“Now, let me ask you a question. Is he good enough for my sister? Laurel called me yesterday to tell me she and Raudrich were engaged.”
His brows pinched together in confusion. “She called ye?”
“It doesn’t matter. Is he?”
He shook his head without hesitation. “No, but he loves her verra much. And in fairness, I couldna love yer sister more if she were my own kin, so I doona know if I would ever think anyone was good enough for her.”
“I agree. No one is.”
“What of ye, Kate? Yer sister mentioned that ye’ve a love of yer own. Is he sleeping in another room, or did ye leave him behind for this new life of yers?”
Had it been any other circumstance, or perhaps with any other person, I would’ve squirmed away from the topic of Dillon. After spending so many hours spinning out about him earlier, he wasn’t really a topic I wanted to discuss. But he was, even if I didn’t want to admit it, still on my mind, and for some reason, none of my normal defense mechanisms rose up at Maddock’s question.
I couldn’t tell if it was something about his presence that calmed me or if I was just simply too exhausted to put up my usual defenses—perhaps I was jet lag drunk. Whatever it was, it felt nice to speak honestly without my words causing me some sort of physical or emotional pain, so I did so freely.
“I ended things with him a few weeks ago. He won’t be coming with us.”
His lips pulled to the side in a sympathetic expression as he spoke. “Ye must be grieving for him. ’Tis never easy to say goodbye to those we care for, even if we know ’tis right for us to do so.”
“Perhaps I should be grieving, but it was never right between us.”
“Did ye love him?”
I waited a moment before answering. I wanted to be sure that my first reaction was truly how I felt. “I thought I did. I do love him in the sense that I care about him. I would never want anything bad to happen to him. I hope he’s happy, but I don’t think that I was in love with him. I don’t miss him, and I don’t believe I ever shall.”
“Then you werena in love with him, lass.”
I nodded in agreement. “Right? I mean, I just believe it should be more intense between two people than it was with Dillon and me. I want that jolt to run through me every time I look at the person I’m with; I want to light up when I’m in a room and he glances my way; I want…” I paused to see him watching me closely, and warmth spread through my whole body. It was an intimate, knowing glance, and something silent passed between us that made me wonder if perhaps his reaction to me wasn’t so different from mine to him. “I just want more.”
He shook his head to relieve the intensity between us. “Ye deserve more, lass. Do ye mind…” He pointed to my missing right arm. “Does it pain ye to speak of the fire?”
Usually, it did, but I didn’t feel like it would be so painful to talk about it with him.
“Sometimes, but my therapist would tell me that speaking about it will only make it easier for me to move on.”
He said nothing, giving me plenty of time to talk through it at my own pace.
“It was a normal night. I worked a little later than usual. I was over at a client’s house finishing up a decorating job. I came home thrilled that the client had loved the new bathroom I’d designed for her, but I was also exhausted.
“I’ve always been a very heavy sleeper. I’m hard to wake, and when I’m tired, I sleep like the dead. Anyway, the fire started in the apartment above me. The old man that lived there left his stove on and something caught, and the entire building went up so quickly. The alarms sounded, and most people woke up and were able to evacuate, but I slept right through it.
“By the time Mr. Crinkles managed to wake me, the apartment was filled with smoke. We nearly made it out before part of the ceiling caved in and pinned us both to the ground. Debris flew into Mr. Crinkles’ eye causing him to lose it, and my arm got pinned beneath the ceiling. It’s a miracle that firefighters were able to pull us both out and that all we lost were an eye and an arm.”
He shook his head and his gaze looked sad. “I canna imagine how frightened ye were. How great the pain must have been.”
“In all honesty, I wasn’t frightened. It happened too quickly for me to be scared, and the pain was nothing then.” I shuddered thinking about the weeks and months of recovery afterward. “That came later. Luckily, I didn’t have too many burns on my body. That was the one blessing about the way things fell. The part of the building that landed on me and Crink didn’t actually catch on fire, so we were shielded from most of the flames.
“You asked before why anyone would want to leave here. Visiting with you has driven home my reason even more. My roots are too deep in Boston. Every place I go—my work, Laurel’s apartment building, all of my favorite restaurants—everyone knows me. Or at least they did know me. Now, they look at me as if I went somewhere in that fire. They don’t look at me the same because they know who I was before. I changed. I know that, but I didn’t die. I’m still here, but I’m not sure everyone else knows that. All you can see is who I am now, and that’s more refreshing than I know how to express. I’m ready to leave everything behind. I don’t think I ever could’ve really healed there.”
He leaned forward with his hand that wasn’t holding up his head and gave my knee a gentle squeeze. “I thought yer sister was the bravest lass I knew. I doona know if I can say that anymore.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Brave is the very last thing I am. I’m scared of everything.”
“O’course ye are. We are all scared, but most of us allow that fear to keep us from doing things. Ye doona do that.”
We spent the rest of the night talking. We spoke of the other men on the Isle and of Laurel’s throwdown with Machara. We spoke of serious things and silly things. By the time the sun began to peek through the windows, I was certain I’d never been so happy to start a day on so little sleep.
