I placed a hand softly on his chest, hoping to calm him, but he began to mumble again, and I tried to make out what he was saying. “Don’t do it,” I thought I heard. “Stop.”
“No more,” he went on. “No more!” Then, he spoke more clearly. “This has to stop,” he cried, then sighed and turned over, silent, breathing returning to normal.
I withdrew my hand and pulled the covers up to my chin, troubled by his words. What pain was he talking about? Had he been dreaming? He’d sounded so distraught; I wanted to take him and rock him against my chest, quiet him until he felt safe. I squeezed my eyes shut, but I couldn’t get his words out of my head. It felt like hours before I could fall back to sleep, hearing the moans repeatedly.
When I woke the next morning, the room was filled with sunlight, and Calvin’s side of the bed was empty. Stretching, I sat up in bed, wondering whether he’d already left for the day. The smell of bacon wafted into the room, and I realized the scent was what woke me, a grumbling filling my belly.
On the kitchen counter sat a plate of freshly cooked scrambled eggs, bacon, and buttered toast. A folded piece of paper with Calvin’s handwriting was next to the plate.
Sabrina—I had to head to the office. Didn’t want to wake you. A car will be by this afternoon to pick you up. Meet me at my office, and I’ll take you to see the city. —C
I smiled, thinking of him getting up early and seeing to my breakfast. A single white gardenia floated in a teacup next to the plate, and I picked it up, bringing it to my nose to inhale its sweet perfume.
After scraping the butter off, I nibbled on a piece of toast, eyeing the rest of the food warily. My anxious bingeing was still fresh in my mind. I didn’t want to trigger another binge, and I also didn’t want to gain any weight from my mishap. You never get it all out, I reminded myself. No, I needed to be careful, needed to prove to myself that I wouldn’t let my –disgusting, fat, gross… Stop it, Sabrina—appetites control me.
And then there was the matter of several thousand dollars worth of beautiful new clothes that needed to not only fit but look fantastic.
I cut the white away from the eggs, and left the yolks, and then hurriedly scraped the yolks, the rest of the toast, and the bacon into the suite’s garbage disposal so I wouldn’t have second thoughts. Coffee, I thought. I need coffee. Coffee could be a dancer’s best friend, when a performance was coming up.
My phone rang, and I I rustled through my bag,. Unknown number. Probably Calvin calling from his Chicago office, letting me know what time to be ready.
“Good morning,” I answered, voice sultry, eager to thank him for the beautiful flower, and the breakfast. Well, the thought of the breakfast, at least.
“Sabrina?” It wasn’t Calvin. “Sabrina—don’t hang up! It’s Brandon.” The sound of his voice hit like a ton of bricks.
For the first time, I didn’t slam down the phone, instead, choosing to sit on the bed, pulling my knees to my chest. “Hi.” I was still angry—livid, even—but hearing his voice reminded me of home, and I wasn’t ready to hang up yet.
“How are you, Sabs?” His voice was gentle and concerned, and I nestled against the pillows, covering my legs with a blanket.
“I’m good,” I answered carefully. “How are you?” I kept my tone even and cool, afraid I would suddenly burst into tears.
“Honestly? I’m going a little nuts without you, babe,” he laughed, a small, sad sound. “I meant what I said in my e-mails. I feel like the world’s biggest asshole. Sleeping with…” He trailed off, clearing his throat before starting. “Look, it was a terrible, terrible mistake. And I’m so sorry,” he added softly.
I was quiet. I wasn’t ready to forgive him, but it felt satisfying to hear him admit it, and I felt a little of the weight lifted off my heart.
“Seriously, Sabs, I wish I could take it all back.”
“I wish you could, too,” I said, tears filling my eyes. I looked up at the ceiling, shaking my head. Was that what I really wanted? If none of this had happened, I’d be back in Dallas, a few days away from saying I do. Sadness, mixed with relief, overwhelmed me, and I shoved the heel of my hand into my eyes to stop myself from crying.
“Where are you?” Brandon asked. “When are you coming home?”
“I went to New York,” I said, “for the auction.”
