“No.” Tanner steadied his breathing and caught her by the arms. “Tell me why you’re upset. Tell me.”
“This is ridiculous.”
Tanner tightened his grip. “Tell me.”
Her gaze faltered but her glare scorched him. “I’m upset because it feels like you still don’t trust me!”
“I don’t trust you? You’re the one who didn’t tell me your father threatened to fire you over this!”
“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d freak out. Just like you’re doing now!” Natalie shook her head, her eyes flashing in the sunlight. “I’ve lived most of my life trying to please people, Tanner. And I’ll be hanged if I add you to that list. So you’re either on board or you’re not. Which is it?”
Tanner gave a low chuckle. It probably wasn’t the smartest response, because her glare grew fiercer, and it was all he could do to not sweep her into his arms.
“Did you really stand up to your old man?”
“Yes.” A fleeting smile came and went. “He wasn’t expecting it. But I’m tired of doing things his way. Tired of worrying whether he’ll approve. I don’t think I’ll ever make him happy. And I guess I’ll just have to live with that.”
He risked taking a few steps toward her. “You want to talk about it?”
“Not yet.” She scrubbed her face and gave a half laugh. “But I think this has taught me that it’s time to face the truth. Because that’s the only way I’ll let go of the past.”
“What truth?”
Natalie shook her head. “Don’t ask. I’m not ready, okay?”
“Okay.” Tanner frowned, but realized there was no sense in pushing. He closed the gap between them and took her hands in his. “I’m proud of you, Mouse.”
Tears wet her lashes again. For a moment he thought she was going to say more, but she only smiled, squeezed his hands, then let go.
Tanner watched her head back to the house, his heart beating a little erratically. Something else was going on here, but he couldn’t force it from her.
Letting go of the past.
Well, that sounded good.
If only he could do the same.
Thirty
NATALIE MADE A PANICKED PHONE CALL TO LAURA AT TWO a.m. that Sunday morning. Blurted out the whole story through gulping sobs, and waited for her friend to speak through the silence.
“Oh, Nat.” Laura’s sleepy sigh reached through the miles in a gentle hug.
“I’m tired of keeping this to myself. Tired of knowing that every time my dad looks at me, he knows, he blames me.” Natalie swiped tears and stared at the full harvest moon out her window, illuminating the long rows of now barren vines. “I just want to be done with this.”
“Then be done with it,” Laura said. “Just tell them.”
“I know. I need to.” It was the only way, yet she couldn’t stop shaking. “I’m so afraid.”
“Don’t be, Nat.” She could almost see Laura’s smile. “You’re stronger than you think. You can do this. I believe in you.”
“Okay.” Natalie sniffed and tried to stop her tears. “Thank you.”
“Can I pray for you?” Hesitation hovered in Laura’s question and made Natalie smile.
“Actually, I was going to ask if you would.”
Sleep refused to come and at around five a.m. Natalie crept through the dark house to the kitchen, and soon sat with a spoon in a carton of chocolate ice cream. She turned on the radio to drown out the silence, keeping the volume low so as not to wake anyone. A rap on the patio door sent her spoon flying as she whipped her head around, wondering how fast Uncle Jeff could get down here if she screamed.
Tanner peered through the sliding glass door at her, Gwin beside him, her tail wagging.
Natalie let them in, her heart still pounding. “You scared the crap out of me!”
“Sorry. I was just getting up, let Gwin out, and saw the light on. Hal’s not usually up quite this early. Is everything okay?” He shook droplets of rain from his hair. She tossed him a tea towel and retrieved her spoon from the floor.
“Of course everything’s okay. I’m always up at five a.m. eating ice cream for breakfast.” She plopped into her chair with a new spoon and slid another across the table. “Have a seat.”
Tanner took a few bites of the Häagen-Dazs, then sat back, his steady eyes intent on pulling the truth from her. “What’s going on, Nat?”
Natalie set her spoon down. Put the lid on the ice cream, put it back in the freezer, and returned to the table. “It has to do with the accident. The night Nicole died.”