“I think ye should go and speak to yer mother about what is troubling ye now, lass. Before the castle wakes and the day truly begins. The time just before ye sleep and just after ye wake hold a special sort of magic. People are more prone to honesty; to bearing their soul, if ye will.”
At some point in the night, we’d circled back around to the topic of Dillon, and I’d mentioned my worry over my mother’s insistence that I speak with him. He was right, I wanted to find out what was up.
Standing and stretching from hours of sitting there on the bed, I smiled at him. “You sound as if you know this from experience.”
He motioned between the two of us. “Look at us, lass. We hardly know one another and yet we met each other during that magical time of day I just mentioned, and we spent the whole night speaking to one another like old friends.”
Or lovers. I kept that thought to myself.
“You’re right. I’ll go talk to her now.”
*
Stepping out into the hallway, I could see that the light in Mom’s bedroom was already on as I’d suspected it would be. She enjoyed rising early.
It never occurred to me to knock before entering. I turned the knob and flung it open without a second thought.
The only way for me to make sense of my ridiculously delayed reaction is to chalk it up to shock. Every fiber in my being had known precisely what I would see when stepping inside my mother’s room. I would find her propped up in bed, reading glasses on and a book in her hands, enjoying the quiet minutes before everyone else was awake.
My brain simply didn’t know how to comprehend what I was seeing.
Mom was propped up in the bed, but she wore no reading glasses, and there wasn’t a book in sight. Instead, she was naked, and her breasts greeted me as I stared at her in confusion.
“Mom? Did you sleep nude?”
It should’ve been so obvious to me, but I just wasn’t getting it.
Her panicked voice was immediate. “Kate! You don’t just go around opening doors without knocking.”
/> I snorted, still astonishingly slow on the uptake. “Seriously? You’re one to talk. Do you even know how to knock? I mean…”
There was the briefest of shuffling noises, and for the first time since stepping inside the room, I glanced toward her bathroom.
David stood totally naked in the doorway, both palms spread wide to cover up his junk.
He and I must’ve stared at each other for a solid five seconds of horror. Eventually, as my mouth still hung wide open from shock, he spoke. “Good morning, Kate. I guess the cat’s out of the bag.”
Chapter 13
I stood there for way too long as my eyes darted back and forth between David in the bathroom doorway and my mother in the bed. I wouldn’t have been any more shocked if I’d walked in on Mom in bed with George Clooney.
“I…uh…excuse me.” Reaching for the knob, I pulled the door shut and backed away from the scene slowly.
It was as if all of my muscles slowed down, making the walk down the hallway and down the stairs slow and heavy.
I could hear Maddock call after me as I moved away from the scene, but I kept walking until I reached the castle’s main floor and turned down the staircase leading to the castle’s kitchens. All I could think was that I needed coffee. Now. It was the only thing that might help my brain recover from the trauma it had experienced.
“Kate, lass, are ye all right?”
Maddock was just a few steps behind me, and I shook my head no as I walked into the kitchen.
“I just walked in on my mother and David naked together. I’m not sure if I’ll be all right ever again.”
Appearing out of the cupboard to the right of the kitchen, Sydney gasped as she looked at my ashen expression and then laughed softly.
“Eeek. Yeah, it doesn’t get much worse than that, does it?” She studied my expression a moment longer before adding. “Wait. Did you not know they were together?”
I shook my head as Maddock appeared beside me in my peripheral vision.
“Did you know?”
Sydney gave me a sympathetic nod as she reached behind me to flip on the coffee maker as if she’d read my mind. “Honestly, I assumed they were. He touched her arm at least five times over dinner last night. And the knowing glances that seemed to pass between the two of them were frequent.”
So many little instances flashed through my mind. Mom’s early morning trips to the gym, her reaction when I’d mentioned eating dinner with David, her offer to call him about said dinner, and even her reaction at the dinner should’ve clued me in, but it obviously never crossed my mind.
Shrugging as acceptance washed through me, I smiled for the first time since opening that bedroom door. “Actually…I guess it makes sense, but I really didn’t have a clue.”
“Ye look as if ye might be cold, lass.” Maddock spoke for the first time since we’d entered the kitchen and surprised me by moving to my back, where he reached up and placed both hands on either side of my arms as he gently rubbed them up and down to warm me.
Normally, I was touchy about letting people near the site of the amputation, mostly because everyone always acted so weird about it, but Maddock didn’t hesitate as he ran his palm all the way down to where my arm now ended at the elbow. The fact that he didn’t hesitate made it impossible for me to feel self-conscious about it. It felt nice, and as the chill in my body subsided, I took a deep breath and relaxed into him.
Sydney clenched her teeth nervously as she watched me. I immediately grew tense again.
“Don’t relax too much just yet. I’m afraid something else happened this morning that is bound to be a shock.”
Maddock’s hands stilled on my shoulders at Sydney’s words.
I stepped away from him so I could steady myself on the island countertop.
“What is it? What happened?”