“You had us all so worried. You were all over the news, babe. But then, nothing. No one knew what happened. What did happen?”
“The winner lives in New York. So, I flew to meet him,” I said. “And here I am.” I didn’t think it was necessary to add that I’d flown to Chicago, especially given what happened on the flight to Chicago. He didn’t need to know any more than I’d already told him.
“Sabrina,” Brandon said urgently, “you don’t have to go through with anything. Come home. Come back to me. Please? I love you. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
A small ache pierced my heart. How easy. Just get on a plane and go back to Dallas. Pretend this was all a crazy dream; marry Brandon, just as we planned. Is that what I wanted?
I thought of lying in Calvin’s arms on the plane. “What if I’ve already gone through with it?” I asked.
“Have you?” Brandon’s voice grew sharper. “Did something happen between you and this… this guy?”
Close enough, I thought. And I did not intend to lie, no reason to protect him. “Yes,” I answered, not letting my voice waver.
I could hear Brandon breathing heavily into the phone. “How could you, Sabrina? What were you thinking?”
“What was I thinking?” I retorted. “I was thinking that my fiancé cheated on me with my friend. I was thinking that I saved my virginity for someone who acted as if it meant nothing to him. I was thinking that I didn’t have to ask anyone’s permission to do what I wanted to do.”
“I didn’t think you were like that,” Brandon said angrily.
I couldn’t believe him. “Like what, Brandon?” I asked. I threw the blanket off me and began to pace around the room. “I didn’t cheat on anyone. I didn’t do a damn thing wrong.”
“Sabrina, I—”
“No. This conversation is over. I don’t have to explain myself to you. Go to hell.” I threw my phone on the bed . It bounced twice, landing softly on the floor.
What did he think? That I would sit around mourning our relationship, deciding to die a virgin? Or that I’d take him back, and let him have my virginity after he disrespected me and my feelings for him like that? That he was the only one with sexual desires? How dare he judge me! Hypocrite! I took a deep breath, angry that I let the conversation rattle me. From the floor, my phone rang again, and I glared at it angrily. Brandon called five more times before my phone fell silent, finally obeying my commands. There was nothing left to say to him. The last thing I needed was judgment and accusations, especially from my cheating fiancé.
But a call to Chloe might be in order, I decided. She picked up on the first ring.
“Sabrina! Well, did you do it yet?”
I laughed in spite of myself. “You have a one track mind!” I giggled. “But actually, I was calling about Brandon. He just called me, and I answered. Like an idiot.”
“Why’d you bother answering? Seriously? He’s not worth talking to. You ought to just block his number, girl.”
I sighed. “Yeah… but doesn’t that seem… I don’t know. Harsh? All those years together and then just… never talk to him again? It seems like throwing away a huge part of my life…”
Chloe put on her bossy voice. “He’s the one who threw it away, Sabrina. He’s the one who gave up on you the second he decided to fuck Caitlin. Forget him! Yeah, it sucks about the wedding and all the time you were together, but I know you, Sabs. I know you will never be able to put that behind you. Am I wrong?”
“No,” I said quietly. “You’re right. By the way… has Caitlin been around? Bothered to show her face? You know, I never really got confirmation that it was her.”
“Convenient for her, I guess,” I said. But it bugged me. Not that confronting Caitlin would do me any good, I knew. “It’s just weird, she never struck me as that type,, Chloe. She was pretty quiet and…”
“Oh, Sabs, you are the most naïve person in the world sometimes,” Chloe interrupted. “It’s always the quiet ones. Besides, who else could it have been? Look, it doesn’t even matter. You’re just torturing yourself wondering about it. All that matters is that Brandon betrayed you and you deserve better than that.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, “that’s true. He’s the one who cheated on me.”
“Exactly, so who needs him? Especially when you’ve got Mr. Young, Wealthy, and Gorgeous to think about!”
I laughed. “You’re right.”
“Of course, I’m right! Now put Brandon out of your mind, girl and have a great day with your new boy toy!”
