad you were here, though, and not off somewhere on assignment.”
“I was supposed to be. I got someone to take my place on this European tour they wanted me to go on so I could come home for the holidays. Something in my heart told me I had to. I’m glad I listened.”
“Me, too.”
Blake and I sit in silence for a few minutes before either of us finds the courage to speak. I know no amount of words, not even the right combination of them, will change the situation or make Blake feel better. I’m happy his dad is doing better. I’m sure his mom will get better in time after the shock of finding her husband wears off. As for Blake, the fact he’s an only child makes me wonder if he’s going to move back home. It’s the ultimate sacrifice, giving up what you love for your family, but it’s the type of thing I can see Blake doing.
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