“More like who happened, really. I woke this morning and—as I do every morning—made my way through the magical stairwell that connects the Cagair of this time to the Cagair of the seventeenth century so that I could cook breakfast. When I came out of the stairwell and made my way around to the front door of the castle, there was a car running outside. As I approached, a man exited and came over to greet me. He said his name was Dillon. He claims to be your boyfriend.”
Chapter 14
Every bit of my worrying had been justified. I had no doubt that somehow my mother was involved with Dillon’s arrival here at the castle. She had to be. Otherwise, I could think of no way for him to know where we were.
I shook my head as I braced my arm on the countertop and bent to shield my face and head into the crook of my arm as I groaned. “I’m going to kill her.”
“Who?” Sydney’s voice sounded confused.
“My mother. She helped him do this. She helped him find me. That’s why she was so insistent that I answer his calls.” I glanced up from my bent position to see her staring down at me with sympathy.
“I can make him leave if you’d like.”
I shook my head before turning back to the covered safety of my arm. “No, I’m going to have to deal with this. Where is he?”
There was the sudden sound of several sets of footsteps on the floor above, and it sounded to me as if they were approaching the stairwell.
“I bet that’s him. Callum was giving him a tour of the castle. I think they are headed down here now.”
I made a dramatic sound of dread, as if I were crying, but stopped the moment I felt Maddock’s hands lift me from the island.
He spun me toward him, keeping his grip tight on my shoulders as his eyes stared into my own.
“Do ye want him here, lass?”
I shook my head no.
“From what ye’ve said of him, I doona think him a man that understands anything easily with words alone. Mayhap, ye should give him something else to let him know ye are through with him.”
I shrugged beneath Maddock’s grip. “Oh yeah? What would that be?”
Mischief flashed in his green eyes, and my body lit up all over. “Do ye trust me?”
I thought of all the rarely spoken things I’d trusted him with last night. I thought of my sister’s love for him and her obvious trust in sending him here to see us to the Isle safely. Even if he was still a stranger, I knew my answer.
“Yes.”
He smiled as his left hand released its grip on my shoulders and smoothly slid down to my lower back where he pulled me close against him.
I could hear Dillon descending the stairs to the kitchen, but I kept my eyes locked with Maddock’s.
The moment Dillon stepped into the room and could easily see the two of us pressed against one another, Maddock bent his head and kissed me.
Chapter 15
There was no warm-up to his kiss. No light touch of his lips to see if I would accept them, no delicate trail along my jaw. Immediately, his lips were hot and urgent against my own. At first, I stiffened in response, my back going rigid in shock, but it only took a moment before my body became liquid against him, my mind surrendering to the pleasure of his lips dancing against my own.
As Maddock’s tongue flickered into my mouth—a testing, teasing gesture that invited me to play with him—I responded in kind.
He kissed me for longer than was necessary—I heard Dillon turn around and head back up the stairs shortly after he saw the two of us—but I made no effort to pull away. My body was too alive, my mind too sludgy to do anything other than surrender to how good it felt to kiss him.
He was lost in it, too. He held me so close against him, I could feel the need balled up tight throughout every muscle in his body. His breath was shaky and rough, his lips heavy and urgent. It was only once his hands began to roam up and down my body that he seemed to remember what he was doing and why. When he finally did pull away, he looked as swept up as I felt.
He glanced around the room uncomfortably. “I….” He let out a shaky breath and gave me a gentle smile. “I think it worked, lass. He’s gone. Best ye go to him. Te
ll him whatever will make him see that ye meant every word ye said to him before. If ye need to use me, I’ll go along with whatever ye tell him.”
If not for the support of the kitchen island behind me, I would’ve fallen over when he stepped away. I turned to my right to see Sydney gaping at us with her mouth and eyes wide open.
Unsure of what to say to any of them, I simply nodded in acknowledgment of Maddock’s suggestion and awkwardly scooted past a perplexed-looking Callum on the stairs as I made my way up to find Dillon.
I didn’t have to look far. He was sitting on the grand entrance stairway, with his face in his hands as I approached.
He glanced up and looked at me with weary eyes. “Is he the reason you ended things?” He lifted his head and pointed toward the kitchen. “Is that why you came to Scotland?”
“What?” I shook my head as I moved to sit next to him. “Of course it’s not. Do you really think I’d cheat on you?”
He sighed and shifted so that he faced me. “No, I don’t. How long have you known him?”
I glanced over at the grandfather clock near the entryway. “All of nine hours.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “I guess I deserve this.” He reached out to grab my hand as tears filled his eyes. “I’m so, so sorry, Kate. I haven’t been able to eat, haven’t been able to sleep since you left my place that night. You have to know…I didn’t mean it. What I said…”
He paused and let out a loud sob that startled me so much I jumped. I’d never seen him cry before.
He bent until his head was all the way in my lap, and he cried as he spoke. “I truly didn’t mean it. Please, Kate. Please forgive me. I can’t live with myself knowing I said something so cruel to you. Knowing that you think I truly believe that. Of course, he wants you. God, any man with half a brain cell would want you. I was just hurt, Kate. Really, really hurt.”
I believed him. Even though his words hurt me so much in that moment, none of them had sounded like him. And there was no way this apology was disingenuous.
Love Beyond Wanting Page 7