I had determined to calm myself, and take Chloe’s advice, but the conversation with Brandon just kept playing in my head. By the time Calvin called to tell me that his driver was on his way, I had only gotten more worked up. I was furious with Brandon. Furious with myself. I refused to binge, refused to go out of the room because who knew what nonsense I’d use to cope with it—that won’t help Sabrina—and I had no one to talk to but myself right now. A recipe for an overwrought Sabrina. . What I really needed was to vent, let it all out. I needed to hear Calvin tell me it’d all be OK.
Chloe was right. What did he think? That I would sit around mourning our relationship, deciding to die a virgin? Or that I’d take him back, and let him have my virginity after he disrespected me and my feelings for him like that? That he was the only one with sexual desires? How dare he judge me! Hypocrite! I took a deep breath, angry that I let the conversation rattle me. From the floor, my phone rang again, and I glared at it angrily. Brandon called five more times before my phone fell silent, finally obeying my commands. There was nothing left to say to him. The last thing I needed was judgment and accusations, especially from my cheating fiancé.
I had determined to calm myself, but by the time Calvin called to tell me that his driver was on his way, I had only gotten more worked up. I was furious with Brandon. Furious with myself. I refused to binge, refused to go out of the room because who knew what nonsense I’d use to cope with it—that won’t help Sabrina—and I had no one to talk to but myself right now. A recipe for an overwrought Sabrina. . What I really needed was to vent, let it all out.
I stewed in the town car, distracted slightly by the Chicago landscape whizzing by my window. We pulled up to a building similar to Calvin’s office in New York, the same Chambers Funds Management logo brightly perched on the rooftop.
The reception area was smaller than the one in New York and significantly more traditionally decorated. I smiled, looking for the black swans, finding them in a framed picture on the wall instead of paddling in a minilake.
I approached the receptionist with a cordial smile. “I’m here to see Calvin Chambers,” I said. “He told me to meet him in the West Meeting Room.”
“Sabrina Clarke?” She peered over her horned-rimmed glasses, voice nasally, to appraise me.
“That’s me.”
“Mr. Chambers is on a very important call. I’ll have to ask you to take a seat while he finishes. As soon as he’s off, I’ll let him know you’re here.” She motioned to a chair in the corner before turning back toward her computer. Clearly, friendliness wasn’t at the top of Calvin’s Important Qualities in Employees list.
Hesitantly, I trudged to the chair and plopped, sighing. After ten minutes, I walked back to the receptionist. “Do you think you could just let him know I’m here? He’s expecting me.”
With a stony glare, she tapped her phone. “I’ll be able to see when he’s off the call, ma’am. He said absolutely no interruptions.”
“Of course,” I said, returning to my corner chair. Why had he called me down here if he planned to be on the world’s longest phone call? I picked up a Newsweek and flipped through it restlessly, clearing my throat periodically as a reminder I was still here.
Where was he? I looked at my watch again. He’d kept me waiting for thirty-three minutes. When I glanced back at the receptionist, she was eyeing me suspiciously before collecting a pile of folders and getting up. She stood at her desk, arms full, and took another long look at me, deciding whether to proceed with her errand. “I have to run right down the hall. I’ll be back in a moment.”
Did she think I needed a babysitter? I nodded politely, watching her retreat down the hall. I checked my watch for what felt like the hundredth time. OK, that’s enough, I thought, standing and brushing my skirt. I’d rather be waiting in his office while he finished the phone call than out here, feeling like a patient in a waiting room.
Quietly, I started down the long corridor, assuming he had a corner office, certain it’d be at the end of one of these halls. No one paid any attention to me as I strolled past a series of cubicles, people typing frantically or leaning back in their chairs arguing with someone through their headset. The first conference room I stumbled on was empty, so I continued my quest down the hall, looking for Calvin’s name on a plaque outside an office.
As I neared the end of the hallway, Calvin’s booming voice seeped through a large oak door. Jackpot! I paused outside his office, listening to him argue into his phone. There was quiet for a moment before he deepened his tone, sounding exceedingly angry.
