“Hey, you.” He stood at the end of Marnie’s bed and curled his fingers around the blanket covering the top of her foot. Squeezed. No reaction. He rounded the bed, pulled up a chair, and took his sister’s limp hand in his. “Whatever happens, I’ll take care of the kids, Marn. I promise.”
The steady beeps of the life support machine and the slow sucking sound of the intubation tube filled the room, pressed down hard, closed around his throat as though to take his life in exchange for hers. Tanner worked at regulating his own breathing and noticed a few gray strands in Marnie’s dark hair.
She would be thirty this year. Early December. When he was younger, he’d always hated her birthday because he was never allowed to stay for the parties. Not that he would ever admit wanting to. Of course, he got to hang out with Dad, which was cool. They’d go to a ball game or go fishing, sometimes go-karting. And pizza. Always pizza. When they got home, Marnie presented him with a slice of whichever flavor cake she’d picked that year on a paper plate that matched the theme of the party. Usually it was stupid flower power stuff or Barbie. But cake was cake, and she always saved the biggest piece for him.
And then, the year she turned twelve, their world turned upside down.
Dad left without warning. And took Marnie with him.
“We have to go, bud,” his dad said, his eyes bleary, like he’d been up all night. There were suitcases by the front door.
“Why? Why can’t I come too? Why aren’t we all going?” They’d awakened him early, he was tired, and he didn’t understand. But his dad kept insisting it was for the best, that he had to get Marnie to a special doctor. And it had to be now.
Tanner, still in his pajamas, raced down the driveway in bare feet, screaming at the car to stop. It didn’t. Eventually he sank to his knees, tears coming harder and faster than his breath. “Come back!” It was a final attempt and it didn’t work.
“Tanner, stop. She’s gone, sweetheart.” Mom sneaked up from behind, wrapped him up tight, and hugged hard. “They’re both gone.”
His mother’s explanation later that morning didn’t make sense to him at ten years old, but who was he to argue?
He fell asleep that night, bereft, bewildered, and broken, calling Marnie’s name.
And woke up screaming it.
“I don’t want to lose you again, sis,” he rasped, hot tears pooling. “It was hard enough the first time.”
“You never lost me.”
It was one of the first real conversations they’d had since Marnie showed up in Sonoma, two kids in tow, the year he came on board at Maoilios.
Mom had been a little wary, happy to see the kids of course. Tanner watched their interactions with muted curiosity. He wasn’t quite sure how to react. What to say to this sister he hadn’t had much contact with for the last thirteen years of his life.
She cornered him one evening, dragged him out onto Mom’s back patio, opened a bottle of wine, and they’d finally talked.
“You never lost me, Tanner,” Marnie said again, probably because he wasn’t looking at her so she didn’t know if he was paying attention. “It was for the best. I needed help. Dad knew that.”
“What kind of help?”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Marnie told him. “What matters is how we go on from here.” He remembered her out-of-control tantrums. Remembered her expulsion from school. Remembered Mom and Dad fighting over her escalating bizarre behavior. Then they were gone.
His dad kept calling, kept asking Tanner to visit them in Seattle once he and his mom moved back to California. He never went. Never understood why things happened the way they had.
And somehow, over the years, Tanner placed the blame for their severed relationship squarely on his father’s shoulders.
Had it really been five years since his sister breezed back into his life? When she’d shown up in Sonoma, he saw the extent of her problems resulting from her bipolar. Saw how his mother still couldn’t deal with Marnie, seemed almost afraid of her.
When she accepted the help they offered, kept her doctor’s appointments, and took her medication, Marnie functioned well. She was great with the kids, got a job teaching piano to a handful of students, and the last couple years Tanner was hopeful that his sister had a shot at normalcy.
But then something shifted, set her off on a course of self-destruction, and the last year before her accident, they lived with an out-of-control and often absent Marnie. He still thanked God she never took off with the kids. Somehow he and his mom had managed to give his niece and nephew the stability they needed. But now their world would be upended again.