Tanner edged his chair closer and took her hand. “Tell me.”
She nodded, prayed to get through it without breaking, prayed he’d still be holding her hand when she was done. “It was Nic’s idea to sneak out of the house. I didn’t want to. My parents had gone to the coast for the weekend. My grandparents were asleep. Nic wanted to take Grandpa’s Jeep out. She found the keys. We drove around for a while. It was crazy, scary.”
Natalie gripped Tanner’s hand tighter. “I don’t know how she knew how to drive but she was pretty good at it. After a while, we pulled over and Nic said it was my turn.” She looked down at the scratched oak table, heard his short intake of breath.
“I said no, but you know how she was. I figured what was the harm, and I sort of wanted to. So we traded places and I took the wheel. I had no idea what I was doing and she kept yelling at me to go faster and faster and . . .” Sad laughter bubbled up. “It was kind of fun, you know? Driving, doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing . . . but then . . .” Natalie closed her eyes and fought the image.
She couldn’t do it. Couldn’t relive it.
“What happened, Nat?” Tanner crouched in front of her, placed his hands on her knees. “Tell me what happened.”
Tears streaked her cheeks as she locked eyes with him. “There was a deer. It came out of nowhere. I didn’t see it until it was right in front of me. I tried to swerve and I guess it ran off, but I . . . couldn’t . . .” Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t let the truth be told.
Tanner wiped her tears and waited.
Natalie nodded. “The Jeep flipped. We were both thrown. I don’t remember anything after that. Just waking up when the ambulance arrived and seeing Nicole . . . she was just lying there against a tree, like she was asleep. But I knew. I knew I’d killed her.”
“Nat.” Tanner pulled her with him as he stood, slipped his arms around her. She stayed there for a while, waiting for her sobs to subside. When she raised her head, he moved her hair off her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Go on.” He sensed there was more.
“I remember seeing the flashing lights, the sheriff. He wanted to talk to me there, but I was pretty out of it. I . . . I told them Nicole was driving.” She raised a trembling hand to her mouth. “I was so scared. I thought I’d go to jail or something, so I lied. When my parents arrived, I told my father that I was the one driving, that I’d lied to the police. And he . . . he said it didn’t matter. He said I should stick to that story and not tell the truth. It would be our secret. And it was.”
“All these years.” Tanner’s eyes held contempt. “How could he let you live with that?”
“I don’t know.” She could only speculate. “I suppose in his mind, he was protecting me. Saving me from further questioning, maybe even getting charged, who knows. It doesn’t matter why now. But it drove me crazy. Literally.”
Regret weighed her down and overpowered the relief of telling him.
“I never wanted anyone to know. I was so afraid of what people would think. But I don’t care anymore. I can’t live with the lie. And I know the only way I’m ever going to move on is if I face it, finally tell the truth.”
“Nobody would hold you responsible. Okay, you lied, but you were thirteen years old. It was an accident, Natalie!”
“I know.” Moisture pooled at the corner of her mouth. “But I think my father always blamed me
for my sister’s death. He can barely look me in the eye whenever someone talks about her.”
“And nothing you do is ever good enough for him.” Tanner swore, broke away from her. He paced the kitchen, placed his hands against the counter, and lowered his head.
“I’m sick of it, Tanner,” she confessed, the awful reality riding the waves of her emotion. “I can’t make him happy, can’t make him love me any more than he’s capable of. But I can tell the truth. And maybe that’s the only way I’ll ever get over what happened. What I did.”
“Truth is always a good thing.” His voice caught as he turned to face her.
She nodded. “I need to tell Grandpa and Uncle Jeffrey. And my mother. I don’t think my dad will like it, but that’s too bad.” A cool breeze floated through the open window and Natalie shivered. Tanner walked toward her, wrapped her in his arms again, and kissed her tears away.
“You don’t have to go through it alone.” The light in his eyes told her he meant it, told her she should never have listened to her fears.