I almost turned around, feeling silly for interrupting. Clearly, he was on an important call—I could wait. But, as I started back down the hall, I thought I heard my name. Then I heard it again. Who was Calvin talking about me with? Why did he sound so angry? Tiptoeing back to the door, I quietly let myself into the room, curious to hear whom he was talking to. Calvin’s back was to the door, phone cord stretched around him.
“I’ve told you, don’t—not ever—call me on this line,” he said, turning and catching me in the doorframe just as the words escaped his lips. “Not about her or anything else. I’m hanging up. Now.” I narrowed my eyes. What the hell was that about? I was dying to know and in the mood I was in, I had a feeling that whatever it was about, it would upset me.
“Who was that?” I asked suspiciously. “What do they have to do with me? And why can’t they call you on that line?”
“I’m sorry, Sabrina. It’s nothing. Nobody. Ready to head out?” Calvin sat in his swivel chair, opening a drawer distractedly.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Look, it’s just some final legal details about the auction with the Playhouse.” He met my gaze steadily. But I didn’t buy it. The Playhouse, despite their questionable business, was easy to deal with… and they would bend over backwards for Calvin (or me for that matter) considering the amount of money involved. He was either lying or leaving out something major. I knew it. “What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.
“There’s nothing else to tell.” He was irritatingly calm, and after the morning I’d had, I wasn’t in the mood for any bullshit.
“Really? Fine,” I snapped. “You picked the wrong day to start lying to me,” I said. “I’m out of here. Who do I call to get a ticket back to New York so I can arrange to go home?”
“Sabrina,” Calvin sighed.
I crossed my arms. “Don’t you ‘Sabrina’ me,” I said, pleased with the low, serious tone of my voice. “I am not budging on this. Tell me what that was about—honestly—or tell me how to get out of here. Now.”
Chapter 10
I’d spent the last two days locked in my hotel room watching Pay-Per-View romantic comedies, slurping on Diet Coke. After twenty-two straight hours of Jennifer Garner and Matthew McConaughey, I was finally ready to rejoin the world of the living. With my wounds nursed, I eagerly awaited Calvin’s call.
&nbs
p; In Chicago, when I announced I wanted to go back to New York, he didn’t argue, instead, calling his assistant to arrange the flight, eyes full of disappointment. In my heart, I knew that there was more to his phone call than “a few legal details,” but I also knew that I leaped at the excuse to run away. The truth was I was terrified of being hurt again. My flight with him on the plane left me more exposed than I’d ever been, and not just in the literal sense. I had opened myself to him, and the last time I had let my guard down, I’d been crushed. But after two days without hearing from him, it became clear that I missed him. Suddenly it occurred to me… I wasn’t here to get back at Brandon, or my parents. Maybe it started out that way. But now, I was here to follow my heart. So, when Calvin called to tell me he was back in New York and that he wanted me to meet him at his office, I agreed. Wait for me in the café, he’d told me. Order yourself a cup of coffee, and I’ll be down by 3:45. I ordered a cappuccino, with skim milk, added a no-cal sweetener, and settled in to wait. My fingers tapped against the side of the paper cup, and I realized I was nervous to see Calvin again. He hadn’t called once while he was still in Chicago, and part of me respected that. Instead of tracking me down and pleading with me, he’d given me my space, something I needed.
A loud ping came from the elevator, drawing my eyes toward it. When the doors parted, there was Calvin. God, just seeing him has such an effect on me, I thought. Despite thinking about him almost non-stop for the past two days, I had somehow still underestimated the sheer impact his physical presence had on me. He didn’t smile, but kept eye contact until I broke it—because I was blushing—by looking down at my coffee. The chair squeaked as Calvin pulled it out, making room for himself at the small bistro table. Loosening his tie, he sat back in the chair. “You shouldn’t have left like that.” His voice was low but firm, jaw set in a dissatisfied clench.
Even though I knew I had overreacted, I was too prideful to apologize. “You shouldn’t have lied to me about who was on the phone,” I retorted. “Are you ready to tell me what it was all about?”
Chambers of Desire: Opus 1 Page 14