David returned, squeezed his shoulder. Tanner dried his eyes. Didn’t move while David prayed, just stared at the figure in the bed, still beautiful, still breathing, but gone.
Once again without his permission.
Later, they sat in one of Tanner’s favorite burger joints. Eventually he and David edged toward normal conversation. He filled his friend in about Natalie Mitchell’s unexpected arrival, and the revelations the last few weeks had brought.
“Wow, I haven’t seen Natalie since that summer. You must have been surprised to see her.” David poked a fry in a pile of ketchup and studied Tanner with that bland expression he was so good at producing when need be.
Tanner sipped his Coke and studied a poster of Elvis. “You could say that.”
“I’d like to come by and say hello. Do you think she’d be okay with that?”
Tanner shoved the last of his cheeseburger in his mouth. “I have no idea what Natalie is okay with. She’s a little hard to read.”
David tossed a pile of paper napkins his way. “I’m sure your mother taught you not to talk with your mouth full. Hard to read like how?”
“I don’t know, she’s just like . . . quiet, I guess.”
“And you’ve been your usual charming self?”
Tanner scowled, “I don’t do charming.”
David simply smiled. “From what you’ve told me, it sounds to me like Miss Natalie might need a friend.”
“Be my guest.” Tanner swiped a handful of fries off David’s plate.
“You live closer.” David pulled his plate back. “I wasn’t done with those.”
“Natalie and I can’t be friends. Her father wants to put me out of a job,” Tanner reminded David . . . and himself. “Huge conflict of interest there.”
“She must be pretty.”
“What?” After he’d finished decimating her hair this morning, Tanner figured she’d never speak to him again. But she’d liked it. And it hadn’t looked that bad. He’d shocked himself. Been even more shocked by the way her smile made him want to stare at her all day. “She’s all right.”
“And smart.”
“Harvard Business School.” Tanner was slowly beginning to realize she wasn’t the elitist snob he’d pegged her for.
“And good with the kids, right?”
“She hasn’t spent much time with them. She could hate kids for all I know.” He remembered Natalie sitting at the piano with Jeni. The way she’d taken her aside this morning when he and Jase got into it . . .
“We done here, David?” He reached for a paper napkin and wiped his mouth.
“Ah-ha.”
Tanner wagged his fork at his friend. “No.”
“Pretty, smart, and loves kids. And you’re running as fast as you can in the opposite direction.”
“I’m not running anywhere,” Tanner growled, fully aware that David knew his MO too well. “Stop looking for things that aren’t there. You’re worse than my mother.”
“Sure there aren’t any leftover sparks?” David waggled his brows. “You were pretty interested in her the last summer she was here.”
“I was fifteen, dude. I grew up. You should give it a try.”
“When’s the last time you went out on a date?”
“I saw Theresa last week.” Tanner fiddled with his watch.
“Theresa, your dental hygienist?”
“We had a date. I showed up, she cleaned my teeth. Boom.”
“Collins, you’re a lost cause.”
Tanner slurped the rest of his shake. “Want me to take Candy out again?”
“Please, no.” David choked on his Coke. “That is not the woman for you, my friend, much as she’d like to be. Surely there are more suitable candidates in the vicinity?”
“Want to take a look at my schedule? I don’t exactly sit around twiddling my thumbs all day. What little time I have to myself I usually spend paying bills or attempting sleep. I have no time for a relationship, even if I wanted one.”
“And what about your relationship with God?” David sat back. “Got time for that lately?”
“Ah, here I was, actually enjoying your company.” Tanner shook his head.
“Just asking. It is what I do, after all.”
“What happened to talking chicks and basketball?”
“We’ve exhausted both subjects.” David’s keen gaze seared him. “Which brings us around to God. But maybe we’ve done enough talking for one day.”
“Yeah. You know where I stand with God right now. Nothing has changed.” Especially not with the threat of Rance Harper hanging over his head. But he didn’t want to discuss that either.