“I don’t know what they’ll say,” she whispered. “I’ve been so afraid of this all these years. I’ve . . .”
“Turned it into an even bigger lie.” He blinked, a sad smile resting on his lips. “You’re not guilty of anything, Natalie.”
“Only of not telling the truth.” She nodded, putting her arms around his neck. “But I know I have to let this go.”
“That’s the hardest part, isn’t it?”
Natalie met his eyes and nodded. “Tanner, you need to do the same. You’re not responsible for what happened to your sister. It’s time you believe that.”
His smile flashed for an instant. “I suppose next you’re going to tell me to make things right with my father.”
“Well, there’s an idea.” Natalie grinned and ran a hand down his arm. “I can’t be the only one having all the fun.”
Jeffrey stood at his bedroom window as the sun went down that Sunday evening and watched Tanner walk the rows of vines. He’d always loved the view from his room, regretted taking it for granted. Regretted a lot of things. But maybe second chances really did exist.
If he was getting one, and he wasn’t entirely certain of that yet, but if he was, he’d take it. And this time, he’d do it all right.
It had been a crazy day. After they’d all gone to church and finished lunch together, Natalie announced she had something to tell them. He couldn’t imagine what else was coming after her decision to keep Maoilios open, and he certainly wasn’t expecting to hear that she’d been the one driving the night her sister was killed.
Jeffrey sighed deep and massaged the back of his neck. Secrets. He’d kept enough of them. Knew what they could do to a person. His heart broke for Natalie, for what she’d obviously suffered keeping that truth to herself all these years. And he couldn’t for the life of him imagine why Bill had let her.
But it was done now, and Natalie was on the road to making her peace.
Sarah came into his line of vision, heading toward home, and he smiled.
Perhaps he needed to do the same.
Make his peace.
He pushed up the window and stuck his head out. “Sarah! Wait up!” He grinned at her startled expression as she turned to look up at the house.
A few moments later, he stood in front of her, out of breath.
“What’s gotten into you?” A breeze blew around them, lifting her hair away from her face. “Are you all right?”
“I am.” His bad leg hurt like the dickens from running down two flights of stairs but he tossed that thought aside. “I just . . . I wanted to ask you something.”
Sarah stood back and folded her arms, the barest of smiles touching her lips. “And that would be?”
Jeffrey exhaled, tamped nerves, and went for it. “You know I came out here on leave. Needed to get my head together. But I also needed to make things right. With my dad . . . and also with you. Dad and I have talked, and we’re making progress. And now with Natalie intending to stay, well . . . Sarah, I think this is where I need to be. I want to stay.”
She blinked a couple times, her eyes wide. “You’re going to quit your job?”
“I am.” Saying it out loud sealed the deal. “I’m going to talk to my boss tomorrow. I want to stay here, work with my father. But I need to know if you’d be okay with that.”
“And if I wasn’t?” She was actually grinning at him. Jeffrey couldn’t stop a chuckle.
“Well, I’d probably stay anyway.”
Sarah rolled her eyes and moved a little closer. “I’m happy for you, Jeff. I know this will please Hal. And Natalie needs you too.”
“And you, Sarah? Do you think that maybe one day you might need me again?”
A laugh slipped from her lips, hinting at old sorrow. But she gave him the smile he’d carried in his heart all the years they’d been separated. “I’d say it’s a distinct possibility.”
“Sarah.” Her name caught in his throat as he cupped her face, met her eyes. “I’ve never stopped loving you. And if you give me this chance, I promise I’ll never leave you again. I’ll never let you down again.”
She nodded, tears streaking her cheeks. “I must be losing my mind.”
“No.” He laughed. “We’ve got a few good years yet, darling girl.”
“Then we shouldn’t waste a moment.”
“You always had the best ideas.” Jeffrey pulled her closer, brought his lips to hers, and finally kissed her the way he’d been dreaming of since he first saw her again.
Sarah drew back, her cheeks high with color, but her eyes shining with hope. “Welcome home, Jeff.” She traced a light finger across a faded scar on the side of his face, one of many she’d see if all his plans fell into place.