David’s look of pity made Tanner want to slide under the table.
Tanner refused to feel guilty. He went to church. For all intents and purposes, he was an upstanding Christian who could amen along with the best of them.
But David knew the real story.
Knew Tanner had put God up on a shelf.
Left Him there the night of Marnie’s accident.
“This was great, but I need to get going.” Tanner pushed his chair back.
David glanced at his cell. “Is Natalie coming to the harvest celebration tonight?”
“Says she is. Oh, Hal wants you there early. Like you really need a sound check. You’re praying, not giving a rock concert.”
“I’ll be there on time.” David stood and grabbed his jacket. “You coming to church tomorrow?”
“Don’t I always come?”
David’s smile said more than he probably meant it to. “You come for the kids. If you actually stayed awake during one of my sermons you might get a bit more out of it.”
“If you actually gave a sermon worth listening to, I might not fall asleep so easy.”
“Ouch.” David put a hand to his heart. “I was about to offer to pay for lunch.”
“All right, all right.” Tanner laughed and waved a hand. “Save your money. This is on me. Let me spend my hard-earned cash while I’m still making it.”
Seventeen
NATALIE SMOOTHED HER BANGS AND BRUSHED HER SHINING short hair one more time, added a bit more blush to her cheeks, and scowled at her reflection in the mirror. She was no runway model, never had been, but she’d never worried about scaring old people and small children when she walked down the street.
She’d picked a white cotton sundress with a Kelly-green cardigan, Grandpa Hal’s favorite color. She’d debated on the dress, not really sure what people wore to this thing, but in the end she figured it was fine.
“Natalie, you ready, honey?” Grandpa’s yell startled her and she blew out a breath. Ready or not.
“Well, don’t you look lovely,” he said as she came downstairs. She followed him out the front door and stopped short.
“Grandpa!” A bubble of glee burst from her and she clapped a hand to her mouth. “We’re taking the wagon?” She was slightly aware that she sounded like a kid on Christmas morning.
The old wagon was parked at the foot of the steps, two black Morgan horses impatiently pawing the ground. Sarah, Jeni, and Jason waved to her from the back. Tanner sat up front, reins in hand.
“C’mon, Miss Natalie, we’re waiting!” Jeni called.
“Surprise, darlin’.” Grandpa laughed, pushing her forward.
In the past, Grandpa used the wagon a lot. He’d taken them for long rides, driven them and however many kids could fit, into town or just meandered down the country roads, leading them all in songs he’d sing at the top of his lungs. Back home, Grandma waited with ice-cold lemonade and cookies fresh out of the oven.
When was the last time she rode in the wagon? Probably when she was about thirteen. But . . . she remembered now . . . she hadn’t.
“I want to drive! Grandpa, let me have the reins.” Nicole was already marching to the front of the wagon, her jaw set. Natalie shot Tanner a despairing look. He shrugged and watched her sister hop up next to their grandfather.
“Let’s go.” Tanner nudged Natalie’s shoulder with his and started walking down the road.
“Tanner! Where are you going?” Nicole’s petulant cry punched through the air like a hawk about to pounce on its prey.
“Walking. I don’t trust you in charge of those horses. You’ll tip the whole thing over.”
“‘Bye, Nic!” Natalie grinned, stuck her tongue out at her sister, and ran to catch up with Tanner.
Natalie left the memory behind as her grandfather helped her maneuver the step, and Sarah assisted her to a seat near the front. “There you go, honey. Take that blanket in case you get cold.” Sarah settled back down. Jeni scooched next to Natalie.
“D’ya like my new dress? I got it special for tonight. Nan let me pick it.” Her grin was wide as she pulled at the blue and orange polka-dotted cotton material to show it off.
“It’s beautiful, Jeni.” Natalie smiled back. She was too cute. “This is fun, huh? When I was your age, we used to do it a lot.”