But for now, for today, this was enough.
Thirty-One
ON MONDAY NIGHT, NATALIE WAS COMFORTABLY SETTLED ON the sofa with a bowl of pasta and a new journal. It always helped her to put her thoughts to paper. Grandpa Hal was out with friends and, in a surprising turn of events, Uncle Jeff and Sarah were going out for dinner.
Natalie planned to use the night alone to gather her thoughts and pray. That made her smile. Learning to rely on God wasn’t easy, but it gave a comfort and peace she hadn’t imagined possible.
She wished Tanner would do the same. He’d said he needed to catch up on some work tonight, but she knew he was sulking. Rance was taking the kids out for pizza. Nobody had said it yet, but they all knew Rance and Brian were leaving in a few days, and Rance’s hope was that the kids would come and live with him.
The doorbell jarred her out of her musings. Maybe Tanner had decided he wanted company after all.
But Rance stood there, and she saw her uncle and Sarah pulling up in Sarah’s SUV.
“Hi, Rance.” She looked toward his rental. It was empty. “Where are the kids?” Her pulse picked up at his anxious expression.
“Um. They’re not with you, are they?” he asked a little warily, his eyes worried.
Natalie shook her head, fear creeping upward. “What’s going on?”
Rance ran a hand down his face. “Oh boy. Sarah and Jeff were out on the front porch when I arrived to pick them up. When she went inside to fetch them, they weren’t there. We searched all the rooms. They must have snuck out the back, through the garden. We were hoping they’d be here.”
“No.” Natalie let out a long breath. “Oh no.”
Rance cleared his throat. “So, um . . . Tanner wouldn’t . . .”
“No, he wouldn’t,” she answered quickly. Still, a vision of Tanner hightailing it to the Canadian border with Jason and Jeni wasn’t hard to imagine. “Come on in. Let’s make some calls.”
She tried Grandpa first. He was reasonable. Didn’t panic. But he didn’t have a clue where the kids were. Sarah thought they may have gone to a friend’s house and began calling around, but the reality that they’d run away was starting to set in. Finally, all out of options, she leaned against the ki
tchen counter, took a breath, and called Tanner.
He answered on the fourth ring. “Couldn’t live without me for one night?”
“Uh, yeah. Where are you?”
“In the lab. Where am I supposed to be?”
Natalie’s heart thumped harder. “The kids aren’t with you are they?”
“I just told you, I’m in the lab. The kids are with their . . . Rance. Did you forget about that?”
Natalie closed her eyes. “Tanner, I think we have a problem.”
They split up to search the property. Natalie called Brian at his hotel, and he quickly arrived. Tanner went back to their house, found Jason’s piggy bank intact. The thought of Jason and Jeni wandering in the dark was enough to drive them all insane.
“This is your fault, Harper!” Tanner stormed across the living room, having returned to Hal’s with no news. “If something happens to those kids, it’ll be on your head.”
Rance simply stood there and let Tanner rail.
“I’m going to check the barn and the fields again.” Tanner slammed outside.
Rance started to follow, but Brian intervened. “Lets you and me drive around town once more.” They left Natalie standing alone in the living room. Sarah and Jeffrey were searching the gardens. Grandpa had come home and was making more calls. Out in the vineyards, workers walked through the rows of vines with flashlights, yelling the kids’ names.
“Oh, God, please let them be okay,” Natalie breathed out. “Please.”
At the far end of the room, Gwin sat in front of the bookcase, her tail thumping against the rug.
“Oh my gosh.” Natalie clapped her hands. Of course! The bookcase.
The section on wheels sat slightly out of place. Behind it, she knew, was a small, concealed door. Behind that, the winding staircase led to the turret.
She pushed the bookcase aside and wondered how they’d done it, because even on wheels, it was pretty heavy. “Please don’t be locked.” She jiggled the handle, and to her immense relief, the door creaked open.
Natalie ducked through and made her way up the steep cement steps.
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