The scent of straw tickled her nose, conjuring up more childhood memories. The afternoon sun crested the hills around the house and a gentle breeze kissed her warm cheeks.
Tanner glanced back at them. Natalie noted his neatly combed hair, pressed white button-down untucked over his jeans, and almost clean-shaven jaw, and felt her stomach do a little twirl.
For crying out loud.
Her cheeks heated and she figured he’d bust out laughing any second. But he didn’t. He held her gaze, his eyes hinting at interest she didn’t dare contemplate. It was more probable that he was wondering if riding in the wagon might bring on another flashback.
“You can quit staring. I’m not going to jump out and run away screaming. Although you are driving, so you never can tell.”
He shot her a wink and faced front again. “Watch out for corners.”
Hal hoisted himself up beside Tanner. “Concentrate on the road, son. Least until we get there.” He chuckled and gave Tanner a nudge.
Natalie rolled her eyes and stared at her painted toenails sticking out the top of her white sandals. If this was her grandfather’s way of pushing her and Tanner together, it was going to be a long night.
The thought of Tanner’s eyes on her wouldn’t leave her alone. Perhaps her pitiful attempt at looking presentable hadn’t worked. She couldn’t hide the sallow cheeks and shadows beneath her eyes. She’d only pretended it was possible.
But what did it matter? Tanner Collins wasn’t interested in her.
Natalie laughed at herself. Maybe the fact that she just might want him to be meant she was getting better.
Or crazier.
The area outside the barn was crowded with workers and friends, and the inside was beautifully decorated. She walked the perimeter, taking note of the fairy lights that tiptoed down the beams. Flowers in mason jars hung from various positions along the wood walls. Sunflowers, dried lavender, and daisies—all her grandmother’s favorites. Straw lay strewn across the floor and food tables were set up around large oak barrels with the Maoilios emblem burned across them. On top of the barrels sat this year’s offerings.
Natalie picked up the bottles in turn and studied them. A Chardonnay, a Malbec, a rich looking Cab, and a Syrah. That was new. From her study of Maoilios’s previous years, they did well with their Chardonnays each year, but the recent best seller was the Cabernet.
Outside, people milled around,
chatting. A band was setting up on the lawn near a makeshift dance floor. She watched her grandfather shaking hands and talking with a few guests. His health improved daily and Natalie hoped he wouldn’t have any more issues. She had enough for both of them.
“David’s about ready to start.” Tanner’s voice startled her.
“Oh. The blessing of the grapes thing?” Natalie popped a piece of cheese in her mouth and moved away from the food.
“No.” He smiled and wrapped a warm hand around her wrist. “The blessing of the wine. And you need to come up front. I’ll be calling on you in a minute.”
“You’ll what?” Natalie squeaked. He maneuvered her through the crowd until they stood in front of the bandstand.
“Stay there.” Tanner jumped onto the bandstand and stood between her grandfather and a man she recognized as David Grearson.
“Evening, everyone.” Tanner’s deep tenor cut through the noise and silenced the crowd. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit she remembered him doing years ago. He clutched the mic in his other hand. “Hard to believe another year has passed, huh? We . . . uh . . .” He seemed to be struggling for words and cleared his throat again. “We have a lot to be thankful for tonight.” He gave a hoarse laugh. “You all know I hate doing this, I don’t know why he makes me.” He sent Hal a sheepish smile. “Well, this year hasn’t been easy, for a lot of reasons. But I think it might turn out to be one of our better years, despite the odds.” The crowd murmured their agreement. Tanner waited a moment.
“After David prays, we’re going to have a special guest come up and do the honors of the first taste. Some of you might remember Hal’s granddaughter, Natalie Mitchell. It’s been a long time since she’s visited Maoilios. I don’t think she’s ever been here for harvest, but hey, first time for everything, right? Come join us, Natalie.” Tanner handed the microphone to David, his eyes locked on her.
The Memory of You Page 15
